Anger Management

AltyMcAltenstein

when I was growing up my old man had a few screws loose and would do this ned flanders thing where he was all smiles 99% of the time and then every 3 to 6 months when he was feeling extreme stress he'd go apeshit. sometimes it would be kicking my mom out of the house and smashing crap in another room. Other times it would be beating me with a cane.

The reason I bring it up is that I'm 24 and sadly still live with them (which is a situation I'm working to change.) about two years ago I started doing the same thing. He was yelling at me and I was feeling cornered and I suddenly snapped and had what would charitably be described as a conniption. didn't hit him it was mostly yelling and monosyballic one word sentences. And I've had several of these over the last 2 years where I will feel extremely stressed and not know it and something will set me off.

It scares the fuck out of me when I get like that, and I can tell it scares the fuck out of everyone else when I see them very quietly, and very quickly, find the nearest exit. The only exception being my father, who's already flipped out at this point too, but somehow comes to his senses first. Also, at some point afterword (sometimes minutes, sometimes days) I usually break down at sob uncontrollably. It's also that time when I finally figure out what it was that was eating away at me, which I usually didn't even know was bothering me in the first place. One of my friends who was subjected to one of these embarrasing experiences of emotional catharsis said he was glad to find out I had any feelings at all.

I haven't become violent in any of my fits of rage, which isn't to say I won't next time. (I will never be able to forgive myself if it comes to that.)

I already know. Therapy, therapy, therapy. I'm seeing one right now but I think he sucks and I'm going to try finding another one.

My questions:
How is therapy supposed to fix this?
Do people like me even get fixed, if so how long does it take?
How will I know when I'm finally past this? It isn't like I know when I'm going to snap. I know it happens when I'm feeling stressed and overwhelmed, but usually I don't know I was even feeling as bad as I was until after I've broken down in tears. So who's to say 20 years down the line this wont happen all over again after I thought I would never do it again?

blakfeld

I had the same problem, and ultimately what it comes down to is you aren't allowed to be mad anymore. I still lose it once every few years, but I'm a 6'8" 300 pound man, for the saftey of others, I HAVE to control myself, and thats the way you have to look at it. Find what it takes to calm you down, deep breaths, leaving the room, making jokes, find an outlet, but you are not allowed to get mad. For me all of those work wonders, but ymmv

That and I started smoking, and for a period drinking heavily, but I hardly recommend that.

admanb

It sounds to me like these fits of anger aren't the problem, but a symptom of something you hint at: that you're unable to recognize your underlying emotional state. Rather than being able to deal with it, consciously, as it effects you, you're stuck waiting until it boils out of your subconscious.

There's probably some deep-seated reason for this; that's what the therapy's for.

fallaxdraco

It is normal and healthy to have anger, as long as you can prevent yourself from doing anything you can't take back while you are angry.

From the way you describe it you probably suppress your emotions too much - you might be better off trying to express yourself more and more often, instead of bottling up all your feelings until they explode. I know, easier said than done, but have you considered keeping some sort of journal? That can be a helpful form of therapy right there, and it's cheap.