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Pimp my profile! (Dating thread - Updated 04/02)
Jean
Heartbroken papa bearGatineau, QuébecRegistered User regular
Heartbroken papa bearGatineau, QuébecRegistered User regular
To make things short, I recently broke up with my GF so I'm back into the ''dating game'' so to speak.
I dont know if it's worth the effort, but I figured why not try dating sites?
My OKCupid Profile
It's my first time using such services so I'd welcome any adivce on how to improve my profile.
I dont know if it's worth the effort, but I figured why not try dating sites?
My OKCupid Profile
It's my first time using such services so I'd welcome any adivce on how to improve my profile.
"You won't destroy us, You won't destroy our democracy. We are a small but proud nation. No one can bomb us to silence. No one can scare us from being Norway. This evening and tonight, we'll take care of each other. That's what we do best when attacked'' - Jens Stoltenberg
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I were a girl that would put me right off.
Presumptuous. I get most messages from girls on a different continent and it's annoying when they're hot, but I wouldn't risk putting London girls off with a message like this.
Summary's too long and overall it comes off as business-like. I don't know if you have a sense of humour but it isn't coming across if you do.
Stuff like 'Keeping my finances under control' needs to go in order to let lines like 'I tend to prefer movies that contains lot of either guns or jokes' shine.
But then in my profile I confess to liking Mean Girls so you might want to take this all with a pinch of salt.
I agree with the above posters, especially regarding the "I spend a lot of time thinking about:" section. You need to avoid writing depressing things and those two lines need to be replaced by more upbeat, proactive things in my opinion.
You seem like a really nice kind of guy and I quite like the summary, though it is a little long. You also need to spellcheck your profile - for example "commitment", "emotional". Little things like that can make a difference
Regarding the distance limitation I would remove that as it is very off-putting. I totally understand you wanting to limit a relationship distance-wise, but why send away the hot ladies who just want to message you?
At least, girls who add photos show up on mine, safe to assume it works both ways. I added a new photo and had six, seven profile views straight away.
The photo is a clear photo of your face so you're already ahead of 90% of users there but take more! Always include a full body picture because people are going to want it. If you have pics with friends that's always a good one because it says 'Hey I'm social'. You bartend so do you have any pictures from you at work? I'd say 4 is around the minimum amount of pics you should have. Girls like them because they let us know you're real and not one of those crazy Egyptian/Turkish blank profiles where we'll get a message asking for our hand in marriage.
I say for addressing the distance thing take it out of the top of the profile and leave it as is in the message me area.
Also, don't expect to hear from many girls, and don't take that personally. Typically the guy contacts the girl first and most girls on there have gotten used to that. So be proactive and message girls you think you might hit it off with!
Yeah, as a dude (I find) you get best results if you scatter wide and message as many girls as humanly possible. And by that, of course, I don't mean you send them each a generic form-letter style message. Be funny, be interesting and tailor it to each girl you're messaging, but send as many messages as possible.
This reads virgin. This is fine if you're going for that in the profile.
" I learnt the hard way than it takes 2 to tango"
This reads baggage and bitterness.
"I don't want to be either dominating or dominated."
Baggage and some kind of weird S&M comment?
" I dont mind if a date simply consist of spending"
Consists.
"just have to be mature enough to not let the inevitable disagreements poison the rest of the relationship."
Baggage.
"Drinking unhealthy amounts of beer"
You've already mentioned 'a cold one' earlier, and you work at a bar, and you go clubbing. I'd cut down the references to your drunkeness, honestly.
Also, you live at home and you've only ever worked for your parents. This is how it reads. Those may be realities but might be better off once someone gets to know you better.
You don't need to give your whole life story - if you want to blog, they have a section for that - Say "if you want to know more, look at my posts!" or some crap.
Keep it brief, mostly going over the big stuff, and likes/dislikes.
This kind of stuff, while it may actually be what you're thinking/feeling is a little heavy for the first thing someone reads about you.
Keep it light, keep it easy to read.
Think of it as a resume (while I realize you've only worked for your dad) - keep it concise but with enough detail that your abilities are understood. Much like resumes if it's too long, the people looking at it will chuck it. You need to cut it down to the point where you don't seem like a self-obsessed blowhard who will talk the other person's ear off about your feelings and life experiences, but enough details so that you don't seem fishy and elusive. Most girls/women like talking, and like finding stuff out about you (not HUGE STUFF but the details) in that process - don't try to skip it with your profile.
I'm sure glad I posted this thread. I didn't even realised I've let so much negativity slip trough! I wrote this profile a few hours after I broke up with my GF to keep my mind focussed on other things. Seems like my frustrations with her unconciously slipped trough! I'm not usually a negative/depressed guy, but yeah my mood has been crap lately due to all that drama.
I corrected the spelling mistakes and removed or significantly toned down the negative sounding passages. Ironic than I managed to sound like an alcoholic while I havent had a drink in almost a month.
It's actually scary how dead on the almost all the analysis posted in this thread is. Are you guys really good at this stuff, or it was really that obvious?
Anyways, I have two more questions
- Are the match %age shown actualy meaningful?
- How accurate are those personality awards?
About your new questions:
1) The match % doesn't really mean too much. I met my current girlfriend on that site and we had about 69% match. In real life, it turns out we're much more alike and we get along great. We just celebrated our first anniversary last month.
2) I'd say those awards are more for fun than anything. However, I've answered 1000+ questions and I feel that my awards are somewhat amusingly accurate. Still, I wouldn't take them too seriously.
I know you didn't ask for other advice, but if you decide to email a girl, read her profile carefully and use this information to start a conversation. That's how I caught my girlfriend's attention, by showing her that I had read her profile and asking her about things she had written.
Nintendo Network ID: PhysiMarc
I also think your profile is very loud. You jump right into how good/bad you would be as a boyfriend and what you have to offer in that regard, that's basically saying "I am status quo nice guy boyfriend" which frankly makes me want to turn the page.The About Me should be about you. What do you like, what kind of fantastic and super amazing interesting hobbies do you have, what really gets you motivated?
You're really good at a bunch of things that most people should be good at (and if you aren't good at them you probably shouldn't tell people that anyways), make it more interesting. Remember, all of these questions are potential conversation topics and if you are generic here you lose this avenue to catch someone's interest.
The beard thing is good, but remember if a chick doesn't like a dude with a beard she won't talk to you. Lose the "I won't shave it!" line.
After your 6 things you have now mentioned cuddling 3 times, which is pretty creepy to be honest. You should just get rid of that reference completely from your profile. Again, as with the "what I'm really good at" this is your chance to stand out, be original and have conversation points.
The same goes with your "the most private thing I'm willing to admit here." Knock off the cuddle thing. In my profile I put that I am "deathly afraid of bees," which is very true (bees creep me the fuck out) and not very private. But I can't tell you how many times I have been sent a message off of that line alone, or it's come up in conversation (and I have a decent story behind my reasoning as well). Find something out of the ordinary.
Finally, as with your about me, your "you should contact me if..." section talks way too much about relationship standards. You say you're good at one liners, so use this opportunity to crack a joke that will generate interest.
I consider your profile to be loud because you talk almost nonstop about relationship guidelines and how important they are to you. By focusing on specific aspects instead of trying to convey more fun information about yourself the rest of your profile goes to waste if one of those relationship checklist items doesn't match the person reading it.
I really like the age old adage about fishing and how it relates to dating and I also think it relates even more to internet dating. Remember two things: One, If you don't catch a fish on your first try, throw the line out there and try again, don't beat yourself up over it. Two, if you are loud you're going to scare the fish away. Don't be loud.
Good luck.
Hehe, to think I was afraid i'd have the opposite problem!
Well yeah I get what you're saying, but the point here is if the girl in question is not interested in a long term relationship or don't like romantic guys , then she shouldn't bother with me in the first place. I am not interested in casual sex. Basically I put those in to save everyone time.
Edit : Down to 811 char and cutted down a lot of the cuddling references.
Say you are fishing, but you don't want to catch any catfish. You don't pour catfish poison into the river. You use the best bait you can, and then you throw away any catfish that end up on your line
You need to think of this from the perspective of someone reading your profile. You need to make them want to message you, or reply to your messages. Your self summary isn't about you, its about your ideal relationship. Tell me why you are awesome!
https://medium.com/@alascii
It does?
You learn something new everyday!
Saying you're only interested in a long-term relationship is very heavy sounding. Saying you're looking for more than sex says you're looking for more than sex.
Under My self-summary
appareance = appearance
Under My favorite books, movies, music, and food
pleasure = pleasures
metalica = Metallica
characther = character
Under You should message me if
women = woman
toughts = thoughts
characther = character
That's all that stuck out to me at a glance, but I'd go over it carefully to clean that stuff up. You want to look like you've put in the effort to present yourself right.
Good luck.
Thanks guys, I feel than my profile is a lot better now
I'll add moar pics tomorrow. I lost the USB cable of my camera so I need a new one.
AH?
Well I'm open to an alternative formulation
It's just kind of pointless, and might be read as fake...because to some extent looks matter to everyone, even if their preferences vary.
'That' should be 'This' but aside from that this is going to scare like 90% of women off. It's too heavy and too much especially for your second sentence.
How do you like this:
Nerdy and a little introverted I love discussing politics and economics so I’m looking for an intelligent woman who loves great conversation.
No one trying to control the behaviour of the other.
And thanks for the alternate phrasing, I'll use it
Yeah, this is a really good summation of my really long post. You need to remember that okcupid is much more of a social site than your average dating site, and you really wedge yourself into a corner when you say that you are exclusively looking for X Y and Z. Considering you just came out of a relationship, you probably think you want X Y and Z, but until you strike up a conversation with W and L, you don't know what you could potentially be missing.
Man, fishing really is a good analogy isn't it?
What would be an ''average dating site'' then?
Really it looks good so far, definatly a cut above, it makes you seem normal and not terribly desperate...I see a guy who uses Templar21www as his screen name, and he says he is good at fencing, is a big nerd, and likes D&D. Man...even if that is true, don't admit it on a dating site
I'd kill this:
'look for someone who will love you for your character and mind, not for your physique and looks'
It's hard to put my finger down on why, but its a cross between 'my standards on physical attractiveness are low, so if you're ugly, drop on by.', 'i don't think enough of myself to even consider going for a full package', and 'i'm not all that interested in establishing a physical relationship'.
It's not that those values (personality over looks) are negative, but when put like that, they sort of transmit a kind of desperate insecurity. Mebbe avoid putting that out there for the moment.
Other than that, you seem like an average, intelligent, nerdy sort of teddy-bear. I'm sure there are people looking for that. It might not 'pop' as much as a shark-hunting skydiver, but I think there is some merit to the 'what you see is what you get' approach. I don't know how much merit, but its something to be sure.
First - Well it's rare than I see a woman I find completely unnatractive. Also it's a fact than I never been and never will be big on physical appearance. Good characther , values and emotional compability are overwhelmingy more important to me than looks. I know it sound ike bullshit but its how I really feel
Second - I'd say my confidence in myself is a 7/10. Not the cockiest guy arround, but I'm definitively not afraid of my opinions.
Third - If by physical you strictly mean sex, then yeah it's not the primary thing I'm looking for. I just dont see myself doing it with someone I feel nothing for.
So did mine, apparently I was conceived in the Bahamas :winky:
Seems like a pretty good description of me 8-)
Yah, that kind of nails it down a bit. I suppose I wouldn't be too upfront with that right away because IME, women like to feel attractive, and be (at least partially) chosen because they are attractive. I don't think I would ever tell a girl 'Oh hey, it's okay that you're not that hot, I like you for who you are'. So doing that proactively doesn't seem like a good idea either.
I hear what you're saying, but if you're anything like me, a good personality brings out the physically attractive qualities as well. Inside beauty coming out, as it were. Just like you would tell someone they have beautiful eyes, or they are soft and snuggly, or they're super cute etc- that attractiveness, those physically attractive traits are still there, even if unconventional.
Arg. I guess what I'm saying is that rather than 'This is better than that', I would just say 'This is really, really good.'- taking the implied negative out.
OKcupid profile
Your beard is not so good, sorry man, shave it. Also, more pictures. The more pictures you have, the more people will think that they "know" you and maybe send you a message
Also I would say to put a little bit of personality into your writing. You seem to be very delicate in the way you say things. Don't be. Make sure you let yourself shine through in the text with just how you write and what not, unless of course you are a grammatically correct robot with an English accent.
Just be yourself man. You're an attractive, witty individual that any woman would love the company of.. right?
I feel like I wasted y'all time by creating this thread. My apologies.
Now than I'm completely over my breakup, I don't feel the need to enter a new relationship anytime soon. I'll be fine by myself.
Sure, if an interesting girl get interested in me I won't reject her only for the sake of staying single but I am well aware than staying passive like I am right now put my odds of staying single close to 100%. For the time being, I'm perfectly fine with that.
I like the beard, just needs to be cleaned up a bit.