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Porn issues..... D:
Jack of all Trades
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Alrighty I have another issue to bring up. It doesn't have to do wth my boyfriend being a crankpot (He's being woonderful now! Doesn't bitch at me any more and it's lovely)
However, I've happened upon something that really.... disturbs me. Let me clarify that I have NO problems with my guy looking at porn. Porn is just a fantasy, and I'm his reality, etc etc, whatever i'm cool with it. BUT, and here is a gigantic but.... I happened upon some of the porn he has looked at, and there is a particular genre that doesn't sit well with me at all, and it grosses me out.
Now, I love him to death, and I'm not going to break up with him because of this (and to make it clear, it's not like.. corpse fucking, or child porn), but it's a fetish that many people look down upon.
Now, I don't know for sure if he's totally into it. i've only happened upon this stuff just this once, so there may be a possibility that he was curious, and that's that. And also I know that fantasy isn't reality, and he hasn't asked me to do anything at all like in those pornos, so maybe that's all it is. Just a fantasy. Like how people fantasize about being raped, but they don't ACTUALLY wanna be raped..
I've gone through a couple of things in my head... like if this happens again, then i'll ask him about it (because then I'll know for sure..), or I'll ask him about it when he gets home from his military thing (later this week), but i'm afraid he'll be embarrassed and deny it all.
I'm not going to disclose what kind of porn it is, because...I don't really feel it's relevant.
I just don't know how to deal with something like this. Frankly, it shocked me pretty bad.
like, should I treat it like "porn is porn, and I should love him regardless" and blow it off, or...I don't even know what to do. Like, half of me is like "Eh, whatever, it's just fucking weird ass porn, and even though it disturbs me, porn is porn." and the other half is like "what the fuck"
However, I've happened upon something that really.... disturbs me. Let me clarify that I have NO problems with my guy looking at porn. Porn is just a fantasy, and I'm his reality, etc etc, whatever i'm cool with it. BUT, and here is a gigantic but.... I happened upon some of the porn he has looked at, and there is a particular genre that doesn't sit well with me at all, and it grosses me out.
Now, I love him to death, and I'm not going to break up with him because of this (and to make it clear, it's not like.. corpse fucking, or child porn), but it's a fetish that many people look down upon.
Now, I don't know for sure if he's totally into it. i've only happened upon this stuff just this once, so there may be a possibility that he was curious, and that's that. And also I know that fantasy isn't reality, and he hasn't asked me to do anything at all like in those pornos, so maybe that's all it is. Just a fantasy. Like how people fantasize about being raped, but they don't ACTUALLY wanna be raped..
I've gone through a couple of things in my head... like if this happens again, then i'll ask him about it (because then I'll know for sure..), or I'll ask him about it when he gets home from his military thing (later this week), but i'm afraid he'll be embarrassed and deny it all.
I'm not going to disclose what kind of porn it is, because...I don't really feel it's relevant.
I just don't know how to deal with something like this. Frankly, it shocked me pretty bad.
like, should I treat it like "porn is porn, and I should love him regardless" and blow it off, or...I don't even know what to do. Like, half of me is like "Eh, whatever, it's just fucking weird ass porn, and even though it disturbs me, porn is porn." and the other half is like "what the fuck"
Jack of all Trades on
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I wouldn't talk to him about it unless it is really fucked up shit. (I understand you don't want to disclose what type, but I think it would help. For example, if he was looking up stuff about rape, I'd be worried, but if its just a minor fetish, like, uh...I don't know, he liked moms or something, I wouldn't say anything).
Also, take into account, even if it is really fucked up, you should only say something if you find evidence that it was occurring frequently and wasn't a one-time thing out of curiosity (like you said). I know I've looked at some messed up things just out of curiosity, and I wouldn't want my GF judging me on that, since its not something that turns me on and its not a constant thing, you know?
I guess the one thing I wanted was reassurance. Cause I googled to see if any other people had significant others with this kink, and most of them were asking if it was normal and all of the replies were alsong the lines of "dump the dude, that's weird"
I just wasn't sure how to wrap my head around this.
Edit: no, not scat. and mom porn would be the least of my worries. Hell, even grannie porn.
Be worried if it becomes an obsession. I know that I watch all sorts of things from time to time that I'd never even consider bringing up to the missus. When/if it crosses over into your life is when you should be actually worried. That or if it's the only thing he ever watches.
My vote is "Mostly Harmless."
EDIT: Knowing what it is could help. But I understand the reluctance.
There's a pretty big line between him fantasizing about you dressing up in a fursuit and you laying a steaming pile on his chest.
he's NEVER asked me to do anything with animals EVER and he's never brought up that kind of stuff, and he's a top notch boyfriend, so...just forget about it, I guess?
....:|
edit: oh hey look! Lucky guess.
So here's the thing: I wouldn't take it seriously. The percentage of guys who have seen or are at least aware of "Two Girls, One Cup" is pretty significant. The percentage of guys who have gotten themselves off watching it or want their girlfriends to try it...less so. It's mainly for shock value, and any arrousal he feels from it is the 'taboo' nature of it. He's not about to share it with you or ask you to try it.
But at the end of the day, I don't really think it matters. All lot of porn is context, and who knows what that might be? Maybe he likes it and is also disgusted by it. Maybe its new untapped vein, maybe its a curiosity.
There's no way to know, and since 'arousing' can be such a huge combination of things, positive, negative, acceptable, unacceptable, reality, fantasy, etc, etc, it's not particularly telling about the person who views it. Its just a gestalt of the subconscious, like dreaming, and doesn't mean jack all in the bigger scheme.
Still, it can be right fucked up sometimes. Par for the course, Id say.
edited only because I nailed it.
Yep. It's probably not a regular thing for him, and even if it is, I wouldn't immediately worry TOO much. Zoophilia is a pretty uncommon fetish to begin with, and only a very, very, VERY small portion of those people who genuinely have that particular kink ever actually act on it in any way. Odds are that even if it is something that turns his crank, he'll never act on it beyond browsing porn sites.
As long as he's just looking, it's pretty harmless.
We get there and we decide to put on a movie and I said "Hey D, mind if I check out something on the 'net for a sec" him being distracted by said movie, didn't noticed that I had popped in a 'nefarious' CD. I took the movie that I downloaded and put it in his start up folder. Then I said "D, your computer froze man I gotta restart it." Then I ran outside to smoke a cigarette, about 3 minutes later I heard yelling and laughter and the exclamation "WHY ARE THESE PEOPLE DOING THIS ON MY COMPUTER?!?" Then my friend and I pretended that it was the first time we saw it and said "ew man thats gross, I thought you were into chocolate and thats not chocolate". Thinking he had a virus he restarted his computer like 7 times and watched the 3 minute video in its entirety every time. Eventually we took pity on him and showed him what a startup folder is. But it was all in fun.
Point I'm trying to make: You never know, maybe your bf was using that stuff to goof around with someone.
but, he does like it when I act like a cat, like little meowing noises to be cute (I just thought he thought it was CUTE or something.. I've known other friends of mine to do this, and it's not an uncommon thing to do, so it didn't phase me) now I"m kinda like....ehhhhhhh..
edit: wow, typing out this post made me feel a little ridiculous. haha
If he's excited by the taboo, probably the "worst" it would get would be suggesting anal sex.
Yea, I'll admit to checking some out because...well, curiosity. It doesn't mean I have any interest in it for real, and in my case I deleted it soon after downloading. I wouldn't worry about him just having it, I probably have, like, three different categories in my porn folder I wouldn't anyone seeing just because they'd think I actually wanted to do some of it, which I don't (you can feel free to make wild guesses as to what those are).
Now, one thing that might be worth worrying about is if that kind of porn is actually illegal where you live, I don't know the laws exactly, but I'm pretty sure it is in some places, which is one of the reasons I deleted the stuff I did download. It might not be a big deal when it's your private PC, but you let someone else borrow it or need to take it into the shop for repairs and that's trouble with a capital horse cock. So that might be worth checking.
There was a thread I think in SE that mentioned a woman who asked the police to check her laptop because she thought her bf had used it to download child porn. The cops didn't find child porn but they did find two bestiality videos in the recycle bin of the woman with her dog. She was arrested for the acts not owning the videos I believe but IANAL.
Wiki has some stuff on this but it's pretty vague.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zoosexuality_and_the_law#Pornography_laws
Anyway, it's probably nothing. In all likelihood he got bored of normal porn and stumbled upon it when browsing, you know, like Randy in that South Park episode. I do understand your concern however and if it bothers you that much I'd say talk to him about it to make your mind at ease.
I think if he treats me well, and doesn't ask me to fuck my cat, i'll be okay
It's really important to talk about sex and what does and doesn't work for you guys out of the bedroom, anyway, though. Sometimes people who feel like they can't say anything, or are embarrassed "leave something out accidentally" to test the waters and see how their partner reacts to something not-so-vanilla. It seems like lots of people, start out with some really crazy thing they're not into, something they're pretty sure you'll shoot down. That way, when they ask you for what they really want, it seems almost normal and they already know what "No, that is not even the least bit sexy sounding." will sound like.
Do you read Savage Love? It's a sex advice column that is really...off-beat. Most of the advice is for really out-there people and problems, but that's what's so great. It very rarely hits close enough to home for the average hetero couple and it's an excellent segue into talking about you attitudes towards sex in general, what you would potentially try once, what is always going to be outside your boundries, and how far your boyfriend would go outside his comfort zone for you, if you had some hypothetical wacky fantasy of your own. You can eventually work your way around into talking about your own sex life and whatever worried you (Oh, I see it was animals. Wow.) might come up, and as long as you guys have been pretty honest and non-judgmental, you should be able to tell if it's really something important/interesting to him, and have a chance to express your strong disinterest, offer an alternative or compromise or restraining order or whatever....
She spun around and said "If you even think about making a pun about riding my horse bareback, you'll never ride me bareback again."
The look on her face was what made me think it'd be hilarous to see her "accidentally" come across something freaky like that. The nature of her threat is what made me decide I didn't want to go through with it, however.
Honestly it's harmless. I sincerely doubt he wants to have sex with an animal or wants you to have sex with an animal. Not even deep subconcious desires. I bet he'd be just as interested in watching clown midget porn. Sometimes it is just a certain novelty. He may just be in a phase.
It's the crashed car thing. You know you shouldn't slow down to look. You know it's outright stupid and disrespectful, but sometimes you just can't help but look, hell sometimes you get a little bit excited if you see a white blanket over the dead body cause now you have a juicy story to tell all your friends "Yeah, I drove by this crash and I saw this huge ass red smear and a dead body!"
Hell, this was common before the internet. I remember being a kid and being all grossed out, yet secretly excited, watching a VHS copy of 'Faces of Dead' (though, all that footage was fake) or some homemade porn we've found in an abandoned house once. The thing is that with the internet, it's trivial to find those things.