So my friend's ex told me some shit.

Death of Rats

I'm not sure what to do with this one.

Here's the deal. One of my good friends used to go out with this girl. She supposedly cheated on him and a bunch of bullshit. They broke up, and for a while after their breakup they were kinda stalking eachother I guess.

Anyways, it's been a few years since all that went down, but obviously they're not on the best of terms. I still talk to this girl every once in a while, and well, tonight she told me some stuff that's kinda disturbing to me.

You see, my friend has moved on and, from the last I knew, is happy in his relationship. And that's a big deal considering his past relationships. Lots of fucked up shit, almost every one involving cheating and him stalking his ex's for a while afterwards. So it was good to see him being happy in a healthy relationship.

But, I moved away about 8 months ago. I'm not sure what's been going on with him and his girl, but apparently there's something stupid going on.

You see, his ex told me he's started calling her, sending her cryptic e-mails. Saying some really messed up stuff about his girlfriend, and basically it's not good. He's supporting her, he's not happy, he wants back with his ex.

Now, she was looking for advice as to what to do about him, and I told her to just ignore him, not answer her phone, delete the e-mails. She's done with him, she's in a happy relationship, she shouldn't have to deal with this.

But now here comes my problem. First off, I don't trust his ex to be telling the truth. For all I know she could be making this up. If it wasn't for his past history of doing this kind of thing, well, I wouldn't believe her. But I also don't like just ignoring this if it's true. He's had a rough year, and I really wish there was something I could do to help him out. If he is calling her, after what she put him through, there's something seriously wrong with one of my best friends. I don't know if there's anything I can do to help him, but right now there's not many people who probably would help him (a lot of his friends have kinda distanced themselves from him lately).

So, should I try talking to him to see if he's alright? Even in just a general sense (we're friends, but emotions is something we don't talk about too much. He's like me, lots of walls)? Or should I just leave this alone?

MC Mystery

Ugh, I've been in situations like this before. AWKWARD. Where you good friends with the girl also? Like, do you keep in touch with her regularly, or is this the first you've heard from her in a long while?

EDIT: Reread the thread. I guess, how well do you know her? Is she really crazy enough to lie about this sort of thing so long after it went down?

Grimm

There is really not much to be done unless you have some more evidence to back up her claims. Could you politely ask her to forward you some of those emails, let you listen to voice mails, or even just show you the call log on her cell. I would try to keep an eye on things (yeah i know, easier said then done due to you moving away) and see if anything seems weird. Also yeah, i would give him a call and just see how hes doing. How things are going with the girlfriend, life in general, etc.

The Black Hunter

What could she acheive if she was lying about this

on the flipside

what does she get by telling you? he's your friend yeah, but why you specifically? that's a bit strange

OremLK

I would say nothing to your friend unless he explicitly asks for your advice, or at least brings it up to you. I think you already told his ex the right thing, so just stick with that.

Improvolone

I would go the, "Hey man, Lisa's been telling me some strange things lately. You and her still talking?"
Might come of nothing, but if he wants to talk about it it seems like a safe way to initiate.

brandotheninjamaster

I would keep a lid on this if I were you. If your friend needed your help he would ask.

meeker

I would tell her, " Sorry you have problems, I have problems of my own and can't get involved."

Crazy people will be crazy people...

Sarcastro

I would say it depends how involved you want to be. You mentioned already that your friend keeps up a lot of walls, it may not be your place to say anything. I dunno, maybe just watch from a safe distance?

On the other hand, maybe this sort of thing is why his other freinds are keeping thier distance as well. Some people just constantly generate fallout, its your own call as to whether or not the friendship is worth it to you.

Duffel

Unless you think somebody here is in physical danger or something I wouldn't get involved any more than you have. Telling the ex to ignore him is good advice, hopefully nothing more will come of this.

I'm sure it's disturbing to find out your friend is a creepy stalker, as well as that he is trying to cheat on his girlfriend. But I still wouldn't get involved unless some really bad shit could go down; it's best to let these situations play themselves out. If you don't have all the information (which you really can't) it's probably just going to make things worse.

Nissl

Are you talking to your friend often right now, or do you not communicate unless one of you is coming to town? Unless you're close enough that you're talking pretty often, my inclination in this situation is to back off unless asked for advice. Your friend has some serious issues, and I don't see how you solve them from a distance. Maybe the next time you're visiting town and hanging out, you could bring up relationships in general and see if he wants to talk about anything.

Death of Rats

Lets see.. I don't trust the girl because she's lied about things like this before. She's told people that other friends of mine are getting a divorce before. After her and my friend broke up the first time she told him she had cancer so he'd get back with her. She's not a trustworthy person, and she does like to start shit. If it wasn't for his history of doing this with his other ex's I'd say no big deal, the crazy girl is lying. I don't talk to her very often either, just kinda a fluke that I did last night.

As for my friend, I talk to him about once every other week or so. He's really the only friend from home that I still keep in touch with. And that's because he's saved my life before (when I first moved into college I was really depressed and, well, suicidal. He helped me out, came up to visit, helped me even out before I had the chance to do something stupid). The reason people down home are distancing themselves from him (as far as I can see) is, growing up. People are moving, getting married, blahblahblah, and don't really have time to see/talk to eachtoher much anymore. The last 2 years pretty much everyone from out group of friends have moved away, and it kinda makes it hard to keep tabs.

So, well, I just want to help him out if possible. I dunno. Maybe I should ignore it, but try to talk to him more often. I just don't want to see him not only fuck up another relationship, but also have to go through the fallout alone (if that makes any sense).

Feral

DoR, the best wisdom I've ever encountered for a situation like this came from a play:

Phil, in [i]The Big Kahuna[/i] wrote:

It doesn't matter whether you're selling Jesus or Buddha or civil rights or 'How to Make Money in Real Estate With No Money Down.' That doesn't make you a human being; it makes you a marketing rep. If you want to talk to somebody honestly, as a human being, ask him about his kids. Find out what his dreams are - just to find out, for no other reason. Because as soon as you lay your hands on a conversation to steer it, it's not a conversation anymore; it's a pitch. And you're not a human being; you're a marketing rep.

Just ask your friend how he's doing. How is his relationship going? Is he happy? Don't steer the conversation, because he might feel defensive if you reveal that you've been talking to his ex. Just ask a lot of questions and let him open up to you.

Mr. Pokeylope

I think Feral had the best advice. Just call him and see how he's doing, if he need's someone to talk to atleast he know's your there for him.

Death of Rats

Sounds like the best plan. This can be locked.