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[Girl On] Seeking Generic Advice (FINAL UPDATE)
Soggychicken
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
There is this girl from school that I am attracted to. I have two concerns that I need advice on before I pursue anything.
A) How much does she like me?
I think I have been getting signals (flirting) from her although admittedly I am not the best at reading the female mind. An example: last week she went to a bar with mutual acquaintances after an event we both attended. I elected to go home because I was tired and I don't really get along with some of the people in the group. She later told me how she wished I was there.
More recently, while hanging out in a group, she brought up how someone was hitting on her at work and asked her to go for a beer. She also said that she's not really interested in this guy but agreed to go anyway because she feels like drinking. This came up completely out of the blue. Is she testing me to see how I would react?
Impending long distance.
We will both be graduating this semester and moving back home. It is unlikely that either of us will be able to relocate to each other's vicinity within the foreseeable future. With my last two relationships ending because of distance, I am unsure if I should go down that road again. My ex and I broke up because we knew that long distance was about to happen. Is it a dick move to start a relationship that I know will turn into long distance when it was the precise reason that ended my last one?
A) How much does she like me?
I think I have been getting signals (flirting) from her although admittedly I am not the best at reading the female mind. An example: last week she went to a bar with mutual acquaintances after an event we both attended. I elected to go home because I was tired and I don't really get along with some of the people in the group. She later told me how she wished I was there.
More recently, while hanging out in a group, she brought up how someone was hitting on her at work and asked her to go for a beer. She also said that she's not really interested in this guy but agreed to go anyway because she feels like drinking. This came up completely out of the blue. Is she testing me to see how I would react?
Impending long distance.We will both be graduating this semester and moving back home. It is unlikely that either of us will be able to relocate to each other's vicinity within the foreseeable future. With my last two relationships ending because of distance, I am unsure if I should go down that road again. My ex and I broke up because we knew that long distance was about to happen. Is it a dick move to start a relationship that I know will turn into long distance when it was the precise reason that ended my last one?
Soggychicken on
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As far as the distance thing. Some people will tell you go for it, you never know this time it might be worth it and you'll be willing to do the long distance. Distance does seem like a big issue for you though, and if things went well you'd just be setting yourself up for a breakup(clean or messy).
I think I would advise maybe some casual dating...nothing wrong with going out with someone who's company you enjoy and not taking it to a serious level. If something does happen, and you guys change your mind, have the "long distance talk".
This is all getting ahead of everything though, you don't even know if she likes you or if she's interested in a relationship since she's moving too. So, I'll restate, just ask her out for coffee or something. Nothing wrong with a new friend.
Yes, classic jealousy card. She does not know if you are interested because you've been pretty oblivious to her previous attempts at flirting, she's trying to force your hand.
Try this some time when it's late and you know she will be at home studying or somthing.
"Hey, I'm a little lonely, would you wanna hang out?"
I tend to like, "Hey, I'm bored, want a massage? I'll bring over some oils and a movie"
I've used it 3 times and it's worked 3 times... so...
A short term relationship can be a good thing.
I lol'd
Don't diss it till you've tried it.
Just to clarify, I am already pretty far into friend territory with this girl. I've known her for a year and a half now and we see each other at least a few times a week. Also, she didn't text me while she was at the bar with those people. She brought it up in conversation a few days later while we were talking about what we did the last week. Something like "yeah I didn't like / know a lot of those people too. I wish you were there."
I applaud you sir for making this work. I feel like I lack the smoothness to use this line although I have been complimented for my massages before. Maybe I'll offer a quick shoulder rub if I see her and she looks stressed out.
This is great, please keep your advice coming.
1) This is kind of desperate sounding and desperation is never attractive, to a stable girl at least.
2) This is a little forward and kind of creepy sounding. It sounds like "I'm bored let's fuck."
Replace lonely with bored and this has worked for me in the past. Granted it turned into a one night stand but hey worse things can happen in life then hooking up with nubile coeds.
I wouldn't start worrying about the distance though. You can't be sure if she's interested in a long-term relationship.
You should just take it as this: you're attracted to a girl, and a girl seems to be attracted to you. That ain't bad
She may realize you're both going to be leaving soon and is putting the moves on you (so to speak) because she always liked you and realizes time might be running out to show you.
Anyway, just ask the girl out. It is the only way.
You don't use this one either? shit... maybe i just roll perpetual 20s on my charisma
No, I'm a girl and this would put you on my ignore list. Then again, I'm not the one night stand type so if the one night stand kind of girl is what you're going for it could work.
Girls don't go out with just nice guys, they don't go out with just assholes. They go out with guys who ask them out.
Yes, but how you ask them out is important because girls don't date every guy who asks them.
You said you've been friends with this girl for about a year, year and a half right?
She isn't testing you. She's your friend because she genuinely likes hanging out with you. This doesn't mean she wants to pursue a romantic relationship with you because she told you she wishes you were at a bar with her or babbling on about her guy troubles to you.
Not to say nothing can happen between you two romantically. But I wouldn't take these 'signals' as actually signals of her being interested in you.
We chatted today. She again brought up how she didn't want to meet up with that guy and will probably cancel on him. I invited her to come out with me tonight instead. She expressed interest but said she may go home because she's not feeling too well. Then somehow our conversation shifted to talking about views towards relationships at this point in our lives. She basically said she won't go actively seek something out but if something is to fall on her lap she'll go for it.
As I said in the OP I am terrible at reading girls. I found out months into both my past two relationships that I drastically misread my exs when we first started dating. Apparently one of them didn't realize our first date was a date... Hopefully I will get better at this soon.
Finally asked her for a date and got shot down. She felt that it's best not to start anything this close to moving away. I have a suspicion she's just trying to me down gently. Either way I'm glad that I tried and found out.
Thanks to all who chimed in.
Now go out and find another girl you're interested in. Ask her out. Repeat as necessary.