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Story of My Life. Or...Rather...HER Life.
Actinguy1
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
When I was a wee little lad of 18 or so, I met Heidi, who quickly made it clear that she was interested in a relationship.
Specifically, by enquiring about the opposite-sex overnight-visitation policy of my dorm.
Which...because I was in the Honors dorm...was perfectly allowable.
Pretty much the ONLY time that being a nerd actually paid off.
;c)
Anyhow, the relationship eventually fizzled based on three primary factors:
1) She would break off, mid-coitus, to kneel in the corner of my room and pray to Jesus...out loud and NAKED...before returning right where she left off as if nothing happened. To this day, it remains the craziest thing I've ever seen a woman do, and it happened more than once. I always wanted to ask her about it...but I couldn't imagine a single answer that would make it okay, and plenty that would make it worse, so I just kept my damned mouth shut.
2) I assumed that our relationship was consensually about 99% sexual, with other aspects being purely on a convenience-basis. I found out after the fact that she had held other expectations. In my defense, I reached my 99% assumption based on the fact that...
3) We were both openly dating other people. She knew about my girlfriend long before we hooked up, and she finally revealed the fact that she had a boyfriend as well after the second or third time, but both of these were long-distance relationships. And it was becoming clear for reasons that I won't go into here that my girlfriend wasn't taking our relationship seriously anyway and probably wouldn't be around much longer, so I figured a little overlap was okay. But despite the fact that Heidi knew about my girlfriend BEFORE inviting herself up to my room AND had a long-term boyfriend herself, Heidi was insanely jealous.
So anyway, these things eventually led us to end our relationship with each other and re-commit to our significant others. My girlfriend did eventually find out, but not until years after things ended with Heidi and a good six months after what I assumed at the time was our last breakup (we would actually make one more try a year later, but that's beside the point.
That's "we" as in "my girlfriend and I" not "Heidi and I")
Anyhow, I left school to go work for Disney right about the same time that Heidi transferred to either Pitt or Penn State, and I never saw her again.
As the years went on, and someone would occasionally ask whether I had any kids, I would usually joke "I sure hope not!". Even though it was a joke, it was theoretically true...because Heidi and I had simultaneously left Cal U and never returned, we both lost touch with any mutual friends we'd had...so it was theoretically possible that Heidi could have been pregnant with my child, and I would have never known.
The odds were infinitely remote, of course, but curiousity overtook me, and I finally googled her. The results were absolutely shocking.
Nothing.
Not a THING. Not one single hit. Not a facebook or a myspace or a newspaper article or anything.
How does a college-educated woman completely avoid leaving any sort of electronic footprint of her life? Could this possibly be an accident...or was it INTENTIONAL?
Heidi hadn't just disappeared...it was as if she had never existed at all.
Which kind of concerned me for a little while...until I tracked down mutual friends on myspace, who were able to confirm that I had not, in fact, imagined her. However, since she had transferred to another school, nobody could absolutely deny the existance of a mini-Ted.
The years passed once again, as years are wont to do, and curiosity overcame once more.
But this time, Google finally revealed what she had been doing with her life.
http://www.heraldstandard.com/site/index.cfm?newsid=20262737&BRD=2280&PAG=461&dept_id=565757&rfi=8
Filling in the blanks here, since we had broken up, at some point she eventually broke up with her boyfriend Chris, moved in with some guy named Martin, and then took to KILLING ANIMALS AND LEAVING THEM TO DECAY IN THEIR HOUSE.
Over 100 counts of animal cruelty. Serious "psychoville". There was even a quote from the neighbor, saying how she "never suspected a thing...they were so quiet..."
That's what they always say when interviewing the psycho's neighbors.
There was no mention of a child in the various stories I read about the case, so I figured I was in the clear. But more importantly...when it comes to relationships, there's usually no way to really no what might have been. Even if you still see each other every day and know what that person is now doing with their life on a daily basis...how you can you possibly know if you made the right choice in ending things?
Answer: By finding out she has been accused over 100 counts of animal cruelty.
I assumed, of course, that this was finally the end of the story. Closure. Not only was there no child, but Heidi had actually become a pet-killing, corpse-keeping crazy in my absence.
But mild curiosity found me googling her name today, more than one year since I found out about the animal cruelty, to find out whatever came of the charges.
And that's when I find out that, while our story may well have ended...
...IT IS NOW PLAYING AT A THEATER NEAR YOU.
http://209.85.173.132/search?q=cache:DYf1qPu-hxkJ:www.heraldstandard.com/site/index.cfm%3Fnewsid%3D20262737%26BRD%3D2280%26PAG%3D461%26dept_id%3D565757%26rfi%3D8+%22Heidi+Kerin%22&cd=11&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us
(If the link doesn't work, just google "Heidi Kerin". The story is the top link on the 2nd page...but you have to click "cached" rather than the link itself.)
As best as I can piece together...Heidi and Chris stayed together for three more years after I left to work for Disney. During this time, they continued to work together at a grocery store, where they met a 19-year-old guy named BJ. BJ and Chris became best friends...and when Heidi left Chris and broke his heart, BJ turned around and wrote a screenplay about it.
Which was then purchased and produced as an independent film...
...STARRING JODIE SWEETIN (Stephanie Tanner from Full House).
WHAT THE FUCK???
The film is called "Redefining Love". Here's the imdb page: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1210097/. Heidi was renamed as "Gwyn" in the film, and is played by some chick from one tree hill.
Here's a teaser for the film: http://www.myspace.com/redefininglovemovie
Heidi's character is the blond girl in the goofy hat.
It looks absolutely terrible...and it probably is...
But I still have to see it.
Because I'm wondering...who did they get to play me?
I hope it's Brad Pitt.
Or Dakota Fanning.
She's so talented...
Specifically, by enquiring about the opposite-sex overnight-visitation policy of my dorm.
Which...because I was in the Honors dorm...was perfectly allowable.
Pretty much the ONLY time that being a nerd actually paid off.
;c)
Anyhow, the relationship eventually fizzled based on three primary factors:
1) She would break off, mid-coitus, to kneel in the corner of my room and pray to Jesus...out loud and NAKED...before returning right where she left off as if nothing happened. To this day, it remains the craziest thing I've ever seen a woman do, and it happened more than once. I always wanted to ask her about it...but I couldn't imagine a single answer that would make it okay, and plenty that would make it worse, so I just kept my damned mouth shut.
2) I assumed that our relationship was consensually about 99% sexual, with other aspects being purely on a convenience-basis. I found out after the fact that she had held other expectations. In my defense, I reached my 99% assumption based on the fact that...
3) We were both openly dating other people. She knew about my girlfriend long before we hooked up, and she finally revealed the fact that she had a boyfriend as well after the second or third time, but both of these were long-distance relationships. And it was becoming clear for reasons that I won't go into here that my girlfriend wasn't taking our relationship seriously anyway and probably wouldn't be around much longer, so I figured a little overlap was okay. But despite the fact that Heidi knew about my girlfriend BEFORE inviting herself up to my room AND had a long-term boyfriend herself, Heidi was insanely jealous.
So anyway, these things eventually led us to end our relationship with each other and re-commit to our significant others. My girlfriend did eventually find out, but not until years after things ended with Heidi and a good six months after what I assumed at the time was our last breakup (we would actually make one more try a year later, but that's beside the point.
That's "we" as in "my girlfriend and I" not "Heidi and I")
Anyhow, I left school to go work for Disney right about the same time that Heidi transferred to either Pitt or Penn State, and I never saw her again.
As the years went on, and someone would occasionally ask whether I had any kids, I would usually joke "I sure hope not!". Even though it was a joke, it was theoretically true...because Heidi and I had simultaneously left Cal U and never returned, we both lost touch with any mutual friends we'd had...so it was theoretically possible that Heidi could have been pregnant with my child, and I would have never known.
The odds were infinitely remote, of course, but curiousity overtook me, and I finally googled her. The results were absolutely shocking.
Nothing.
Not a THING. Not one single hit. Not a facebook or a myspace or a newspaper article or anything.
How does a college-educated woman completely avoid leaving any sort of electronic footprint of her life? Could this possibly be an accident...or was it INTENTIONAL?
Heidi hadn't just disappeared...it was as if she had never existed at all.
Which kind of concerned me for a little while...until I tracked down mutual friends on myspace, who were able to confirm that I had not, in fact, imagined her. However, since she had transferred to another school, nobody could absolutely deny the existance of a mini-Ted.
The years passed once again, as years are wont to do, and curiosity overcame once more.
But this time, Google finally revealed what she had been doing with her life.
http://www.heraldstandard.com/site/index.cfm?newsid=20262737&BRD=2280&PAG=461&dept_id=565757&rfi=8
Filling in the blanks here, since we had broken up, at some point she eventually broke up with her boyfriend Chris, moved in with some guy named Martin, and then took to KILLING ANIMALS AND LEAVING THEM TO DECAY IN THEIR HOUSE.
Over 100 counts of animal cruelty. Serious "psychoville". There was even a quote from the neighbor, saying how she "never suspected a thing...they were so quiet..."
That's what they always say when interviewing the psycho's neighbors.
There was no mention of a child in the various stories I read about the case, so I figured I was in the clear. But more importantly...when it comes to relationships, there's usually no way to really no what might have been. Even if you still see each other every day and know what that person is now doing with their life on a daily basis...how you can you possibly know if you made the right choice in ending things?
Answer: By finding out she has been accused over 100 counts of animal cruelty.
I assumed, of course, that this was finally the end of the story. Closure. Not only was there no child, but Heidi had actually become a pet-killing, corpse-keeping crazy in my absence.
But mild curiosity found me googling her name today, more than one year since I found out about the animal cruelty, to find out whatever came of the charges.
And that's when I find out that, while our story may well have ended...
...IT IS NOW PLAYING AT A THEATER NEAR YOU.
http://209.85.173.132/search?q=cache:DYf1qPu-hxkJ:www.heraldstandard.com/site/index.cfm%3Fnewsid%3D20262737%26BRD%3D2280%26PAG%3D461%26dept_id%3D565757%26rfi%3D8+%22Heidi+Kerin%22&cd=11&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us
(If the link doesn't work, just google "Heidi Kerin". The story is the top link on the 2nd page...but you have to click "cached" rather than the link itself.)
As best as I can piece together...Heidi and Chris stayed together for three more years after I left to work for Disney. During this time, they continued to work together at a grocery store, where they met a 19-year-old guy named BJ. BJ and Chris became best friends...and when Heidi left Chris and broke his heart, BJ turned around and wrote a screenplay about it.
Which was then purchased and produced as an independent film...
...STARRING JODIE SWEETIN (Stephanie Tanner from Full House).
WHAT THE FUCK???
The film is called "Redefining Love". Here's the imdb page: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1210097/. Heidi was renamed as "Gwyn" in the film, and is played by some chick from one tree hill.
Here's a teaser for the film: http://www.myspace.com/redefininglovemovie
Heidi's character is the blond girl in the goofy hat.
It looks absolutely terrible...and it probably is...
But I still have to see it.
Because I'm wondering...who did they get to play me?
I hope it's Brad Pitt.
Or Dakota Fanning.
She's so talented...
Actinguy1 on
0
This discussion has been closed.
Posts
If you want to have a secret affair with somebody, you should probably make sure they're not going to have a movie made about their life.o_O
Uh.
I don't know what to say. Will you even be in the movie? I don't they can just...represent you without your consent can they?