Just launched new comic

AtlantaJones

I've been wanting to start a strip for at least the last year, maybe more, but the usual issues with self confidence (and lack of time) kept me from making it reality. So, against the advise of guys like Scott Kurtz and the other Halfpixel guys, I decided to just start posting the strip as it's being created. I'm not the kind of guy that could stockpile strips for months and not show them to anyone until I have "enough" to start a site. For me, the motivation is in knowing the site is live and people are looking, so I'd better keep drawing!

Here are the first two strips. Comments and critiques welcome. Thanks!

JesusBook


First-Person Cursing

Kendeathwalker

Is jesus wearing a flesh colored glove? Look at the hand on the mouse.

PeterAndCompany

Maybe he handled some shrimp.

He's allergic to shrimp.

Soooo... is this a gaming comic, or just a whatever-topic-happens-to-enter-your-head comic?

Klyka

First comic without the third panel is funny.

Second comic is trying to put curse words into three panels to make it funny.

Try to stick with the first.

CheerfulBear

Remove all of the text.

CheerfulBear

Mustang

Yup that works much better.

AtlantaJones

Wow, you know that had never occurred to me!

I wonder, though, if it had the same impact/meaning. The idea behind the strip was that I really *did* see this sign, and being a geek/web developer, my mind immediately went to Facebook. But I do think it would have worked well that way.

AtlantaJones

Klyka wrote: »

Second comic is trying to put curse words into three panels to make it funny.

I don't think I was trying to just be funny with cursing, especially since I'd even kind of censored them. I've shown this comic to a lot of gamers and many said they liked it because it was so much like their own experiences.

beavotron

AtlantaJones wrote: »

Wow, you know that had never occurred to me!

I wonder, though, if it had the same impact/meaning. The idea behind the strip was that I really *did* see this sign, and being a geek/web developer, my mind immediately went to Facebook. But I do think it would have worked well that way.

but see this is information that is not needed to get the message across
no one cares that you actually saw the sign, it's irrelevant to the story

give people some credit that they can draw those conclusions or not on their own and still get the main message.

AtlantaJones

beavotron wrote: »

but see this is information that is not needed to get the message across
no one cares that you actually saw the sign, it's irrelevant to the story

give people some credit that they can draw those conclusions or not on their own and still get the main message.

All good advice. I guess these judgment calls will come more easily over time. Thanks for the comments so far!

spellchrome

CheerfulBear wrote: »

Remove all of the text.

I couldn't put my finger what was bothering me, but CheerfulBear nailed it. The "I" or "I've" part really doesn't fit, even if it is efficient. Save the "I" for a blog post / commentary as needed.

As for the art, I think your colours are good, and over all the comics have a professional look, layout wise.

KalTorak

Just a minor nitpick, but it's be funny if Jesus had hundreds of common friends with you - presumably everyone you know that's a Christian.

DeeLock

I read your name and said to myself, "Wow, Andrew Jones has really taken the piss."

AtlantaJones

Sorry, but I'm not *that* Andrew Jones.

DeeLock

Clearly.

beavotron

DeeLock wrote: »

I read your name and said to myself, "Wow, Andrew Jones has really taken the piss."

kinda rude and unnecessary comment
as was "clearly."

winter_combat_knight

the second comics name is quite clever.

oh, and i agree with the getting rid of the text on the first.

Nappuccino

I found the "has 0 friends in common" bit to be hilarious.

AtlantaJones

That was kind of what I was going for I thought it would be funnier if the idea was that Jesus couldn't get anyone to "friend" him.

permadead

I personally don't like the narration boxes but I think overall they're a good start.

mully

just popping my head in to back up the "these would be a lot better without the narration boxes" notion

AtlantaJones

Thanks for all the feedback. And I totally hear you on the extra text. I'll be sure to be conscious of how much exposition I use as I go forward.

Farmer Brown

I generally agree with what the above posters have to say about the excessive text. You can still keep the commentary, though. Just mention what's going on with the creation/inspiration process in your accompanying post.

I'm diggin the art, and dialogue bubbles and composition look pretty clean and unobtrusive. As an aside, the second panel in the second comic *really* looks like that guy's tweaking his nipples to me.