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friend drama-the sequel.
DarkSymphony
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
long story short: friends I met 1 year ago and have partied with me a lot since then, decided to exhile me from their group. Three guys, one of which happens to sound kinda like me on the phone left a phone message with a girl who I was friends with and said something really juvenile. It was hurtful, but it was juvenile. In any case, I was with a few friends that night playing magic the gathering (yeah, super dorky). I gave them my list of alibies, told them it's not in my character to do something like that (and this is information they are well aware of. They know me very well and know I am not like that), and gave several reasons for my innocence on the matter. At first, I was able to convince the girl who got the message. She accepted the fact that I'd have no reason to make such a call. I had reasons behind why I didn't, she didn't have reasons as to why I did and she conceded the argument.
However, eventually they still chose to believe it was me. In the face of all logical answers and reasons as to the opposite, they simply chose blind faith because they had some form of evidence where the voice was vaguely similar to mine. The other 2 people on the phone (in the message) were 2 kids with the same name as my band mates. They apparently announced their names and the third person (who they think was me) didn't leave a name.
so, for 1 month I just stopped all communication and all further times to hang out with them. My plan was to take a cool off period and come back to things when shit was better. Well, apparently new rumors happened while I was away (somehow) and today was my first day to come back and test shit out. I talked to the girl who had received the phone message and she was still very upset. She was dead set on thinking I did it. She then decided to mention that a lot of my friends in that group now think the same way.
so what I'm coming here for, is what should I do? I have no interest in communicating with the girl who got the call (since she's bat shit crazy insane) or the girl who is perpetuating these rumors (and I know exactly which one is doing that). However, now there's the inevitability of people being told that I DO like out of this group. These people are going to be told that I'm a shit head and that I left this aweful message. The problem is, everyone in the group has a soft spot for this girl so if there's an "attack" on this girl, it's an "attack" on them all.
so really I am asking if it's worth trying to salvage friendships outside of these 2 retards.
However, eventually they still chose to believe it was me. In the face of all logical answers and reasons as to the opposite, they simply chose blind faith because they had some form of evidence where the voice was vaguely similar to mine. The other 2 people on the phone (in the message) were 2 kids with the same name as my band mates. They apparently announced their names and the third person (who they think was me) didn't leave a name.
so, for 1 month I just stopped all communication and all further times to hang out with them. My plan was to take a cool off period and come back to things when shit was better. Well, apparently new rumors happened while I was away (somehow) and today was my first day to come back and test shit out. I talked to the girl who had received the phone message and she was still very upset. She was dead set on thinking I did it. She then decided to mention that a lot of my friends in that group now think the same way.
so what I'm coming here for, is what should I do? I have no interest in communicating with the girl who got the call (since she's bat shit crazy insane) or the girl who is perpetuating these rumors (and I know exactly which one is doing that). However, now there's the inevitability of people being told that I DO like out of this group. These people are going to be told that I'm a shit head and that I left this aweful message. The problem is, everyone in the group has a soft spot for this girl so if there's an "attack" on this girl, it's an "attack" on them all.
so really I am asking if it's worth trying to salvage friendships outside of these 2 retards.
DarkSymphony on
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these people actually DO believe it was me because they are convinced from the voice on the message. So from their perspective they are doing what they feel is best and getting rid of some piece of shit asshole from their group. However, since they don't know the actual truth and I do, they are just pointing blame because it's easiest. The idea is solidified and already in place. The phone call was an actual thing that happened and cannot be proven otherwise, so they have a tangable thing surrounding this information.
I don't think they are doing this because they are putting any secret plan together so I'm not involved with them anymore, I think they are doing this out of blind faith and eager stupidity.
This isn't "the straw that broke the camels back" in terms of them wanting me out, this is some random occurance that took everyone by surprise and they don't know any better than to blame me.
Let it go man. Otherwise, it starts to look that you kinda enjoy the drama.
Word. Go make new friends.
but they're listening to every word I say
Walk away and never look back.
Honestly, you know it wasn't you. They aren't accepting your word for it.
A month later?!? Really?
Geez, talk about leading boring lives (not you... them)
I'm trying to think of anything short of a death threat I could get on my phone and still care about a month later.
"go find a place to die"
now, the only reason that would even be taken seriously is because the girl that was called has had a bad life of severe emotional and mental issues. She, therefore, took this message VERY seriously. And this is the result.
I literally had no idea any of this was going on. It's a problem that involved me without involving me in any way.
However, you're all right. The only reason I went on a little bit about it, was because this was the first time something like this ever happened to me. I just had no idea why these things were happening so I got confused.
There was a reason I didn't make any attempt at communication for a month. They acted like idiots and expected me to do the work to fix it. fuuuuuck that.
I guess what makes me skeptical about the whole thing is that no one has any idea of why someone would impersonate you, call this girl, and tell her that. This seems pretty elaborate for something so stupid. Are you sure you didn't get drunk one night and fuck up?
It all sounds highly suspect to me, but, not being Encyclopedia Brown, the only advice I can give is to move on. They've made their minds up. It's a petty issue, and normally wouldn't ruin a real friendship, but it doesn't seem like anything here would qualify as real friendships. Cut your losses. There's nothing to be gained by continually pleading your case to deaf ears.
Props on the killer 7 avatar, by the way.
You won't change their mind and trying will only make them more stubborn about their opinion of you in the future. Let it go. One day their heads might come out of their asses. Just don't hold your breath.
yes, an extreme drama queen who farms people's pity and a rumor monger. Your friends are being manipulated by experts. If these 2 have a place in the group, you will inevitably in have them in your life in some form if you associate with the others.
Snip snip.
I have gone through extreme depression and even at the worst of it, a phone message that said "go find a place to die" wouldn't have meant that much to me, because there's nothing to it. To be truly offended, it takes people saying stuff about you specifically. Even if it's as simple as "Sam you're an idiot" there's a pretty crucial difference.
To be fair, depression can have different triggers in different people, particularly depending on what's going on at the moment. It could have really bothered her and lingered... but that doesn't mean she shouldn't listen to reason.
Or reconnect with old ones (hint hint). ;-)
https://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561197970666737/
and yeah, I agree. Basically it came to a head tonight.
Girl 1 is incredibly bull headed, makes everything about her...etc. well, I said something to Girl 1 months ago that we have since (supposedly) gotten over. She decided to let me know she doesn't want me around. I told her I thought the same way and that was the end of it.
Girl 2 is the girl who got the actual message. She was convinced by me that I wouldn't have left such a message. Girl 1 convinced Girl 2 otherwise because Girl 1 was still very pissed about what I had said to her. She took it so personally she got all her buddies to jump in on the bandwagon.
A lesson has been learned. If I don't stand up for my own shit, who else is going to. So, I took the first step and am leaving them behind.
I feel like I've already read this.
Second, I second everyone else who says move on and ignore the dopey bastards. Any good friends in the group? Talk to them seperately and individually, explaining your side, why you cannot be bothered, and try to hang out with them seperately.
Maybe the call was coming from inside of the house.
OP: Drop it. They're shitty friends. Let them come to you if they really care.
Then tell her to go find a place to die. Cut off contact.
edit: oh, guess that was just asked
and also :
Seriously? people get angsty about THIS? this uber-dorky message that looks like it was typed by a 9-year old?
ooo-weeee. Walk away from these people.
You obviously didn't have a good reputation with them before this happened, otherwise they'd be defending you, not throwing you under the bus. Best to leave these retards to their silliness.
Detailed billing will show this information even if the phone is turned off - the OP could get a detailed bill which showed that no call was made to that number during the time the message was received. This would resolve the issue of who it came from once and for all. Of course, it doesn't really even sound like it's worth it at this point.
But seriously, don't even bother sending them a text or calling them up to say 'THATS IT!!', because that is just fueling their fucking drama-craving. Just ignore them.
Preferably do this while everyone is gathered. The drama this creates may make the Drama-Farmers die from overharvest. Also, being self-righteous feels great.
A few months later i wish my ex-good friend happy birthday and we talk for a bit and she still doesnt want to hang but maybe i can fix things i think. Nope. After we finish talking, she goes and talks to her gf, who then proceeds to tell her that I have been harassing her (the gf) for months since we had the falling out, and then saying I made crude sexual comments about her and my friend when we all first met. This would be completely out of character for me, and we were all friend when the sex comment would have had to have been made and i have chatlogs showing i didnt.
but none of that matters because it ends up being my word against her lovers, which means i lose, full stop. Perhaps your "friend" trusts the people telling her it you, or values them as friends more, because if she believes you over them, they will not be friends.
It's stupid petty bullshit that is childish and retarded, and unless they come to you saying they were wrong and can you please forgive me you should just give up, because those people are bitches
This. Now that sides have been taken, the 'misunderstanding' card has been played and negated, you're pretty much fucked. You don't have the sway to make an emotionally persuasive argument, so you're out.
It may be helpful to realize that although it feels like you've lost something, you didn't. You are now simply aware of the balance of that group's emotional tendancies towards you. People feel first, and rationalize later. If that balance had been positive, they would have rationalized the situation in a positive way. It wasn't so they didn't.
You could (and looks like have) break down the group and find out individual values, girl 2 listened, positive. Girl 1 doesn't, negative, etc. But if they insist on being a close group, only the average matters, and in this way it doesn't actually matter what girl 2 thinks. As part of the group, she is as accountable for her actions as any other member. The bottom line is, its very, very unlikely you'll be able to salvage one individual from the group. Sorry bud, thats just the way it is sometimes.
at this point, if he did this, he would probably just destroy the girls friend with the other guy, and then his with them because they would be upset for exposing the other guy.
In my situtation, I could probably take the one bitch to court for a restraining order if she messes with me again based on prior evidence that she has done it before, and that would almost certainly convince my one ex-friend her gf is a lying bitch, but I don't do that because its not worth it to fuck up their relationship over a failed friendship
I would print it out, show it to them, let them fawn at your feet in abject apology and then tell them to fuck off.
Or
just do the last part....