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[Mini-Phalla] The Phalem Witch Trials - The End - Witches Win
The entire town of Phalem had gathered at the courthouse for the days festivities. There was popcorn, children playing and all sorts of wonderful activities going on. At exactly 7:06 P.M. everyone entered the courthouse except for two people. Cj Iwakura had recently come to this town hoping to corner the hired assassinations market and decided to check his dead drop to see which contract he would pursue. Unfortunatly the other person not yet at the trial followed him to his inconspicuous bush and realized who he was. “Well we can’t afford to have you mucking things up” and with that Cj Iwakura was now a newt.
Everyone was shocked at the first person to be brought up on charges. Sticks the local pastor.
“Sticks you are being brought up on charges of witchcraft and wizardry. How do you plead?”
“Not guilty” Sticks replied.
“Pff an unlikely story, execu.. I mean prosecution you may begin.”
“Now sticks where were you on the night of February 31st?”
“What the hell are you talking about there is no 31st of February”
“That because you witches used your sorcery to remove that date from existence so we couldn’t use it as evidence, your honor I rest my case”
“Sticks any remarks?”
“This trial is a sham and you will all burn in the coming of the almighty wang”
“The defense may now present their first witness”
“Will the Priest Keika please come forward?”
“Now then Keika how long have you been practicing witchcraft with sticks.”
“Witchcraft? I’m a holy priest of the almighty wang I abhor witchcraft as does sticks who had been my protégé and apprentice for years taking over my sermons a year ago.”
“Ha… we know you’re lying why I’d expect you’re so scared for your life at this point you’d turn yourself into a small lizard to escape”
Keika then proceeded to turn into a newt .
The judge after staring hungrily at the small newt for several minutes remembered he would be able to eat once this was over so he immediately turned it over to the jury.
3 seconds later the verdict was semi-unanimous Sticks would be burned at the stake for being a witch.
As people were leaving the courthouse many were discussing various gossip from the day the most prevalent being that kime guarded one hell of a delicious cake.
The next day in the town newspaper the following headline appeared - "Sticks the most asinine and retarded pastor/witch ever gets his due"
Results Keika – Priest – Newted Cj Iwakura – Mercenary – Newted Sticks – WITCH – Burned for being a witch
With no more mercenary your money is useless so don't send me bids
That was a mixed bag. Hooray for a dead witch! Boooo for losing what looks like a good special and the unique mechanic.
enlightenedbum on
The idea that your vote is a moral statement about you or who you vote for is some backwards ass libertarian nonsense. Your vote is about society. Vote to protect the vulnerable.
Thanatos, if you're reading, make a stickied thread linking to the last two pages with the title: "kime Did Something Right!
enlightenedbum on
The idea that your vote is a moral statement about you or who you vote for is some backwards ass libertarian nonsense. Your vote is about society. Vote to protect the vulnerable.
That was a mixed bag. Hooray for a dead witch! Boooo for losing what looks like a good special and the unique mechanic.
The dead witch I helped kill!
We cannot emphasize this enough!
The united churches of Latter-Day Cake and Roman Phallius won this day, friend. Truly, it was the Lord who helped win this day for us.
But we cannot rest - there are still two witches amongst us! We should check to see who was voting along with Sticks, for they are already guilty of the crime of witch-assisting.
But we cannot rest - there are still two witches amongst us! We should check to see who was voting along with Sticks, for they are already guilty of the crime of witch-assisting.
But we cannot rest - there are still two witches amongst us! We should check to see who was voting along with Sticks, for they are already guilty of the crime of witch-assisting.
. . .
. . .
Two? How, again, do you know this?
This is an excellent question.
enlightenedbum on
The idea that your vote is a moral statement about you or who you vote for is some backwards ass libertarian nonsense. Your vote is about society. Vote to protect the vulnerable.
But we cannot rest - there are still two witches amongst us! We should check to see who was voting along with Sticks, for they are already guilty of the crime of witch-assisting.
. . .
. . .
Two? How, again, do you know this?
I was going to call him suspicious for simply moving the vote in a certain direction, but this works well too.
But we cannot rest - there are still two witches amongst us! We should check to see who was voting along with Sticks, for they are already guilty of the crime of witch-assisting.
. . .
. . .
Two? How, again, do you know this?
I was going to call him suspicious for simply moving the vote in a certain direction, but this works well too.
Simonwolf
Yeah, I'm going to wait to see what he says. But he's saying the starting number was 3, and that's not even the average. Which kind of hurts his argument if he says it was a guess. But let's see what he says either way.
Keika, I'll still give you cake! You're a newt, you can't eat much :P.
But we cannot rest - there are still two witches amongst us! We should check to see who was voting along with Sticks, for they are already guilty of the crime of witch-assisting.
. . .
. . .
Two? How, again, do you know this?
I don't know, actually. I was just guessing by the fact that there were two people turned into newts.
Shit, that really was an awkward thing to say. Ah well!
EDIT: Yeah if I get voted out this round, I only have myself to blame. I would say "but you'll be getting rid of a villager blah blah blah", but that hasn't ever stopped people from voting a villager out in a phalla before.
The idea that your vote is a moral statement about you or who you vote for is some backwards ass libertarian nonsense. Your vote is about society. Vote to protect the vulnerable.
0
ahavaCall me Ahava ~~She/Her~~Move to New ZealandRegistered Userregular
edited March 2009
I noticed that, kime.
congrats on finally getting something right and helping out the village!
I guess if you keep that up, I should run another mini and give you the vig sword again, eh?
congrats on finally getting something right and helping out the village!
I guess if you keep that up, I should run another mini and give you the vig sword again, eh?
Please God, no. That would just make us all kill him in every game day one to protect ourselves.
enlightenedbum on
The idea that your vote is a moral statement about you or who you vote for is some backwards ass libertarian nonsense. Your vote is about society. Vote to protect the vulnerable.
0
simonwolfi can feel a differencetoday, a differenceRegistered Userregular
edited March 2009
What kind of defense am I supposed to put up? I've already explained what happened, and nothing else is going to change the matter at hand.
I could say "would I really be stupid enough to basically call myself out as a witch", but I doubt anyone would believe it, because the bandwagon has begun. That's how this game works, apparently.
I said something stupid based on a guess, and now I'm paying the price. When I'm shown to be a villager in the next round-up, I don't really expect much to change, beyond people realising that what I said was exactly what I said it was - a stupid guess.
simonwolf on
0
Dusdais ashamed of this postSLC, UTRegistered Userregular
edited March 2009
Well, judging from the size of the game (25 players) and the presence of the merc (I'm betting there is one more neutral out there, at least), I'd say there are three or four witches left. Assuming this is a (relatively) vanilla game, of course.
Simon's the new guy, right? Mistaking the double newting last night for a sign that there are only two witches left clearly shows he doesn't entirely get the fact that abilities are (usually) used regardless of whether the user dies that night or not. I'm not saying he's good beyond a shadow of a doubt but I certainly don't have any reason to burn him yet.
Well, judging from the size of the game (25 players) and the presence of the merc (I'm betting there is one more neutral out there, at least), I'd say there are three or four witches left. Assuming this is a (relatively) vanilla game, of course.
Simon's the new guy, right? Mistaking the double newting last night for a sign that there are only two witches left clearly shows he doesn't entirely get the fact that abilities are (usually) used regardless of whether the user dies that night or not. I'm not saying he's good beyond a shadow of a doubt but I certainly don't have any reason to burn him yet.
Lay off the man, for now.
Shit, is that how it works? I should really read up on the rules of this game.
Well, judging from the size of the game (25 players) and the presence of the merc (I'm betting there is one more neutral out there, at least), I'd say there are three or four witches left. Assuming this is a (relatively) vanilla game, of course.
Simon's the new guy, right? Mistaking the double newting last night for a sign that there are only two witches left clearly shows he doesn't entirely get the fact that abilities are (usually) used regardless of whether the user dies that night or not. I'm not saying he's good beyond a shadow of a doubt but I certainly don't have any reason to burn him yet.
Lay off the man, for now.
Hear hear. Let the man live.
Ultros64 on
It doesn't matter what I say, as long as I sing with inflection
Well, judging from the size of the game (25 players) and the presence of the merc (I'm betting there is one more neutral out there, at least), I'd say there are three or four witches left. Assuming this is a (relatively) vanilla game, of course.
Simon's the new guy, right? Mistaking the double newting last night for a sign that there are only two witches left clearly shows he doesn't entirely get the fact that abilities are (usually) used regardless of whether the user dies that night or not. I'm not saying he's good beyond a shadow of a doubt but I certainly don't have any reason to burn him yet.
Lay off the man, for now.
Shit, is that how it works? I should really read up on the rules of this game.
It's usually how it works, yes. (Not always though.) But I'm still not convinced. . . simonwolf for now, but I may change that tomorrow. I'll see how kind I'm feeling in the morning :P.
@ahava: I should get a vig sword! I'd be awesome!! Actually, if I recall correctly, your mini was my first vig position, and I won!
Errrr: Also, I think Simon's made a pretty understandable mistake. I think we should let him live tonight. Anyone have a vote breakdown for last night?
Errrr: Also, I think Simon's made a pretty understandable mistake. I think we should let him live tonight. Anyone have a vote breakdown for last night?
Yeah, what did you want specifically? Just who voted for whom in the end, or. . .?
Errrr: Also, I think Simon's made a pretty understandable mistake. I think we should let him live tonight. Anyone have a vote breakdown for last night?
Reposted from the previous page.
Sticks - 7
Kime - 5
Toxic Toys - 3
Spectralspork, simonwolf, JaysonFour - 2
with the odd one here and there
e: Oh you probably want a whole voting record. Mr. Fancy.
I'd like to point out that after simonwolf and I agreed on switching votes over to Sticks, most of the people voting for simon did so. But very few of the people voting for me did so. Trying to keep someone else besides Sticks in the lead? So depending on how this simonwolf thing turns out, we may want to look at some of the people that kept their vote on me (one of whom is, in fact, Sticks).
Of course, depends on who was around near the end. Can't fault people for not switching if they weren't even online.
Posts
The Death of the Entire Clergy of the Wang
The entire town of Phalem had gathered at the courthouse for the days festivities. There was popcorn, children playing and all sorts of wonderful activities going on. At exactly 7:06 P.M. everyone entered the courthouse except for two people. Cj Iwakura had recently come to this town hoping to corner the hired assassinations market and decided to check his dead drop to see which contract he would pursue. Unfortunatly the other person not yet at the trial followed him to his inconspicuous bush and realized who he was. “Well we can’t afford to have you mucking things up” and with that Cj Iwakura was now a newt.
Everyone was shocked at the first person to be brought up on charges. Sticks the local pastor.
“Sticks you are being brought up on charges of witchcraft and wizardry. How do you plead?”
“Not guilty” Sticks replied.
“Pff an unlikely story, execu.. I mean prosecution you may begin.”
“Now sticks where were you on the night of February 31st?”
“What the hell are you talking about there is no 31st of February”
“That because you witches used your sorcery to remove that date from existence so we couldn’t use it as evidence, your honor I rest my case”
“Sticks any remarks?”
“This trial is a sham and you will all burn in the coming of the almighty wang”
“The defense may now present their first witness”
“Will the Priest Keika please come forward?”
“Now then Keika how long have you been practicing witchcraft with sticks.”
“Witchcraft? I’m a holy priest of the almighty wang I abhor witchcraft as does sticks who had been my protégé and apprentice for years taking over my sermons a year ago.”
“Ha… we know you’re lying why I’d expect you’re so scared for your life at this point you’d turn yourself into a small lizard to escape”
Keika then proceeded to turn into a newt .
The judge after staring hungrily at the small newt for several minutes remembered he would be able to eat once this was over so he immediately turned it over to the jury.
3 seconds later the verdict was semi-unanimous Sticks would be burned at the stake for being a witch.
As people were leaving the courthouse many were discussing various gossip from the day the most prevalent being that kime guarded one hell of a delicious cake.
The next day in the town newspaper the following headline appeared - "Sticks the most asinine and retarded pastor/witch ever gets his due"
Results
Keika – Priest – Newted
Cj Iwakura – Mercenary – Newted
Sticks – WITCH – Burned for being a witch
With no more mercenary your money is useless so don't send me bids
Stupid witches. You kill one of the best parts of this Phalla
Oh, and let it be known that I picked Sticks! I actaully helped the village! Everyone remember this day!
3DS Friend Code: 3110-5393-4113
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We cannot emphasize this enough!
3DS Friend Code: 3110-5393-4113
Steam profile
Hey Kime.
Can I have some of your magic secret hidden cake?
You should be giving me cake! Or else I will point my incredibly accurate finger at you! And the village will rush at my awesome call!
I think it deserves more than a sticky. I'm thinking a plaque? On every single penny-arcade-affiliated page?
3DS Friend Code: 3110-5393-4113
Steam profile
Arch,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t_goGR39m2k
Not.
The united churches of Latter-Day Cake and Roman Phallius won this day, friend. Truly, it was the Lord who helped win this day for us.
But we cannot rest - there are still two witches amongst us! We should check to see who was voting along with Sticks, for they are already guilty of the crime of witch-assisting.
. . .
. . .
Two? How, again, do you know this?
3DS Friend Code: 3110-5393-4113
Steam profile
This is an excellent question.
I was going to call him suspicious for simply moving the vote in a certain direction, but this works well too.
Simonwolf
Arch,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t_goGR39m2k
I still better get cake!!
I demand cake!
I also demand vengeance, but cake should come first.
oOOOoo
Yeah, I'm going to wait to see what he says. But he's saying the starting number was 3, and that's not even the average. Which kind of hurts his argument if he says it was a guess. But let's see what he says either way.
Keika, I'll still give you cake! You're a newt, you can't eat much :P.
3DS Friend Code: 3110-5393-4113
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why did I think I still had an hour?
ugggh
working in the garden is just plain....
Democrats Abroad! || Vote From Abroad
3DS Friend Code: 3110-5393-4113
Steam profile
I can has cheezburger, yes?
I don't know, actually. I was just guessing by the fact that there were two people turned into newts.
Shit, that really was an awkward thing to say. Ah well!
EDIT: Yeah if I get voted out this round, I only have myself to blame. I would say "but you'll be getting rid of a villager blah blah blah", but that hasn't ever stopped people from voting a villager out in a phalla before.
!simonwolf
congrats on finally getting something right and helping out the village!
I guess if you keep that up, I should run another mini and give you the vig sword again, eh?
Democrats Abroad! || Vote From Abroad
Please God, no. That would just make us all kill him in every game day one to protect ourselves.
I could say "would I really be stupid enough to basically call myself out as a witch", but I doubt anyone would believe it, because the bandwagon has begun. That's how this game works, apparently.
I said something stupid based on a guess, and now I'm paying the price. When I'm shown to be a villager in the next round-up, I don't really expect much to change, beyond people realising that what I said was exactly what I said it was - a stupid guess.
Simon's the new guy, right? Mistaking the double newting last night for a sign that there are only two witches left clearly shows he doesn't entirely get the fact that abilities are (usually) used regardless of whether the user dies that night or not. I'm not saying he's good beyond a shadow of a doubt but I certainly don't have any reason to burn him yet.
Lay off the man, for now.
Shit, is that how it works? I should really read up on the rules of this game.
Hear hear. Let the man live.
High fives all 'round. For holiness!
It's usually how it works, yes. (Not always though.) But I'm still not convinced. . . simonwolf for now, but I may change that tomorrow. I'll see how kind I'm feeling in the morning :P.
@ahava: I should get a vig sword! I'd be awesome!! Actually, if I recall correctly, your mini was my first vig position, and I won!
@ebum: :evil:
3DS Friend Code: 3110-5393-4113
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3DS Friend Code: 3110-5393-4113
Steam profile
You won the game.
After killing like, half the other munchkins in the game.
But yes, you did win darling.
Democrats Abroad! || Vote From Abroad
Sticks - 7
Kime - 5
Toxic Toys - 3
Spectralspork, simonwolf, JaysonFour - 2
with the odd one here and there
e: Oh you probably want a whole voting record. Mr. Fancy.
Yeah, let's see what we've got with votes. . .
Sticks - 7
enlightenedbum
GrimmyTOA
Keika
kime
simonwolf
TheLawinator
kime - 5
Jason Todd
Mr. Defacation
Sticks
Zandracon
Toxic Toys - 3
JaysonFour
lonelyahava
JaysonFour - 2
Ultros64
simonwolf - 2
Tommy2Hands
SpectralSpork - 2
The_Reflection
Dusda - 1
Jason Todd - 1
Keika - 1
lonelyahava - 1
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Of course, depends on who was around near the end. Can't fault people for not switching if they weren't even online.
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