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my friend is being stalked
Niceguyeddie616
All you feed me is PUFFINS!I need NOURISHMENT!Registered User regular
All you feed me is PUFFINS!I need NOURISHMENT!Registered User regular
I have this friend whos in a really shitty situation right now. She's a senior in high school who's being stalked by this freshman kid. This kid has done the works to her. Sent her a ton of email, called her house a dozen times a week, and following her around in the hallways every day. She's told him many times to stop but to no avail. He tried to make her feel sorry for him by making up this kid that he was "being assaulted by." She hates this kid and wants nothing to do with him because of it.
Then there's the problem with her boyfriend. He seems to be on this stalker's side. He's always taking messages for this stalker and giving them to her. He hates the kid too but tries to be friendly with him out of fear that the kid might kill himself. He doesn't even try to understand why she's upset, and it's making her really stressed out.
I tried giving her advice, like telling her to go to the principal or even the cops. She says she's going to a guidance counselor, but I really don't know what they can do for her other than notify her parents. Is there anything else I can tell her? What should she do about her boyfriend?
Then there's the problem with her boyfriend. He seems to be on this stalker's side. He's always taking messages for this stalker and giving them to her. He hates the kid too but tries to be friendly with him out of fear that the kid might kill himself. He doesn't even try to understand why she's upset, and it's making her really stressed out.
I tried giving her advice, like telling her to go to the principal or even the cops. She says she's going to a guidance counselor, but I really don't know what they can do for her other than notify her parents. Is there anything else I can tell her? What should she do about her boyfriend?
Niceguyeddie616 on
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When i was a senior in high school, i started dating this girl that used to go out with a rather large guy from the same social circle. He didn't seem to like this idea, or me after that for that matter. When things started to get bad, the girlfriend went to the guidance counselor. All they did was call our parents and the police. Something we really could have done on our own. The cop (who i happen to know from a past incident) went to the guys house and told him to stop or charges would be filed. This was all done without our or our parents knowledge. We weren't even told the police were involved. In my experiences, the guidance counselor was a useless step and nothing more then another thing to have to deal with. We really only went to the guidance office because the girlfriends mother worked as a secretary in another office in the building. I would suggest you first give the guy a chance and be friendly about things. Since you seem to have already tried this, i would advise moving on and taking this to the police. Keep a record off all communications. Save voice mails, emails, messages, etc. Try to keep a record of what the guys does. Gather witnesses to his stalking activities. Then take this evidence to the police.
I don't know, I don't want to tell her how to deal with her love life, but does anyone know if maybe the guidance counselor can help her deal with this?
Do you mean, dealing with the stalker or the boyfriend? Then again, if she wants to discuss this issue, I'm sure the counselor will want to talk about the stalker. Kinda all or nothing i guess.
Get an authority figure involved immediately.
As far as stalker guy, give him one more warning, and say if you stalk her again, you'll call the cops. Tell him in no uncertain terms that its his last warning. Then, if you need to, call the cops. It wont even be that much of a hassle for her.
I got an update for this little problem, I just tried to contact her over aim and she couldn't talk to me due to "emotional distress"
I dont like where this is going, I hope she doesn't do anything crazy, although she's really not the type to.
She had some high school drama club related thing today where her boyfriend wanted her to talk to this kid, I don't know how it went but judging from her reaction I'm guessing not good.
I would just go talk to this guy myself and tell him to stop or I will make him stop by any means necessary. But I really shouldn't be advising threats or any other illegal acts.
I might be able to understand that, just maybe. At least up to the point where you said
"This kid even threatened one of her other friends by telling him he had a weapon. "
As soon as he started to threaten your girlfriend and/or her friends, i wouldn't give a damn about what happens to him.
"He's always taking messages for this stalker and giving them to her."
Why would anyone in their right mind think this is a good idea.
Still saying maybe give the guy one last talking to (depending on if you think he deserves it ) then going to the cops.
Then give the kid one month to get over it while not paying him any attention. She can change her AIM name and not tell him, or block him, block his email, and block him from her phone. Odds are that he'll get over it, start a new obsession. Her boyfriend should not speak to him. If she's a senior and he's a freshman, then when she's 18 it'll be illegal for her to be with him anyways.
She could also try calling his parents, or having her parents call his parents and ask them to talk to their son. If that doesn't work, call the cops with your logs of contacts. She should be able to work with the authorities so that should his behavior escalate she has a record.
I wonder if there's more to it on her end. It's not that stressful to have to ignore someone. You didn't mention his threatening or scaring her, just annoying.
If he's seriously threatening to kill himself, she can call 911 and have people sent to his house. I think in high school like 50% of the kids pretended to be suicidal at some point. Still, he's not a normal guy, so she should make sure she stays safe (not left alone) until he's over it.
As far as dealing with her boyfriend, that's another problem.
My thoughts also. If anybody knows what's going on and how it is really affecting the girl, it'll be the person who's closest to her.
Of course, what she does need to do is clearly and without condition tell this kid that she is in no way interested in having any sort of relationship with him, just friends or otherwise, and that he should leave her alone and never attempt to contact her in anyway. She doesn't need to do it politely either. She doesn't need to be aggressive or insulting, but she needs to be firm and that precludes politeness because being polite would inevitably involve indicating that she has some compassion towards him which he would inevitably take as a potential in. She needs to close all access and make it absolutely clear that there is simply no way in hell and then her and her boyfriend need to ignore him completely from then on out.
If they are worried about him killing himself, mention that to the school counsellor. His well-being isn't their problem and extending affection to him is only likely to make the problem worse, not better, if he is truly mentally unstable.
If it wasnt that big of a deal, why do you keep hearing about stalkers on the news. Yes its a possiblity this kid wont do anything, but why should she have to take that chance. This guy is the source of the problem, not her. She shouldnt have to deal with it at all.
This is a serious situaiton, he even threatened someone.
Contact the principle of the shcool and fucking police.
Yeah, I missed the whole weapon thing. Fuck it, just get everybody involved.
As for the girl overreacting, if she is receiving unwanted advances there is no such thing. No means no in high school, the workplace or at the club.
As for the suicide threats, tell guidance immediately that the kid is a threat to hurt himself any time he tries to use this angle. Trust me, he'll drop it quick when he gets the overly concerned adult treatment every time.
Are you sure that's not too harsh? He hasn't been very smart about this situation, but for the most part he seems to misunderstand what the stalker's intentions are. Are you sure there's absolutely no way for them to work it out?
My advice: Don't go to the guidance counselor unless you really don't care at that point and just want the problem solved. Going to the guidance counselor to ask for advice so you can make your own decision is not going to work very well.
no, i'm not sure at all. I don't know them personally or know all the angles of the situation. I know that from what you've said so far, he doesn't sound like a very good listener or someone willing to work in the best interests of their SO. I find that to be a pretty good reason for dumpage especially if he's unineterested in "making it official" anyway.
I'd leave that up to your friend. You certainly don't have to mince words if she asks for your opinion of the boyfriend but if your friend has a brain, she'll be able to make her own decision on what kind of person she wants to date so I see no reason for you to tell her you think she should break up with him. People need to make their mistakes sometimes and it's not that serious even if she stays with him for a while. It's not like you've found out he's some psychotic cannibal, he's just got a case of dumbass-itis.
Once again, this forum has been really helpful. I haven't talked to her yet since last night, but im hoping she wants to tell me what happened. If not, I guess I'm gonna wait a few nights for her to cope with whatever happened.
I almost forgot H/A was here and almost posted this in SE++. I can't imagine what would happen there.