Married with an STD

Evil_Reaver

[Redacted]

SammyF

...you need to go see a sexual health counselor and ask some questions about how the HPV virus spreads and the progression of the disease in a host. Your entire story is predicated upon some theories that I'm not entirely sure are plausible.

Casual

Isn't she going to notice someone has taken a scalpel to your penis? Either way she's going to find out so I would just tell her. If she knew you had lumps on your penis she may even be glad to find out its something as benign as genital warts.

Wezoin

Just be honest. Assuming she knows about the other partner, she should have been aware of the risks.

If you think worrying about having genital warts at the same time as worrying about having breast cancer will be too much for her, maybe wait until she gets the results from the breast cancer testing. Keep in mind doing this runs the risk that she finds out she has breast cancer and then you have to tell her.

Next time you see her naked, try to have a subtle look and see if theres any noticeable warts on her (obviously try not to let her notice.) That is, of course, if you're worried about her having them as well. Maybe whether or not shes experiencing the symptoms could play into your decision making process about whether to tell her now or later (afterall, if she doesnt have symptoms its not as urgent for it to be dealt with.) That said, I would abstain from sexual contact if I were you, unless you use protection. But then again, I'm not sure if that would necessarily protect her (depending on if they are in an area that would be covered by a condom or an area that would touch her.)

EDIT: Sorry, the HPV virus part didn't quite click. I'd say tell her pretty soon then.

bowen

Talk to your doctor.

Edit:

Specifically, ask what should be done, and how long ago you could have contracted it.

Evil_Reaver

[Redacted]

bowen

It's possible, and highly likely, but it's still best to ask your doctor if that's likely the reason.

EggyToast

It's timely, so you should bring it up now. The timing sucks, but some things shouldn't wait for the perfect time. What, you want to wait until she's all in the clear and then dump something new on her? Or wait until she's been un-stressed for a couple months? Then she'll be pissed off why you didn't tell her right away.

You just went to the doc, you told her why, and now you got the results. That means that it is now the best time to talk about it.

Evil_Reaver

[Redacted]

EggyToast

"so uh, that bump I had, it's because I have genital warts."

Septus

In case your doctor somehow doesn't mention it, or you don't know, ask him about Gardasil, an HPV immunization. It's possible your wife hasn't contracted even a dormant version of the disease yet, and it would be great to get her protected now.

SammyF

Evil_Reaver wrote: »

I'm going to have a long conversation with my doctor about it tomorrow. There's nothing I can do other than get it cleared up; there's no cure so there's no point in worrying about *how* it happened. I'm more concerned about breaking it to my wife.

*Sigh.* I hate being the son of a bitch who mentions it...but if five years between contraction and developing observable symptoms seems extremely unlikely, how do you know you didn't contract it more...well, recently?

You need to talk at length with a doctor who specializes in this sort of thing, if only so you can get the piece of mind of knowing where and when you contracted it.

bowen

It can, honest to goodness, take decades for genital warts to surface after an infection with HPV. They usually do resurface after being removed though.

EggyToast

Some people show warts immediately, others will show them at any random time afterwards -- some never show them. That's why you can't just look for bumps.

SammyF

Fine. He should still get as much verification as he can from a doctor about how these things actually work so he can pin down that this is precisely how it happened so that the Mrs. won't also start wondering whether or not the OP was unfaithful. I'm pretty sure that if I walked into the living room right now and told my wife that I all of the sudden had genital warts that she hasn't known in the years and years that we've known one another, there's about a 50/50 chance she'd throw me out of the house if I didn't have a rock-solid explanation.

brandotheninjamaster

I was under the impression that HPV directly affects women and the affects for men are still under study.

bowen

Depending on the strain of HPV, you can get anything from foot warts (type 1) to hand warts (type 2), genital warts (6 and 11 being the most common here), and cancer (I think 16, 18 and a huge list of others are the common ones for this).

Men are mostly stricken with 1,2,6, and 11. These strains aren't limited to their common places either.

It's one of those things that half the world has, but doesn't really ever cause that many issues.

brandotheninjamaster

A couple of not so close members of my family were contracted this, and from what I understand (depending on the strain of course) that it can vanish suddenly as well.

cyphr

bowen wrote: »

It's one of those things that half the world has, but doesn't really ever cause that many issues.

Not just half, most.

Wikipedia wrote:

Most sexually active men and women will probably acquire genital HPV infection at some point in their lives. The American Social Health Association reported estimates that about 75-80% of sexually active Americans will be infected with HPV at some point in their lifetime.

bowen

Hmm, well, symptoms can vanish too, yeah, such is the nature of viral infections. However you will always have HPV if you've contracted it. Same with chicken pox, the flu, etc.

bowen

Wow, that's actually a higher % than I thought it was.

Evil_Reaver

[Redacted]

Septus

Well HPV being widespread doesn't surprise me, because that includes harmless hand warts. This is the first time I've ever heard of any infection rate of genital warts being remotely that high.

Landwehr

My advice is two-fold: don't worry about it so much and don't look at pictures of STDs on the internet. The symptoms of genital warts are relatively minor. Unless you are one of the extremely unlucky few or your immune system is not functioning probably, your stress and worry are more trouble than the actual symptoms. I think you're correct to do some research and see a doctor, but telling your wife is not going to be as difficult as you think. Its easy to worry a lot about this sort of thing, but its really not a big deal. I doubt your wife will worry about it as much as you already have. She cares about you and you haven't done anything wrong. Its just a little gross inconvenience. Would you worry about giving your wife a kiss if she had the flu? This is the same thing, except with penises and vaginas.

bowen

Evil_Reaver wrote: »

So far I've read that 3 out of 4 adults will have HPV at some point in their life. Not all of them show symptoms of having it (warts), but that certainly trends towards "most" people being infected. Additionally, the immune system is usually able to fight off the infection within a couple of years, so it's not an absolute that you're doomed to having HPV for the rest of your life.

It's true, but you will always have the HPV virus, it'll just be dormant. Go go immune system. The problem comes in when your body gets rid of the memory cells because they're not used anymore and you become prone to infection again. Like chicken pox (yes you can get it twice in a life time, and yes its a form of herpes that gives you shingles if your immune system becomes depressed).

HK5

Landwehr wrote: »

My advice is two-fold: don't worry about it so much and don't look at pictures of STDs on the internet. The symptoms of genital warts are relatively minor. Unless you are one of the extremely unlucky few or your immune system is not functioning probably, your stress and worry are more trouble than the actual symptoms. I think you're correct to do some research and see a doctor, but telling your wife is not going to be as difficult as you think. Its easy to worry a lot about this sort of thing, but its really not a big deal. I doubt your wife will worry about it as much as you already have. She cares about you and you haven't done anything wrong. Its just a little gross inconvenience. Would you worry about giving your wife a kiss if she had the flu? This is the same thing, except with penises and vaginas.

Seeing as genital warts can lead to cervical cancer in women, that's not exactly an accurate statement. I doubt there's any easy way to tell your wife about this but maybe if you involve your doctor in the conversation he can put it in context for both of you and let you know what your options are for reducing the risks for both of you.

RUNN1NGMAN

My wife has HPV, it's not exactly a BIG DEAL. There shouldn't be any drama involved telling your wife that you have an HPV infection and that she might have HPV. It's important that she's getting pap smears done though (I mean, she should already be getting them, but now it's really important that she starts if she isn't already).

CelestialBadger

Better tell her now, otherwise she might wonder why you are avoiding her sexually, and feel that she is no longer attractive to you.

Emanon

I read warts are so common that everybody that is sexually active in this thread may have it and not know it.

I had a recent STD scare and thought it was Gonorreah or Chlamydia (pus, yuck!) but my tests turned out negative. Still had to man up and talk to my lady friend when I noticed the symptoms though.

Landwehr

HK5 wrote: »

Landwehr wrote: »

My advice is two-fold: don't worry about it so much and don't look at pictures of STDs on the internet. The symptoms of genital warts are relatively minor. Unless you are one of the extremely unlucky few or your immune system is not functioning probably, your stress and worry are more trouble than the actual symptoms. I think you're correct to do some research and see a doctor, but telling your wife is not going to be as difficult as you think. Its easy to worry a lot about this sort of thing, but its really not a big deal. I doubt your wife will worry about it as much as you already have. She cares about you and you haven't done anything wrong. Its just a little gross inconvenience. Would you worry about giving your wife a kiss if she had the flu? This is the same thing, except with penises and vaginas.

Seeing as genital warts can lead to cervical cancer in women, that's not exactly an accurate statement. I doubt there's any easy way to tell your wife about this but maybe if you involve your doctor in the conversation he can put it in context for both of you and let you know what your options are for reducing the risks for both of you.

Both cervical cancer and genital warts are caused by HPV. Most cervical cancer is caused by specific types of HPV. Even these high-risk types of HPV are rather unlikely to cause cervical cancer. The type of HPV which causes genital warts is even more unlikely to cause cervical cancer. Yes, genital warts may be icky and embarrassing, but they are not not especially dangerous.

National Cancer Institute wrote:

Are there specific types of HPV that are associated with cancer?
Some types of HPV are referred to as “low-risk” viruses because they rarely cause lesions that develop into cancer. HPV types that are more likely to lead to the development of cancer are referred to as “high-risk.” Both high-risk and low-risk types of HPV can cause the growth of abnormal cells, but only the high-risk types of HPV lead to cancer. Sexually transmitted, high-risk HPVs include types 16, 18, 31, 33, 35, 39, 45, 51, 52, 56, 58, 59, 66, 68, and 73 (4). These high-risk types of HPV cause growths on the cervix that are usually flat and nearly invisible, as compared with the external warts caused by low-risk types HPV–6 and HPV–11. HPV types 16 and 18 together cause about 70 percent of cervical cancers (4, 5). It is important to note, however, that the great majority of high-risk HPV infections go away on their own and do not cause cancer (5).

http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/factsheet/Risk/HPV

Killgrimage

My bf and I had a scare about the HPV virus a few months ago. One of his old ex-gfs called him up to tell him she had HPV and that he might have it as well. Thing is, he had no symptoms, and it turns out that there is NO HPV test for men if there are no warts. Therefore, I had to make an emergency visit to the lady doctor to get myself tested, with the implication being that if I don't have it, he probably doesn't either. I was tested negative, which really wasn't that surprising; it's much easier, for some reason, for a virus positive guy to transfer it to a negative woman than a positive woman to transfer it to a negative man. Go figure. Anyway, the truth of it is, if you have a healthy immune system, this virus WILL disappear in a couple of years. And if it were me, and I was the one with the breast cancer scare, I would say that as long as you broke it to me gently and brought EVERY fact that you can find with you so you can answer all her questions, I would want to know sooner rather than later. Good luck.

Vixx

don't let yourself get freaked out by the connotations of STD

HPV, as already explained, is very common, and highly, highly manageable

like one guy in this thread mentioned, it is the equivalent of kissing your wife if she had the flu, only in this case it's having sex with her while you have "the flu"

don't freak out

call up your doctor and ask how likely it is that the type of HPV you have has been demonstrated to lead to a higher chance of cervical cancer in women, and then, if applicable, ask what can be down to mitigate that risk

likewise, calm your wife down and don't let her freak out about her breast lump... not until a doctor has checked it out and tells her what it is; a lump in the breast isn't always breast cancer, and in most cases lumps that ARE cancer are found to be benign

stressing herself (yourself) out over it will do nothing but make herself (you) feel worse about what's going on, so just take a deep breath, relax, and wait for the doctor's verdict

Evil_Reaver

[Redacted]

ceres

You need to tell her right away because this is information she needs to have when she gets the lump checked out.

Some forms of HPV are linked pretty strongly to cervical cancer. If your HPV really was contracted years and years ago and you're just noticing symptoms now, it's not entirely outside the realm of possibility that it could have been that form of HPV, and what she's finding now could be a result of metastasis there. At the very, very least, she should make sure she's got a clean bill of cervical health as soon as possible.

I am not a doctor; I don't know what the chances are of this actually being the case. It doesn't hurt to get it all checked out though, and the key to that is telling her as soon as possible.

edit: I see you DID tell her. But the rest stands.