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University issue

suicidexcusesuicidexcuse Registered User regular
edited November 2006 in Help / Advice Forum
I need advice on what to do. I am currently in my first semestor of university. I moved out of my mom's house in august to a new city and thought i would be having the time of my life but i was sadly mistaken. Even though i've been here for a month i have not made any real friends. I talk to alot of people during classes and such but nothing other than that. I do not live in a dorm, i live with 3 other guys who happen to be 9 years older then me. If i am not in school or working i am in my room on my bed with my laptop surfing the internet, playing games or chatting to friends at home. I've become really depresssed. My grades have dropped drastically, i'm riding the curve. Then i get mad at myself for having such bad grades and try to punish myself in stupid little ways. I can't seem to get myself up in the mornings for school, the weather being -33 doesn't help either.

While i feel i want to go home they are a few things that make me releuctant. I would end up paying about 2 months of payments towards student loans. Not all that much but still. My mom's house is crowded as well. When i lived there i could never have privacy. I've gone from crowds of ppl to no one to talk to. And lastly, the university back home it's the greatest. It's usually ranked on of the worst in the country each year. I'm not sure if it means much but people constantly tell me that. I know tons of you are going to say join a club or a group but i am very shy and find it hard to make new friends.

So should i go back home and continue to go to university there. Or stick it out here and try to make some new friends. Any advice will help. Thanks in Advance.

suicidexcuse on

Posts

  • mcdermottmcdermott Registered User regular
    edited November 2006
    Or stick it out here and try to make some new friends. Any advice will help.

    I'd go with this one. Leaving your comfort zone is part of growing up. Honestly, you might have been better living in a dorm...though simple proximity to those your own age and doing the same things as you is not guaranteed socialization; there are plenty of shut-ins in dorms too.

    But that might have helped. You may consider it for future semesters.

    As far as getting yourself up for class, don't know what to tell you. You just have to do it. I have a hard time with it myself sometimes. But when you're paying for the classes, rather than being forced to go, it should help motivate you a bit.

    mcdermott on
  • RichyRichy Registered User regular
    edited November 2006
    If i am not in school or working i am in my room on my bed with my laptop surfing the internet, playing games or chatting to friends at home.

    That's the problem, right there.

    First off, to answer your question: stick out there and try to make some new friends.

    Now, you won't make friends staying in your room alone. You need to get out there. For next term, I recommend getting into a student dorm. You'll be surrounded by people your age, make lots of new friends, there'll be a caf to talk to people while you eat, and there'll be organised activities.

    In the mean time, join a club. I don't give a shit how shy you are, just do it. Go to your student union website or office, get a club list, and find one that fits with your interests. There's probably a videogame club, that could be right up your alley. Or find anything else you like that's got a club. Then find out when and where they meet, and go there.

    Richy on
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  • ALockslyALocksly Registered User
    edited November 2006
    Richy wrote:
    If i am not in school or working i am in my room on my bed with my laptop surfing the internet, playing games or chatting to friends at home.

    That's the problem, right there.

    First off, to answer your question: stick out there and try to make some new friends.

    Now, you won't make friends staying in your room alone. You need to get out there. For next term, I recommend getting into a student dorm. You'll be surrounded by people your age, make lots of new friends, there'll be a caf to talk to people while you eat, and there'll be organised activities.

    In the mean time, join a club. I don't give a shit how shy you are, just do it. Go to your student union website or office, get a club list, and find one that fits with your interests. There's probably a videogame club, that could be right up your alley. Or find anything else you like that's got a club. Then find out when and where they meet, and go there.
    :^:

    also, get yourself to the library and away from your computer and other distractions to study.

    ALocksly on
    Yes,... yes, I agree. It's totally unfair that sober you gets into trouble for things that drunk you did.
  • AntigoneAntigone Registered User
    edited November 2006
    I do not live in a dorm, i live with 3 other guys who happen to be 9 years older then me.

    There's a lot of the problem.

    If you can, try to move into the dorms next semester. Failing that, next year. It can really help on the friends front, even coming into them 2nd year. AND the dorms will put you closer to campus, which makes -33 a little more bearable. I'm currently going to school in Minnesota, I understand this one :P . At the very least, it might help to move in with some people your own age.

    And of course, try to join something. I'm not saying go out and join every club that comes your way, just find one (maybe 2) that you have some interest in at all. You don't have to be crazy outgoing to find friends, just be nice and yourself.

    Good luck :)

    Antigone on
  • DeswaDeswa Registered User
    edited November 2006
    ALocksly wrote:
    Richy wrote:
    If i am not in school or working i am in my room on my bed with my laptop surfing the internet, playing games or chatting to friends at home.
    snip
    :^:

    also, get yourself to the library and away from your computer and other distractions to study.
    My dorm has way too many consoles and people are usually playing at least one of them. It is not easy to do work.

    Deswa on
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  • UnderdogUnderdog Registered User regular
    edited November 2006
    Deswa wrote:
    ALocksly wrote:
    Richy wrote:
    If i am not in school or working i am in my room on my bed with my laptop surfing the internet, playing games or chatting to friends at home.
    snip
    :^:

    also, get yourself to the library and away from your computer and other distractions to study.
    My dorm has way too many consoles and people are usually playing at least one of them. It is not easy to do work.

    Yeah and even if the only thing you've got is your computer, it's still really distracting. I have a hell of a time trying to write essays because every few minutes I go check a webcomic or something. Studying is best accomplished in a studying environment. If you want, throw together a study group with the people that you talk to in class. Might help you with the friend making business too. My cousin's advice with study groups is include at least one not so bright person. This way you have to explain a lot of things to them, forcing you to really know your stuff.

    Being shy is a bitch but not an excuse. You don't have to jump into every class with a huge smile and shake hands with everyone but not many will just fall into your lap and be your friend. You still have to try, shy or no shy. I'm shitty at talking and this year (3rd) is the first year I've had much in the way of conversation with people in class but none of this would be happening if I didn't try (and fail SPECTACULARLY at times) in my first 2 years.

    Underdog on
  • Google Image SearchGoogle Image Search Registered User
    edited November 2006
    Deswa wrote:
    ALocksly wrote:
    Richy wrote:
    If i am not in school or working i am in my room on my bed with my laptop surfing the internet, playing games or chatting to friends at home.
    snip
    :^:

    also, get yourself to the library and away from your computer and other distractions to study.
    My dorm has way too many consoles and people are usually playing at least one of them. It is not easy to do work.
    living on campus also puts him closer to the library for studying

    Google Image Search on
    GalfordSig.gif
  • ReitenReiten Registered User
    edited November 2006
    I also recommend living in a dorm to meet people. Given that you can't do that at the moment, try joining a university club or organization (or a professional one, most majors have an associated professional association where you can meet people).

    However, you won't get any studying done in a dorm or in your own room w/ your games and the internet. It just won't happen. Set up an outside quiet place that you regularly visit as your study spot (the library, etc.) Establish a regular schedule so that once you're there, your brain says "time to study". Don't take anything that you don't need with you.

    In my experience, study groups are a way to meet people, but not always the most productive to get actual studying done (although YMMV).

    Returning home will only put off facing the problems.

    Reiten on
  • KungFuKungFu Registered User regular
    edited November 2006
    I am going to go with the 'join a club/activity' advice here. Joining something that will have other students with common interests for you to socialize with. A fraternity isn't such a bad idea either - meet the guys and find out if you like them. That's definitely quite a way to make new friends and get involved on campus. Joining a club or greek life will make you feel more connected to your campus and likely motivate you to do better academically.

    KungFu on
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