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How to tell my parents I'm moving
Tucanwarrior13
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
I understand this post can be hotly debated for every facet of the reasoning I am moving, but I just ask that we stay on topic.
I'm 20 years old, and completely bored of life at my house. I feel like I'm working a job that I get absolutely no satisfaction from (I know I'm 20, and I shouldn't be concerned that I'm unhappy at my job. This transcends being unhappy I completely loathe the idea of going there every day, but I make more money than most people my age do so I stay to save money). My girlfriend of 3 months, and I both have wanted to move to Grand Rapids which is 3 hours away from our homes for quite sometime now. I really wanted to move anywhere like Ann Arbor, Ypsi, or Lansing, but Grand Rapids was always an option too. She is amazing, and we both feel like We've been together for much longer than three months, because we see eachother every single day. We just can't wait to get home so we can be with eachother. We basically live with eachother. We just sleep alone 4 nights out of the week. We already have apartments lined up to look at, applied for bridge cards, and have gotten the funds thing out of the way. We are more than capable of doing this.
Now after the backstory onto my dilema. I am the last of three children by 6 years. My older sisters are both moved out married, and have kids. As a result my parents hold onto me with such ferocity that it can seem like if I were to move it would break their hearts because of saddness. I can't spend the night away from home two nights in a row without my Mom feeling like I don't want to be associated with them, or my Dad feeling like I don't want to help work on our car projects with him. I don't think they understand that I'm 20, and I'm getting completely antsy here. My oldest sister moved out when she was 22, and my other sister moved when she was 17 so I feel like I'm more than within the "okay I think I'm going to go make my own independence now." I'm scared to tell them this, and I'm planning on leaving in 2 months which means I need to do this fast.
My Parents will tell me I'm too young, don't make enough money, haven't been seeing this girl long enough, and every other excuse to keep me here, but I am truely steadfast in doing this. I just don't know how to tell them without rolling over after their first argument and completely dissapointing myself for not being more independent. I can't let them keep me here. Please H/A I need you to give me pointers, because I have a non-confrontational attitude, and that usually allows people to walk all over me.
I'm 20 years old, and completely bored of life at my house. I feel like I'm working a job that I get absolutely no satisfaction from (I know I'm 20, and I shouldn't be concerned that I'm unhappy at my job. This transcends being unhappy I completely loathe the idea of going there every day, but I make more money than most people my age do so I stay to save money). My girlfriend of 3 months, and I both have wanted to move to Grand Rapids which is 3 hours away from our homes for quite sometime now. I really wanted to move anywhere like Ann Arbor, Ypsi, or Lansing, but Grand Rapids was always an option too. She is amazing, and we both feel like We've been together for much longer than three months, because we see eachother every single day. We just can't wait to get home so we can be with eachother. We basically live with eachother. We just sleep alone 4 nights out of the week. We already have apartments lined up to look at, applied for bridge cards, and have gotten the funds thing out of the way. We are more than capable of doing this.
Now after the backstory onto my dilema. I am the last of three children by 6 years. My older sisters are both moved out married, and have kids. As a result my parents hold onto me with such ferocity that it can seem like if I were to move it would break their hearts because of saddness. I can't spend the night away from home two nights in a row without my Mom feeling like I don't want to be associated with them, or my Dad feeling like I don't want to help work on our car projects with him. I don't think they understand that I'm 20, and I'm getting completely antsy here. My oldest sister moved out when she was 22, and my other sister moved when she was 17 so I feel like I'm more than within the "okay I think I'm going to go make my own independence now." I'm scared to tell them this, and I'm planning on leaving in 2 months which means I need to do this fast.
My Parents will tell me I'm too young, don't make enough money, haven't been seeing this girl long enough, and every other excuse to keep me here, but I am truely steadfast in doing this. I just don't know how to tell them without rolling over after their first argument and completely dissapointing myself for not being more independent. I can't let them keep me here. Please H/A I need you to give me pointers, because I have a non-confrontational attitude, and that usually allows people to walk all over me.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
Tucanwarrior13 on
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Peace."
It's not exactly a super complex situation.
Maybe I'm just making it out to be more than it is. I'm just really scared to tell them. Is that normal?
The upside to this is that we found an apartment that is two rooms. It is really cheap, and the landlord agreed to reduce rent on the place if we do some stuff that needs to be fixed. The sink needs some work, and a couple wall sockets need to be installed, and he wants to paint each room a different color. So he agreed to cut down the rent even more if we do this stuff for him. If anything should happen to us I could move my stuff to the other room and just ride out the rest of the lease.
I don't know what the laws are like where you are, but here, you are technically common law married after three months of cohabitation. That means if she moves out or you two break up, she can be a real douche and take half of your stuff. That's worst case scenario right there, but even beyond that, living with your lover is something that is very stressful, especially if you two are young and haven't done it before.
I would strongly recommend getting your own place first.
In the states it's more like 7 years and they're not recognized in the vast majority of states either. 3 months is a very short time to establish a common law marriage, that's bizarre.
If you think you're plan's going to work...go ahead. Be honest with you parents...but at the same time be specific and firm about your decision...
Whether they mean to be or not it seems like your parent's are emotionally controlling with you, and that it works. Going from living with your parents to living with a girlfriend of three months doesn't seem like a great idea to begin with, but you should at least look at your relationships and make sure you're not jumping from one controlling one to another. Some questions you might want to ask are: "Who's idea was it to move, really?" "Have my parents always used how I make them feel to get me to do what they want?" "Do I avoid doing things because my (parents/girlfriend) makes me feel bad about it afterwards?"
No one here can tell you whether what you are doing is a good or bad idea, but at least do some self reflection to make sure you're not just moving in with a younger version of your parents.
Practically living together and ACTUALLY living together are two extremely different things.
LOL yes. My bf and I spend half the week living together at my place but he still has his place to go home too every Monday morning and that makes a huge difference. Knowing that is so important. It'll be two years in June and we're not moving in together until this September. Moving in too soon can kill a relationship that otherwise might have been fine if given more time.
This is going to be a big reason why your folks probably aren't going to be down with this. No matter how long it feels like you've been dating, 3 months is a damn short-time and your folks are totally sane to question the thought behind this. Also, having a second bedroom in case something happens is fine but it's not as easy as it sounds. You'll still be living together and very few people want to stay in a year long lease like that. I'd suggest looking into what your subletting options would be.
I'd also be concerned about agreeing to fix up the place for a rent reduction. Unless you know exactly what work is expected to be done and how much it's going to cost, that could end up really screwing you in the end.
I knew my friend online for about 4 years, went and visited him for a week around christmas when I was 19 and moving cross country. A couple months later at spring break I visited for a week. And at the end of the semester I moved out of my parents house and we moved in together. Hell, we even started a joint bank account as out only account right away. Which I know ANYONE will tell me was stupid.
We've been living together for over 6 years now(Married for 4), and really no problems. We get along great.
I wouldn't recommend this course of action to anyone that didn't want to, but if it's something you want to try it's nothing to be scared of. It can work out. It can crash and burn, but it doesn't have to. I think the fact that you're moving to a new city together could help things out too, you'll support each other and discover things together. Make a group of friends that are your friends as a couple. I'm sure you'll have individual friends too and all. But in general it'll be fun and you're not set in your ways about how YOUR apartments are supposed to be since this is your first time away from your parents. You'll figure out together how your(plural) apartment is going to be.
My mom is like your mom. Whenever I implied leaving or something she would get all mopey. They get over it though...just be nice when you tell them. Eventually they know they'll see you less, but they will be happy when they see you...not still angry that you moved out.
Your parents will know you will move out some day - your sisters did; its normal. The longer you leave it, the tougher it will be, and to spring it on them the week before you move would be just cruel. Tell them now.
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"The power of the weirdness compels me."
Really, after they talked over, they both thought it was a great idea. I think it upset them more when I told them I wanted to take the car (it was a third vehicle for the two of them that they were rarely going to drive). Later, when it had a problem, my mom told me "you get that fixed now, I don't want you up there without a car."
Yeah, I really wouldn't worry about it. It'll grow on them, I'm sure.
Not true.
They might be right about moving in with your girlfriend btw but at least she'll be splitting the rent(right?).
So how is life in Edwardian England?
Have your parents met your girlfriend? How do they feel about her?
I wasn't sure what bridge cards are until now either. Seriously, if you can't afford to move out and feed yourselves you need to rethink this ASAP.
With some explanation and much faffing they were fine with it.
Make it clear, be blunt, then expand and explain. All will be well.
Although if your plan sucks they are liable to point out its' shortcomings.
Wait thats what bridge cards are?
Yeah, seriously, moving out so you can live on foodstamps is a terrible idea. If you can't afford to support yourself you really shouldn't be moving.
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Nothing brings two people in a brand new relationship together like severe financial hardship.
You're making it out to be more than it is.
I didn't have the nerve either, when I was 22 back in 2002. I had kinda-sorta arranged to take the place of a friend that moved out of an apartment shared with two other friends, so worst-case scenario I'd have to decline and they'd find someone else to live there.
I didn't manage to tell my parents until a week before I actually moved. They were surprised, of course, but very supportive. And they probably saw it as a good thing too, me being 22 and all.
And then we packed my shit and they helped me move.
edit: and I wrote this before reading the second page. Food stamps? No.
So are there a lot of marital hijinks between different gender roommates?
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It is harder to prove a common law marriage than disprove it. You have to take some pretty drastic measures to have one recognized.
Finally found a resource on it after getting way too many results geared towards old ladies playing bridge:
http://www.michigan.gov/dhs/0,1607,7-124-5455_7034-14303--,00.html
It's welfare on a debit card.
Seriously? You're going to move out of your parent's house to mooch off the state? o_O
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Woah, woah, sorry to come back to this, but what province do you live in (I'm assuming you're Canadian)? The shortest length of required time that I'm aware of is New Brunswick and that's 12 months. 3 months would be the most ridiculous requirement I have ever heard of.
These are the kinds of questions your parents are going to ask and I doubt they're going to give you their blessing to leave and become a homeless person.
Noted though.
It's quite a different thing to tell your parents you're going to move out and go on welfare than youve decided to try and move out and pay your own way.
If you're planning to live on food stamps then your parents are goddamn right about you not making enough money.
Its not even that we're getting them to rely on them. We just want to have them incase we should get ourselves into a bind.
We both make, and have saved more than enough money to live comfortably for 4 months without jobs. We have already started lining up jobs in the city we are moving to.
I will look at subletting options though.
Thank you to the poster who said moving in can work if you just have faith. Not every relationship goes by a mold.
Out of curiosity, how much money do you think it takes to survive for four months?