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university issues
srsizzy
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
I'm going to a really nice university (Columbia), but I don't know if I like it here. I'm going because it's better financial aid, and it was the only school I visited, and because it was the easiest option that I was least afraid of. People tell me I should stay because it's a great university, and I should just keep trying to find friends and be happy here.
The problem is, after three-quarters of a year I'm still unsatisfied more often than not. There's no sense of a campus community, and the character of the school is a lot different than the little performing arts high school I went to. For a while I thought that it would be better for me to be in a more "real world" environment, where I'm not coddled by teachers and a semi-communist community, but I'm not sure if that just means I should be feeling shitty to make me a better person in the end.
So at what point do I put my own sense of fulfillment before what seems to be rational reasoning? In the end does it matter if I spend four years in a really good college, being given tons of awesome opportunities and learning a lot, but I'm just a little unhappy with it? People all over the world would give their limbs to have their kids have this opportunity, and I'm just whining about it the whole way through and thinking there's some sort of mystical sense of fulfillment I might find somewhere else.
But it seems possible to be really happy with a school and a community. It seems like there are different places which would make me happier. I don't know where, I don't know how to find them with the resources I have and be confident that they would be right, and so essentially I'm too lazy and afraid to change my life and look for a different opportunity.
It seems like I should be in a school for the arts, not an ivy league university that happens to have a film program. But no liberal arts college has a 100% film undergrad program that really immerses you in the medium. So basically I was too lazy to look for the right schools in the first place and didn't know how to, so I reduced all my options to decent film schools (NYU, UCLA, USC, Columbia) and then chose the one that was cheapest and I knew more about. But aren't there schools where I could be taking art classes, writing classes, film classes, learning about all the things I WANT to learn about, being in a community that really puts artistic thought at the forefront?
Does anyone know of schools like this? Because I don't know where they are. Besides NYU's Gallitan school which lets you make your own major, I don't know much about anything and I don't know how to look except to search Google, which seems so arbitrary and useless most of the time.
In general I'm too lazy and scared to do anything right for me at all, it seems. It's a behavior I've inherited from my family, mainly the laziness. And I know only I can really do anything about that...and I don't know if I'm trying hard enough. I don't really know what I am supposed to be doing.
And yeah, I've gotten the advice of looking for things to connect to the community. I'm writing for the school paper now, I hopped on an on campus film production, and neither of those seem to be helping me. I don't really know how to put myself out there in any situations I've been in (production meetings, staff meetings...everyone just walks away afterward).
Hopefully I might be able to go to a film program in London this summer through a fellowship, but that's sketchy. I just want to see if I'd be happy being somewhere else, or if the reason I'm not happy here is just entirely my fault.
Ultimately I'm wondering if I am unhappy because I'm not choosing to be happy, or because I'm not in the right place.
The problem is, after three-quarters of a year I'm still unsatisfied more often than not. There's no sense of a campus community, and the character of the school is a lot different than the little performing arts high school I went to. For a while I thought that it would be better for me to be in a more "real world" environment, where I'm not coddled by teachers and a semi-communist community, but I'm not sure if that just means I should be feeling shitty to make me a better person in the end.
So at what point do I put my own sense of fulfillment before what seems to be rational reasoning? In the end does it matter if I spend four years in a really good college, being given tons of awesome opportunities and learning a lot, but I'm just a little unhappy with it? People all over the world would give their limbs to have their kids have this opportunity, and I'm just whining about it the whole way through and thinking there's some sort of mystical sense of fulfillment I might find somewhere else.
But it seems possible to be really happy with a school and a community. It seems like there are different places which would make me happier. I don't know where, I don't know how to find them with the resources I have and be confident that they would be right, and so essentially I'm too lazy and afraid to change my life and look for a different opportunity.
It seems like I should be in a school for the arts, not an ivy league university that happens to have a film program. But no liberal arts college has a 100% film undergrad program that really immerses you in the medium. So basically I was too lazy to look for the right schools in the first place and didn't know how to, so I reduced all my options to decent film schools (NYU, UCLA, USC, Columbia) and then chose the one that was cheapest and I knew more about. But aren't there schools where I could be taking art classes, writing classes, film classes, learning about all the things I WANT to learn about, being in a community that really puts artistic thought at the forefront?
Does anyone know of schools like this? Because I don't know where they are. Besides NYU's Gallitan school which lets you make your own major, I don't know much about anything and I don't know how to look except to search Google, which seems so arbitrary and useless most of the time.
In general I'm too lazy and scared to do anything right for me at all, it seems. It's a behavior I've inherited from my family, mainly the laziness. And I know only I can really do anything about that...and I don't know if I'm trying hard enough. I don't really know what I am supposed to be doing.
And yeah, I've gotten the advice of looking for things to connect to the community. I'm writing for the school paper now, I hopped on an on campus film production, and neither of those seem to be helping me. I don't really know how to put myself out there in any situations I've been in (production meetings, staff meetings...everyone just walks away afterward).
Hopefully I might be able to go to a film program in London this summer through a fellowship, but that's sketchy. I just want to see if I'd be happy being somewhere else, or if the reason I'm not happy here is just entirely my fault.
Ultimately I'm wondering if I am unhappy because I'm not choosing to be happy, or because I'm not in the right place.
BRO LET ME GET REAL WITH YOU AND SAY THAT MY FINGERS ARE PREPPED AND HOT LIKE THE SURFACE OF THE SUN TO BRING RADICAL BEATS SO SMOOTH THE SHIT WILL BE MEDICINAL-GRADE TRIPNASTY MAKING ALL BRAINWAVES ROLL ON THE SURFACE OF A BALLS-FEISTY NEURAL RAINBOW CRACKA-LACKIN' YOUR PERCEPTION OF THE HERE-NOW SPACE-TIME SITUATION THAT ALL OF LIFE BE JAMMED UP IN THROUGH THE UNIVERSAL FLOW BEATS
srsizzy on
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It's the former. Columbia is a large university, is it not? You have to work at making friends, finding social groups and such. Some schools it is harder for some groups of people than others, but those people are there. You just have to find them.
You're a freshman. Some people take the entirety of the their first year to adjust and it's normal. Staying because it is a good school is a good reason, even if it doesn't feel that way. You said "being given tons of awesome opportunities and learning a lot". You will hear a lot from people who really don't have that, and moving to another school doesn't guarantee you'll get everything you want.
My guess is you have less of a social life than you would like, and you're clouding that with the school. Don't make that mistake.
Your first port of call should be finding some clubs on campus to join. Finding like minded people will be a gateway to loads and loads of friends.
Get involved in a club or other activity... this is different from getting a job. Also, frankly, if you want an instant social life, become a resident assistant.
Edit: for non cu students, this place has an earned reputation for being socially difficult. Moreso than most schools.
Facebook in sig etc etc
Also I bet you opted to live in furnald, didn't you
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True (board member of the sci fi club speaking) it also gets you laid, a lot.
Also, Columbia's engineering program is pretty meh relative to CU's position in the grand scheme of things. Also, EVERYONE likes it here when they first see it. Seeing "HOMER, HERODOTUS, SOPHOCLES, PLATO, ARISTOTLE, DEMOSTHENES, CICERO, VERGIL" in bronze letters the size of a small man has a way of inducing a nerdgasm. That said, once people get here, the community is sorely lacking as a whole. The school essentially is composed of many highly concentrated, low population social circles which the vast majority of the population has to learn to navigate like some Canadian current. Once one gets oneself well acquainted with the way of things (facebook is our greatest ally and protector after the Emperor of Man), having a lot of friends is more than possible, as I can attest.
Join some clubs. I find intramural sports to be good, because you spend time working hard and then spend time relaxing afterwards.
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I'm a transfer student at another school now, and it definitely feels weirder as I've never lived on campus, never had the experience of trying to find out the local places to eat or see a movie etc. But these days I'm way too busy to care about stuff like that.
Columbia's housing is a very different animal than most schools'. Freshmen and sophomores live together mostly and housing is guaranteed for four years. That said, the OP should try and get into one of the more active dorms. Unfortunately, he missed LLC apps, as those dorms represent the best shot anyone has at making friends and having a good time.
Also, martial arts clubs are a pretty good bet.
Martial arts clubs, now that is a good suggestion
Fuck you, those damn dorms make them kiddies lurve each other. Seriously though, I met a buncha people doing karate. Had to change clubs though. I can't think of much better advice in terms of housing than to try and break into a suite-based dorm like EC, Claremont (ymmv), Ruggles or whathaveyou.
PS: Ruggles is the raddest place (this is actually reasonably true).
It was pretty bad, yeah.
In regards to making friends:
Clubs...I guess I'll take another go around looking at clubs, and force myself to go to stuff even though I don't feel like it and even if I don't enjoy myself the first, third, or tenth times. I guess that's really all I can do, because sitting in my room (John Jay) isn't going to do anything better.
I just feel like all my old friends in college now just happened to find people who lived around them who they became good friends with (and usually just one or two good friends, and then a lot of other just regular friends). I don't know, I'm not good with "regular friends," on like the more shallow level. I usually didn't even enjoy spending time with people I knew pretty well in high school and considered my friends without at least one person around who I considered a really close friend.
In regards to the school:
I still don't know if this school is right for me creatively and personally. I have no inspiration, no real outlets creatively, I can't take any drawing classes except for a random figure drawing session once a week, I can only take one creative writing class per semester, and honestly I guess I just wish I was in grad school or in an intensive film program that gave me more creative stuff to do to occupy my time.
I mean, I love some gen ed classes, and want a broad education, but there's a lot of dumb classes I'll be taking, and something about this place really just doesn't contribute to my creativity. I don't know.
I don't know if clubs or friends will necessarily make me feel better about my life direction. I suppose I feel as if I should be doing more. I'm just coasting along on all of these classes, none of them are really pushing me to achieve anything. The only one that has was this essay writing class that really made me think a lot (because I had an awesome professor), and one play writing class is pretty interesting but still not pushing me hard enough.
I'd say I'm basically getting no work that is challenging me in any way except to make me busy. I liked math because it used to always keep me on my toes but I still did it well, but there's no reason for me to learn any more math. Besides that, into science courses, literature courses, beginning poetry courses...and soon to be french and other nonsense...I just need something more to push me I guess.
First-year classes are always a bit of a joke if you know what you're doing.
My Junior year I decided to start a club. A large amount of the very good friendships I have from college originate from that club - including my current girlfriend. So I dunno - I don't think my experience would change at a different university - it just took longer with 20,000 students on campus.
As far as the creativity stuff, I am friends with some artsy people around here and I'll get a sounding from them. Hopefully, the answer isn't "private classes in NYC," but it's likely. That said, I'll bet there are some pretty cheap classes at a local art studio.
Also, while the classes your freshman year are laughably tedious and easy, it gets much much worse.
I joined badminton to meet people. It's good fun.
I also came from a small arts based high school into a giant university where most of my first year classes were 500+ people. I had to take general science classes for my science degree in things I didn't care about and I felt were not at all what I wanted to do. I didn't live on campus and the few friends I had were just people I had desperately latched onto for companionship who I truly disliked. It was truly a depressing year.
Then in the summer I made a post just like yours in a community for the school. Someone told me about a club they had on campus that fit my interests and that I should just drop on by. When the following September rolled around I went to this club and just hung out with the people there, eventually making friends and spending the next 3 years with these people having a fantastic time at university. I never spoke to my old "friends" again and I feel the better for it. You don't need to be totally outgoing, but just put yourself into a social situation and join a conversation. Preferably find a place where you can just hang out with no expectations. This isn't a job, it's just leisure time spent with people who have similar interests.
As for academics, first year is usually a lot of very general classes that everyone who is taking that basic degree takes. I was in a Science degree for Psychology so I had to take Linear Algebra and Calculus and Chemistry and Biology in my first year. All of which were very, very general since everyone in the Science degree had to take it. Second year is when you get to start specializing and third year is when you truly get to do what you want in regards to your education.
I've basically just told my own story, but if you take anything away from it, just remember that first year is not a measure of university. I had a terrible first year, but I would still say my university experience is something I enjoyed where I was in the long run.
For the most part happiness and fulfillment, in my experience, come from being content with first yourself and then your situation. It seems to me that you skipped that first step, so you might want to focus on that while at the same time opening yourself up to new experiences by joining clubs and what not. Don't look for reasons why something isn't clicking with you. Just try to go with the flow and understand why it clicks for others. You may be surprised to find yourself suddenly enjoying activities that you never thought you would.