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Getting your mind off awful things
Fandyien
But Otto, what about us? Registered User regular
But Otto, what about us? Registered User regular
So my girlfriend of two years dumped me a few weeks ago and is nailin' some other dude
I've more or less accepted that the relationship is over, but I can't get the image of her cheating out of my brain. She keeps calling me every night to talk and I think that is like half the problem.
Should I just tell that bitch to buzz off so I can get my mind off of things, or confront the issue in some fashion
I've more or less accepted that the relationship is over, but I can't get the image of her cheating out of my brain. She keeps calling me every night to talk and I think that is like half the problem.
Should I just tell that bitch to buzz off so I can get my mind off of things, or confront the issue in some fashion
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also, yeah. cut all ties, and do it now. explain to her that the hurt is still too fresh to be having a buddy relationship with her, and that you need space to move on and forget about her. then hang up and do exactly that.
also, go buy a big ole bag of sour skittles and watch die hard or something that will make you feel good afterwards. don't brood over it, its just a thing you gotta do.
You can definitely bring this up to her and talk out what happened if you feel like you need more closure, but her calling every night is strange, excessive and makes me wonder if she knows what she did is wrong and has irrevocably changed your friendship forever. Don't feel bad about feeling bad and not wanting to talk to her, I can't think of many people who could still maintain a close and active friendship in this circumstance. Bel's way of putting it is much nicer, I'm more the fuck off kind. If you do want to be friends with this girl in the future I would suggest using Bel's words.
Kill her on aim/myspace/facebook ect so you are not tempted to see what she is up to. And most important of all go out with your friends and have a good time. No girl that cheats on you is worth making yourself miserable.
Eff that. Feel free to tell her to go sulk under a rock somewhere. In Alaska. Without a coat.
What the fuck.
Drop her like a sack of potatoes. By even taking the calls you're validating that her actions were no big deal and you're 'fine' enough with it to stay on good terms with her, which is bullshit.
She's banging another dude. You shouldn't be talking to her, you should be a pissed off dude who hates her for what she did. I'm not telling you to hate her as a person, but the more you dispise someone the less you'll care about them. You'll still think about her, it's inevitable - but you'll stop caring and eventually won't think about it anymore.
She keeps telling me she loves me and misses me and still wants to be together someday, and then will get drunk and call me up and say all kinds of nasty things like six hours later
All these mixed messages are fucking with my head, I reckon it'll just take some mad willpower to get rid of her
If anyone knows of any good coping methods besides excessive drug consumption some suggestions'd be nice
pick up a hobby and throw yourself into it, something that will take up all your excess time and energy
Clearly she's having afterthoughts. She's the one that cheated and put you in this situation. Don't even answer her calls. She doesn't deserve it. The sooner you stop caring the sooner you can move on.
It might not even be "Oh I miss him." afterthoughts either. Might just be guilt. Either way, allowing the calls to continue is counter productive to your recovery.
Dixon's list of things that help
5) Break off contact if possbile (I don't talk to her but i occasionaly see her, seeing as how we live in the same house)
4) Take up a hobby (I've been reading, it helps rid yourself of distracting thoughts)
3) Music! Happy music, I find it helps my mood if I'm feeling down
2) Excersise (My bench has gone up 20 pounds and I feel great!
1) Try to hang with friends more, and talk with them about how you feel. I have two really close friends and we talk about pretty much everything, helps a lot.
Just try to hang in there dude, I felt lost as fuck at first too but I'm doing well now. You'll get there too
It's just mad tough to get texts from her that are all "i still love you" and not just feel like shiiiiiiiiiiiiit
Same thing happened to me. 2 year relationship, left for another dude. She moved with the dude to Yukon. So yeah...
Cut her off - you don't owe her a thing. She's been incredibly selfish and will continue to do so until you put a stop to it.
http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=fBnK2K9FKRI
this is my spiteful side talking, but i wonder if it would be possible to forward those texts to her new duder.
what an awful suggestion! haha is there any way you can block her number, or screen your texts?
There might be a way to block those texts i don't know to much about it. Maybe just talk to the cell phone provider too.
I think that, while initially very satisfying, just begets more drama. If you screw her over, she might get stubborn about leaving him alone whereas just ignoring her attempts to make contact should make for a much cleaner break, which is really what's best for the OP here.
Don't do something rash because you are hurt and angry. It can bite you in the ass, and you may end up feeling very guilty.
You'll feel better in the long term if you focus on moving past the whole situation.
Begetting more drama is the opposite of that, and despite her extremely shitty behavior, she could be in a real awkward spot in her life, and it just wouldn't be a good idea to perpetuate anything that causes unhappiness, for both of your concerns.
You are a lucky, lucky guy! You got rid of a really crazy girlfriend without even having to dump her! Stop taking her calls, unless you are a big fan of soap operas and always wanted to star in one in real life.
I'd probably be exactly the same way. There are plenty of times where I wish I had just shutup and walked away when I said or did stupid things.
Of course the healthier option would be better
But the mean and spiteful route is just so much more satisfying
They cast a shadow like a sundial in the morning light. It was half past 10.
"This has nothing to do with jelly!!!"
DO NOT TALK TO THIS BITCH. I'm serious. Don't have a long conversation about feelings or any of that stupid shit. You're quiting cold turkey and the only way is to not be around it. It's just like any other drug. Quitting coke and falling out of love almost feel the same. It's kinda creepy. Hide or trash everything that would remind you of her so you don't get all sniffy cry baby and call her. Yeah, clean her hair out of the shower, it'll catch you by suprise and you'll cry. She broke the fucking rules by...uh...fucking somebody else. It's over. Take some time to deal with the pain and move on.
Yes, people make mistakes. Big mistakes. So what. If you let her back into your life with no consequences, why change? And besides, you really wanna lay there at night with her when she comes over saturday night, drunk or something, wondering if you can fully trust her? Why, when you called her a few hours before, she didn't answer and then called you back 2 hours later and had some stupid excuse. When you haven't had sex in a while and there's always some bullshit reason why you can't. When you're laying there looking at her phone wondering if invading her privacy to see if she's telling the trutch is worth it. Or even better, it's locked so you figure out a way around it, and low and behold, the night she came over and told you she loved you and kissed you, there's pictures of her pussy sent to other people and calls to the guy she's fucking. 10 mins before she came over. Don't be stupid man. Don't be that guy laying in bed with her, listening to her phone ring at 3am, while she tells you some stupid excuse and that it's just some drunk friend.
I was on the phone with a friend's girl, just talking to her. Nothing major, we cool. My buddy _SITTING NEXT TO ME_, calls her and she tells me to hold on and clicks over. Tell him she's talking to her cousin outta state and can she call him back. Clicks over to me and tell me that it was her home girl. We just look at each other. Why? They're evil. EEVVVIIILL!!!
In the grand scheme of things, you really have two choices. You can keep talking to her, which will be bad for you and bad for her, or you can stop talking to her, which will be good for you, and potentially be good for her. Life is often about choices, some small, some big, but most as reactions to situations in which we did not place ourselves. This is one of the few chances you will have in life to stop and take some time to make a true, heartfelt, reasoned decision. In matters of the heart, we find ourselves making one choice one day and another choice another day. This is normal. The important thing is that you only allow one choice to manifest itself as your actions on a consistent basis. In this case, while you may feel a myriad of emotions over a rather long period of time, you already know the correct choice. And you already know what you need to do. Every single time. Even when you really, really don't want to.
Given what we do and do not know about your situation, what is clear is that you feel a great deal of pain and are facing quite a bit of trauma about the whole thing. Even if she is the right woman for you in the long run, in the short-to-medium term you need to step back, take stock of your emotional well-being, and let the scars heal before you jump back into the fray.
If it makes you feel better, I faced a similar situation with a co-worker and close friend of mine who I was, quite frankly, in love with but had managed to wall off my feelings for due to the facts that she was in a relationship and that we worked together. She eventually decided to leave her boyfriend and start dating around, and for some reason decided to admit to me that she had feelings for me. This, of course, opened the floodgates on my end, and I decided to press forward and at least try something (reasoning that regret would be a stronger penalty than the pain of having it not work out). After asking her out, getting a rather excited yes, and looking forward to the occasion, I discovered that the very same weekend I had asked her out she spent the entire weekend with her supposed ex-boyfriend. Suffice it to say that even after giving her a second chance some weeks down the road, essentially the same thing occurred again. So I walked away.
And I know that for you, this is not an easy thing, because for me, it was not an easy thing, even though on a very fundamental level I never actually had a relationship with this girl to begin with. As much as your brain might be telling you one thing, your heart will be telling you another. You will find yourself ambivalent, quavering, negotiating, and ultimately outright lying to yourself about the whole thing just to give her another chance or, at the very least, allow her to continue her destructive (both to you and herself) behavior just so you can keep something alive. This is part of letting go. Much like a cigarette addict who provides a litany of reasons just to get one last fix, your heart and mind are screaming at the top of their lungs for you not to move on. We, as a collective, supportive body, urge you to resist these lesser impulses.
And ultimately, ask yourself this - why should you invest so much into a person who obviously does not have your best interests at heart? Why should you make this person a priority in your life when she is not even putting you in the third string? No one you would call a friend would do something like this to you because they know that it would hurt you. And if they did not know, simply telling them that it causes you pain should be reason enough for them to stop. Because they care about you. Maybe not enough to always put you above themselves, but enough to stop themselves from hurting you when they have a say in the matter.
Sometimes, doing what is right, even for yourself, can be difficult. But if you continue allowing her to hurt you, then at least man up and stop blaming her for it, because it takes two to tango. Maybe you should stop showing up to dance.