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Dating question
ANTVGM64
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Howdy, just a quick moral question here.
I've been on two dates with a nice girl who really doesn't light my world on fire. We've been intimate.
Now along comes another girl who seems pretty full of life, that wants to go on a date with me to see a movie (The Wrestler!).
I feel bad about saying yes to the second girl, who knows about the first girl. It's only two dates, and The first girl and I haven't really committed to anything, and I do like the second girl at least enough to go on a date with her.
1) Am I thinking too much?
2) Should I find a completely delicate way to the tell the first girl I'm going on a date?
3) Or should I just see where this date takes me and go from there?
I've been on two dates with a nice girl who really doesn't light my world on fire. We've been intimate.
Now along comes another girl who seems pretty full of life, that wants to go on a date with me to see a movie (The Wrestler!).
I feel bad about saying yes to the second girl, who knows about the first girl. It's only two dates, and The first girl and I haven't really committed to anything, and I do like the second girl at least enough to go on a date with her.
1) Am I thinking too much?
2) Should I find a completely delicate way to the tell the first girl I'm going on a date?
3) Or should I just see where this date takes me and go from there?
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It all depends on the person, these days. Some people expect exclusivity to some degree after the first date if you're planning to see them again -- some people are fine with dating other people until they know they're ready to commit to one person to some degree.
Most importantly, if you are going to be intimate with either or both of these women, you need to make sure they both know that you're not exclusive.
There's nothing wrong with dating to see where things go. She doesn't light his fire now, but it's only been two dates and you never know. As long as she knows they aren't too serious right now and doesn't mind that, it should be fine.
Basically what I am saying is don't try to keep dating both girls if you want to end up in a long term relationship with either of them. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, etc.
Seriously though, what Lail said is about all the advice you need. Date other people, don't make a secret about it but don't go out of your way to tell them, that just makes you sound like an ass. Only if it becomes serious should it become an exclusive thing.
Something like this, but with less anger.
Don't go out of your way to tell the first girl that you're going on a date as that will just be awkward and might be interpreted as a hint to GTFO. If things pick up with the second girl then you're going to have to have a talk at some point.
I do, however, think that dynamic changes slightly once sex gets involved. If you're in a sexual relationship, you have a responsibility to be open and honest with all of your partners. Condoms can break, herpes can go into submission, there's no absolute guarantee of safety, and anyone you're having sex with needs to have full knowledge of the extent of your activities so they can make an informed decision about the risks involved.
If you just want to go on a date with Girl B, no problem, have fun, I don't see a need for you to tell Girl A about it. But if you decide you want to fuck Girl B, you need to sit down with both of them (not at the same time!), and tell them straight-up "Look, I'm planning on having sex with other people while I'm with you, are you OK with that?"
Casual dating is OK. Casual sex is OK. One-night stands are OK. But you need to be up-front about things, because your decisions affect other people too, and they have a right to know.
Lol, I had someone try this on me once and the result was not pretty. He honestly thought that because we went on two dates it must be love and thought he could tell me not to see other people. Asking someone to be your girlfriend = nice, telling them they need to stop seeing other people = not so nice.
Granted, when my boyfriend and I stopped seeing other people it went along the lines of;
Him: Soandso asked me to come visit but I said no.
Me: So you're not seeing anyone else now?
Him: No.
Me: Good because I'd hate to have to cut a bitch.
Sex does have a way of complicating the issue, though. Only the most clingy of people object to a person they've gone on two dates with seeing another person for a date or two, but more people would object to someone they're sleeping with also sleeping with someone else. Short term advice is to make sure you establish the boundaries with the first girl before making a decision on the second girl. Long term advice is that you should probably hold off on physical intimacy longer than two dates in the future unless you want to have to have this conversation about how monogamy isn't necessarily your bag with other girls in the future.
Casual dating is fine, in my opinion, but for all the reasons she noted, once you're sexually active with one or more, and/or plan to be active with one or more, the rules change.
"Dating" in terms of dinner, movies, and even making out seems fine and fairly harmless until one or both parties want to make something more serious of it. Once people start getting naked, there need to be some potentially unpleasant chats or choices made.
But that's just my opinion on it.
if you're fucking, things get complicated, make sure she knows you're not exclusive.
It does if he intends to have sex with the second (or third, or however many he can handle) woman. Once you're actively sexually involved with someone, being actively sexually involved with more people complicates things significantly.
Just because she's apparently into casual sex (regarding the comment about having at each other after only 2 dates) doesn't mean she's going to be okay with him being active with other people while being active with her.
Think about it this way; if a woman you were dating/fucking was dating/fucking someone else, wouldn't you want to know?
Life can also be a threesome.
even if only for the possible health reasons
Just want to add on to Forar's earlier response to this point, regarding the italicized part: dude. Come on. Everyone and his brother has gone out with that one chick who put out after only one or two dates and came back at him later with a line that sounds like, "it wasn't casual for ME, I made love with you because I felt like we had a real connection, what kind of girl did you take me for?" Or that other girl who acts all cool and non-chalant about banging you like it's no big deal, until she checks out your facebook page and flips the fuck out over that cute blond who friended you.
The chance that this girl's going to hold a dissenting opinion may or may not be likely, but the possibility shouldn't be discounted.
He already knows she puts out?
I mean, I'm honestly not trolling the thread. That seems like a reason, for some people at least.
I'm not saying it's a good reason.
But here we are.
Unless he wants to get into a relationship there's no reason for him to date only one girl.
Until then, if he's sleeping with girl a and dating girl b, I don't think he needs to mention anything to girl a, unless she talks about exclusivity, or gives him a hint that she expects it.
Also: when I said intimate I didn't have sex with the first girl, I just figured that'd be a more gentlemanly way of saying that I got a BJ.
So yeah, BJ from girl one.
and it was toothy.
but she's a sweet girl.
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Speaking as a girl, I wouldn't demand exclusivity from a boyfriend (that's just crazy confrontational) but if I found out he was sleeping with someone else, I'd be very put off, probably dump him.
Dating != boyfriend
Let's not get caught on semantics. As established earlier, most people seem to agree that being forthcoming if you're going to be fucking other people while dating/fucking them is the right thing to do, for several reasons.
You can't dump someone who's not your boyfriend though (as said dating != boyfriend, you tend to be exclusive when you're in a relationship vs. just dating) you can stop putting out. Granted, if someone isn't my bf I assume he's getting it elsewhere too and treat it as such when it comes to safety. If I didn't want him sleeping with other girls I'd talk to him about being in a relationship and make that transition from 'a girl he's sleeping with' to 'the girl he's sleeping with'.
women? it is very often men that are clingy assumptive people. both sexes do this.
new thread on the way