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I think I fucked up and put everyone into a world of hurt.

EliteLamerEliteLamer __BANNED USERS
edited March 2009 in Help / Advice Forum
Yeah it is over a girl that likes me. Pretty much I knew this girl liked me but I wanted to just chill with her and see what I think. Cause I really don't know her at all and I just don't know. I am so confused if I want to date this girl or not. Anyways I went out last night to chill with her and some friends. While there one of her friends ask me if I like her and I didn't know what to say really. Was not really a no or yes question for me but spur of the moment I said yes. Well of course they go off into the bathroom together and have a little chat. Anyways now I feel like I am locked into this...

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EliteLamer on
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Posts

  • bowenbowen How you doin'? Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Why?

    "Will you be my boyfriend"

    "No"

    "But you said you like me"

    "I like milk too, but I'm not fucking it."

    Learn to say no to people if you have no want to be together. If you want something salvageable feel free to toss in a "Not right now."

    bowen on
    not a doctor, not a lawyer, examples I use may not be fully researched so don't take out of context plz, don't @ me
  • SceptreSceptre Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    First off... Breathe. You sound very panicked. You aren't locked into anything.

    Second of all, who knows, going on a date could be fun. First dates usually don't mean a whole lot, and they are certainly not something to get incredibly worried about like this.

    Sceptre on
  • The Crowing OneThe Crowing One Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Just... just relax.

    Deep breath.

    Then deal with the consequences of your actions. This is a better skill in the long run.

    The Crowing One on
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  • SentrySentry Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    What's with this rabbit in a snare crap? First they spring a bullshit question on you and you panic, then you come here and freak right out over it? And what's with this end of the world scenario thread title?

    I think you need to step back and gain a little perspective here man.

    Sentry on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    wrote:
    When I was a little kid, I always pretended I was the hero,' Skip said.
    'Fuck yeah, me too. What little kid ever pretended to be part of the lynch-mob?'
  • DmanDman Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    I felt kinda like your describing back in high school before my first ever date. I don't know what your situation is, but other people acting immature can definitely make any potential relationship a social nightmare. Just be honest and mature yourself, take a deep breath, and it will blow, if you're genuinely interested in her you might as well go on a date, don't let peer pressure fuck things up.

    Dman on
  • EliteLamerEliteLamer __BANNED USERS
    edited March 2009
    Sentry wrote: »
    What's with this rabbit in a snare crap? First they spring a bullshit question on you and you panic, then you come here and freak right out over it? And what's with this end of the world scenario thread title?

    I think you need to step back and gain a little perspective here man.

    Didn't mean to title it like that but wasn't sure what to call it.

    I pretty much know if she gets hurt over this I am going to lose some friends.

    EliteLamer on
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  • brandotheninjamasterbrandotheninjamaster Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    These girls sound like they're putting you through some High School BS Elite, calm down and don't fall into that BS.
    bowen wrote: »
    Why?

    "Will you be my boyfriend"

    "No"

    "But you said you like me"

    "I like milk too, but I'm not fucking it."

    :lol:

    brandotheninjamaster on
  • EliteLamerEliteLamer __BANNED USERS
    edited March 2009
    Dman wrote: »
    I felt kinda like your describing back in high school before my first ever date. I don't know what your situation is, but other people acting immature can definitely make any potential relationship a social nightmare. Just be honest and mature yourself, take a deep breath, and it will blow, if you're genuinely interested in her you might as well go on a date, don't let peer pressure fuck things up.

    Exactly....

    EliteLamer on
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  • EliteLamerEliteLamer __BANNED USERS
    edited March 2009
    Its just the fact everything went from me checking her out. To you need to take her on a date in 5 min over a convo in the bathroom.

    EliteLamer on
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  • MagicPrimeMagicPrime FiresideWizard Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    "I'm not looking for an exclusive relationship right now, but I wouldn't mind taking you out on a date."

    How old are you? I thought this kinda shit happened in HS at a "parents gone for the weekend" party.

    MagicPrime on
    BNet • magicprime#1430 | PSN/Steam • MagicPrime | Origin • FireSideWizard
    Critical Failures - Havenhold CampaignAugust St. Cloud (Human Ranger)
  • brandotheninjamasterbrandotheninjamaster Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    EliteLamer wrote: »
    Its just the fact everything went from me checking her out. To you need to take her on a date in 5 min over a convo in the bathroom.

    Who is in control here, them or you? You don't have to do anything you don't want. Do the stuff at your own pace and don't be afraid to let them know that you have a backbone.

    brandotheninjamaster on
  • KalTorakKalTorak One way or another, they all end up in the Undercity.Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    How old is everyone?

    KalTorak on
  • DogDog Registered User, Administrator, Vanilla Staff admin
    edited March 2009
    My god. What are you 12?


    There are plenty of people I like that I don't really have any interest in dating. Did she ask you on a date? Did you ask her on a date? No? I don't see where the problem is, and I don't see why anyone should be hurting.


    I mean really.

    Unknown User on
  • The Crowing OneThe Crowing One Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    EliteLamer wrote: »
    Its just the fact everything went from me checking her out. To you need to take her on a date in 5 min over a convo in the bathroom.

    Just stop.

    Take her on a date. Or don't. You're crippled by considering infinite "what if" situations.

    This is what you have to deal with, so pony up and deal with it.

    The Crowing One on
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  • PongePonge Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Well, go on a date with her? You admitted you were interested, most likely you've been put off by the fact that it's been so 'easy', no thrill of the chase or torturing yourself over wether she likes you.

    Ponge on
  • SentrySentry Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    EliteLamer wrote: »
    Sentry wrote: »
    What's with this rabbit in a snare crap? First they spring a bullshit question on you and you panic, then you come here and freak right out over it? And what's with this end of the world scenario thread title?

    I think you need to step back and gain a little perspective here man.

    Didn't mean to title it like that but wasn't sure what to call it.

    I pretty much know if she gets hurt over this I am going to lose some friends.

    The only way to win in this type of scenario is to be honest.

    Don't do anything you don't want to do. If someone says "why don't you ask her out, I thought you liked her" you say "none of your damn business." or that you aren't looking for a relationship, or that you don't want to ruin the friendship or upset the group dynamic.

    What you DON'T do is ask her out, date for two years, propose, get married, have kids, and eventually divorce all because you turn to jelly when you get put on the spot.

    Sentry on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    wrote:
    When I was a little kid, I always pretended I was the hero,' Skip said.
    'Fuck yeah, me too. What little kid ever pretended to be part of the lynch-mob?'
  • EliteLamerEliteLamer __BANNED USERS
    edited March 2009
    Ponge wrote: »
    Well, go on a date with her? You admitted you were interested, most likely you've been put off by the fact that it's been so 'easy', no thrill of the chase or torturing yourself over wether she likes you.

    Holy shit thats it. I love the chase more than anything and now there is none :(

    EliteLamer on
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  • DogDog Registered User, Administrator, Vanilla Staff admin
    edited March 2009
    Sentry wrote: »
    What you DON'T do is ask her out, date for two years, propose, get married, have kids, and eventually divorce all because you turn to jelly when you get put on the spot.

    :^:

    Just make sure you get a prenup. Unless she is rich, then don't let her talk you into signing one. Or do sign it. I don't know what you're looking to get out of this relationship.

    Unknown User on
  • mellestadmellestad Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Yea, just try to be mature and you will be fine. Kids are almost as stupid as adults about this stuff, but nothing in your life will be destroyed as long as you act like an adult.

    mellestad on
  • EliteLamerEliteLamer __BANNED USERS
    edited March 2009
    Yeah I do stupid things with girls. Fucking my boss was one of them too :-|

    EliteLamer on
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  • bowenbowen How you doin'? Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    mellestad wrote: »
    Yea, just try to be mature and you will be fine. Kids are almost as stupid as adults about this stuff, but nothing in your life will be destroyed as long as you act like an adult.

    The men and women I work with are equally as bad, if not worse, about high-school dating drama. I can attest to this comment.

    bowen on
    not a doctor, not a lawyer, examples I use may not be fully researched so don't take out of context plz, don't @ me
  • brandotheninjamasterbrandotheninjamaster Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    bowen wrote: »
    mellestad wrote: »
    Yea, just try to be mature and you will be fine. Kids are almost as stupid as adults about this stuff, but nothing in your life will be destroyed as long as you act like an adult.

    The men and women I work with are equally as bad, if not worse, about high-school dating drama. I can attest to this comment.

    Ditto.

    I guess it breathes life into their otherwise dull lives.

    brandotheninjamaster on
  • DmanDman Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    EliteLamer wrote: »
    Its just the fact everything went from me checking her out. To you need to take her on a date in 5 min over a convo in the bathroom.

    Couple options (there are many more, your not trapped)
    1. You don't want outside pressure from friends to affect how the relationship develops but you'd like to get to know her better (go on first date)

    2. Your not ready for a serious relationship and it wouldn't be fair to risk ruining the friendship (girls say stuff like this all day long, no reason you can't use it)

    Bowen's lines are hilarious, but run a high risk of getting you slapped :P

    Dman on
  • EliteLamerEliteLamer __BANNED USERS
    edited March 2009
    Eh what am I saying.

    EliteLamer on
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  • DogDog Registered User, Administrator, Vanilla Staff admin
    edited March 2009
    So you already have everything figured out then. Don't ask her out.


    Another problem solved. Good work team. :^:

    Unknown User on
  • EliteLamerEliteLamer __BANNED USERS
    edited March 2009
    Dman wrote: »
    EliteLamer wrote: »
    Its just the fact everything went from me checking her out. To you need to take her on a date in 5 min over a convo in the bathroom.

    Couple options (there are many more, your not trapped)
    1. You don't want outside pressure from friends to affect how the relationship develops but you'd like to get to know her better (go on first date)

    2. Your not ready for a serious relationship and it wouldn't be fair to risk ruining the friendship (girls say stuff like this all day long, no reason you can't use it)

    Bowen's lines are hilarious, but run a high risk of getting you slapped :P

    I have been slapped twice by a girl.

    EliteLamer on
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  • SentrySentry Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    hmm... social interaction doesn't seem to be your thing.

    You should look into that.

    Sentry on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    wrote:
    When I was a little kid, I always pretended I was the hero,' Skip said.
    'Fuck yeah, me too. What little kid ever pretended to be part of the lynch-mob?'
  • brandotheninjamasterbrandotheninjamaster Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Sentry wrote: »
    hmm... social interaction doesn't seem to be your thing.

    You should look into that.

    I think his problem is forethought not social interaction. Think about what you are going to say/do before say/do it Elite. You will avoid a lot of problems that way.

    brandotheninjamaster on
  • DogDog Registered User, Administrator, Vanilla Staff admin
    edited March 2009
    Think about what you are going to say/do before say/do it Elite. You will avoid a lot of problems that way.

    I think this would solve 99% of the threads he starts here.

    Unknown User on
  • EliteLamerEliteLamer __BANNED USERS
    edited March 2009
    Sentry wrote: »
    hmm... social interaction doesn't seem to be your thing.

    You should look into that.

    I agree. I don't handle things well when it comes to social things.

    EliteLamer on
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  • EliteLamerEliteLamer __BANNED USERS
    edited March 2009
    robothero wrote: »
    Think about what you are going to say/do before say/do it Elite. You will avoid a lot of problems that way.

    I think this would solve 99% of the threads he starts here.

    Yeah the problem is I used to be like that. I didn't say much at all. I rather say everything that comes to mind than nothing at all.

    EliteLamer on
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  • SentrySentry Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Sentry wrote: »
    hmm... social interaction doesn't seem to be your thing.

    You should look into that.

    I think his problem is forethought not social interaction. Think about what you are going to say/do before say/do it Elite. You will avoid a lot of problems that way.

    True. But a part of social interaction is not agreeing to something you don't agree with. And also not getting slapped. It's not hard to go through life not getting slapped.

    let alone twice.

    Sentry on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    wrote:
    When I was a little kid, I always pretended I was the hero,' Skip said.
    'Fuck yeah, me too. What little kid ever pretended to be part of the lynch-mob?'
  • IrohIroh Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    EliteLamer wrote: »
    robothero wrote: »
    Think about what you are going to say/do before say/do it Elite. You will avoid a lot of problems that way.

    I think this would solve 99% of the threads he starts here.

    Yeah the problem is I used to be like that. I didn't say much at all. I rather say everything that comes to mind than nothing at all.
    Maybe, but other people would likely rather you don't.

    Iroh on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • brandotheninjamasterbrandotheninjamaster Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    I used to have major social interaction problems. It still gets me to this day sometimes, and I have to keep it under control. I try to simplify social interaction as just action and reaction. That is all it is. You have to know that everything you say or do will come with a reaction. Try and do your best to gauge what the reaction will be and by that don't bog yourself down with what ifs, just use your better judgment and think of what others will respond with. Above all else don't panic, you tend to lose logic when you panic, then wind up wanting to kick yourself in the ass for saying what you said.

    brandotheninjamaster on
  • EliteLamerEliteLamer __BANNED USERS
    edited March 2009
    Iroh wrote: »
    EliteLamer wrote: »
    robothero wrote: »
    Think about what you are going to say/do before say/do it Elite. You will avoid a lot of problems that way.

    I think this would solve 99% of the threads he starts here.

    Yeah the problem is I used to be like that. I didn't say much at all. I rather say everything that comes to mind than nothing at all.
    Maybe, but other people would likely rather you don't.

    Oh yeah I know and people some people hate me for it. I have had 3 people say I act exactly like dwight from The office. American version... I think it is funny as fuck because of how much of an asshole he is to people.

    EliteLamer on
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  • EliteLamerEliteLamer __BANNED USERS
    edited March 2009
    I used to have major social interaction problems. It still gets me to this day sometimes, and I have to keep it under control. I try to simplify social interaction as just action and reaction. That is all it is. You have to know that everything you say or do will come with a reaction. Try and do your best to gauge what the reaction will be and by that don't bog yourself down with what ifs, just use your better judgment and think of what others will respond with. Above all else don't panic, you tend to lose logic when you panic, then wind up wanting to kick yourself in the ass for saying what you said.

    What do you mean. You used to say too much and piss people off?

    EliteLamer on
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  • brandotheninjamasterbrandotheninjamaster Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    EliteLamer wrote: »
    I used to have major social interaction problems. It still gets me to this day sometimes, and I have to keep it under control. I try to simplify social interaction as just action and reaction. That is all it is. You have to know that everything you say or do will come with a reaction. Try and do your best to gauge what the reaction will be and by that don't bog yourself down with what ifs, just use your better judgment and think of what others will respond with. Above all else don't panic, you tend to lose logic when you panic, then wind up wanting to kick yourself in the ass for saying what you said.

    What do you mean. You used to say too much and piss people off?

    Sometimes, or I would just go out of my to super polite and wind up annoying people that way too, or I would just panic and start saying the first thing that came to mind and then I was thought of as an attention whore. After all of that I would lock up (socially) and not speak unless spoken to.

    Like I said I have a hard time with just about every aspect of social interaction and I had to sit down and literally study other people to find out what I was doing wrong. After which I just imagined a social encounter as action, reaction. I guess another way of putting it is "I learned the weight of my words."

    brandotheninjamaster on
  • EliteLamerEliteLamer __BANNED USERS
    edited March 2009
    EliteLamer wrote: »
    I used to have major social interaction problems. It still gets me to this day sometimes, and I have to keep it under control. I try to simplify social interaction as just action and reaction. That is all it is. You have to know that everything you say or do will come with a reaction. Try and do your best to gauge what the reaction will be and by that don't bog yourself down with what ifs, just use your better judgment and think of what others will respond with. Above all else don't panic, you tend to lose logic when you panic, then wind up wanting to kick yourself in the ass for saying what you said.

    What do you mean. You used to say too much and piss people off?

    Sometimes, or I would just go out of my to super polite and wind up annoying people that way too, or I would just panic and start saying the first thing that came to mind and then I was thought of as an attention whore. After all of that I would lock up (socially) and not speak unless spoken to.

    Like I said I have a hard time with just about every aspect of social interaction and I had to sit down and literally study other people to find out what I was doing wrong. After which I just imagined a social encounter as action, reaction. I guess another way of putting it is "I learned the weight of my words."

    Wow that sounds like me but I have not been super polite guy in a long time because for me this is far better. Being like this has attracted girls too. If I was just the guy that sat in the corner then how would I get girls.

    Did some really bad stuff happen before you found a balance?

    EliteLamer on
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  • brandotheninjamasterbrandotheninjamaster Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    EliteLamer wrote: »
    EliteLamer wrote: »
    I used to have major social interaction problems. It still gets me to this day sometimes, and I have to keep it under control. I try to simplify social interaction as just action and reaction. That is all it is. You have to know that everything you say or do will come with a reaction. Try and do your best to gauge what the reaction will be and by that don't bog yourself down with what ifs, just use your better judgment and think of what others will respond with. Above all else don't panic, you tend to lose logic when you panic, then wind up wanting to kick yourself in the ass for saying what you said.

    What do you mean. You used to say too much and piss people off?

    Sometimes, or I would just go out of my to super polite and wind up annoying people that way too, or I would just panic and start saying the first thing that came to mind and then I was thought of as an attention whore. After all of that I would lock up (socially) and not speak unless spoken to.

    Like I said I have a hard time with just about every aspect of social interaction and I had to sit down and literally study other people to find out what I was doing wrong. After which I just imagined a social encounter as action, reaction. I guess another way of putting it is "I learned the weight of my words."

    Did some really bad stuff happen before you found a balance?

    No. I just had no friends.

    Edit: I should probably clarify:
    I had no friends and I was tired of being "the weird guy who sits by himself and doesn't talk to anyone."

    brandotheninjamaster on
  • DjeetDjeet Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    EliteLamer wrote: »
    robothero wrote: »
    Think about what you are going to say/do before say/do it Elite. You will avoid a lot of problems that way.

    I think this would solve 99% of the threads he starts here.

    Yeah the problem is I used to be like that. I didn't say much at all. I rather say everything that comes to mind than nothing at all.

    You'd be surprised what you can get away with saying so long as: you phrase it right, you don't say it angrily, you smile, and you don't get all defensive if people get offended by what you say or call you out on something stupid/ignorant/insensitive you just said.

    Djeet on
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