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Depression while abroad
Talka
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
This is fairly long. Feel free to jump to the questions at the bottom and skip the background. Here are the essential facts: in a couple of days I'm leaving the country to go abroad. I'll be spending six months overseas--three with a homestay family, and three by myself during a summer internship. On the one hand, it's all very exciting. On the other hand, I'm conflicted about how good the timing of the trip may be. If I weren't going abroad, I would be looking into some sort of treatment for depression right now.
So that's the background. If I weren't going abroad, I'd feel a lot more comfortable if I could look into getting some sort of therapy or something, even though I have no idea what that would entail. But I'm going abroad, for better or worse, so things are a little more complicated. Here are my questions:
1) For people who've spent time abroad--is it a lonely experience? I'm going with other students from my University, none of whom I know particularly well. I'm concerned that loneliness and homesickness might set me off in a real bad way. But I've heard from some friends who've been abroad before that it was a really sociable experience with lots of bonding and tight friendships. Should I expect a lot of alone time? Is homesickness common? Is there anything I can do to make sure I'm not alone too often?
2) How would I go about getting help if things start getting really bad? I don't think my University abroad program has any sort of mental health advising, so I guess I'd have to find some sort of help on my own. But there would be language problems, and logistical problems (I don't know how to find help in America, much less a foreign country). When I was really depressed seven or eight month ago, I ended up being hospitalized at the university hospital for a few days. I don't know where I'd go if things get that bad overseas.
3) Should I alert someone in the program that I'm worried about getting depressed while I'm abroad? I'm a little bit afraid they might suggest (or demand) that I don't go if I tell them the full extent of it, but I'm determined to go. And I don't know how they would help.
I think that's everything I'm worried about. I might add more questions if I think of anything else.
I was dumped about ~7-8 months ago, and had a pretty major depressive episode for a couple of months after it happened. I would get all torn up if I ever thought about my ex, and for the first few months it was like I was thinking about her all the time. With time, I've come to stop thinking about her. However, I don't feel like I've gotten "better" as I've forgotten her. Even though I don't think about her, I'm still having these occasional panic attacks where I have to hide somewhere in private (a bathroom, my car) or I'll start freaking out and feeling terrified. I can't just fight through it and hide it or anything--I sweat, and shiver, and I get massive migraines. During these episodes, I'll cry uncontrollably and for seemingly no reason. I can't figure out what causes them, or what I'm so upset about. Originally what would set me off were thoughts about having gotten dumped, but now there's no real instigator and I don't think about my ex when they happen. I've been able to control and deal with these on my own for the past semester with the help of some close friends (all of whom suggest I get some sort of help, although we're all clueless as to how "getting help" works). I haven't tried to find help before, because when I have close friends nearby these attacks don't happen as often or as powerfully. It's when I feel all alone that I start feeling really bad.
I've also been feeling odd and out of whack during the periods in between these attacks. I can't feel anything--things that would've caused me a lot of emotional distress a couple of months ago have absolutely no effect on me now. I can't get upset, and I can't get happy. I ran into my ex-girlfriend a couple days ago for the first time since we broke up. We talked about some things, she explained that's she's been with several other guys since she left me, and then we had sex a couple of times for good measure. Everything about that encounter should be fucking me up real bad. I mean, I used to get these panic attacks because of her, so seeing her (and having sex with her!) really ought to cause some emotional distress, right? But now it's like I can't feel anything outside of my panic attacks. I had sort of noticed this over the past few months, but the encounter with my ex really drove it home for me. I can't feel anger or affection or relief or anything. I think it felt nice to see her after so long, and I think it felt bad to hear that she's been with other men. But my mind just feels kind of turned off, and I can't react to anything.
I've also been feeling odd and out of whack during the periods in between these attacks. I can't feel anything--things that would've caused me a lot of emotional distress a couple of months ago have absolutely no effect on me now. I can't get upset, and I can't get happy. I ran into my ex-girlfriend a couple days ago for the first time since we broke up. We talked about some things, she explained that's she's been with several other guys since she left me, and then we had sex a couple of times for good measure. Everything about that encounter should be fucking me up real bad. I mean, I used to get these panic attacks because of her, so seeing her (and having sex with her!) really ought to cause some emotional distress, right? But now it's like I can't feel anything outside of my panic attacks. I had sort of noticed this over the past few months, but the encounter with my ex really drove it home for me. I can't feel anger or affection or relief or anything. I think it felt nice to see her after so long, and I think it felt bad to hear that she's been with other men. But my mind just feels kind of turned off, and I can't react to anything.
So that's the background. If I weren't going abroad, I'd feel a lot more comfortable if I could look into getting some sort of therapy or something, even though I have no idea what that would entail. But I'm going abroad, for better or worse, so things are a little more complicated. Here are my questions:
1) For people who've spent time abroad--is it a lonely experience? I'm going with other students from my University, none of whom I know particularly well. I'm concerned that loneliness and homesickness might set me off in a real bad way. But I've heard from some friends who've been abroad before that it was a really sociable experience with lots of bonding and tight friendships. Should I expect a lot of alone time? Is homesickness common? Is there anything I can do to make sure I'm not alone too often?
2) How would I go about getting help if things start getting really bad? I don't think my University abroad program has any sort of mental health advising, so I guess I'd have to find some sort of help on my own. But there would be language problems, and logistical problems (I don't know how to find help in America, much less a foreign country). When I was really depressed seven or eight month ago, I ended up being hospitalized at the university hospital for a few days. I don't know where I'd go if things get that bad overseas.
3) Should I alert someone in the program that I'm worried about getting depressed while I'm abroad? I'm a little bit afraid they might suggest (or demand) that I don't go if I tell them the full extent of it, but I'm determined to go. And I don't know how they would help.
I think that's everything I'm worried about. I might add more questions if I think of anything else.
Talka on
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2.) I bet they do and you aren't aware of it. I'm pretty sure all universities have them. I really don't think you'll have any depression troubles once you get over there as long as you're utilizing the fact that YOU'RE IN ANOTHER COUNTRY AND CAN DO NEW, COOL THINGS WITH NEW PEOPLE. Seriously, it's exciting, and so underrated! Don't stay indoors on a computer or brooding over your past.
3.) If it gets bad? Absolutely. Do you have an adviser or director of your program you can talk to if this gets bad? If you don't know who it is, find out soon.
Really you'll be fine. I think this will be just what you need to get over your past relationship. When you're moving around and seeing new stuff, talking with new people (not just your classmates, but people on a daily basis) it's simply incredible how fast you forget home and adapt to your new surroundings. I went to Italy a year or two ago and I have nothing but great experiences from it. Where are you headed to?
However, if you had "sex a couple of times for good measure" then there's something else with that relationship you need to deal with, whether it's getting closure, both of you have feelings for each other, etc. and going on this trip won't fix that. I really do think it will fix your depression though. You know a piece of advice to battle depression is to get a hobby? This is like dropping everything you know and getting a billion new hobbies because you're practically getting a new life. New things to do, new places to be, new people to meet, a new culture to be a part of.
The homesickness will go away with time, for most people, as you get used to your surroundings and what not. For some, it never does, and I'm not really sure you can affect a change with this one.
For alienation, you will have feelings of people not really "understanding" you or your culture. This of course is compounded by a language/culture barrier. (I kind of view it as, its made easier if you're in an English speaking country). Honestly, I think the best way to counter that is to make Expat friends from whatever country your from and other international students. There's a camaraderie amongst people in a foreign country. A lot of people might say that this might hamper your ability to "intigrate" or "absorb a foreign culture" but there is something to be said about the comforts of not having to explain yourself or not having to constantly say "In my country x y z" when there is a social miss-understanding due to differences of culture. This isn't to say don't make an effort to get to know locals and what not, but also don't dismiss your own countrymen/ other outernationals, because "I'm in X country, I gonna meet X people." I'm speaking from personal experience on this one. I met a lot of people who did one or the other and both. I tried to do both, and my year abroad was probably the best year in my life to date.
Remember to take it from the host country's point of view too though. You may feel alienated because people might not value taking the time to get to know someone if they're gonna leave in a matter of months, or even a year, as was my experience.
Just take it as it comes and remember people react to and reflect you. If you smile, chances are a person will smile back, ya know?
Going abroad for school and work are very different experiences. As long as you're a sociable person and make the effort to create new friendships, you'll be fine. Homesickness most likely will happen, but I found that 30 minutes in the nostalgic atmosphere of McDonalds can work wonders. The problem may be with your internship, if you're going to be living alone. It's only three months long so you won't have the time to make really good friendships. Just make sure you have games you want to play, music you want to listen to and something that you want to study and I think you'll find that spending time alone really isn't that bad.
Generally speaking urban areas are foreigner friendly, and rural areas are very difficult to live in. I lived in rural Japan for two years and it was a very lonely experience. Then I got transferred to a small city, and suddenly I had an amazing social life.
Depression is a stage of culture shock, so yes, you're going to probably experience it. In most developed countries that are hotlines you can call if you need someone to talk to about this. If you search hard enough for help, you'll probably be able to find it. Don't even consider keeping it all bottled up. Don't start out in a new country with a negative mindset either, it'll just become a self fulfilling prophecy.
I wouldn't tell anybody before going if I were you. I'm sure that your university doesn't want the liability of a depressed student. If you can, seek help off campus once you're there.
EDIT: Also, be aware that my advice is really based on my experiences in Japan. If you are going to a european country, from what I've heard, the culture shock isn't nearly as harsh and probably people will be more understanding of your depression.
Yeah, I'm absolutely determined to have fun and make the most of the opportunity. And from week to week I oscillate between thinking I'm not in a good spot to enjoy a trip abroad and thinking this is just what I need. I'll do everything possible to go in with a positive attitude.
Alright, I'm researching these things now. I'll see what I can find out.
Yeah, there's drama there that's unresolved. But what I've come to understand is that my relationship with this girl just isn't going to be resolved anytime soon. Maybe we have feelings for each other, but it doesn't matter. Logistically there's just no way we're going to be dating again in the foreseeable future. She was abroad for a year, returned a week ago, and now I go abroad for six months. And even though we broke up over mostly logistical problems, I'm not in a place where I can just easily forgive and forget about getting dumped and her sleeping around. Neither of us wants to date during our senior year of college. So all I can really do is just not think about her. Whether or not I ever make a move on her again way down the line, the best course of action for right now is to stop thinking about her and keep her out of my mind. So sleeping with her again was almost definitely a mistake.
EDIT:
I am going to be in Japan.
I also splurged for travelers insurance with STA and knew there were places I'd be covered where I was staying. You can look into that to see if it provides psychological medical treatment and see if your current health insurance will cover anything abroad and what you'd have to do to get it.