The new forums will be named Coin Return (based on the most recent vote)! You can check on the status and timeline of the transition to the new forums here.
The Guiding Principles and New Rules document is now in effect.
Need help!(anxiety, panic attacks, depression)
Razepretep
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
So, this is an alt.
I'm afraid this might be one long post.
For the last 2 years I have been in a job situation that has been less than ideal.
I do not like the work I do very much and I do not get along too well with my coworkers.
While technically I work in the field I have studied for, I have really really low chances of ever getting into a more interesting position at my place of work.
Also for the last 2 years I have been living with a girl that has serious emotional problems. While I really think she is a very smart and funny and brilliant person very often, she also has a severe depression, sometimes resulting in her cutting herself and expressing a desire to kill herself.
She knows this is hard on me when she acts like this and I DO know I can not help her.
So for the last 2 years I had a job I hate and a sometimes extremely stressfull private life.
I also moved to get this job, I am 400 miles from home and I have no friends here.
I know this sounds horrible and I probably should have walked away a long time ago, but I didn't know how....
I have my own bag of unresolved issues, but I never had any treatment at all.
I am 29 and so far I just moved along and hoped that things would work out.
But right now I am at a point where I think I really need to do something to get help.
I have been a victim of extreme verbal and physical abuse at school, from grade 5 to grade 9 or 10 (after I went to a different school after elemenary school).
I had no friends, I got mocked and dissed and beaten by other kids on a daily basis, I even got my arm broken once.
Because of that I got trust issues, I have extremely low self esteem, I literally feel inferior to almost every person I meet, though I do know that is not true and though I do know things I am good at.
I instinctively flinch back from people wanting to touch me, even if it is my girlfriend.
For almost 7 years my only form of medication or treatment was smoking pot, eventually I felt very uncomfortable about this, so I stopped from one day to the next.
I have not smoked pot for four years now, so I think that has nothing to do with my current condition.
I was not all that shy when I was younger, but a couple of years ago at university I had my first panic attack when I had to hold a speech(this was no biggie for me before that).
Since then I avoid public speaking situations like the plague, but most of the time it was still not an issue.
This has gotten a lot worse over the last few weeks, as I realize that I can not endure my current situation much longer.
I had some near break downs and panic attacks at work and days when I felt so miserable that I did not know if and how I could get through a whole day at work.
This happens a lot lately and gets worse and worse.
I would also get this feeling at home for the last couple of weeks, which never had happened before, but the whole situation feels so unbearable right now.
Yesterday was my wake up call.
I wanted to take the bus to meet a friend and I had to get out after 2 stations because I couldn't take it.
I was hot, my heart was pumping, I felt like I was about to piss my pants. so I walked for a bit, then tried a second bus and it hit me again, I had to get out.
Eventually after wandering through the streets for a few minutes and my mind racing like crazy I took a taxi back to my place.
So this convinced me that I had to do something.
I want to find help and I want to try therapy, but I have also been afraid of going back to work since I left it friday afternoon.
Tomorrow morning just seems too dreadful to think about, I got 2 meetings and I am not sure if I will survive the bus trip alone.
Health insurance is not an issue and I have a good doctor, though he knows nothing about these problems, I am 100% sure he will try to help.
I do not live in the US, so different rules might apply, I will get full pay during sick leave and they can not fire me because of it.
I need a time out, I have no clue what therapy to get, but without medication I am fairly sure I can not continue working.
My contract is running till June and they want to renew it, but I am not sure if I can continue working there at this point.
I know it is stupid, but I am awfully scared of the stigma involved with mental/emotional illnesses.
I do know that I am almost at my breaking point, but I am afraid that I will ruin my future by becoming sick now and getting help.
A very calm and clear part of me says that I need to do this now and that it's the right thing, and that I do need time to rest and should not worry about work, but another part of me is afraid that this will ruin everything for me and will dissappoint anyone I know and that I will never get another job.
Any comments would be welcome.....what should I do?
I'm afraid this might be one long post.
For the last 2 years I have been in a job situation that has been less than ideal.
I do not like the work I do very much and I do not get along too well with my coworkers.
While technically I work in the field I have studied for, I have really really low chances of ever getting into a more interesting position at my place of work.
Also for the last 2 years I have been living with a girl that has serious emotional problems. While I really think she is a very smart and funny and brilliant person very often, she also has a severe depression, sometimes resulting in her cutting herself and expressing a desire to kill herself.
She knows this is hard on me when she acts like this and I DO know I can not help her.
So for the last 2 years I had a job I hate and a sometimes extremely stressfull private life.
I also moved to get this job, I am 400 miles from home and I have no friends here.
I know this sounds horrible and I probably should have walked away a long time ago, but I didn't know how....
I have my own bag of unresolved issues, but I never had any treatment at all.
I am 29 and so far I just moved along and hoped that things would work out.
But right now I am at a point where I think I really need to do something to get help.
I have been a victim of extreme verbal and physical abuse at school, from grade 5 to grade 9 or 10 (after I went to a different school after elemenary school).
I had no friends, I got mocked and dissed and beaten by other kids on a daily basis, I even got my arm broken once.
Because of that I got trust issues, I have extremely low self esteem, I literally feel inferior to almost every person I meet, though I do know that is not true and though I do know things I am good at.
I instinctively flinch back from people wanting to touch me, even if it is my girlfriend.
For almost 7 years my only form of medication or treatment was smoking pot, eventually I felt very uncomfortable about this, so I stopped from one day to the next.
I have not smoked pot for four years now, so I think that has nothing to do with my current condition.
I was not all that shy when I was younger, but a couple of years ago at university I had my first panic attack when I had to hold a speech(this was no biggie for me before that).
Since then I avoid public speaking situations like the plague, but most of the time it was still not an issue.
This has gotten a lot worse over the last few weeks, as I realize that I can not endure my current situation much longer.
I had some near break downs and panic attacks at work and days when I felt so miserable that I did not know if and how I could get through a whole day at work.
This happens a lot lately and gets worse and worse.
I would also get this feeling at home for the last couple of weeks, which never had happened before, but the whole situation feels so unbearable right now.
Yesterday was my wake up call.
I wanted to take the bus to meet a friend and I had to get out after 2 stations because I couldn't take it.
I was hot, my heart was pumping, I felt like I was about to piss my pants. so I walked for a bit, then tried a second bus and it hit me again, I had to get out.
Eventually after wandering through the streets for a few minutes and my mind racing like crazy I took a taxi back to my place.
So this convinced me that I had to do something.
I want to find help and I want to try therapy, but I have also been afraid of going back to work since I left it friday afternoon.
Tomorrow morning just seems too dreadful to think about, I got 2 meetings and I am not sure if I will survive the bus trip alone.
Health insurance is not an issue and I have a good doctor, though he knows nothing about these problems, I am 100% sure he will try to help.
I do not live in the US, so different rules might apply, I will get full pay during sick leave and they can not fire me because of it.
I need a time out, I have no clue what therapy to get, but without medication I am fairly sure I can not continue working.
My contract is running till June and they want to renew it, but I am not sure if I can continue working there at this point.
I know it is stupid, but I am awfully scared of the stigma involved with mental/emotional illnesses.
I do know that I am almost at my breaking point, but I am afraid that I will ruin my future by becoming sick now and getting help.
A very calm and clear part of me says that I need to do this now and that it's the right thing, and that I do need time to rest and should not worry about work, but another part of me is afraid that this will ruin everything for me and will dissappoint anyone I know and that I will never get another job.
Any comments would be welcome.....what should I do?
Razepretep on
0
Posts
I felt really down in the past as well, just not so bad as this.
I feel that I need to resolve all these issues I keep carrying with me, because they kept me from so many things in life, alienating people that could have been good friends over and over again, kept me from performing so much better academically, ruining my chances with girls I could have been happy with because I felt I was not good enough, etc....
You see no matter how great a job or girl there's time when you have to get away and take a break. For my dad fishing was his way to relax. So after a bad day at work or a big fight with my mom he would take off fishing and come back renewed. That was his thing, but everyone needs something.
From what you have wrote it's beyond time for you to take some time for yourself. Take a vacation day, go on a long drive, have a movie marathon whatever works for you. But do something. Get away from your job and your girl and do something just for you..
You need to let go of things you can't control. You can't fix your girl. You can't fix your job. And here's the thing I've learned as I've gotten older. Must people don't give a shit about you. They are too focused on their own lives to spend time judging you. Hell those meetings tomorrow you think your the only one that is dreading them? Don't worry so much about what others think.
And that comes to my last sugguestion if you feel that seeing a professional will help you be a better person than why not do it. Fuck those that would judge you for it and hell you don't have to let anyone you don't want to know anyway.
Also, try and find some friends nearby. While intense, close romantic relationships are great, they can foster the ill-conceived belief in the other as the solution to one's problems. Especially in the case of isolation, this process can accelerate and expand the depths to which it can take people. Friends help globalize potential emotional damage and thus globalize risk, which, to be my nerdy economist self, is always the best way to handle risk.
I wouldn't recommend medication. I've been on it and it made me just plain numb. There was an "emptiness" in my mind. A sort of low buzzing whenever I tried to think. I couldn't hold a conversation and I was so boring. I stopped taking them and with a clear head I sat down and thought about my situation. How dire it was and how there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. Surrendering yourself to the situation is the most freeing feeling there is. Fuck it, I can't do anything about this shit. Oh, well.
Focus on things you CAN change. YOURSELF. If you aren't happy with the way you are socially then work on it. You can change how YOU act, but the rest of the world moves to a different beat. Just find a way to be happy and do it.
Also, nobody else will know what kind of help you are getting from a therapist or what kind of medicine you are taking. You won't be labeled as some sort of mental case. You're not, everybody has problems and if you need help dealing with them then get it.
The best thing for anxiety and feeling crappy for me is EXERCISE. I bolded/limed/itilicized that for a reason. Studies have shown it to be at least as effective in treating depression and anxiety as meds or cognitive behavioral therapy, and the results last.
https://www.health.harvard.edu/newsweek/Working-off-depression.htm
Two things - running and weight lifting. Going running on the street is fine if you live in a more urban area, but it's much more relaxing if you can find a park, or a trail to run on. Go for like half an hour each day if you can, or a little less if you're out of shape (it's important to get fatigued from your runs). Weight lifting satisfies a different need from running I think, and it really boosts your confidence when you can see yourself getting stronger. Go check out the fitness thread, there's some great advice there. Two hours a day should be enough for both exercises, just try to get some time between when you go running and lifting so you don't feel exhausted. But you have to be consistent about this, and if you can go running at least 5 times a week that would be best.
Also, diet. Make sure you're not getting junk food like soda and chips (especially soda). Eat lots of protein if you're working out, and find an easy but good source of veggies and fruit (I get smoothies from walmart, fast and easy). Maybe find a good multivitamin from a whole foods store, not cheap stuff from walmart. Oh, and Omega-3 supplements are supposed to be effective at treating depression too.
Pokeylope mentioned getting alone time to chill, and this is important. Try to find a relaxing activity (such as fishing). I wouldn't recommend video games so much.
And with regards to the girlfriend, all I can say is help yourself before you help others. If she's bringing you down, just step back and get yourself together.
Try these first for a week or two and see if you can manage you're anxiety. If you can't, go see a psychiatrist and get some medicine, because it can help you cope. But keep in mind it's only a temporary fix, because ultimately it's going to be a change in lifestyle that will get you back on your feet.
Finally, don't feel like you're a freak. There're lots of regular people out there who hit rough patches like yours and get past it.
As for emotional stuff -- I've hit rough patches myself, made worse by worrying about mentally ill friends. It happens to many, many people. For me, exercise has always worked. Also, make an effort to see friends -- sane, kind, non-judgmental friends. But really, you want to get to the point when you believe you have every right to be happy. It sounds phony, but it's true: your life is yours, and you deserve to make a satisfying life for yourself, and you shouldn't miss out on living because you feel you're somehow undeserving. Maybe therapy will make you start seeing the world that way; maybe talking to someone who knows you well; for me, weirdly enough, it took a book by Milton Friedman to give me hope and confidence.
But you're doing the right thing by changing your situation and trying to help yourself. I really wish you luck.
http://numberblog.wordpress.com/
Anecdote is not the singular of data. Also, the hallmark of the depressive personality is the resistance to change and (until a breaking point) the wholesale acceptance of personal entropy.
Yes, antidepressants are a reasonably crude medically. However, they can be enormously helpful in those who suffer from Disthymia/MDD naturally. Each major flavor is quite different than the other. And frankly, anxiety is often very helped by meds. There are people who come up snakeeyes in regards to antidepressants, however, it is irresponsible to advocate an avoidance policy for others based on what likely amounts to biologically drawing the short straw twice. In the end, it's an MD's call, but one should be prepared for and open to the option.
Also, daily exercise is about as effective as a daily dose of Zoloft. Fucking do it.
Any licensed therapist or psychologist who practices cognitive-behavioral therapy - and they more or less all do these days - can help. Perhaps your doctor can provide a recommendation.
If you were in the US, I'd suggest contacting the American Psychological Association for a referral. Since you're in another country, I'm sure there's a similar psychological professional organization in your country that you should be able to find with some googling. They probably also have a referral number.
Start on therapy and medication as soon as possible, then see how you're feeling in a couple of months. In the meantime, start looking for new work anyway just in case you decide in April or May that you don't want to stay at this place after all.
Nobody needs to know what's going on with you besides your doctor, your therapist, and your girlfriend.
This is a medical issue and therefore is nobody's business but your caretakers and your immediate family. This is especially not your employer's business.
The only exception to this is if you work as a military or defense contractor and and you need a security clearance. However, based on your posts so far, it really does not sound like that's the case.
And by the way, I agree with everything Erios has said. The most effective approach to depression and anxiety is three-pronged: medication, therapy, and exercise. The sooner you can start with all three of these things, and the more you can stick with them, the better off you'll be.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
Exercise is proven to improve mood, Fishing and other hobbies as well. Anti-depressants while still a mixed bag in terms of their side effects have come a long way from their widespread introduction in the 70's. All these things help alleviate your symptoms, my own wife is on Effexor to help manage anxiety attacks, yet in the beginning she did still get professional counseling because the anxiety was spilling over into depression. If you're dealing with past abuse issues, therapy and counseling should be quite helpful, and the psychologist/psychiatrist you see can probably better determine what drugs you and your girlfriend may benefit from versus just going to your normal primary care physician.
Suicidal ideations and cutting are deadly serious business and professional help is needed. If your girlfriend doesn't have the insurance that you do, you can still call your local hospital and ask for their psych unit and they should be glad to help you find options to help your girlfriend. In most sizeable cities there is some sort of low-cost option to get mental health treatment.
1) Exercise, hobbies, even pet ownership are great ideas but they ARE NOT equal to or greater than professional counseling and subsequent medication.
2) You don't have to get counseling all your life, and once you get things sorted out things like exercise and hobbies will certainly help keep your perspective up, it may even lead to friendships that you say you lack.
3) Get professional counseling as soon as you're able, if you're worried about stigma, well that's what HIPPA regulations are for and you aren't obligated to bring up your counseling at the water cooler. You'd be surprised the number of people who are medicated and in counseling so it's not something that should make you a pariah at work.
I think everyone who's posted in this thread is proof that you've got support, albeit internet based. You and your girlfriend are very capable of controlling this situation, you just may need a little help and there is no shame in that. I hope things get better for you friend, I'll certainly be pulling for you.
This is all true. I just meant he should go get professional help first instead of just going to the doc and saying "I need meds." There are steps to take and meds alone won't solve the problem. You have to take initiative and get the help you need first and foremost.
Absolutely right. Once a depressive person takes the initiative to resolve their difficulties, the recovery process can truly begin.
Derailment: feral lives in SF? squee.
Anyway, the belated point I'm trying to make is that even though I resisted it at first, my therapist and then psychiatrist got me to try going on medication, which I took for awhile and allowed me to get a handle on my anxiety. I did eventually quit taking my meds, but still see my therapist and I don't suffer from panic attacks any more. If you are seriously to the point of not being able to function because of panic attacks, it's time to seek professional help.
Get things taken care of, before they get to bad. Not saying you're in exactly the same situation, but your work should have a confidentiality thing. Only my direct supervisor, and the HR Director at my job know why I was gone. If people you do confide in, treat you differently, fuck 'em. Good luck
I think healthy living and more exercise is a good thing I can try to realize off the bat, I will see how that works out.
In the meantime, I will try to see my doctor this week and see what he suggests.
Alone time is definitely what I need now as well, this has been hard to get the last two years.
Fortunately therapy will be fully covered as far as I know, the hardest part will probably be finding a good therapist I can respect and trust(I know they are probably all trustworthy, but just someone I can get along with).
I know you've said before that you don't want your co-workers and others to know about this problem you're having but there should be community boards such as craigslist or maybe even LiveJournal etc. that you could ask anonymously about good psychologists.
Bearing in mind of course that each psychologist may have a different approach to therapy or they may only specialize in children or couples. A good number of Clinical Psychologists tend to be pretty eclectic when it comes to their school of thought on Psychology so things shouldn't be radically different between therapists. So if you don't feel things click with the first therapist you see, just ask if they could refer you to someone else, they should understand and be able to help you find a psychologist or psychiatrist that's right for you and your issues.
I know that this will not be sufficient, but it would be something I could start right now...
Are all those people running these sites frauds or is some of it really legitimate and good enough to give it a try(preferably a free site to try it first)?
Also, to adress some of the things mentioned in past posts:
No, I do not think that going back to smoking pot will help, not even in the short term, this is out of the question.
I do have hobbies and I am not really depressed, of course I do not feel too good right now, but I like life and I know how to keep myself occupied.
EDIT: To clarify that: Of course I feel quite bad right now, but I can still rationalize what is causing this feeling.
I do not play videogames very much, I do enjoy them and will play a couple of hours every week, but this is definitely nothing I have to worry about(no MMORPG for me at the moment)
The friend thing is a problem, but I really have not met any people over the last few years that clicked with me. I fear that I might expect too much, but with most people I find it hard to find common ground and to have a conversation that does not seem forced and pointless.
But to be honest I have not tried all that much, so I will give it another go, problem is that it is a lot harder to meet people when you are out of college/university.
I tried looking for people in gaming stores and to reactivate some old hobbies, like role playing games, but I really do not enjoy them all that much, it's not as great as it was when I was a kid and I really can't stand the crowd anymore(I only met hardcore d&D nerds).
Thanks, but I do not live in the US, so I can not really look for a psychologist/therapist on that page.
Face to face time with a therapist is what you really should be going for. You can request an emergency appointment if you need to, they will find a way to fit you in. You could always try the online stuff, it's not like you've got anything to lose, but I wonder how much good it will do. I know that in the Critical failures forum, there are plenty of play by post DnD games going on, so you could try that if you want to get your DnD on without dealing with smelly nerds.
I've been to my Doc, I got meds now and they do help A LOT. It's only been 2 days but the fear is gone and no side effects so far.
I might have to wait for therapy for a long while(up to 9 months according to my doctor), but I have been recommended a specialist I will see in 2 weeks.
So thanks a lot to everyone and I guess this is solved.
The most successful form of combatting it in the short term, and then in the long term, is a combination of medication (in the form of anti-depressants) and counselling in the form of Neuro Linguistic Programming, or NLP. It's a very "common sense" kind of therapy which is being increasingly recognised for its pragmatic value.
One thing to be really, really aware of: anti-depressants have the effect they do not because of what they release into the body, but because of the breakdown product that comes from that. So it can be a number of weeks, even months, from when you start taking them before they get into their stride.
The side effects of starting, stopping or changing the dosage size of a course of medication can be different from the ones which might occur once the full effects kick into action. Among those side effects can be thoughts of suicide - so it's very important to be aware that if you do ever have such thoughts, they are the temporary result of a change in drug dose, and they are highly likely to end once the drug settles into its normal course of action.
So, be aware during the weeks immediately after any dose change (which means, as I mentioned, starting and/or stopping too).