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I'm so anxious...
Tucanwarrior13
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
I have been seeing my girlfriend for about a month now, and things are going along well. She really likes me, and I really like her. We hang out alot, and for the most part see eachother in someway everyday (We're both out of school so it's not like meeting up at our lockers). The problem is that my past 3 relationships have ended within one month, and my anxiety about this has reached a complete head. I wake up every morning wondering if she'll break up with me. I have begun to despise going to work because of my fear that in her time without me she'll realize she hates seeing me. When in reality everytime I ask if she wants to hang out she always says yes........I just don't know. Am I completely nuts?
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
Tucanwarrior13 on
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and the one friend I can talk to this about is going out with her best friend. You know how couples talk. I have no one in my personal life to help me with this.
You know what helped? Talking with her about it. It didn't solve my anxiety, but it helped that she at least understood where I was coming from and I understood where she was coming from...and that's a good first step to working through it together.
Talk to the girl and tell her how you feel.
Edit: responding to your last post, you need to be able to trust her enough that she won't judge you for feeling a little insecure. And you also need to be able to trust her enough to take what she says back to you at face value--if she says she likes you, learn to trust that and believe it.
Okay. It sounds like what you're describing isn't simple anxiety, but a combination of self-confidence issues and trust issues culminating in emotional insecurity and a fear of rejection.
How old are you?
1) She'll understand and she'll try to help you feel more secure.
or
2) She'll laugh in your face and call you a freak and dump you. Did you really want to be in a relationship with someone that rotten? I think not.
Just go with the flow and do your best not fuck things up.
Here's the thing: you need to be able to trust someone and be able to communicate with someone without freaking out before you can have a stable, long-term relationship. Let's say you want this relationship (or any relationship) to go the distance. That seems like a safe assumption considering you're afraid she's going to spontaneously dump you--you obviously want her to *not* dump you. How are you going to talk to her about stuff in the future if you can't tell her how you feel in the present?
I think it would be helpful for you to tell all of us why you think your last few girlfriends dumped you after a month so we can talk about that. Or you can go see a counselor or a doctor. Whatever's going on, it has everything to do with your lack of confidence and your inability to trust her when she says you like her--she actually has very little to do with the source of your anxiety.
If you're constantly worrying about it your relationship is no fun to be in anyway, so why continue it? Enjoy the time you spend together and stop worrying about how long it will last.
On the other side while we were laying in bed last night we talked about things to a certain extent. I admitted that I was afraid of what was to come in the future, because of my past. She admitted that she has a hard time letting anyone into her life. I asked if she needed any space, and she pretty much laughed in my face, and pulled me over to her. I feel alot better today. I still have that nagging in my chest that won't stop though....
Even if this girl breaks up with you in a month, and ten other girls do as well, it does not logically follow that all your relationships will end in a month.
Emotions don't just disappear. You just need to be alert to your thought patterns and eventually they will hold less and less sway.
It's fine to feel that way, but you need to make sure it's not so you can shed responsibility and have a professional fix your problem for you. No matter what you choose to do, ultimately you have to be the one to make the change.
Might be worth talking to your GP too, maybe s/he can help you out better than The Internet People.
I'm afraid to dump all of my stress, frustration, and anger with the way I feel on her. I don't want to make her think that she is the reason I feel this way. I don't think she is at all. I think she was just a catalyst for everything.
I reiterate my find a therapist advice. Talking to a professional > H&A. A doctor will give more constructive advice than 'Just get over it.' Meditation is definitely a great start though.
If you go the therapy route (and it sounds like you're considering it, which is good -- only you can know whether that's a route you want/need to go) I'd suggest starting with psychodynamic therapy and escalating from there. Medication is tremendously helpful to those who need it -- ie, people whose anxiety is the result of a neuro-chemical imbalance. But some psychiatrists tend to want to solve problems with their Rx pad, so exploring whether this is something you can talk through first can be a helpful step to take.
If she DID break up with you...life would go on. You can take her or leave her, bud.
Secret Satan
This isn't just about his girlfriend and his fear of her dumping him anymore. There's more to this.
You should be careful. Not that you need anymore anxiety on your mind but you could just as easily play the pity card with her (which it seems like you did) and set yourself up for a harder fall (if) she decides she wants something else.
Instead of telling her how woeful you are, it probably would have been better just to talk about your relationship in general and try to get your bearings on how she feels about it.
Instead of "abloo abloo I'm worried you are going to break up with me"
Of course she took you in with open arms. What was she going to do, get up and walk away as you were pouring your soul out to her? Even the bitchy ones won't do that.
I mean, that's not the shiny happy outlook on things, but it is a possible reality.
we also talk about other random shit and clown upon each other
It isn't about her anymore. I filed the paperwork to begin therapy in the next couple of weeks. Whatever wrong with me has manifested itself intensley. I should mention that I was diagnosed with non-situational anxiety about 3 1/2 years ago. I have been able to control it up until now. I don't even think it's anxiety anymore.
I'm tired almost all of the time (even if I get a good 8 hours sleep a night), I've become completely apathetic about having a job that I make good money at, I've abandoned my friends and family because it's too much energy to deal with for me. I just need to get my head straight.
As dumb as it sounds actually TYPING it out into this forum, reading the responses, and thinking about it has really helped me realize what is wrong with me.