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Things you say to your pet
Qingu
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
So I have become concerned lately that my cat is actually making me mentally retarded. I have a suite of elaborate epithets which with I refer to him. The include "Prince Bolifur," "Pluffster," "King of Beasts," "Plumpling," "Chuff-bucket," and others. I often feel the need to suddenly chastise him for being "too furry." Sometimes, if he is lying on my bed, I will just start yelling at him in a distorted voice.
My roommates and girlfriend have noted with alarm that sometimes I talk about, or to, my cat even when he's not in the room. Or even in the same building. Sometimes when I wake up, even if I am at my girlfriend's, I will incoherently talk about how fluffy he is.
Discuss! How do you talk to your pets? And should you be embarrassed?
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However, my landlady has a cat, and though the cat is named Haley, I simply call her... IZZA KITTY!
Their names? Carrie and Charlotte. I really should be ashamed of myself.
Well, his full name is Willow Pluffster Nanaki.
My wife thought it was really mean at first, but now she just laughs.
I also often refer to her (the dog, not my wife) as "Dog Face" or "Dog Monster." I tend to refer to animals in terms of "(Species Name) Face." I have no idea why this started happening.
Basically, I am verbally abusive towards my pets, but in a tone of voice that doesn't let them know how mean I'm being. Man, I love animals!
My favorite cat I refer to as Bitch Kitty.
Not that she didn't earn the title.
Cat: *Poops on floor.*
When she meows I will just meow back and that will go on for about a minute.
And yes, rather inane comments range, but are not limited to:
"Goddamn Cat, goddamn!"
"Your fat, cat, your fat!"
"Stupid cat is stupid."
And so forth. Or even silently/vocally cursing the cats out when no one is around, not even the cats. Godamnit...
I'm not even kidding.
With my own pets I just tell them how strong or pretty they are, and 'who's a good boy? YES YOU ARE!'
It's kind of sad because I can sometimes care more about pets than people, even babies.
And then I feel bad when I just channel surf past ads to help children in poverty but when that damn Sarah Mclaughlin SPCA ad comes on I'm all
I do this too, but pretty much anything cute is going to get that from me. You should see what happens when I see a baby.
Because at the time it was hilarious because FROG and DOG rhymed!
Now I call her Frog with some frequency as well. Which I think it OK. Because it's simultaneously a Chrono Trigger reference as well. So it's nerdy as well as trippy.
I talk to my dog all the time, but it hardly makes sense when translated to English. Just note that I use various inflections of the word "woofer" a lot. He's very smart, though, and good at reading body language. He pretty much understands any type of command I'll give him.
When I walk her, she has to constantly hear my voice or she'll start pulling towards something interesing, barking at things or just generally freaking out. My solution? I basically just narrate what we're doing to her at all times.
"Going down the stairs, going down the stairs. That's a good girl, going down the stairs. Going out the door, at-a girl, out the door. Forward, walking forward. Always forward. Sniffing, walking, going forward. Oh, that's a good girl, pooping. Picking up poop, throwing poop away. Headed home, good girl, headed home. Upstairs girl, going upstairs. At-a girl. Taking leash off, good girl. Where's mommy?"
Random passers-by probably think I'm completely insane.
They tried to bury us. They didn't know that we were seeds. 2018 Midterms. Get your shit together.
Hahaha!
No kidding! I beg my wife to change the channel when that commercial comes on.
As it is, our cat is named Fluffy. He's aggressive, and somewhat aloof. I call him Destroyer of Worlds since he keeps the immediate neighborhood free from other cats. Otherwise his names range from dumbass, to moron, to stupid, to get off my damn laptop.
The dog is named Earl. Sir Earl of Tapestry actually, he's a bulldog. Of course I infantilize him way too much. It's pretty sad.
Yeah. Don't ask me how he did this, but he did it. There was was shit everywhere. Then he licked it off himself, and vomited it back up, so that there was shit, vomit, and shit-vomit everywhere. We came home to find every appliance, every floor, and every wall was smeared.
This event is legend in my home. My wife and I refer to it in hushed whispers as "The Shit Apocalypse" lest we name it too loudly and it is summoned again.
Anyway, my wife (god bless her soul) took upon herself the odious task of cleaning Peaks up. He was bathed within an inch of his life, still stunk to high heaven, and so she gave him a fur-cut - which turned out more like a shave. She cut off almost all his fur, except for the line of it up his back, because he was pretty thin and she didn't want to nick his spine on accident.
So, when all was said and done he had a line of fur like a mohawk running up his back. Naturally we dubbed him "Mr. P" and he never lived down the name.
When I was a kid we had a German Shepherd named Bogie. I used to call him Bitin' Nose all the time because my grandpa did, and it always cracked me up. One year we were watching the Winter Olympics and there was a figure skater named something that sounded like Poke-ah-pie-ah-vitch, and for some reason Bogie freaked out when he heard that name, so I used to go around asking him "are you Pokapyavitch Bogie? Huh? Are you?" and he'd get all excited and wound up. heehee, he was an awfully good dog.
You punch it? I kid.
Everyday I come home, ask how his day was, if he watched any good TV, etc. He's gotten to "talking" back to me now pretty often:
Me: And how was your day, Cringers?
Cat: Meeeow
Me: Did you have a nice nap?
Cat: Rawooowr
I do this too. With my girlfriend's cat, it also goes on for about a minute...but with my own cats, to whom I have been doing it for about nine years, it basically goes on until I get bored and cut it out. I should call Guinness and go for the world's longest two-sided conversation with a cat.
I also sometimes put my cats on the top of my head and wear them around for a little like fashionable headgear. Similarly, this is only feasible with my own cats who are used to it, of course, because any other cat will try to claw my eyeballs out.
Other cat is Harry. We did not name him. His other names include Harry monster, basement cat, cat under the stairs (the first three months we had him he pretty much stayed under the stairs in our basement), big kitty, and big guy.
The dog Buster who will be 15 next month. The puppy, old guy, fuzzy puppy, old dog from town, and buster-wuster.
Our pets are awesome. And yes, they most likely are child substitutes and I do like them more than I like most people.
PSN : Bolthorn
He's not very smart, and has an eating disorder- wherein he always believes you will never feed him again, and will therefore eat as much as possible, and then throw up. Usually followed by more eating. He's something like 15-20 pounds, and still believes he is a lap-cat. His rotund figure and belly waddle is a point of glee for visitors.
Names of rats: Elsa, Pandora, Lucy, Mina, and Bella. My wife calls them "the babies" and would be just as happy to have them rather than the real thing. They are cute and soft, but yet have claws that feel like pins being dragged across your skin. We also have two mice- Alice and Too. Alice is a newer addition becuase we lost Too's friend Donut. Alice is the bravest mouse I've ever seen, and will hop into our hands and explore arms, shoulders, and anywhere else she can go- without hesitation.
We sometimes walk our neighbour's dog, who is named Shandy, and I end up calling her Shandy-Bandy, Shanda-Banda, Floofy, and Floof Mistress. (ETA: Also Schnorgle-Puffs)
Funnily enough, my mom's prediliction for giving weird nick-names extends to her own offspring as well. I get called Podiatrist sometimes (how she derived that name from Andrew I'll never know), and my niece gets called The Wink.
I'll be fine, just give me a minute, a man's got a limit, I can't get a life if my heart's not in it.
That's the name for one of my favorite porn stars.
It wouldn't happen to be a redhead, would it? :winky:
It's pretty creepy for a porn star to call herself Annabel Lee.
My cat chirps/barks at birds. It's like she's trying to coax them into coming inside.
"CAT, GET OUTA HERE!"
And he leaves.
Why would you do that? I sleep with 4 animals usually.
And you wonder where you got all those diseases.
Is your mother one of them?
I think it's interesting how much pet dialogue seems to revolve around making fun of these animals for being fat. I used to call my (late) golden retriever blubchub, and ever since my cat got a little plump I started referring to his plumpness more.
I wonder if this is because society disincentives us from referring to the weights of human fat people so we take it all out on animals.
Does anyone else have a cat made out of snuggles and sunshine?