Building an entire new social circle

Kyougu

Okay guys, I'm getting desperate..

After finally graduating college at the age of 25, I decided to pack up my things and moved to the Dallas area. I settled in the Plano area, and at first my main concern was of course getting and securing a job. I didn't really worry about having a social life or meeting new people, figuring that would come later. Well that was two months ago, and although I now have a job that keeps me busy Mon-Fri, my weekends have become depressingly boring.

I just have no idea how to go about meeting new people, specially that share my interests. I heard of Meetup.com and signed and actually went for a gathering sponsored by a group made for singles and people wanting to meet others, and it didn't meet any sucess. It was a bar, and it really wasn't organized or anything. Everytime I would try to introduce myself to someone from the group (we all had the same wristbands) I would just kinda be given the cold shoulder, or a "hi" before they would return to their previous conversations. I ended up giving up.

I'm trying again today, only this time I'm heading out to meet up with a volunteer group, which I think may be better. But other than that, how do I meet people/make friends?

Varian

Detail for me your interests?

Kyougu

Guess I really should have mention my interests

Gaming (Obvious)
Tennis
Working Out
Books
Movies
Volunteering
Political Talk
Pro Wrestling (Secret Shame!)

NotASenator

Are you going out and doing things? Do you talk to people when you do these things?

That's how any "social circle" comes about. You go out and do things you enjoy and meet other people while doing it.

Talk to people when you work out, talk to people when you volunteer, join a book club and talk to people there.

1ddqd

Well hey, I'll give you a lead. I'm over in Lewisville (about 20 min from most of Plano) and I usually hang out with a group of friends I had from college. Next time we go out drinking, I'll shoot you a PM and you can come.

To be frank, new social circles end up being comprised of people you work with and their friends. It's just how that tends to work. That's not the ONLY way to get new friends, but its the easiest. Have you found a job yet?

useless4

i agree once you end schooling, it's almost impossible to create new circles of friends unless they work with you.
100% of my non-wife related friends are from work at the moment. I mean, they are no longer soley work based and none of them live here at this point but we all met at work... like on the first day literally.

I unfortunately can't help you meet friends in Plano unless you own a land rover and like to offroad or want to start a taproot style band.

Stevie2Sxc

I'm gonna be in this same situation soon as I'm going off to Uni and nobody I know or any of my mates are going to be nearby

Raziel

Ah, University's easy. Everybody's terrified and lonely, so it's super easy to make friends.

But yeah, to echo: Don't be a loner no matter what you do. Introduce yourself to people who seem interesting, and only say "No" when you have a damn good reason.

Kyougu

Thanks for the offer 1ddqd, that's really cool and I'll be up for going for drinks anytime.

And about the job situation, I already have one (otherwise that would be my main concern) but the problem is that I work with 40+ year old women at the moment. We done the whole going out for lunch thing a couple of times and we're all friendly enough, but they're not exactly the type to call out for a weekend.

1ddqd

Kyougu wrote: »

Thanks for the offer 1ddqd, that's really cool and I'll be up for going for drinks anytime.

And about the job situation, I already have one (otherwise that would be my main concern) but the problem is that I work with 40+ year old women at the moment. We done the whole going out for lunch thing a couple of times and we're all friendly enough, but they're not exactly the type to call out for a weekend.

I hear you. The only other suggestion I have is to head out to things you're interested in (LAN centers if its gaming, bars if its drinking, you get the idea) and just chat with people. Small talk topics that generally succeed in building a conversation: movies, fiction, and pop culture. If all else fails, there's always the weather.

Dog

useless4 wrote: »

i agree once you end schooling, it's almost impossible to create new circles of friends unless they work with you.

I have to disagree with this big time.

The best way to meet people post-college other than work is through clubs and sports, neither of which are a major impossibility. When I first started building a new social circle, I found it pretty hard at work because most of the people I work with are a good deal older than I am. So instead, I made friends through an indoor soccer league.

You just need to be proactive about trying to meet new people. Volunteering opportunities aren't going to come to you, and if you're big into tennis you should join a club and talk to the managers/pros there and see what they have to offer as far as getting you involved with a league or just finding people to hit the ball around with.


And as far as getting the cold shoulder at the bar... Aside from the fact bars aren't that great for meeting people in the first place, if someone is giving you the shoulder, do you want to be friends with them anyways?

GrimmyTOA

Join a tennis club. Take a few few lessons or enter a tournament. Be chatty. Suggest drinks afterwards. Or a book club. Join one of those -- they're like instant social circles. Volunteer somewhere and just start chatting with your fellow volunteers. Say you're new in town, and presto!

The first introduction's always the hardest.

Dog

Yeah, I've gotta say being new in town gives you an instant conversation piece with just about anyone (for both sides).

Ayana

I have this same problem. My reason, though, is that I can't tolerate people. Very few people interest me so it's hard to find someone that I can stand talking to for more than 5 minutes.

Everyone in Florida is either dying or dumb, it seems

Kyougu

Thanks again for the continued advice guys.

I ended up going to the volunteer thing at the salvation army and met some good folks. I'll keep attending their volunteer activites and hopefully that'll be a good way to start building that social group.

I hadn't thought too much at th tennis idea, since tennis was just something me and my friends were getting into before we moved, but I think I may check clubs around my place and see what they got for beginners . I'm going to look into sport clubs too, since it would be a good alternative to excercise.

Vixx

I'm in something of a similar boat, having just moved.

Networking events help, if there are any nearby. Volunteering and other community work is likely the best way to meet people, and I'm glad to hear that that worked for you.

Go for the sport idea... I play volleyball, so the fact that I just joined a volleyball club in the area automatically puts me in touch with plenty of great people with similar interests. Plenty of areas have social leagues wherein anyone at any level can join, and they work as long as you go in with a have-fun mindset. Or, find a club with teams at your level and you can all learn the sport together. I personally don't think of tennis as being too great a social event unless you're going with a small group of friends you already know, since you only meet so many people at once (i.e., if you're playing a match you're only gonna have 4 people on the court at most), but that could be true of most other sports I suppose.

Lucky Cynic

I know its probably not what you had in mind but if you want an internet buddy to just IM with back and forth, I don't mind having random forumers dropping me a few messages or emails or tweets.