Annoying Mother in Law

Elin

Well, it's his fathers new wife. His mother is actually tolerable most times.

Anyhow. Per my husband his Dad was never religious. He is now married to a much younger woman who IS very religious. That's fine, live and let live. The rub is she keeps shoving her religion down our throat. Religious pamphlets, books, lectures, bible verses hand written in cards. It annoys me. A lot. I really want to write her a polite letter explaining that while we're glad she thinks of us, the pushes to her religion aren't really appreciated. (Some sort of southern baptist.)

Is this a bad idea? It annoys my husband too but he's pretty non confrontational. I don't want to piss her off because she has a lot of influence on my husbands father. I don't know if it makes a difference but she's much younger than his dad, maybe about 20 years.

I'm not religious at all, if anything I believe in the FSM.

I guess I just generally don't like the woman much either. His dad moved from HI to CO to be closer to his sons, but, because she didn't like the cold she pressured him to move to FL. Now he's 50 with no savings at all and no where near his sons. Not my business, but meh.

So should I ask her to stop or just stay silent?

Robos A Go Go

Since she lives far away, I'm guessing most of the material is sent through mail or e-mail. Can you just toss everything, or does she confront you directly and engage you in conversation, forcing you to respond?

joshofalltrades

Speaking as somebody who is religious, I would have no qualms about telling you that you should have a lovely conversation wherein you politely ask her to cut it out.

Christianity has spread to the point where it's nearly impossible to not have heard of it, and the only thing we should be doing is living our lives and being loving, caring individuals so that in the event of somebody being interested, we can witness. Otherwise, it's preachy and generally a good way to alienate individuals.

Tell her you'll ask her about it if you're interested, but you know exactly what she believes and you don't need her to go into it anymore.

Edit: TL;DR -- You need to make it clear in a very non-confrontational way that the religious stuff isn't working and that she's wasting her time while alienating you.

dispatch.o

Put all the religious crap she sends you in a big box, when it is full, mail it to his dad with a "wtf?" note. You may not be able to stop her, but he might.

Elin

She brings it up. I've side stepped the issue until now, but it's getting ridiculous. I've also have very good friends who were devout and they never, ever brought it up like this. Other than a prayer before meals which he said, and we didn't have to participate in, it never even came up in daily conversation.

How about "I appreciate your good thoughts but I hold my own beliefs."

dispatch.o

If she is a born again Christian and is this pushy, you can expect talking to her about it to be a lot like talking to someone with brain damage. Just remember your goal is not to get her to see your point of view, but to knock off harassing you, even if she can't functionally comprehend why. *there is a good chance she cannot / will not*

joshofalltrades

That seems like a good way to start the conversation. Just remember that you have to deal with this woman for a decent chunk of time, if your father-in-law doesn't get another divorce. Try not to let it devolve into an argument, you can make family gatherings awkward for a good long while -- trust me.

Sentry

Elin wrote: »

She brings it up. I've side stepped the issue until now, but it's getting ridiculous. I've also have very good friends who were devout and they never, ever brought it up like this. Other than a prayer before meals which he said, and we didn't have to participate in, it never even came up in daily conversation.

How about "I appreciate your good thoughts but I hold my own beliefs."

I share similar beliefs to you (hail the FSM) and bringing up your own beliefs, even in that regard, should be avoided unless you really want to have the discussion. It sounds like you just want the shit to stop, in which case I recommend Joshofalltrades approach. Understand she's probably coming from a place of concern for you and your husband... as misguided and annoying as it might be. Just tell her thanks, it's appreciated, and you know who to turn too if you have questions about Jesus. Then ask her if Jesus could microwave a burrito so hot, even he couldn't eat it.

joshofalltrades

Sentry wrote: »

Elin wrote: »

She brings it up. I've side stepped the issue until now, but it's getting ridiculous. I've also have very good friends who were devout and they never, ever brought it up like this. Other than a prayer before meals which he said, and we didn't have to participate in, it never even came up in daily conversation.

How about "I appreciate your good thoughts but I hold my own beliefs."

I share similar beliefs to you (hail the FSM) and bringing up your own beliefs, even in that regard, should be avoided unless you really want to have the discussion. It sounds like you just want the shit to stop, in which case I recommend Joshofalltrades approach. Understand she's probably coming from a place of concern for you and your husband... as misguided and annoying as it might be. Just tell her thanks, it's appreciated, and you know who to turn too if you have questions about Jesus. Then ask her if Jesus could microwave a burrito so hot, even he couldn't eat it.

So sacrilicious.

I like that you touched on the feelings she's probably having. With all the wonderful people at PA, I just know somebody is there to pick up the slack when I forget something.

KeyScourge

For a proper solution, just be as polite as possible and tell her that while you respect her being as devoutly religious as she pleases, that you aren't religious, don't want to be, and aren't really getting anything but annoyance out of her preaching it at you.

For my own personal solution I'd do something severely offensive and very insulting just for the purpose of pissing her off. but that's just me cause I hate religious people with a passion because of my upbringing (no offence to any religious people)

joshofalltrades

KeyScourge wrote: »

For a proper solution, just be as polite as possible and tell her that while you respect her being as devoutly religious as she pleases, that you aren't religious, don't want to be, and aren't really getting anything but annoyance out of her preaching it at you.

For my own personal solution I'd do something severely offensive and very insulting just for the purpose of pissing her off. but that's just me cause I hate religious people with a passion because of my upbringing (no offence to any religious people)

It's okay. I hate people who have a handle starting with K and ending with eyScourge. (no offense to any people whose handles start with K and end with eyScourge)

KeyScourge

joshofalltrades wrote: »

KeyScourge wrote: »

For a proper solution, just be as polite as possible and tell her that while you respect her being as devoutly religious as she pleases, that you aren't religious, don't want to be, and aren't really getting anything but annoyance out of her preaching it at you.

For my own personal solution I'd do something severely offensive and very insulting just for the purpose of pissing her off. but that's just me cause I hate religious people with a passion because of my upbringing (no offence to any religious people)

It's okay. I hate people who have a handle starting with K and ending with eyScourge. (no offense to any people whose handles start with K and end with eyScourge)

The heart confuses me as to if you're being serious about hating my or if you're parodying my own comment back and me for the hell of it. If you are seriously hating me, I don't hate religious people out of choice. I'm stuck with a weird vendetta against them. Call it an aversion stemming from early life where I was forced as a toddler into a crowded old room with random old people yelling that I was going to be eternally tortured. Now if that's not a traumatizing experience I don't know what is!

It seems I've gone off track here. Just ignore me, everybody else does.

joshofalltrades

I don't hate you.

Sir Carcass

Just ignore it. That's the golden rule for inlaws (this is coming from someone that's been married almost nine years). Throwing crap away is much less of a hassle than the fallout from this has the potential to be.

poshniallo

Whatever you do, don't send a letter. It's much better to talk, whether face-to-face or over the phone.

Letters are poor tools of communication compared to a conversation, and often come off as passive-aggressive.