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homosexuality, dreams, and obsession
Sueve
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
lately ive been obsessed with homosexuality, namely whether or not i am homosexual
these thoughts stem from both my particular propensity to become obsessed with things (should have seen me when i thought i had herpes...) and a few instances of perceived homosexuality within myself
it all started with when i got high and spent the entire time contemplating alpha males->how men relate to male social leaders and in turn homosexuality
when i asked my dad what he thought, he said that the conclusions i drew about it and he said that im just a 18 year old boy, and when pot gets in my system, its mind altering properties combined with my rampant sexual desires make everything seem sexual
since then ive nonstop questioned my own sexuality, debating the likelihood that i am homosexual- 'checking out' dudes to see if i found them attractive.
anyways, its pretty annoying because at the same time i have consistent sex with my great girlfriend
so, you may be wondering WTF is this dood worrying about
well last night i had a dream in which i kissed a dude from my highschool- a kid that i actually hated in real life because he went out with a girl i had a crush on- and the memory of that kiss messed with my head this morning...
anyways: how can i relax about this? its really annoying, and im wondering if other heterosexual males have dreams where they kiss dudes
maybe im an idiot, but i thought it would be better to ask you guys
these thoughts stem from both my particular propensity to become obsessed with things (should have seen me when i thought i had herpes...) and a few instances of perceived homosexuality within myself
it all started with when i got high and spent the entire time contemplating alpha males->how men relate to male social leaders and in turn homosexuality
when i asked my dad what he thought, he said that the conclusions i drew about it and he said that im just a 18 year old boy, and when pot gets in my system, its mind altering properties combined with my rampant sexual desires make everything seem sexual
since then ive nonstop questioned my own sexuality, debating the likelihood that i am homosexual- 'checking out' dudes to see if i found them attractive.
anyways, its pretty annoying because at the same time i have consistent sex with my great girlfriend
so, you may be wondering WTF is this dood worrying about
well last night i had a dream in which i kissed a dude from my highschool- a kid that i actually hated in real life because he went out with a girl i had a crush on- and the memory of that kiss messed with my head this morning...
anyways: how can i relax about this? its really annoying, and im wondering if other heterosexual males have dreams where they kiss dudes
maybe im an idiot, but i thought it would be better to ask you guys
Sueve on
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Do you enjoy having sex with your girlfriend, or is it a chore? Are you attracted to her? Are you picturing a dude while you're doing her?
EDIT: Don't hide it from your girlfriend if you choose to go this route. Talk to her about it. Depending on her predilections you slobbing some knob might even be a turn on for her.
EDIT: Most dudes on this forum are too black and white about the straight-gay divide. You're creating a massive false dichotomy.
Easiest way to relax about this: remember that IT'S A DREAM. Lots of strange shit happens in dreams. You've probably had dreams about flying but you don't think you're Superman. Plus you've got this strange emotional connection to the guy.
Also, most straight guys would, if they're being honest, would be able to name several guys ChristianBale who they thatguyfromTheMentalist find attractive. Other side of things, my wife drools over Eva Longoria (who I don't think is very attractive). It doesn't mean we don't dig each other, it means that attractive people are attractive.
Or, maybe you are gay, or at any rate bisexual. Good to know this about yourself. Talk to your girlfriend about it and see how she feels.
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water spirals the wrong way out the sink
If you're happy with your girlfriend and sexually attracted to her, then relax and don't drive yourself insane. Keep those fantasies to yourself or talk about them with your girlfriend if you think she'd be comfortable with it. If you think it could hurt your relationship, don't do it.
There's also a chance that you're just talking yourself into homosexual fantasies. Maybe your dad's right. Even then, it's nothing to be ashamed of.
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Then there's a difference between that desire being your primary sexual goal and a fleeting notion.
And there's a difference between, "man, I want to fuck her, duck out while she's showering after the match, and never call her back" and "I'd like to marry her, take her home to Mom, and have children with her."
Can trade TF2 items or whatever else you're interested in. PM me.
Do you enjoy being with your girlfriend right now? Yes? Then what's the problem?
Why do you have to seek out and discover whether or not you might in some fashion find the same sex attractive? What does that matter? You might. You might not. Right now, you're with a chick. Roll with that for now.
If one day she walks in and finds you cock deep in some other dude.. then you can take it from there.
Now that that's out of the way, we probably need a gay forum member to clarify, but I'm pretty sure being gay isn't the sort of thing you decide after debating with yourself and "trying it out," any more than I sat down to decide whether or not I'm straight. It's wired much deeper than that. You're approaching homosexuality with the sort of mentality that people apply to deciding whether or not they're going to be a vegetarian.
What's more concerning is the overall tone of your post- you seem to be obsessing to an unhealthy degree about the situation which has probably blown it out of proportion (and will in turn stress you out a whole load if you do have homoerotic moments/fantasies). It might be worth considering reassessing your preconceptions about homosexuality.
Also, if you're enjoying an enthusiastic, high-quality sex life with your girlfriend then it's unlikely you're going to be an 100% flaming fan of man-love. I'm Bi myself but it's a lot more complex than being 50-50 in my attraction to other genders- if anything I'm more 70% for boys and 30% for girls. So maybe you're a 80-20 or a 90-10 type of guy. It doesn't have to change you in any way other than accepting you might have other attractions.
Just my take on it, anyway. Sexuality's a complicated thing and IMO we're far too preoccupied with being one-or-the-other.
I would say this is important. Most of my dreams relate to what I was preoccupied with the day before. I'm not saying this is the reason you had this dream, but it's certainly something to consider.
But the other theory is that it means sod all. Dreams rarely do. Hell last night I dreamt I was being chased and attacked by Michael Myers from the Halloween films before I beat him to death with a rolled up magazine. They mean nothing, so stop stressing or you'll end up obssessing about it too much and it'll all blow up in your face.
Besides, as somebody mentioned, there's a strong belief in the fact that nobody is 100% straight anyway. So the dream could have just been the odd percent or two of yourself that finds guys a bit hot taking over your brain for that one dream. Nothing to worry about.
If you're happy in your behavior and just worried about your self image, I'll tell you more guys then you think have a fleeting thought. Our culture is so biased against the gay, we tend to channel that thought - into aggressive heterosexuality, aggressive homophobia (what you get when you combine ignorance of gays with misogyny), excessive athlete worship, that kind of thing.
I will buck the crowd here and say if what you're worried about is identifying publicly as gay, think about it long and hard. The stigma is huge and to take it on yourself while you're still deciding about this shit could be tremendously consequential.
I think you're lucky you felt comfortable talking to your dad about this. I respect my dad a great deal, but he's pretty culturally indoctrinated on this issue. I think he'd have bitch-slapped me if I came to him when I was 18 and asked that kind of question.
I host a podcast about movies.
:winky:
Can trade TF2 items or whatever else you're interested in. PM me.
Be sure to do this on a family computer without erasing your internet browsing history so people you know can stumble across it accidentally and freak out. :^:
No, that's if he's cross-shopping women and horses.
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Can trade TF2 items or whatever else you're interested in. PM me.
I finally found the boundary of my sexual self-confidence--it's just on this side of everyone on Interstate 95 simultaneously thinking about fucking the missus. :P
/old thread
Another common one is Activation-Synthesis Theory, which I also find interesting but have a more difficult time explaining. So far as I know, most psychologists don't still think that dreams have much to do with our desires, and most of them only use dreams to get patients to open up, since patients expect to have dream analysis as part of their therapy.
In short, I really wouldn't worry too much about the dream. As in, I wouldn't worry about it in the slightest.
This is pretty accurate. I mean, if you sit down and think about your dreams you can probably place where most of the individual elements come from. The fact that they're put together in some way is often irrelevant.
I had a dream that me and a bunch of robots were driving a VW beetle up a steep set of stairs. If I think about it, that's because I had recently watched I, Robot, I was planning on going out with a friend the next day who has a VW Beetle, and because the elevators were out in my building I had to climb the stairs to my apartment.
If you happen to have been thinking about this dude and about kissing then it's not surprising they got put together.
Maybe you just don't like gay porn. My friend is gay, and he only watches straight porn.
You could be queer as a three dollar bill.
Of course, I don't know if you have this, but there is apparently a type of OCD called "HOCD" or "Homosexual OCD" which seems to manifest in the way you are describing. Take a look on Wikipedia. I think it's in the main OCD article.
I will do my best.
You don't decide or experiment like you do with what foods you like or don't. You just know, it's not even a question in your mind. I've always been of the opinion if you have to ask than you probably aren't.
As for your dream; sometimes a hot dog is just a hot dog.
Please explain how I'm incredibly attracted to girls, yet have still been able to casually make out with several guys over the course of my life. Sexuality is not an on/off switch. You can be very gay or very straight, but very few people are completely gay or completely straight.
And.. I'd be willing to bet more than "a few" people are "completely straight." I might even go so far as to say a "majority?"
I didn't realize that "making out" was considered sexual intercourse these days. Nor did I know that that's what constitutes a long lasting sexually intimate relationship.
Hmm... gotcha. So, in your mind, making out with someone of the same sex is straight then. I mean, if you either are or you aren't gay, there clearly isn't any room in middle.
personally I think every man takes a step back and asks himself if he's gay at some point, whether or not he is
however, from what I've heard, most homosexual men usually know in their early teens or even younger.
And you'd be incorrect. The majority of people on the Kinsey Scale fall anywhere but a 0, which would indicate complete hetersexuality.
You can still have homosexual experiences without actually being a homosexual. You'd than be bisexual in your case.