[Glossolalia++] Dubh's jealous of internet forum roleplaying game hot makeouts

scarlet st.

The Adventures of the Ursa Majoris

Starring:
Captain Gary Thrustwaist
First Mate Dubh McStubblylegs
Chief of Security Matt Scorp
Dick Head Tommy Wings
Spiritual Advisor Loeli
Mortis Adept Locth D'Out
Speed Adept Speed Racer
Plant-kin Hitchiker Tomarli

Seasons 1-4 now on DVD and Blu-ray!
[1]
[2]
[3]
[4]

Recent Adventures
When we last left our heroes, they had completely fucked up reviving the Urson on account of being total assholes. But wait! It turns out there was another way. Being a super advanced race of flying space bears the Urson had planned for this eventuality. The Urson had created four data discs that combined with the Tehlikron could be used to re-create a non-nazi Urson civilization. Each hidden on a different elementaly themed planet.

• First Coordinates: Water Planet [Psycho Whale]
• Second Coordinates: Jungle Base [Cutter Tiger]
• Third Coordinates: Volcanic World [Necro Zombie]
• Fourth Coordinates: Ice Moon [Blizzard Falcon]

For some retarded reason, the crew decided to tackle the water planet first. Pyscho Whale managed to eat Farth’s brain and convince Speed to remove his helmet at the bottom of an ocean. Once they snapped out of his illusion the remaining team managed defeat the whale easily. Afterwards Loeli and her Skorokov were able to revive Speed, just in time for him to get engaged to some floozy.

The crew is currently on Dubh’s homeworld of Kih’Tah fighting along side with the Kit’Tan rebels. They hope to convince Cutter Tiger to give up the Skorokov, and not use it to commit genocide against the invading SpaceSEC forces. But will it work!? Also what happened to Rath Deathclaw!? And who is this mysterious Mach Racer? These questions may or not be answered in this thread, but one thing is certain….

Bearstranaut wrote: »

I'd get your rts hat on

Map of Captain Thrustwaist's Ursa Majoris

Doobh

Teh sex.

Bearstranaut

nise

Doobh

"'Let me give you some advice, Captain,' he said, 'It may help you to make sense of the world. I believe you find life such a problem because you think there are the good people and the bad people. You're wrong, of course. There are, always and only, bad people, but some of them are on opposite sides.'"

— Lord Vetinari, Guards! Guards!

NeoToma

Hahahaha
that last thread sure went to um

places

Well now I know what'll happen when I leave for the end of a thread.
And hey you used my OP!
killer

Relay for Life is sort of a dumb thing, kinda sad i missed the last few pages of weirdness for that.

scarlet st.

Yeah I figured your OP was pretty grand so

scarlet st.

quick question
how many of you are cut

NeoToma

Like slang for being in good shape?
Or the penis thing?

Doobh

Penis thang.

Bearstranaut

UNCUT

AND UNASHAMED.

the wook

The Throbbing Labia of Captain Hairy Cuntface

DE?AD

Dubh, a gentleman and a scholar, quoting Discworld.

Scarlet, asking forumers about their penises.

Fantastic.

Moving on from the horrifying shame that was the last few pages of the previous thread - what is everyone doing this round? Remind me. I have forgotten.

EDIT: Wook, always a delight.

NeoToma

BIGGER, BLACKER AND UNCUT

Why am I sharing this? Perhaps I am too drunk to be on the internet.

scarlet st.

De?ad, you should really see the chatroom log before putting this solely on me.

DE?AD

Chatroom? Scarlet, are you internet-predatoring again?

NeoToma

Since Matt's gone, my order is for Rebel1(that's me right?) to move to C6 or whichever place I need to be to fuck up S4's shit.

scarlet st.

Dubh and Bear are the underage boys I'm going to internet bang.

Doobh

talkin' to the lady

scarlet st.

sacrificin' some Kih'pawns

DE?AD

Dubh wrote: »

talkin' to the lady

The woman says that her boy had run off before the attack, and she cannot possibly leave without him. She knows he headed into the jungle to the south, and he shouldn't be too far. She begs you to take pity on her and go find her boy.

L|ama

the wook wrote: »

The Throbbing Labia of Captain Hairy Cuntface

You didn't even get a fat joke in there, disappointing

Doobh

So, Dubh would be soloing this, right?

"It'll take me naw time, missy."

DE?AD

Yes.

The woman thanks you profusely, before being ushered out of the town by the rebellion fighters.

Bearstranaut

Delightful.

DE?AD

Unfortunately, I am far too tired to post an update, so we will have to leave it at that.

Feel free to scheme, plot, and possibly talk about cutedness. I am going to try to get some damn sleep.

Doobh

Dubh starts his walk through the undergrowth, a see-cret mi-ni-GUN cradled in his arms like a child, or a large, dripping ham. The biting insects of the jungle flee before his confident stride- bandanna flowing in the wind- smoke curling away from his cigarette.

scarlet st.

Damn. Guess I'll try to get some sleep soon.

scarlet st.

Loeli crouches under a tree on a hill overlooking the battlefield, narrowing her eyes in the bright sunlight that peeks through the canopy. She pulls a glove off and lets the purple mist fly into the distance towards the encroaching SpaceSEC troops. The Neurokov colony rushes through the poor bastards like genital warts in a Vietnam-era whore house and in the blink of an eye the small rebel group and the scant remaining civilians triple in size and ferocity. They grin and gnash their teeth, flipping off the SpaceSEC troops and firing like madmen, daring the military squad to bust out their most impressive genocidal techniques.

Doobh

No you can't, Tommy. Due to the scale of the fight, you have been reduced to Squad buffs.


Battle Continues: Round 3


R1 Moves to C-8.

R2 Moves to C-8, moves to C-7. D-6

R3 Moves to D-7. You arrive in a tiny shanty town built alongside the river. You show up just in time to see the Kih'Tan there, all men and women who have suffered during the long war, packing up their belongings. A woman supporting herself on a cane seems to have stopped in the middle of the town, calling out for someone to help her...

S1 Activates Tactical Schema: Divide and Conquer! S1 Moves to D6. The woman's cries are quickly drowned out by the roar of engines, as a SpaceCORP force comes crashing over the rickety bridge strung across the river. Tank shells bombard the shanty town. The rebellion force lashes out, though, laying down suppression fire and allowing the citizens to flee. Still, the woman seems resolute on remaining, as if she's waiting for someone... [17 vs. 21] [S1 Loses One Rank!]

S2 Attacks McAshlington! As her troops rage through the city, Thieresai kicks down the door of a Kih'Tan house, striding through the rooms, callously downing the citizens as they try to flee. "No more demons!" she cries. [48 vs. 33] [McAshlington Loses One Rank!]

S3 Attacks Ballykell! A Kih'Tan boy collapses into a puddle under a hail of steel-shred. Out of nowhere, a Kih'Tan man charges in, viciously beating the SpaceCORP troop over the head with a crooked two-by-four. [17 vs. 18] [S3 Loses One Rank!]


S4 Moves to C-6.

Ballykell: [||---] [Under Attack]
McAshlington: [|||||---] [Under Attack]
McArtly: ||[/COLOR

Rebellion Squad 1 ||||[/COLOR [Matt, Cutter Tiger, Tomarli]
Rebellion Squad 2 [||-] [Gary, Speed, Tommy] [Under Attack]
Rebellion Squad 3 ||[/COLOR [Locth, Loeli, Dubh]

Sympathy: [|||

---

]

SpaceCORP Squad 1 [|||-]
SpaceCORP Squad 2 |||||[/COLOR [Major Thieresai Sanzibel: +10 to Attack]
SpaceCORP Squad 3 [|||-]
SpaceCORP Squad 4 |||[/COLOR

RULES
Squad Bonuses:
-Dubh: +5 to Attack Rolls
-Gary: +5 to Social Rolls
-Locth: +2 Attack/Defense Rolls
-Matt: +5 Defense Rolls
-Speed: +1 to Movement
-Tommy: +2 Attack, Ignore Rivers
-Tomarli: Count Partial Jungle Squares as Jungle Squares
-Loeli: Move Enemy 1 Square with Successful Attack
-Cutter Tiger: Use d12s for Attack.

Movement: Each turn, you may move each Squad one square. If the square has a road, you may move two squares. Passing a square with a river takes two turns.

Guerrilla Bonus: While in a deep jungle square, you receive a +5 to all rolls.

TACTICAL SCHEMAS
-Civilian Uprising: +10 to Rolls While in a City [Constant]
-Commandeer Armor: After Defeating SpaceCORP Squad, upgrade Squad dice to d12s [One Use].

Antimatter

R1 to C6

Tommy2Hands

R2 to B6
Also Dead, us fighting on a river and a forest tile should give us some super bonus.
Cause R2 rocks like that.

Bedlam

Will shoots magic missle, at the darkness!

Tommy2Hands

Bedlam wrote: »

Will shoots magic missle, at the darkness!

The darkness recoils, it is taken aback at your display of mean-ness


[Will rolls a 5][Darkness rolls a 85]
Will loses one dot in Gay White Male

scarlet st.

where the hell is the movie of that

Bedlam

scarlet st. wrote: »

where the hell is the movie of that

this?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XHdXG2gV01k

scarlet st.

haha, right on. there's another one that some video game developers made with their studio's characters.

Speed Racer

Someone needs to draw S4's attention so they don't fuck with our squad while we go for this powerup.

Doobh

Anything but C7 should be safe.

Tommy: I think jungle gives defense.

Tommy2Hands

Yeah, but we're on a river too.
EDIT: Also, R1 needs to attack S4 so we can get the little circle without, you know, being killed

Doobh

B7 is a great place for R1.

B6, 7, and 8 are good for R2 (assuming you can't attack from across the river, or gain defensive advantages).
Matt's force can return fire from the jungle with Tomarli in there, hella easy.




Consider this, on page 2, to be our alternate updated battle map, in case you don't want to search through a fuckbillion pages.

Rules are now at the bottom.

Doobh

Ideally, R3 is going to dart to E5, after crossing the river. Hopefully, we can slip by enemy lines.

So, uh, even with the extra actions going on, and taking two turns...

R3 to E5