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Problems in the bedroom. . .
DasUberEdward
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
I'm not quite sure where to go with this question. Whenever I attempt to search through google for similar experiences I end up with a lot of women who have the same problem but that doesn't help me. I'll get right to the point. I am unable to have an orgasm during sexual intercourse of any kind. Makes for a fantastic night for my partner until it reaches the point of her saying "oh my god, is it me?" and sex turns into my comforting them that no it is not their fault I can not have an orgasm. On the bright side I can last for hours which I suppose is better than the alternative but it's really beginning to bother me that there's never been a "result" with my copulation and i'm really getting tired of having to explain that i've never really had an orgasm during sex and that it's okay.
Condom. No Condom. Oral. Different partners. Nothing. Oh and I can reach an orgasm just fine through masturbation.
What on earth is going on?
Condom. No Condom. Oral. Different partners. Nothing. Oh and I can reach an orgasm just fine through masturbation.
What on earth is going on?
DasUberEdward on
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A vagina/mouth cannot provide the same sort of pressure that a hand can during sexy times... and if you train your wang to respond to a lot of pressure, then you'll probably have difficulty orgasming
if it's not an issue of death grip, then you are probably having problems with intimacy/freaking yourself out. I've heard you complain many times that you are incapable of emotion/loving people/blah blah blah. Having sex with someone is making yourself vulnerable, and that may be incapaciting you. You also may just be psyching yourself out. I've heard a lot of times if the end goal of sex is orgasm, then you may have trouble getting there. Ideally, orgasm should be a nice end to sex, not the end goal.
If the second bit is problem, try some counseling, try to maintain intimacy with a girl (IE take exploration slowly) and try to experiment with sex where orgasming is not the end result. If the first thing is the problem, wank as gently as you can, or just finish yourself off during sex.
I don't think this is a vulnerability issue because it's happened with multiple (see: every) partners and sometimes it just reaches the point where I feel bad for the other person and their wasted efforts.
If it's of any importance during the whole process there are countless moments when I think "OKAY THIS IS IT!" and then that's followed by nothing.
are you able to stimulate yourself to orgasm during intercourse with your hand? or has a handjob ever worked for you
I've never tried to just stimulate myself right on the spot because i've always felt that could be a bit weird. As far as handjobs go i've never had one that wasn't in collaboration with oral or where I didn't start feeling bad for the girl around the ten minutes mark.
I do tend to take a really long time to orgasm with masturbation as well but it's nowhere near as bad as this.
One of my exs had a problem like yours and it turned out he'd just fallen in love with the feel of his own hand. There was nothing that worked till I tried something along those lines. Turned out 2 vibrators strapped to his happy bits along with the lack of blood circulation got things working just fine. After a couple times using that he was able to orgasm normally, with or without the ring. But, he preferred the ring.
and i dont masturbate at all(I find it impossible to stimulate myself, and porno doesn't turn me on.). And it still happens to me on a regular basis. So that may not be your problem.
So lay off masturbating for a few days before you're going to spend some time with your partner, to help increase sensitivity.
And stop winding yourself up so much! Focusing so hard on the orgasm makes it significantly harder to reach. If you know you usually don't orgasm from sex, don't plan on trying to orgasm from sex that night, just plan on enjoying the session as much as you can, without expectations or orgasm-plans. Eventually you'll get there, it just might not be tomorrow
Yeah, if this is indeed the source of your problem (and I think it's the most likely diagnosis we're going to come up with out of a room full of non-doctors over teh Internets) it is by no means irreparable. I used to have this problem when I was 20, and stopping with the masturbating cleared it right up.
Though to be honest, I have a hard time taking this thread terribly seriously, considering it sounds at least half like bragging.
It's a bit of a defense from how embarrassing it is. Leading up to the last time I had sex it was about a week since I masturbated but yeah I'll just lay off for a while and hope that it clears up. It really is an odd, difficult, and frustrating thing to deal with.
I'm going to cover a completely different tact and say 'kegels'. I noticed in your OP that occasionally you feel as if the moment is nigh, but then, nothing. Even if the issue is psychological, the result of those thoughts or issues is still played out in your muscles. Quite often, an orgasm can be blocked by the in/voluntary constriction of the muscles in your groin.
I'm not entirely sure how to explain this, INAD, but there are three distinctly different muscle groups down there that one can use to control or alter the sexual experience. The upper group is the one you use to 'twitch' your erection upwards, the middle group is used to stop (or squeeze out the last few drops in) the flow of urine and/or splooge, the lower group nestled underneath the balls (at the internal base of the cock) is used to clench everything tight, like if you had to pee, but knew you absolutely could not. The third group is distinctly different than the sphincter muscles, which might get involved if you clench tightly.
Sort out all three groups until you can feel each one independently. It's the third one that'll kill ya. The first is used for sensation and positioning. The middle one, when strengthened, produces more intense and controllable orgasms, but the third one- yeesh. If it starts to tighten up too much while in the act, even on the brink, it'll will stop the orgasm from even forming. It can be triggered by tons of things, anxiety, nervousness, willpower-whatever. It's like mother nature's Mission Abort reflex. It can tighten at any time, it's extremely responsive to psychological cues and triggers, and it's a bitch to try and relax through conscious effort.
It can be done though. You just have to feel that part independently and learn to be aware of it. If you 'check' and its tight, relax it through whatever means. Usually just being aware will allow you to ease off the tension there. This is why I mentioned kegels, the whole exercise of being able to constrict and relax each group on its own will build up the required sensation and control mechanisms to let you do whatever whenever. Even the basics would help, you can sort out the degree of control later through practice. Or y'know, not.