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[Mini-Phalla] The Phalem Witch Trials - The End - Witches Win

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Posts

  • DusdaDusda is ashamed of this post Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Hmm...who to bandwagon. My sixth sense is saying that !JaysonFour is a perfectly awesome day one vote. Normally it'd be Kime but he and I just got murdered out of the KoF phalla.

    Dusda on
  • SticksSticks Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    I was praying to the good Lord this morning. I asked him to grant me the wisdom to root out the evil in our midst. There are witches most certainly here, and I fear for our very souls if we do not rise up and strike them down!

    I am sure you all heard the rumors running around. Several respectable people have told me that simonwolf has been cavorting with demons in the darkest of night. This behavior cannot be tolerated! It is an affront to the Lord, and all the good and righteous people of the world! We shall not suffer this witch to live another day!
    If ever there was a phalla where it would be appropriate to bandwagon people on blatant rumor mongering and lies, it would be this one. I do love me a good angry mob.

    Sticks on
  • simonwolfsimonwolf so enough of this terror we deserve to know lightRegistered User regular
    edited March 2009
    A funny coincidence, Sticks, for I as well prayed to the good Lord this very morning. I asked him for a vision to show us the light, a means of divining the evil from among us. And, lo, the Lord smiled upon me! With a great flash of light, I saw the Holy Virgin before me, and she showed me a sight that was sickening to behold.

    Animal sacrifice, foul brews, lewd cavorting around toadstools, people sitting on scales and comparing their weight with ducks - all these things, which every good person knows is associated with witchcraft, I saw. And who was performing these foul acts? None other than those who have accused me, I say! Sticks and SpectralSpork!

    They seem quite eager to push blame onto me, to start a riotous bandwagon, when the only people we should be casting out is them! Also maybe kime, I think his soul might have been tainted in other worlds.

    Burn the witches, I say! Burn to ash and bone!
    Trying to out-blatently-lie me, eh? I'll show you what for!

    simonwolf on
  • SticksSticks Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    simonwolf wrote: »
    A funny coincidence, Sticks, for I as well prayed to the good Lord this very morning. I asked him for a vision to show us the light, a means of divining the evil from among us. And, lo, the Lord smiled upon me! With a great flash of light, I saw the Holy Virgin before me, and she showed me a sight that was sickening to behold.

    Animal sacrifice, foul brews, lewd cavorting around toadstools, people sitting on scales and comparing their weight with ducks - all these things, which every good person knows is associated with witchcraft, I saw. And who was performing these foul acts? None other than those who have accused me, I say! Sticks and SpectralSpork!

    They seem quite eager to push blame onto me, to start a riotous bandwagon, when the only people we should be casting out is them! Also maybe kime, I think his soul might have been tainted in other worlds.

    Burn the witches, I say! Burn to ash and bone!
    Trying to out-blatently-lie me, eh? I'll show you what for!

    You dare spout these blasphemies in the face of a man of God? Who is this "Holy Virgin" you speak of? I know not of it from the holy word of Wang. Does the good book not tell us:

    "Do not in despair dwell, you of the virgin shroud. Instead be devout in thy beliefs, and strong in thy convictions. In time, you will be penetrated with the fullness of my grace and light." -Phallicus 3:14

    Clearly a man who does not pay attention to his scriptures, would do well not to go bandying accusations against those who do His good work. But I would expect no less from a witch!

    Sticks on
  • The_ReflectionThe_Reflection Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    I have it on good authority that SpectralSpork was seen cavorting naked in the woods with The Devil. Also, THEY WERE TRADING BEANIE BABIES!!!!

    The_Reflection on
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  • simonwolfsimonwolf so enough of this terror we deserve to know lightRegistered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Sticks wrote: »
    simonwolf wrote: »
    A funny coincidence, Sticks, for I as well prayed to the good Lord this very morning. I asked him for a vision to show us the light, a means of divining the evil from among us. And, lo, the Lord smiled upon me! With a great flash of light, I saw the Holy Virgin before me, and she showed me a sight that was sickening to behold.

    Animal sacrifice, foul brews, lewd cavorting around toadstools, people sitting on scales and comparing their weight with ducks - all these things, which every good person knows is associated with witchcraft, I saw. And who was performing these foul acts? None other than those who have accused me, I say! Sticks and SpectralSpork!

    They seem quite eager to push blame onto me, to start a riotous bandwagon, when the only people we should be casting out is them! Also maybe kime, I think his soul might have been tainted in other worlds.

    Burn the witches, I say! Burn to ash and bone!
    Trying to out-blatently-lie me, eh? I'll show you what for!

    You dare spout these blasphemies in the face of a man of God? Who is this "Holy Virgin" you speak of? I know not of it from the holy word of Wang. Does the good book not tell us:

    "Do not in despair dwell, you of the virgin shroud. Instead be devout in thy beliefs, and strong in thy convictions. In time, you will be penetrated with the fullness of my grace and light." -Phallicus 3:14

    Clearly a man who does not pay attention to his scriptures, would do well not to go bandying accusations against those who do His good work. But I would expect no less from a witch!

    Oh, you may know scripture, but surely a witch can read the good book as well as anyone else.

    Do not listen to this man, my fellows, as he contorts the word of the good book! Any god-fearing person of the faith knows that the Holy Virgin was the first woman to feel the divine touch of His phallus. She was not a virgin for long after they met, as we learn in Phallodus 18:5 - "And He saw the Virgin, who was totally banging hot, and he lay with her beside the fire. And lo, she shall be the Holiest of Virgins, a treasure for those faithful to His Wang."

    A man who ignores vital sections of the scripture, then contorts other parts to accuse the faithful of heresy? Only the most foul of witches would be disgraceful enough trick the people of our fair village.

    The true enemy here is not !SpectralSpork - it is the witch before us, !Sticks!

    simonwolf on
  • SticksSticks Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    simonwolf wrote: »
    Sticks wrote: »
    simonwolf wrote: »
    A funny coincidence, Sticks, for I as well prayed to the good Lord this very morning. I asked him for a vision to show us the light, a means of divining the evil from among us. And, lo, the Lord smiled upon me! With a great flash of light, I saw the Holy Virgin before me, and she showed me a sight that was sickening to behold.

    Animal sacrifice, foul brews, lewd cavorting around toadstools, people sitting on scales and comparing their weight with ducks - all these things, which every good person knows is associated with witchcraft, I saw. And who was performing these foul acts? None other than those who have accused me, I say! Sticks and SpectralSpork!

    They seem quite eager to push blame onto me, to start a riotous bandwagon, when the only people we should be casting out is them! Also maybe kime, I think his soul might have been tainted in other worlds.

    Burn the witches, I say! Burn to ash and bone!
    Trying to out-blatently-lie me, eh? I'll show you what for!

    You dare spout these blasphemies in the face of a man of God? Who is this "Holy Virgin" you speak of? I know not of it from the holy word of Wang. Does the good book not tell us:

    "Do not in despair dwell, you of the virgin shroud. Instead be devout in thy beliefs, and strong in thy convictions. In time, you will be penetrated with the fullness of my grace and light." -Phallicus 3:14

    Clearly a man who does not pay attention to his scriptures, would do well not to go bandying accusations against those who do His good work. But I would expect no less from a witch!

    Oh, you may know scripture, but surely a witch can read the good book as well as anyone else.

    Do not listen to this man, my fellows, as he contorts the word of the good book! Any god-fearing person of the faith knows that the Holy Virgin was the first woman to feel the divine touch of His phallus. She was not a virgin for long after they met, as we learn in Phallodus 18:5 - "And He saw the Virgin, who was totally banging hot, and he lay with her beside the fire. And lo, she shall be the Holiest of Virgins, a treasure for those faithful to His Wang."

    A man who ignores vital sections of the scripture, then contorts other parts to accuse the faithful of heresy? Only the most foul of witches would be disgraceful enough trick the people of our fair village.

    The true enemy here is not !SpectralSpork - it is the witch before us, !Sticks!

    These translations of the good book are not known to me. What are you reading from? The King Wangus version has not these sayings, though I do roughly recognize the passage that you have supposedly quoted.

    It wouldn't suprise me in the least if this was some witch's version that perverts the word in order to lead good Phallicians away from the true path to salvation. "Holiest of Virgins" indeed, hmphh!

    Sticks on
  • Element BrianElement Brian Peanut Butter Shill Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Whats up guys, I have to go to work and I'm too lazy to check wha time the vote closes. This day 1 looks intense, but then again, its day one, last person voted for was sticks, ill go with that

    Element Brian on
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  • kimekime Queen of Blades Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    The vote doesn't close for a little under nine hours still. So plenty of time.

    And I'm going to have to vote for simonwolf. Seeing as we're both tied in first, gotta save myself!

    Also, if anyone happens to weigh me, I am extremely light-weight. I weigh as much as a medium--sized bird. . . like, say.. . a duck? But it's definitely not because I'm made of wood. Nope. Not me!

    kime on
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  • LoxxLoxx Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Dusda wrote: »
    Hmm...who to bandwagon. My sixth sense is saying that !JaysonFour is a perfectly awesome day one vote.

    Sounds like witchcraft Dusda! :P

    Loxx on
  • KeikaKeika Delectable tea, or deadly poison? Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Hmmmm.... Day 1 = RNG, so Tommy2Hands it is.

    Keika on
    "My fancies are fireflies / Specks of living light / twinkling in the dark." ~Rabindranath Tagore
  • MacGuffinMacGuffin Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Keika wrote: »
    Hmmmm.... Day 1 = RNG, so Tommy2Hands it is.

    A RNG sounds like something a witch would use.

    Keika

    MacGuffin on
  • delrolanddelroland Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Oi 'erd on gid fayf 'at gid fr'nuffin !Toxic Toys wer doin' fings a'mayt untoward t' da shep.
    A cookie to whomever knows what book I just finished reading.

    delroland on
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  • LoxxLoxx Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    You sound like one of the moles in a Redwall book. ;-)

    Loxx on
  • kimekime Queen of Blades Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    That's what I was thinking :P!

    kime on
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  • Kay2Kay2 Registered User
    edited March 2009
    It seems that Delroland has been licking too many toads, causing his tongue to become paralysed! I heard that's a good way to tell who's a witch, that is.

    Kay2 on
  • kimekime Queen of Blades Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    But toads are tasty. . . . surely we can't blame him for tasting tasty things?

    kime on
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  • TheLawinatorTheLawinator Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Ok, who is winning the vote?

    TheLawinator on
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  • Jason ToddJason Todd Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    cj iwakura wrote: »
    My RNG(random numeric glance) was !Jason Todd, so that for the moment.

    raaaaaaaaaaaar

    !cj iwakura

    Jason Todd on
    filefile.jpg
  • kimekime Queen of Blades Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Ok, who is winning the vote?
    simonwolf - 4
    kime - 3
    JaysonFour, lonelyahava, SpectralSpork, Sticks, Toxic Toys - 2
    cj iwakura, Dusda, JaysonTodd, Keika, Tommy2Hands - 1

    kime on
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  • TheLawinatorTheLawinator Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Is !SimonWolf new? Too bad...

    TheLawinator on
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  • Jason ToddJason Todd Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    I am officially registering my grievance against kime for confusing Jason with Jayson

    !kime

    Jason Todd on
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  • M.D.M.D. and then what happens? Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    wow way to be heartless to the new guy

    M.D. on
  • Tommy2HandsTommy2Hands what is this where am i Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    What did I miss?

    Tommy2Hands on
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  • Kay2Kay2 Registered User
    edited March 2009
    But but but Mr D, surely you understand that newcomers to the village are SUSPICIOUS and must be thrown in the mill pond to see if they float and are witchy, or drown and are innocent?

    ...Unless you're not the Mr D we all know and love, and have in fact been replaced with a DAEMON WITCH in Mr D's form!?!

    Kay2 on
  • SticksSticks Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Fair enough, I will restrain my displeasure with simonwolf's heresies for the moment. kime, on the other hand, holds cake to be higher than the great Wang. He probably bakes in all sorts of unseemly and bewitched ingredients too.

    Burn him in his own oven!

    Sticks on
  • kimekime Queen of Blades Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    pfft, I bake with chocolate! Anyone who thinks that is bewitched is a horrible, horrible person! And ha! You won't be able to put me in my over, I'll cast an evil spell to shrink it! Then I won't fit!

    What then!?

    kime on
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  • simonwolfsimonwolf so enough of this terror we deserve to know lightRegistered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Jeeze, people. I come here, trying to spread the word of God, and you try to burn me at a stake? This is worse than my last mission in Africa. At least they had the good sense to fatten me up before the murderin'.

    No, I think my denominational issues with !Sticks will have to wait for another day - the idolator !kime is the true enemy of the village, this day.

    simonwolf on
  • KeikaKeika Delectable tea, or deadly poison? Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Mmmmmm chocolate.

    If we really want to know if kime is a witch, we need to feed his cake to a dog and see how it reacts. If it gets sick, then kime is a witch.... of course, the cake must be made with the urine of the victims.
    .
    .
    .
    Any takers?

    Keika on
    "My fancies are fireflies / Specks of living light / twinkling in the dark." ~Rabindranath Tagore
  • kimekime Queen of Blades Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    . . .

    Question: can I eat my own cake? Didn't really want to share. . . :(

    kime on
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  • simonwolfsimonwolf so enough of this terror we deserve to know lightRegistered User regular
    edited March 2009
    kime wrote: »
    . . .

    Question: can I eat my own cake? Didn't really want to share. . . :(

    Phallivius 26:16 - "Thou shalt not bogart thine goods from your fellows in the faith, just as He does not bogart His Divine Wang from the faithful."

    Breaking one of the fifteen commandments, kime? Outrageous!

    simonwolf on
  • KeikaKeika Delectable tea, or deadly poison? Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    You don't want to share cake? Isn't there a law against that somewhere in the great Book of Wang? I was even willing to bring my own homemade chocolate fudge icing.

    *Sigh*

    But if you must. Fine.

    edit: Well, that answers that.

    Keika on
    "My fancies are fireflies / Specks of living light / twinkling in the dark." ~Rabindranath Tagore
  • kimekime Queen of Blades Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Keika wrote: »
    You don't want to share cake? Isn't there a law against that somewhere in the great Book of Wang? I was even willing to bring my own homemade chocolate fudge icing.

    OOooooo, we can split it if you bring that!


    Also, I would just like to note that despite my witch-like appearance (I was born with that nose!) and the fact that everyone who has ever bugged me in my entire life seems to get into mysterious "accidents" (strange coincidences, no?), I am, in fact, never evil.

    Probably.

    kime on
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  • GrimmyTOAGrimmyTOA Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Kime's cat called me a dirty Christian. In French.

    GrimmyTOA on
  • kimekime Queen of Blades Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    That's a lie! Even I don't know French, how could my cat!? Salir le chrétien, stop being silly!

    (That looks wrong, but whatever.)

    kime on
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  • GrimmyTOAGrimmyTOA Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    I'm sure your little hell-buddy is teaching you all sorts of unwholesome things. French is probably the least of it!

    GrimmyTOA on
  • Tommy2HandsTommy2Hands what is this where am i Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    I heard French, who's speaking french?
    I'll have to kill them.

    Tommy2Hands on
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  • kimekime Queen of Blades Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    I heard French, who's speaking french?
    I'll have to kill them.
    Grimmy!

    kime on
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  • KeikaKeika Delectable tea, or deadly poison? Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    kime wrote: »
    Keika wrote: »
    You don't want to share cake? Isn't there a law against that somewhere in the great Book of Wang? I was even willing to bring my own homemade chocolate fudge icing.

    OOooooo, we can split it if you bring that!


    Also, I would just like to note that despite my witch-like appearance (I was born with that nose!) and the fact that everyone who has ever bugged me in my entire life seems to get into mysterious "accidents" (strange coincidences, no?), I am, in fact, never evil.

    Probably.

    In light of the offer of cake, I have been swayed to change my vote.

    Sorry, simonwolf, but it's cake. How can I turn that down?

    Keika on
    "My fancies are fireflies / Specks of living light / twinkling in the dark." ~Rabindranath Tagore
  • kimekime Queen of Blades Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    I dunno Keika, I've never been able to resist it. . .

    But I'm curious, what happens in the case of a tie?

    kime on
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