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My child has been diagnosed with IED. Help?!
Gonmun
He keeps kickin' me inthe dickRegistered User regular
He keeps kickin' me inthe dickRegistered User regular
So, a bit of background on this.
I'm engaged to a woman who had a child when she was 18. The relationship she was in was abusive and eventually she got out, had the guy charged and moved back to Nova Scotia where we wound up meeting a few years later. Since that time I've pretty much become the son's father having been with them since he was 3 years old. I have plans on trying to adopt him if the father will sign away his rights.
Here's what is going on. I spoilered for length. Sorry about the length.
Now, H/A, my reason for this post is to ask further is anyone else has any experience with IED or if they know of any resources that might be useful for parents?
Sorry for such a long post but I thought a good explanation would help.
tl/dr;
Son's been diagnosed with Intermittent Explosive Disorder. Wondering if anyone has any experience or resources that might help?
I'm engaged to a woman who had a child when she was 18. The relationship she was in was abusive and eventually she got out, had the guy charged and moved back to Nova Scotia where we wound up meeting a few years later. Since that time I've pretty much become the son's father having been with them since he was 3 years old. I have plans on trying to adopt him if the father will sign away his rights.
Here's what is going on. I spoilered for length. Sorry about the length.
Now, to get to now. Early on, we knew that our son was "active" in that there were periods where he would be a bit hard to get along with. Comes with the territory at times and we've always managed to get through it as best as we could. We had even signed up for a help program through our local children's hospital to learn more about parenting and make sure that we weren't doing anything to make matters worse.
Fast-forward to this past weekend. My son had a migraine since he had woken up and a mild fever. We gave him children's tylenol, and checked on him throughout the day and made sure he got rest. He actually had a nap at 5pm which was out of character for him but we chalked it up to him not feeling well and later that night he was better with no fever or headache. The day after, being Easter Sunday he was a bit anxious and catankerous which we chalked up to the holiday and easter chocolate. He'd argue a bit but nothing out of the ordinary. Monday, the arguing continued, getting a bit worse as he would seem to be trying to push buttons but in the end he apologized and things went alright. Tuesday went even worse and he was grounded from video games for 3 days because of giving us problems with cleaning his room and then being deliberatly beligerent to his mother who was trying to be rather understanding.
So, the day before yesterday I came home from work with his mother. As soon as we get in we could tell he was in a foul mood because when we asked if he'd done his homework he replied in a snarky tone that he hadn't. We told him he could work on it after he went to cubs (Think scouts for kids up to and including 10). He argued with us about going and said he hated it even though he's gone before and had fun. I even took him camping with his troupe in October and he enjoyed it a lot. So, we managed to get him to cubs, things seemed alright. Afterwards we take him for an hour to the local comic shop where they have a pokemon tcg league. He had wanted a new starter deck there but I told him I didn't have his money from an easter card with me and didn't have enough money on me so he could wait till Friday when we could go in again. He was disappointed but went off and enjoyed the time. I picked him up and everything seemed fine but then he got home and started muttering under his breath. His mother asked him what he said to which he just completely freaked out and said that it didn't matter and that he wanted to work on his deck even though he knew it was bedtime. For the next 15 minutes we took out his ps2, tv, vcr and told him he was grounded after he yelled at us and slammed doors (we live in an apartment and the walls aren't very thick). For the proceeding hour and forty-five minutes he would get out of bed, slam doors, come out and tell us we were the worst parents in the world, slam doors, kick his bed, throw things in his room, etc. Fine, we take that as it comes. The mother and I went outside to get some air and for her to have a smoke when we heard him come to the door open it, grin then close and lock it. I had the keys so we got back in. He then gave us a note saying he'd done something with her laptop, my 360 controller and other various items of ours. He wound up hiding them under the couch which we didn't like. So eventually it came to a head where he said he "Wished he was in heaven". We responded with "You know the only way that happens is when a person dies". He then argues with us saying that he wasn't going to kill himself but after we left him in his room he continued to write it on notes to us. So the fiancee called the telecare we have here in New Brunswick. They told us to take him to the hospital. We did, after much coaxing as he kept saying "I can't".
We got him there and after about 5 hours saw a doctor who wanted us to come back in the morning to see a child psychologist.
So getting home at 4am we went to bed, got a call later in the morning and went to the hospital at 4:30 for the appointment. After the psychologist spoke to us and him he told us that he believed our son has "IED" or Intermittent Explosive disorder. We got a prescription and he said we should have him see a child psychologist for further sessions.
Fast-forward to this past weekend. My son had a migraine since he had woken up and a mild fever. We gave him children's tylenol, and checked on him throughout the day and made sure he got rest. He actually had a nap at 5pm which was out of character for him but we chalked it up to him not feeling well and later that night he was better with no fever or headache. The day after, being Easter Sunday he was a bit anxious and catankerous which we chalked up to the holiday and easter chocolate. He'd argue a bit but nothing out of the ordinary. Monday, the arguing continued, getting a bit worse as he would seem to be trying to push buttons but in the end he apologized and things went alright. Tuesday went even worse and he was grounded from video games for 3 days because of giving us problems with cleaning his room and then being deliberatly beligerent to his mother who was trying to be rather understanding.
So, the day before yesterday I came home from work with his mother. As soon as we get in we could tell he was in a foul mood because when we asked if he'd done his homework he replied in a snarky tone that he hadn't. We told him he could work on it after he went to cubs (Think scouts for kids up to and including 10). He argued with us about going and said he hated it even though he's gone before and had fun. I even took him camping with his troupe in October and he enjoyed it a lot. So, we managed to get him to cubs, things seemed alright. Afterwards we take him for an hour to the local comic shop where they have a pokemon tcg league. He had wanted a new starter deck there but I told him I didn't have his money from an easter card with me and didn't have enough money on me so he could wait till Friday when we could go in again. He was disappointed but went off and enjoyed the time. I picked him up and everything seemed fine but then he got home and started muttering under his breath. His mother asked him what he said to which he just completely freaked out and said that it didn't matter and that he wanted to work on his deck even though he knew it was bedtime. For the next 15 minutes we took out his ps2, tv, vcr and told him he was grounded after he yelled at us and slammed doors (we live in an apartment and the walls aren't very thick). For the proceeding hour and forty-five minutes he would get out of bed, slam doors, come out and tell us we were the worst parents in the world, slam doors, kick his bed, throw things in his room, etc. Fine, we take that as it comes. The mother and I went outside to get some air and for her to have a smoke when we heard him come to the door open it, grin then close and lock it. I had the keys so we got back in. He then gave us a note saying he'd done something with her laptop, my 360 controller and other various items of ours. He wound up hiding them under the couch which we didn't like. So eventually it came to a head where he said he "Wished he was in heaven". We responded with "You know the only way that happens is when a person dies". He then argues with us saying that he wasn't going to kill himself but after we left him in his room he continued to write it on notes to us. So the fiancee called the telecare we have here in New Brunswick. They told us to take him to the hospital. We did, after much coaxing as he kept saying "I can't".
We got him there and after about 5 hours saw a doctor who wanted us to come back in the morning to see a child psychologist.
So getting home at 4am we went to bed, got a call later in the morning and went to the hospital at 4:30 for the appointment. After the psychologist spoke to us and him he told us that he believed our son has "IED" or Intermittent Explosive disorder. We got a prescription and he said we should have him see a child psychologist for further sessions.
Now, H/A, my reason for this post is to ask further is anyone else has any experience with IED or if they know of any resources that might be useful for parents?
Sorry for such a long post but I thought a good explanation would help.
tl/dr;
Son's been diagnosed with Intermittent Explosive Disorder. Wondering if anyone has any experience or resources that might help?
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Gonmun on
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Good luck.
Also, not sure how to deal with the IED but I'd take the door off his bedroom as a punishment. Kids value privacy a lot and removing that option will hurt him more than taking away his videogames. Plus, it'll prevent him from slamming doors.
We would have done that but the door is used at night as he has a hamster and we also have two cats that have eyed the cage on occasion.
On the WWE thing, I thought it was a gimmick too but as it turns out it is real. When we told my brother in law about it he immediately said "He's got what Randy Orton has?"
Its impressive you're taking care of him so well.
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"The power of the weirdness compels me."
Kids throw temper tantrums from time to time, and act as if it were the end of the world. Maybe he is getting bullied at school and this is his way of expressing his anger. Maybe he is used to getting his own way (the tv, vcr, and ps2 in his room suggests this to me), and is freaking out to try and maintain his control over you two.
I'm not the expert, so he could really have some mental condition that requires medication to address, but please try to be sure that you are not overreacting, and that this really is a legitimate medical problem before resorting to pills to fix it.
Coming from a family with a history of abuse, i don't doubt the kid has issues. but i'm willing to bet they are psychological rather than chemical. I REALLY think you should get a second opinion from another doctor.
I know someone who was diagnosed with IED, because basically he has a temper. He was/is a firefighter and i know a lot of those guys are medicated to the gills. i've seen people whom i'd say had IED over him plenty of times. i, personally, think IED is overblown. it might be real, but much like ADD i think it's overdiagnosed.
also: how old is the kid? I just read up on it a bit on the Mayo Clinic site, and they prescribe some serious drugs to treat it. Also, maybe it's just me, but the whole concept just seems really far fetched. This: i can see as possible. but i think it'd take a lot of tests to see that. these are listed as "signs you are having an IED episode"
Tingling
Tremor
Palpitations
Chest tightness
Head pressure
Hearing an echo
Man, that's pretty much exactly the way i feel when i'm really pissed. now if you get foam in your latte and you specifically asked for no foam, and you end up chucking a table through the starbucks window, i full on agree you need help. but pills? i doubt it.
All I have to say is, watch your head. You could get punted in it at any time!
Anyway...I think it's definitely something to keep an eye on with a child so he doesn't grow up to become an adult who has those issues. Hopefully therapy will help, and he can be weaned of the medicine they want to give him...but if it helps him have a better quality of life, medicine isn't always so bad.
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Honestly, the kid sounds like he has some problems, but I would be really careful with throwing out diagnoses and medications left and right; they can close doors in the future (having some problems with that right now myself).
Therapy is great, as long as you get a good therapist. Honestly any diagnosis that is made that quickly, I would be extremely wary of it.
You sound like a great guy though, good on you for caring about the kid so much.
In all seriousness this is something that has gone through my mind since it happened and I can't help but ponder the use of the meds either. My fiancee and I talked about it today and we're afraid that it's going to change him into someone else who's just...well, almost like a vegetable. I know you hear the stories but I just don't want to see that happen. Thankfully the medication is only for two months and in that time he will be seeing a psychologist so the second psychologist may say to take him off it. But for right now I don't want to disregard advice given from a medical professional. But if I do notice some problems I'll certainly want him off of it.
And really, as far as what I'm doing, I'm his Dad. Can't really think that I would do it any other way since I consider him my son. But again, thanks for the kind words. It means a lot to hear it.
No matter which route you go, don't ever let him use it as an excuse to not do something. Telling him he's got limitations or it's "okay you can't help it" might calm him down for now, but later in life it can lead to a pretty bad attitude full of lack of effort. When he's older he needs to understand everyone has their own faults and disadvantages and he's not so bad off he doesn't have to try.
edit: and yeah, a one visit diagnosis is kind of scary. If someone is under a lot of stress and muttering to themselves or talking to an invisible friend out loud for a day it doesn't mean they're schizophrenic... I don't see how so short a time span could diagnose some sort of uncontrollable hulk smash need medication condition.
I would have been dead before I could display that many symptoms. My dad's "ADD Medicine" involved an ax, a woodpile, and a cold house. (i'm not kidding, "Go take your ADD pills" was what he said when he meant "go do your chores")
I don't want to be the denier guy, but from all the talk of the toys and pets and his own room and privacy and activities and stuff, it seems like you have avenues you could explore that don't involve pills. Regardless, activity and structure are greatly beneficial for the treatment of childhood behavioral disorders, whether you go with meds or not.
Also, re migraines, you need to work hard to make sure he's having these, and if he is, get him looked at for them - I spent decades getting frequent migraines and severe headaches that were actually connected to respiratory and sleep problems, and were treatable.
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https://medium.com/@alascii
Kids sometimes test their limits to see what they can get away with. Maybe there's a kid at school who has his family wrapped around his finger and your son wanted to try it out. Maybe he's going through some tough times and didn't know how to cope. Maybe it was just a regular tantrum (has this happened often before?)
As for threatening to kill himself, as scary as that sounds, I wouldn't panic just yet. Two boys that I used to work with would say things like this when they wanted to get their way and their psychologist said that they weren't suicidal. Kids aren't stupid; they know that parents will back off when they hear that. One of the kids was being forced (by his school) to go to tutoring and one day he didn't want to go. He kept calling up his Mom and saying "the next time you see me, I'll be in a coffin" and stuff like that. Later his Mom told me that he would say things like that all the time and she would cry and let him off the hook. Her counselor told her to ignore those phrases... but obviously get the advice from a psychologist or something first just in case he really IS suicidal.
diagnostic criteria for IED are:
A. Several discrete episodes of failure to resist aggressive impulses that result in serious assaultive acts or destruction of property.
B. The degree of aggressiveness expressed during the episodes is greatly out of proportion to any precipitating psychosocial stressors
C. The aggressive episode is not better accounted for by another mental disorder (e.g. Antisocial Personality Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, a Psychotic Disorder, a Manic Episode, Conduct Disorder, or ADD/ADHD), and are not due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (drugs/meds), or a general medical condition.
So, basically the kid has to totally flip out at something that's not a big deal more than once, and these flip outs can't be because he was hopped up on mountain dew. I would strongly suggest getting a second opinion if you can, because if this is the only time he's "exploded", he doesn't technically meet the definition, and putting him on meds for 2 months to treat this condition might be unnecessary or even detrimental. I'm in no position to say your son doesn't have IED, but I think finding someone who is and getting them to assess your son is pretty important, especially if medication is involved.