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Afraid of death
starlancerii
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
This is going to be kind of odd, but I'm being completely serious.
I'm 23, agnostic, and the thought of someday dying terrifies me. Well, most of the time, I'm fine, but occasionally, when I'm lying in bed sleepless, I start worrying about someday dying, and what happens afterward, and it really scares me. Then I fall asleep and forget all about it the next day, but I'm trying to figure this out - I've pretty much felt this way as long as I can remember, at least since middle school, though as I said its off and on, mostly when I'm lying in bed sleepless, which is thankfully not that often.
Part of the problem is that because I'm agnostic, I don't particularly believe in some sort of an afterlife - as far as I can tell, death is just the end of consciousness - its like going to sleep forever, without being able to wake up refreshed. And so, I'll just simply stop existing, forever. Within a generation or two, I'll be completely forgotten, even. And well, yeah, its part of the natural cycle, but that doesn't mean it can't freak me out.
It seems to me like there are two obvious solutions:
1) Start believing in a religion. I'd actually like to, but easier said than done - I'm one of those skeptic types.
2) Wait for clinical immortality / to become an cyborg.
At the moment neither seem particularly likely, so I was wondering if anybody had any thoughts on the subject, whether I'm alone in feeling this way, or if others have felt this way sometime during their life.
I'm 23, agnostic, and the thought of someday dying terrifies me. Well, most of the time, I'm fine, but occasionally, when I'm lying in bed sleepless, I start worrying about someday dying, and what happens afterward, and it really scares me. Then I fall asleep and forget all about it the next day, but I'm trying to figure this out - I've pretty much felt this way as long as I can remember, at least since middle school, though as I said its off and on, mostly when I'm lying in bed sleepless, which is thankfully not that often.
Part of the problem is that because I'm agnostic, I don't particularly believe in some sort of an afterlife - as far as I can tell, death is just the end of consciousness - its like going to sleep forever, without being able to wake up refreshed. And so, I'll just simply stop existing, forever. Within a generation or two, I'll be completely forgotten, even. And well, yeah, its part of the natural cycle, but that doesn't mean it can't freak me out.
It seems to me like there are two obvious solutions:
1) Start believing in a religion. I'd actually like to, but easier said than done - I'm one of those skeptic types.
2) Wait for clinical immortality / to become an cyborg.
At the moment neither seem particularly likely, so I was wondering if anybody had any thoughts on the subject, whether I'm alone in feeling this way, or if others have felt this way sometime during their life.
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As for a religion, if you're serious, I'm agnostic also, and the Tao Te Chin and Hua He Ching absolutely blew my mind, they are two Taoist books and are not religious in the sense of they speak about God and the afterlife, but and I highly recommend them, though they are more about how to live than dying.
As a more serious answer, I find that my fear of death subsides when I find myself spending my life productively, spending most of my time cultivating a life long skill, such as drawing or playing an instrument, though I'm not sure how that applies to you.
My philosophy is to live life as though I might have to answer for it, and everything will be fine as a result.
It is important to call on God when you are having problems with life and death. In fact, I would much rather you, instead of asking me or anyone else on these forums for advice, first pray to God.
For those of you who don't believe that want to rebut, argue, or discuss this kind of thing, I am open to talk, but I just want to say that refusing to belief in something doesn't make it go away.
I'm an atheist, but I'll admit to having sent out a few holy APBs just in case. :rotate:
I don't want to turn this into a religious argument, but I just do not believe in god because my mind demands rational proof, whereas religion demands faith, and I'm not inclined to simply take their word for it. I'd agree with MKR in that religion helps keep people decent to themselves and others, which I try to live by just for the sake of being a decent human being, but the belief part I really can't get into. Maybe someday I'll have a life-altering event that will inspire my faith, but right now I just simply don't believe.
Chop Logic, I'll take a look at those two books, they sound interesting.
And yeah, even though I'll eventually be a forgotten name in the archives somewhere, I'll have irrevocably changed the world, but in a completely insignificant way. In the big picture, the universe will go on without me. Its like in the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, where somebody invents a machine that shows you the entire universe and your place in it, overwhelming the viewer's sense of significance and causing them to fall over dead. Kinda like that.
and believing in something with all your heart doesn't make it so.
To paraphrase Penn Jillette; For me being dead is just like 1922. I just won't be there, no matter what, ever. I won't exist at all.
Just like others take comfort in the fact that they believe in an afterlife, I take comfort in not believing in an afterlife. I won't be uncomfortable, I won't be sad. I won't worry about my friends or family. Me, as I know it, will cease to exist. For this exact reason I like to make what I can of the time I do have here. I don't expect a do-over, so I make the most of the time I have.
To Sparticus733 and the other religious types, someone once told me that his idea of an afterlife would be that you experience every single moment in your life where you acted in such a way that you hurt another person. Except you experience it from their point of view. If I were afraid of an afterlife, that would certainly do it for me. I couldn't think of a better reason to be a good person then that.
Everybody dies. Everybody. You will die no matter how much you don't want to. So you can choose to live your life fearing death or understand that death is inevitable and spend your time making your life enjoyable.
Dang, I've never thought of it that way. I'll ponder on that as I go to sleep (dead tired tonight, will collapse and immediately fall asleep)
It drives me to achieve. I don't know what your constructive passions are for, but I'm convinced that everyone has them, even if they're buried deep for some, or hidden under layers of fear and lack of motivation. Find out what those passions are and pursue them. For me, I wrote a novel; I made a game. I write music, and fiddle poorly with art. But I have serious problems with sticking to any one pursuit, and I tend to flit about from one thing to the next.
You don't have to be so "Jack of all trades, master of none", but do something. Maybe your secret passion is simply to raise children, as mentioned earlier in the thread. Maybe you want to pursue science, or business, or education, or any number of other things. Do something impactful. Make it your goal and work toward it, whether it's your day job or whether you do it off the clock.
In other words, funnel your fear of mortality into something constructive. True satisfaction is, and should be, a myth. Be afraid, and be great. Not everyone can be, but everyone can try to be.
I think people tend to ask themselves these questions when they don't think they're going anywhere in life. If that's the case, perhaps now might be the time to re-examine yourself, and especially your goals. More importantly, remember that every action you make will echo throughout eternity. Do you want those echoes to be good ones or bad ones?
-Mark Twain
but i'm pretty weird so there's that
This has yet to be seen. Everybody starts somewhere. Little changes can lead to big ones.
Not that it matters, really. Looks like the universe will just keep on expanding anyway.
Also I have a general wondering to put out there. Why do some people who follow religion condemn people who don't believe in what they do. However it seems at the same time they are trying to convert the very same people they condemn. Why can't people simply follow a religion and leave others to believe whatever they want to believe.
I too don't want to start a religious debate. I guess it's one of those unanswerable questions.
I remember reading that quote somewhere else on the forum during a time where I was extremely frightened of death. It provided me much comfort. Death is an inevitability. Nothing lasts forether, and even the universe might cease to exist at some point. Make your life worth living to it's fullest, and just be a good person in your interractions with other human beings, who have undoubtedly experienced the same thoughts you are at some point in their lives.
Also, Mark Twain is my Great-great-great-etc.-Grandmother's cousin. So I'm related to Mark Twain.
I have the same issues, to the point where I would have massive breakdowns at school (were talking like senior year of highschool) and I actually had to be medicated, And Penn's line, and the Mark Twain line, actually make me feel a lot better then I have in years.
A third option besides the two you listed? I guess this is a bit of a pitch, but I wound up doing zen awareness practices; you could still easily still call me atheist or agnostic, or "spiritual but not religious" as I haven't adopted any concrete beliefs. Zen is not about approaching reality by using your logical mind to artificially construct or adhere to specific beliefs, which is obviously a useless approach in my opinion. Rather it is about slowly, continuously identifying internal tensions (?) that are currently constricting your internal experience of reality. Personally, I found a lot of what I thought was severe existential angst was based on some of these unidentified tensions.
I'm starting to get better about it because I've just stuck to the "I'll cross that bridge when I come to it" mindset. I'm young. You're young. You don't have to worry about this for a long time. The advice given here ( not the religious advice, you sound pretty unsure about that right now ) is exactly what you need. I think I have a bigger problem with other people dying than me. I mean, once I'm gone, I can't complain. That's that. Done. Living without other people, knowing they aren't thinking about you anymore is the hardest.
I probaby shouldn't have said all that ok don't read that.
Find lots of hobbies, and if you have to think about dying at all, do what others here have said; accept it. There is nothing you can do about it.
I'm an athiest. I know that this life is all I have, and I accept that. Honestly, death is what gives value to life and the time each of us has. If we lived forever, our time wouldn't be worth anything. Therefore, I make the most of my life. I live the way I want to and take advantage of what the time I have.
Of course personal mortality can be a hard thing to get over, and the religions of the world reflect this paranoia in part (while conceding there is a broader purpose for religions than addressing this). There may be little you can do to fight this fear. So if you must find religion to give yourself something to hope in, then try something with reincarnation (Buddhism?).
The easiest way to break a fear of death, in my opinion, is to spend your time in ways that would make your life worth it. Like, think over the course of your whole life: was it worth it?
When weighing things out, the positives always seem to win out, if I even finish calculating. Normally, I am distracted by good memories.
I like this line of thought; death is the price for life, and without a cost, can there be value?
Except those lines make me feel worse, and wanna throw up or punch something until I calm down. Usually the air...
Also, I'm sure for hundreds (thousands?) of years, lots of people have been thinking the same thing...that one day, they'll be forgotten. And almost all of them have been. It's kind of bizarre, but I feel that once the memory of me fades, I can at least take comfort that I'm not the only person that's been forgotten, I'm one of billions, at least.
In the meantime, however, I feel that the larger impact I can make in peoples' lives, the better. Even just being kind and smiling to somebody you see in the street could have an impact on their day, you never know. Maybe they were horribly depressed, and you helped brighten their day somehow. Maybe that makes them feel better the next day, and that week they start to feel better, they start thinking in a more positive way, they change their life for the better the next month, etc etc etc. I'll admit a lot of it may be a long shot, but still, you never know, and things like that could happen.
Small things that acquaintances/strangers have done for me in the past have affected me in such a way, sometimes, that I think about it long after it happened. If you can have that effect on somebody, you're leaving your mark on the world, somehow...and knowing that, I feel, helps me cope with the idea that eventually I'll cease to exist - part of me will "live on" through the changes I've brought about.
Forty-two.
I was never much afraid of death myself, because when my dad's mother was on her deathbed (before I was born), Dad was holding her hand as she passed on, and at the very last second, he said she suddenly looked up, and she had the most pleased, surprised, and joyous look on her face, as if she'd seen something too wonderful to even begin to describe. Then she died.
Unless you're a total asshole, I doubt you have anything to worry about.
But I understand that it's difficult to get your mind off it. I just hate the idea of something some infinite and incomprehensible. I can't wrap my head around it. Lately I've had a bit of insomnia since I've practically associated going to bed with being in a panic about death.
The only thing that truly helps is having a goal. Having something to look forward to. Not a generic goal, but something specific with a date. Saying that you're not going to die before this happens. Then, after it happens, you set a new date goal. Then when you worry about death and dying, just think towards that goal and how much fun it will be and how you will look forward to it. I've been using this goal approach for many, many years and it usually does the trick. The worst times I have are when I'm between goals.
It may not work for you, but that's the approach that's kept me sane.
I feel pretty comfortable that if nothing else, at least one person will remember me after I die. They may not remember my name. They may not recognize my face.
But they'll remember me.
Can trade TF2 items or whatever else you're interested in. PM me.
One of the modern problems of the world is how to deal with the ever increasing amount of old people.
I'm not trying to say that you should live and die young; what I want to say is that you should strive to live as long as you can, as healthy and able as you can. Strive never to be a burden.
I'm an atheist and believe that once you are gone it's game over. I thought about death, and it led me to my own (but probably not unique) idea I call the centurian plan. The idea is to live to 100 years of age. The jist of it is that through constant everyday physical and mental stimulation, along with clean eating, I should be able to reach a healthy 100 years of age. My quality of life has already skyrocketed. I feel that if I should die somewhere along the way, I at least know I gave it my best run.
I will have succeeded at life if I can pass on these ideals to my own progeny. In doing this I can ensure that my line lives on and stays strong. That in itself is immortality.
I also think it would be absolutely bitchin' if I give my son my name, and he in turn gives his son his name. I am "Talith" the third, the fourth, etc.
I don't think there's any easy answer. You could become religious, but I think you know that would be dishonest (plus, I don't really find the idea of being created by a Mesopotamian sky deity as his slave, then threatened with torture and hellfire unless I submit to his rather bronze-age rules, and only then get rewarded with an afterlife that seems to entail blind, unintelligent worship of this deity for all eternity—this doesn't sound comforting to me, I don't know about you).
The immortality/cyborg route might pan out, though. Have you heard of the Singularity? Personally, I'm going to do everything within my power to push humanity in the direction of technological immortality, because fuck dying.
Your rational mind has gotten you into this debacle, since the idea of an afterlife is unlikely, so approach this from a rational perspective:
If there is an afterlife, then you have nothing to worry about, you will continue to exist after you die.
If there is not, then you will cease to exist. Your life, your memories, you emotions, all gone. But that also means emotions like anxiety, regret, worry, and fear, will also be gone. You will be in a state of complete rest. Something you can look forward to.
If that’s still not enough for you, look into getting cryogenically frozen.
That’s what I plan on doing when I die.