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Straight Crush's Birthday Kegger
KeyScourge
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Okay, so a while ago I posted a thread about my inappropriate crush on a straight guy that’s dating one of my best mates (for full details see thread “Situation Nobody Wants To Be Inâ€.
Anyway, just before that thread was forgotten, I mentioned that I was due to go to his Birthday Kegger, and was immediately hailed as a total moron for even considering it given my feelings for him as well as the presence of large volumes of alcohol.
Acting against better judgement I went to the thing anyway and, admittedly, had quite a bit too much to drink and as a result I really can’t remember about what I did that night. That was stupid of me, I admit, but I have some form of mental problem where I always follow the stupidest option available.
But I went anyway, and while I can’t remember what happened the night before, what I do remember is that I woke up on this guy’s bed with my shoes, socks and jacket off and my shirt undone. Now that instantly worried me, and when I finally managed to stop the mini panic attack and wrestle myself down the stairs I found the guy in question dancing around the kitchen, making pancakes, wearing only his boxers. I swear to God this dude knows I love him and just tries to make it as awkward as possible for me.
And here’s where I need some outside opinions. While we were having breakfast, I kept seeing him looking at me out of the corner or my eye. Now I’m terrible at interpreting stuff like this, so do you guys think it was because:
A) I must have drunkenly told him how I felt and now he’s a bit uncomfortable around me.
He actually likes me too and is just trying to sneak peeks at me.
C) He was just occasionally looking to see if I was still awake and I’m just overanalysing this entire thing.
If you could help me out I would greatly appreciate it. Cheers.
Anyway, just before that thread was forgotten, I mentioned that I was due to go to his Birthday Kegger, and was immediately hailed as a total moron for even considering it given my feelings for him as well as the presence of large volumes of alcohol.
Acting against better judgement I went to the thing anyway and, admittedly, had quite a bit too much to drink and as a result I really can’t remember about what I did that night. That was stupid of me, I admit, but I have some form of mental problem where I always follow the stupidest option available.
But I went anyway, and while I can’t remember what happened the night before, what I do remember is that I woke up on this guy’s bed with my shoes, socks and jacket off and my shirt undone. Now that instantly worried me, and when I finally managed to stop the mini panic attack and wrestle myself down the stairs I found the guy in question dancing around the kitchen, making pancakes, wearing only his boxers. I swear to God this dude knows I love him and just tries to make it as awkward as possible for me.
And here’s where I need some outside opinions. While we were having breakfast, I kept seeing him looking at me out of the corner or my eye. Now I’m terrible at interpreting stuff like this, so do you guys think it was because:
A) I must have drunkenly told him how I felt and now he’s a bit uncomfortable around me.
He actually likes me too and is just trying to sneak peeks at me.C) He was just occasionally looking to see if I was still awake and I’m just overanalysing this entire thing.
If you could help me out I would greatly appreciate it. Cheers.
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Crushing on a straight guy? Bad idea. Your burning unrequited love isn't going to suddenly make him crave the cock; it's just going to make him uncomfortable, and it's going to feed into the homophobia-inducing stereotype that gay people have no respect for the sexual preferences of others. Even if you think he might be secretly gay, his current declared status is straight, he's dating a woman, and if he does decide to come out, that's his decision to make, not yours.
Hitting on somebody who's already dating one of your friends? Gay, straight, bi, or tranny, that's not cool. Trying to poach somebody from an existing relationship is bad enough; doing it to a friend is just shitty.
Getting blackout-drunk in a situation that requires at least a modicum of sobriety? Getting that drunk is stupid in the first place, even among good, trustworthy friends. Doing it at the party of somebody you have a flagrantly inappropriate crush on? That's Motrin stupid.
Blaming your bad decisions on a mental problem? Your behaviour is absolutely self-destructive, but I'm really not seeing any external factors here. You should know better than to do what you're doing, you recognize that what you're doing is stupid, and you can't just shrug and say "lol I don't know why I'm always an idiot, must be some wires crossed in my brain!"
Insisting that the other guy is just being a total cocktease, man? There are two options here: 1. No he isn't, you're reading way the fuck too much into things, he's going around in boxers because it's his house and he's comfortable in it and it hasn't occurred to him that you can barely restrain yourself from bending him over the kitchen counter and taking him hard then and there; or 2. He actually is being a manipulative asshole, in which case why the fuck are you still hanging around him?
Your entire relationship with this guy is fucked eight ways from Sunday, and you need to remove yourself from the situation immediately. Your posts here strongly indicate that you do not have the self-discipline to respect either his sexual orientation or his current relationship status. Stop going to parties where he is, stop chugging alcohol around him, stop checking him out, stop obsessing over him, get the fuck away and do not look back until you've gotten over your crush.
It's not like I can completely dissassociate myself with him though. He'd dating one of my few select best mates, so it's a case of pretty much whenever I get together with mates, he's always there. And as for not checking him out when he is around, that's like dangling a carrot in front of a hungry rabbit and expecting it not to go beserk and much the damn thing down.
But, all things aside, I know I severely lack the control over myself when it comes to these sorts of situations, but I'm not gonna let myself become a social outcast and shrug off spending time with my mates just because a dude I'm pining over is going to be there. And thanks for the overwhelming bluntness of that post; I need a good slap in the face occasionally. of course with your post it was more like a boltgun to the testicles, but the principle is the same.
And I asked him about just what the fuck went on last night and, at least in his version of the story, which I'm assuming is the truth cause this dude doesn't tend to lie a lot, I didn't do anything embarrassing, and the reason I was on his bed is because I tried to dance while totally pissed, fell over and cracked my head on the sideboard so he heaved me upstairs so I couldn't do any more damage to myself. Big fun. So unless he was covering something up, I've emerged from this particular incident with nothing more than a lump on the side of my head and a slight loss of dignity at all my closest friends and quite a lot of strangers seeing me knocked out and black-out drunk on the living room floor.
Sometimes there just isnt enough lime in the world.
Stop attempting to justify your bad decisions with some fictional mental disorder. Everyone knows someone like this and it's irritating to deal with. There's nothing wrong with you and you're not "broken", you're just irresponsible.
I cannot stress how much of a train wreck this will turn into if you don't drop it and walk away.
I'm not so much irresponsible as I am stupid. I've accepted that and I've been trying to stop from always choosing the worst possible option.
And like I said, I can't just walk away from him because he's always around whenever I get together with mates, and if I let my relationships with my mates suffer because of one idiotic crush then I'll be left all alone with nothing but pathetic feelings for some cute straight guy. And I won't end up like that! I've come dangerously close to that before
So, here's what I've learned to do:
First, stop letting your crush control what you do/think. You're being obsessive. This is bad. It will lead to you doing stupid things and constantly judging how you act/that person acts around you. It can also make you paranoid.
Second, try to distance yourself from this person for a while. Just cut off contact. Do other things. If your friends are your friends, they'll understand you taking some time to get yourself straightened out about this. This will allow you to see things clearly and get some perspective on the situation, mainly that there's nothing you can do here so why worry about it.
Third, stop drinking around this guy. Even if you can't stop being around him, getting blackout drunk is a horrible idea. Get some willpower and slow the fuck down.
Fourth, don't act on this at all. Seriously, what do you think the outcome will be? Focus on other things. Seriously, there's much better things to do than to obsess over a crush that isn't going to go anywhere.
No you're not stupid. Stupid people do stupid things because they don't know any better. You seem to identify the stupid choice as stupid but then go ahead and do it anyway. Perhaps your just one of those people who likes the drama. That's more than likely the real underlying problem here.
And yes your right dumping your entire social group to avoid contact with this one guy is a bad idea. Unfortunately this means that since you have no choice but to continue having contact with him you really need to start getting it into your head that self control IS an option and you CAN exercise it. Where as if you keep going around saying "it not my fault I do stupid things its just the way I am" said train wreck WILL happen and it WILL be painful.
Look at it this way, you make a move on this guy and it goes badly wrong you could end up having to avoid your entire group of friends anyway since he's not going to stop hanging around with people that are his friends also just because things are super awkward with you. Does that sound like fun to you?
Next time you feel yourself getting tempted to try your luck take a moment to think about the consequences first.
I mean seriously fuck you're sounding like a creepy stalker
Except they don't know I'm gay yet, so suddenly goin to them "hey guys, I won't be around for a while because I need to get some distance to stop myself from crushing on one of your boyfriends" may cause a lot of problems which I am just unable to deal with at the moment.
Look, we all do silly things when drunk. It's a fact of life and if you have any deep-seeded emotions that are brewing underneath the chance of them coming out in awkward, drunken situations are very high indeed.
Seriously. It was my birthday on friday and a ton of friends came over to my house and got me wasted. Then we went out to the bars. I got walked back home by one of my best gal friends. A former FWB of mine, we both once liked each other, and then we slept together and that was that; we moved on and we're great friends. I do not have a hidden crush on her. And yet I still found out Saturday afternoon by two of my housemates that when she brought me home I made some weird reference to me being her boyfriend and having to safely store her alcohol for her.
It's very, very awkward and totally unconvincing trying to defend yourself when you find out about something you said drunkenly that you can't remember.
I'm just saying, I don't even crush on this girl at all and yet I still weirded the fuck out of all three of them with my drunken rambling because we have some past history together. Now think of what you might say to him while intoxicated. Even if it's something silly that you know isn't true, to others, all it will look like is some emotionally-driven confession that you keep pent up inside while sober.
Are you out to any of your friends or family?
i have to say it again even though other guys in here have said it: do not drink around this guy. just don't.
What she said.
Don't you think this is something you should be working on? I mean, if you aren't out to the people closest to you, you're developing crushes on the worst people for it... it sounds to me like you're trying to actively sabotage yourself.
You're not an animal.
Indeed, that sounds like a rapist's excuse: I can't control myself! She was there, wearing skimpy clothes, how was she expecting me not to jump on her?
Seriously, just have some self-control. Same thing with the alcohol. Just STOP.
ME: Dude, I need your help
REGGIE: Sure thing man. What's up?
ME: I need you to lie for me.
REGGIE: Then you came to the right place. What's the lie?
ME: I don't know yet. I need you to come up with it for me.
REGGIE: Okay. What are you trying to get out of?
ME: I don't want you to take this personally, but I need a bit of time, like, away from you all as group.
REGGIE: Because of him?
ME: Yeah. I need some time to get my head on straight without having to see him all the damn time
REGGIE: As straight as your head can get.
ME: Be serious. I need you to come up with some possible reason why I won't be around very much for a while
REGGIE: Sure thing man. Anything for you ya poor, misguided fudge-packer
And at that point it sort of descended into playfully homophobic insults. Just like we always do. So now I'll be able to get my head sorted and get some time away from being bombarded with this dude's constant hotness.
Thanks for the large kick I needed to get at least that much done. Cheers you lot
Wow
Seriously dude grow the fuck up and take some damn control of your life
The advice given here has been top-notch and it would be in your best interests to follow it. Normally something like this would irritate me, but I kind of feel bad because this going to end badly because your lust is making your logic fail.
Chill out a bit man, the guy has got to take some serious control here but you don't have to be that harsh to him. Just because he's borderline incorrigible doesn't mean you need to verbally abuse him.
I do have to ask though (to the OP) why you seek advice if you're determined to stay your own course.
You have a strong attraction towards somebody who does not and will not ever in a million years return that attraction.
That doesn't make you a freak at all. Everybody's been there, at least once. Some of us lots of times. It's perfectly natural. They're just feelings, you can't really control feelings. What you can control are your actions. Sometimes your feelings have to stop at your own skin and not go any further, except in a private room with your therapist or your best friend.
You're not a freak. There's nothing wrong with your feelings - just your actions. So accept your feelings, allow yourself to have them, but get control of your actions. That's all we're saying.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
you chose to get drunk even though you knew it was stupid, and if anything bad had happened you would only have yourself to blame, not some "but i couldn't help it!" thing
Even if he was Bi, you would be taking him from a friend and therefore a complete shithead.
Find something else to oggle at
That's as may be but it's not going to change the fact that everyone who's advised you that it's not gonna happen is totally right.
WRONG, WRONG, WRONG.
Your feelings don't mess up your actions. You mess up your actions because you don't even try to control yourself. It is NOT hard to not fuck up whenever someone's here just because he/she is beautiful.
Hell, I also have a bad habit of getting into people who aren't available. Damnit shes engaged, or shit she has a steady boyfriend.
So far it's happened to me twice in a row where I developed feelings for someone full well knowing that there's no possibility of a relationship.
But I learned from it, and you should learn from this too, that your heart sometimes has a tendency to lead you into a ditch filled with barbed wire.
But if you can nip it in the bud, and not get carried away at the get go the chances of you doing it again are slim.
It hurts but, you gotta come out on top. Takes some willpower....obviously.
and the fact that his looks are all you ever talk about is part of what makes you so childish. And fucking shallow.
Geesh, lighten up Sentry :P
Seriously though OP you can't let your feelings for this person possess every aspect of your being. Sentry may have been a little gruff with above statement, but he is right. There comes a point in everyone's life when its time to grow up and handle your emotions like an adult.
You'll get over him, it will just take a little time. Try meeting new people, even if it's not with a romantic intent. Just expand your circle of friends a bit. Having new things going on makes it much easier to not think about other things you might be obsessing over. Taking up a new hobby is a good idea, too. Basically, give your mind something else to focus on for a while.
Well that logic trumps everything I have. I fold. *lays down cards*