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I feel ... spiritually castrated [Relationship] - NSFW? UPDATE 3/26
MetroidZoid
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Warning: Sex and violence. Okay, I lied. But there is sex ...
Spoilers for length ... I apologize, I write when I'm stressed. I write alot.
In trying to be honest with myself, I don't know what to do. I don't believe it's wrong to think that a good relationship has a healthy sex life, nor do I believe a relationship must be built upon sex. Is that a mental oxymoron? I love this girl, and wouldn't leave her for the world. I'm just looking for an answer that isn't the least bit clear to me. Any advice would be great. Anyone with any previous experience to share would be awesome. Please help H/A.
Spoilers for length ... I apologize, I write when I'm stressed. I write alot.
Really, I don't know where to start, so I'm just going to ramble to some point of a question: me and my gf have been together, on and off and on again, for a little less than 4 years now. It started as a high school romance, me a senior and her a junior, ended that summer, picked up that fall through spring while she was in school and I was trying to make a living, there was another break, picked up again while we were both in community college (it's like some horrible comedy flashback scene ...), the big one hit last year when I broke up with [her, because for weeks before that she had been vocal about not really knowing if she was "in love" with me, and the affection was all but gone. And for my mental health, I called it off.
This would be a first, because the other times were on her part. The first break up was based on immaturity: we were both changing after school. The second was my fault: my job was complete shit, and I couldn't take it upon myself to deal with it like a normal person, so I vented on her and made life around me completely miserable. Her breaking up with me opened my eyes to how engrossed I was getting over something that I had very much control over. Also, quitting that job a month later helped immensely. And the last, because she was questioning things and I got got caught up in that. There was also a couple months a good two years where we broke up, but basically continued on a covert relationship, and then she tried to really date a guy, and that went down in flames, and while I was there as a friend to pick her up, she also looked to me as both a rebound and a reliable rock to lean on, and things healed themselves from there.
It should be made known now that for every time we broke up, we basically were just friends with benefits. Because ever since I met this girl in my senior year, we've become best friends. Our relationship is so strong because we don't break up, dish on friends about how evil one another is. We go into this phase where we evaluate ourselves almost as separate entities from our intimate counterparts: figuring out what went wrong and how to fix it. Yet we never seem to be able to do that while in a relationship ... No idea why. I would partly blame us both being bad communicators at times, and the worst translation comes at the worst times. Or some shit like that. And then the friends-with-benefits part comes along because we've only ever been intimate with each other. Ever. Hell, she's my first and only kiss, my first and only sexual partner, and first and only girlfriend. I kid you not.
So our whereas our relationships in the past usually amount to less than a year, and issues come up as they always do, there was always a noticeable lack of attention as the invisible clock dwindled on. However this past year has been great from the start, even through the stresses of me renting a place on my own, her getting promoted but job has become thrice as stressful, trying to make it my first winter on my own (yeah, heating a house? It's a shitty process 6 ways from Sunday), etc.
Then the bombshell. What cracked my dignity and manhood, at the core, for reasons beyond my comprehending.
We were sexual active (I believe ... going to 2nd base is the term. 3rd? Basically, up to but not having sex) during the second run at a relationship. During the third, we first starting sex. And it seemed like it was great. Sure, there were a few pregnancy scares, but life happens like that. We're responsible: she's on the pill, by her own decision, and either I don't finish inside of her, or I use a condom. And there was a time during the 3rd run where she told me that she wasn't always 'satisfied', but faked it for my comfort, and then she said she was sorry she lied to me. This devolved into a long conversation that basically ended up revealing that she's frequently lies to make other people happy. I knew for awhile that she was a pathological people-pleaser, but it came from her heart, and I did admire that to an extent. But I really wanted her to be happy too, because that's what I want to contribute in a relationship. In the end she promised to be honest if she had climaxed or not, and I said I would too (yeah, I faked a few as well). And everything was hunky-dory until last night.
She basically confessed to me, and I forgot how I got this out of her other than telling her I could tell something had been bugging her for a long while, because I can read people pretty good, and also we hadn't had sex in awhile, and it seemed to piss her off if I ever asked or implied it, or just good-old-fashioned tried to get her in the mood. She told me that she has only ever climaxed, in the hundreds of times we've been intimate, maybe a handful of times, and she's not even sure of that. All those times where I would say things like "That was incredible, you too? Did you finish?" and she said yes, she lied. It didn't sink in until later that night, and I didn't get much sleep at all. That our relationship, as far as sex was concerned, was built on almost completely false notions. I believe that at times, she enjoys it as she says she does, but the built up guilt of lieing to me time after time has led her to resent sex, and thus the attitude she has about it now. As of that night, we still haven't been intimate. I'm afraid to bring it up.
This would be a first, because the other times were on her part. The first break up was based on immaturity: we were both changing after school. The second was my fault: my job was complete shit, and I couldn't take it upon myself to deal with it like a normal person, so I vented on her and made life around me completely miserable. Her breaking up with me opened my eyes to how engrossed I was getting over something that I had very much control over. Also, quitting that job a month later helped immensely. And the last, because she was questioning things and I got got caught up in that. There was also a couple months a good two years where we broke up, but basically continued on a covert relationship, and then she tried to really date a guy, and that went down in flames, and while I was there as a friend to pick her up, she also looked to me as both a rebound and a reliable rock to lean on, and things healed themselves from there.
It should be made known now that for every time we broke up, we basically were just friends with benefits. Because ever since I met this girl in my senior year, we've become best friends. Our relationship is so strong because we don't break up, dish on friends about how evil one another is. We go into this phase where we evaluate ourselves almost as separate entities from our intimate counterparts: figuring out what went wrong and how to fix it. Yet we never seem to be able to do that while in a relationship ... No idea why. I would partly blame us both being bad communicators at times, and the worst translation comes at the worst times. Or some shit like that. And then the friends-with-benefits part comes along because we've only ever been intimate with each other. Ever. Hell, she's my first and only kiss, my first and only sexual partner, and first and only girlfriend. I kid you not.
So our whereas our relationships in the past usually amount to less than a year, and issues come up as they always do, there was always a noticeable lack of attention as the invisible clock dwindled on. However this past year has been great from the start, even through the stresses of me renting a place on my own, her getting promoted but job has become thrice as stressful, trying to make it my first winter on my own (yeah, heating a house? It's a shitty process 6 ways from Sunday), etc.
Then the bombshell. What cracked my dignity and manhood, at the core, for reasons beyond my comprehending.
We were sexual active (I believe ... going to 2nd base is the term. 3rd? Basically, up to but not having sex) during the second run at a relationship. During the third, we first starting sex. And it seemed like it was great. Sure, there were a few pregnancy scares, but life happens like that. We're responsible: she's on the pill, by her own decision, and either I don't finish inside of her, or I use a condom. And there was a time during the 3rd run where she told me that she wasn't always 'satisfied', but faked it for my comfort, and then she said she was sorry she lied to me. This devolved into a long conversation that basically ended up revealing that she's frequently lies to make other people happy. I knew for awhile that she was a pathological people-pleaser, but it came from her heart, and I did admire that to an extent. But I really wanted her to be happy too, because that's what I want to contribute in a relationship. In the end she promised to be honest if she had climaxed or not, and I said I would too (yeah, I faked a few as well). And everything was hunky-dory until last night.
She basically confessed to me, and I forgot how I got this out of her other than telling her I could tell something had been bugging her for a long while, because I can read people pretty good, and also we hadn't had sex in awhile, and it seemed to piss her off if I ever asked or implied it, or just good-old-fashioned tried to get her in the mood. She told me that she has only ever climaxed, in the hundreds of times we've been intimate, maybe a handful of times, and she's not even sure of that. All those times where I would say things like "That was incredible, you too? Did you finish?" and she said yes, she lied. It didn't sink in until later that night, and I didn't get much sleep at all. That our relationship, as far as sex was concerned, was built on almost completely false notions. I believe that at times, she enjoys it as she says she does, but the built up guilt of lieing to me time after time has led her to resent sex, and thus the attitude she has about it now. As of that night, we still haven't been intimate. I'm afraid to bring it up.
In trying to be honest with myself, I don't know what to do. I don't believe it's wrong to think that a good relationship has a healthy sex life, nor do I believe a relationship must be built upon sex. Is that a mental oxymoron? I love this girl, and wouldn't leave her for the world. I'm just looking for an answer that isn't the least bit clear to me. Any advice would be great. Anyone with any previous experience to share would be awesome. Please help H/A.
MetroidZoid on
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Talk about it, figure out what she likes, spend a day on it. I have had girlfriends who can climax a dozen times during intercourse and some that can only climax via long oral sessions. It all comes down to how relaxed everyone is. Tense, awkward, non communicative sex is never good.
I only wish there was a button on the back of her head that with a label over it that said "Head Drive is currently full of Stress.exe. Delete?".
3DS FC: 4699-5714-8940 Playing Pokemon, add me! Ho, SATAN!
So the solution here is a) use your hands and mouth if you want to help her orgasm (which I hope you would) b) don't sweat it if you can't make her orgasm through vaginal intercourse, as many women simply can't due to their anatomy and c) talk to her and encourage her to be honest with you in the future.
I do want to try to understand something though. The purpose of sex is pleasure, not necessarily orgasm. A lot of men feel that they need to take it upon themselves, that it is their duty, to "give" their girlfriend an orgasm.
But you can't really do that. You can give your partner pleasure, you can do your best to help her get an orgasm, but you can't really "give" it to them. So if she doesn't have them, it's not a sign that you're less of a man. You say you feel "castrated;" that puts a lot of undue pressure on her to have an orgasm, and you to give it to her. Most women don't have an orgasm every time they have sex, some women never have an orgasm from sex at all.
So where do you go from here? Well, first off, when you talk to her, ask her if there's anything she does like about sex. Have her describe what's good about it, even when she doesn't get off. What does she like? The answer to this could be specific techniques or positions, or it could be a description of the feeling of intimacy, or what thoughts go through her head, whatever. There's no "right" answer, and your job is to just listen.
Then when she's ready and comfortable to have sex again, focus on the good things that she described, without feeling like you need to bring her to orgasm. You know the phrase, "It's not the destination, it's the ride?" Just do what feels good for her (and you) and hopefully that will help her relax.
And if you have an orgasm during a particular night and she doesn't, don't feel guilty, as long as you at least made a genuine attempt to take her desires and her pleasure into account.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
It's frustrating to be a young woman in that situation (I've been there). Guys take for granted how easily they enjoy sex but for most women there is more work and a stronger emotional aspect to their enjoyment of it. If she doesn't feel fulfilled emotionally, she's unlikely to get there physically. All that drama in your relationship isn't helping.
It's unfortunate that she didn't feel she could be honest with you but the most constructive thing to do is to move past that. Don't put difficult expectations on yourself or her. It sounds like that might be a hard one for you since you are taking her lack of orgasm as some sort of insult to your manhood. That's a big misunderstanding of the situation. You're not deficient in bed, you're most likely just not recognizing the myriad of factors that go into getting her off. Talk to her about it and figure it out together.
Make the bedroom a place where you both can relax and enjoy the intimacy of your relationship. It's going to take time and maturity before you are able to truly sexually satisfy each other and if you are right for each other, that journey will be an enjoyable and lasting one.
She has to own up and want to start to make things better too. it takes two people to have sex and two people to make it good.
I want to confirm this with her when we're able to sit down and talk, but during our romps around 2nd (3rd?) base, we'd basically take turns getting each other off manually, and on rare days at the same time (oh, adventurous! Ahh, teenage-dom ...). But it sounds like when she blurted out all that info a few nights ago, that she wasn't even climaxing then. Oddly enough, when we first started fooling around (manually and orally), she 1/2 believed I was bullshitting her about being a virgin, because she said I was too good. And I believe that I am good enough to definitely get her stimulated, but something's getting in the way of the finale. And she's also told me that she still feels intimate when we have sex, so that's at least takes a little bit of the load off my mind.
Complicating measures is the fact that I've been waiting and willing to propose to this girl since last year, but haven't been ready. Sure, I have the steady job, but I want to at least have some money saved up and this winter has basically put me in a couple hundred dollars debt to my parents, so marriage is on hold. I don't want to spend the honeymoon worrying about struggling to pay bills when we get home, you know? And I'm not and she's not expecting a big wedding, but still as mentally ready as I am, I'm not financially. This in part has stressed me out, but the combination of this spiritual blow to the baby-makers has made me doubt myself when I don't want to be. Also, she doesn't want to move in until I propose. Accepted, I can't change that. She does spend a few nights here every week as it is, so I'm just going to have to live with not being able to see her every night.
3DS FC: 4699-5714-8940 Playing Pokemon, add me! Ho, SATAN!
It probably would've been helpful sometime in the rambling to state that I'm 22 as of January, and she's 20.
3DS FC: 4699-5714-8940 Playing Pokemon, add me! Ho, SATAN!
Before either of you do anything, you both need to relax. I mean in general. Enjoy yourselves and each other without any pressure.
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I hope the mods will be fine to let this discussion continue, as I'm already reaping great advice within the first few minutes of getting this off my chest, and I'd still love to hear from someone who may have been in this kind of situation. Or had this situation, and something went wrong, and how not to go wrong, whathaveyou.
3DS FC: 4699-5714-8940 Playing Pokemon, add me! Ho, SATAN!
And I'll second the "don't try to fix her" advice. She's not broken and neither are you. You're just still figuring each other out. It might not feel like it but you're still in the earlier stages of your sexual maturity and you have lots of time to grow and enjoy each other. There is no single solution, just an underdeveloped relationship that shouldn't be hurried into advancement.
Your posts have such a sense of urgency to them, I'd suggest taking a step back to think about yourself, your girl and the relationship with a longer view. What kind of relationship do you want to have with her and what are the small, reasonable steps you'd like to take to get there? Put those steps in the context of your busy lives and make sure they're achievable and that you don't lose sight of your long-term goals for this relationship. I promise that if you take care of each other in every other sense, the sex life you're wishing for will happen.
How can she honestly say that when she has nothing to compare you too, since you are each others' first right? Sorry, that bugs me because the same thing happened to me.
That sort of thinking doesn't help either of you.
Stop trying to make her orgasm, and encourage her to stop worrying about it too. When you do things to her, do them because you want to make her feel good, not because you want to get her off. That means being intimate, not just sexual: lots of touching, lots of talking, not just "RAWR HULK SMASH CLIT TO MAKE ORGASM."
Like most women, I can't reach orgasm through normal intercourse. Just doesn't happen. In fact, it's difficult for me to get there at all whenever somebody else is involved, and that caused some issues earlier on in my relationship. But we talked openly and honestly about physical limitations and the fact that pleasure doesn't need to be orgasmic, and my boyfriend and I now have what I would describe as a pretty wonderful sex life. Even though I don't orgasm, I still get a whole lot of pleasure from the act of sex itself, and I always feel completely satisfied afterwards.
So, talk things over with your girl. And suss things out in your own head, too. If a little part of you is still thinking "oh god if I don't make her come I'm not a real man," she's going to be able to feel that every time you touch her even if you insist verbally that you're just trying to make her feel good. You need to be OK with the fact that you can't bring her to orgasm through intercourse, and it's quite possibly going to be either difficult or impossible for you to get her off manually or orally as well. Can you accept that?
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We got a winner.
The sexual partner thing is "so-so" in importance. A lot of people/cultures have strong realtonships when both parties are completely sexually inexperienced.
That being said, the big factor is the single girlfriend experience. I've had a couple of girlfriends in my life, probably around 10(guess), and I can tell the difference between the first and the last. In a very big oblivious way.
You become less attached at the hip, and more attached at the soul. This is a really hard thing for most people to learn, because it is such a vague concept. Really the deep cause of this paranoia on your part is because you put such value on the sex and the physical closeness. Sex is very important, and can break a relationship apart really fast if its bad. That being said, sex should be a product of a healthy relationship, not a basis.
You wouldn't pick a best friend from his kick-boxing skills. Even if you were a kick-boxing freak. He might make a good pal, someone to hang out with, but not your "best friend".
Get over the sex thing, its not that frigen important. If she can't get off, SHE CAN'T GET OFF. YOU can't do anything about it. I've had sex with..
8? girls. Maybe less, or more, I don't know the # off the top of my head. Of those 8, my first was multi-orgasmic. My second didn't "get off" until about 5 years later. My third never did as far as I know, 4th was the same, 5th I dated for 3 years. We never actually had full blown sex, just oral. She did. 6th, 7th, 8th did not.
Or in stats form: 3 out of 8 did. 1, 2, 5. So out of 8, there were "random" people who did and did not.
Conclusion?? Not my deal. Girls and sex are very very odd and abstract subjects. You can think yourself a god, and simply suck at it with one girl. Its a comfort zone thing, its a physical thing, its a mental thing, hell its a luck thing.
That being said... if you and her are serious about this problem, you two can deal with it. Figure out what was going right the few times she said she got close, or did. Let her try and get herself off, then join in. A *lot* of couples have to work very hard and making sex "amazing" for both.
One last note, most guys get much more aroused if the lady is really into it.
Its also a big ego boost.
Good luck.
Have fun.
Get a new girlfriend. Change sucks, it seems like this a big waste of an investment, etc etc.. but you will realize how much better it can be when the girl isn't slowly eating away your soul and self esteem with comments of "you suck in bed".
Unlike with male impotence, it is perfectly possible for a woman to fake it. Girls learn from an early age to use "little white lies" to make them more agreeable to other people. Faking an orgasm is just a step on from this. The fact that she has come (heh) clean about this shows a willingness for your relationship to be built on honesty from now on.
There are a lot of suggestions here that while good, are sort of vaguely impersonal and in the vein of "try different stuff and relax". I'd propose that rather than kind of winging it and trying a bizillion different things you use her masturbation techniques as a starting point because that's the type of stimulation that gets her off.
Another thing that doesn't seem to have been mentioned is that if she wants to orgasm during sex there's nothing wrong with her stimulating herself while you help during the act.
If she doesn't orgasm when she masturbates, that's a different thing and I would say that it might be better for you to help her experiment with different masturbation techniques. It's a lot faster of a feedback cycle than you trying stuff, her trying to decide if it's good or bad, you trying something else, her trying to decide if it's better or worse, and then having to try to quantify it for you (not that that isn't fun). Communication is important, but I think it's also important to have some kind of a starting point or to find a starting point together.
Just a suggestion/different point of view
Some women just don't.
Talk to her.
We have. She doesn't enjoy it. It's just not 'her thing', really.
Also, we've tried varying positions.
Really, almost every time save for those exceedingly-lustful occasions, we're very intimate and close to one another through sex. I think that if I better communicate to her that whether or not I finish, or she does, or either of us do, I enjoy it thoroughly and what I really desire is just that primal closeness to her. And I think she also ends up being satisfied by sex, but maybe thinks that a huge piece is missing by not climaxing, when really it's just a dab more icing on the cake? And the rest of the cake is made of awesome and win? And I think I need to tell her that fuck it if the decorations on the cake aren't perfect, I want some fucking cake!
Huh?
Alright, you caught me, I'm confused. Really, I have no plans on going anywhere in this relationship, and I honestly believe neither does she, so the only logical step is to work on this, because we're still very much a part of one another's soul, and leaving the construction-project that's almost completed just because the tile doesn't look right would be ridiculous. Why am I making all these damn analogies tonight? Whatever. I do appreciate the encouragement from all who said this is workable and such.
3DS FC: 4699-5714-8940 Playing Pokemon, add me! Ho, SATAN!
Then work from there.
It sounds like she is not very familiar with her own sexuality, and if she cannot figure out how to run things on her own I doubt she will be able to give you good advice. Getting a woman to orgasm can actually be quite a task sometimes, don't feel bad if it isn't like the movies.
Pro-tip: It's never like the movies.
Treat your girl with some respect and not treat her like a toilet for your sexual desire.
Yeah cause it's not like the OP has expressed his deep emotional commitment to this girl and his desire to please her in as many ways as possible. Oh wait, you're an idiot.
I've had a reasonable number of partners in the bedroom, and up until my current girlfriend, I've had no problems in that department. Sure, there have been certain partners that haven't climaxed during sex sometimes, but on the whole, I felt good about what I was doing, and they felt good about what I was doing. Several partners have told mutual female friends that I was "great" in bed which of course I wasn't supposed to know but it gave me a nice confidence boost.
My current girlfriend said very early on that she found climax from intercourse impossible. As in, it had never happened. I of course, with a good reputation, took this as a challenge.
However, over a year into our relationship, I've only managed to make her climax once or twice during intercourse, and that was with me helping out with my fingers!
Lots of other posters have said "some girls aren't built that way" and it's true. I actually met a friend through a mutual friend who said she had NEVER orgasmed at all, and I found this hard to believe, but it's more common than you might think.
Anyway.. back to my original point... despite my girlfriend's percieved difficulty in climax, we have quite an adventurous and active bedroom life, and we both climax more often than not.
The reason for this is down to a LOT of groundwork. The mood has to be right, I have to be slow in the build up, lots of gentleness, kissing, caressing, and non-sexual affection. Kissing, cuddling, rubbing, that sort of thing. There is always a point where she starts to go a little crazy, and then I know she is mentally relaxed and ready for whatever happens. I found that being honest and literally approaching things like an experiment and saying "does that feel good? do you like me doing this/that" etc made a big difference. After a short period of time, I felt like I knew her body a little, and felt that I knew what would turn her on and make her feel good. You already mention a deep emotional connection, and this is a necessity between myself and my gf. It heightens the mood when you are just "together" and you are in tune with each other.
A big issue in things like this is treating the issue as a PROBLEM. It's not a problem. That word puts a lot of pressure on the two people concerned, and with things like sex, pressure does make a difference. Be it work pressure, the pressure of wanting to do well in the act, stress of life etc, these are all factors that can affect someone's ability to orgasm... In my case, sex is rarely satisfying after a night of beers for example. I can go all night, and just not come. It has ended up in the past where we have both stopped because we have been going on for so long and nothing is happening. If you are carrying the weight of "she isn't gonna climax" on your mind before you start, then that tension is transmitted, and of course she's not going to. One thing I have learned with my gf is that she needs to be totally relaxed and tension free to orgasm.
There are of course techniques that will claim to produce a female climax but I've found that really it's all about finding out what the other person really enjoys and feels comfortable with, and working with them on that. Setting the right tone, and lots and lots of foreplay also help us out. Toy play is also good. We had a particularly hot session recently where she wanted to dress up in some nice lingerie, and blouse/skirt/heels for me. She came several times, and actually thought she had had a multiple orgasm because she was so turned on by the situation. There are lots of things your lady could try out to see what she likes (if indeed she wants to).
You have to have the key things in place before things *might* happen.
I'm sure that's a disjoined ramble of words, but I'm at work right now, and it's hard to put forward what I am trying to say in a cohesive fashion.
EDIT - there is also a thing available called the "rampant rabbit" of Sex in the City fame. If your gf can't orgasm AT ALL, get her to try that out. I know of many women that have found this thing to be a revelation.....
Okay, so here's what happens yesterday: her friend comes in from out of town, and they were going to head to the mall and dink around Medford (bigger city about 45 min. away) for the day, catch a movie and dinner later. Well, I had the day off, and my gf asked me to tag along, at the very least so I could see the movie and not be home bored and such. We had a good time at the mall, and pigging out at 3 different fast foods (my intestines hate me). Watched 'He's Just Not That Into You' (pretty good movie), more fast food, came home. Gf and friend are watching a movie in the living room, and I'm washing dishes. Crystal (my gf) comes in, hugs me from behind, and all the stuff I was wanting to tell her, an amalgam of things said here, personal thoughts, romantic feelings, etc start to well up in the back of my throat. So I take a deep breath, as I tend to just let things spill out without rationalization, and
Me: Can I tell you something? Just hear it all out, it's important.
Her: Hmm?
Me: (paraphrasing) Listen, I've had you alot on my mind lately. I really do appreciate that you told me about all that stuff last night. It means alot to me that even though it's stressing you out, you can be honest about it. <insert drawn out stuff about sex not being about finishing, not a competition, I'll stop asking if she came, no pressure, enjoying the ride, etc>.
She started to well-up and hugged me tighter, good long kiss, and she went back to watch the movie.
30 min. later, it's past 1 in the morning, and we head to bead (friend was on the couch ... this comes into play later). We snuggle up tight, closer than usual, I'm giving her just tender kisses, not too sexual, while rubbing her back and legs with my fingertips (call it 'giving goosebumps', and we do it to each other as a relaxation technique). Soon the I love yous start, then things heated up a bit. Without going into sexy details, I spent a good 20 minutes just giving her manual 'pleasure', and she finished during the end of that. THEN she says grab the lube and we went on another 30 minutes from there. Very different sex ... physically close to each other as we possibly could. Oh, and here's the funny part. Because the bed was squeaking slightly, and even though we could hear her friend snoring on the couch (she be loud), Crystal was worried she'd wake up, and Crystal is very self conscious. So she tells me to play music on my cell phone at a really low level.
So, we had sex to Can't Stop and Dani California by the Red Hot Chili Peppers, and she finished for the second time during Buddy Holly by Weezer. It was a funny note to a great night. Oh, she was also crying but because she was happy, and she told me she felt very relieved. It was very deja vu to the first few times we had sex after high school. It meant something more again (if that makes sense). So yeah, things are on a much better note today. Thank you all for your help and encouragement.
3DS FC: 4699-5714-8940 Playing Pokemon, add me! Ho, SATAN!
:winky: ?
<finishes reading>
You're doing it wrong. :P
Just kidding. Glad to hear things are on the up, and that you had a talk.
Can trade TF2 items or whatever else you're interested in. PM me.
1. Talk to her about it.
2. Have more sex.
I think this is now by my default response to all threads in H/A.
It's almost like, just by saying the right things, and not making it a big deal, you ended up fixing it as a result, and unintentionally at that. I can't help but chuckle at that.
Also, this thread is VERY informative for the sexually inexperienced guy. Seriously.
After we all got up this morning, me and Crys were playing Rock Band while her friend was packing up her stuff. We're taking turns picking songs, and she picked Buddy Holly (she tends to stay away from the more metal stuff), and the whole time we played through, I never once thought to ask "Hey, how's this song sound the second time around?"
Or
"Dammit, I keep missing notes. Some kind of squeeking sound is throwing me off ..."
Dammit.
3DS FC: 4699-5714-8940 Playing Pokemon, add me! Ho, SATAN!
"Watch out for the climax after the key change."
Then I saw that Weezer's Buddy Holly was your bump-song... A somewhat unconventional choice for the lovin' music...
but er.... if it works, it works... lol
Gratz, I guess
Maybe I'm naive, but I've found that the way to a woman's heart is to not be a dick and try to embarass her. Wasn't this thread about trouble you were having with her sexually? Why would you then try to make fun of her about sex?
If I embarassed my wife about something sexual like that, I'd be sleeping on the couch for a month. And no H&A thread could save me at that point.