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ITT: Getting over it.
Grandaddy Delicious
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
I brought it here instead of SE because I wanted serious advice. I know you guys won't let me down.
I haven't been in that many relationships. In fact, I'm pretty darn picky, and I'm also scared to commit. Up until a year ago I had never had a relationship that lasted more than six months.
Basically, I dated this girl for a year and I was head over heels in love with her. I'd dated a few people previously, but as i mentioned earlier, nothing really came of them. But this girl, I loved her so much. We were together for about a year and everything was great, but during the last few months her parents got divorced and by the time it was over, there was nothing left of our relationship. It just caused her too much stress. She was crying every day for a couple months and in general everything was really sucky. I tried to console her the best I could; I listened, I tried to keep things normal. I took her on dates, we did everything we used to, and we had a lot of fun.
Towards the end of the relationship she was just always depressed. So I told her that if she couldn't be happy around me then she should find something that did make her happy. I confessed that her depression had been wearing on me and I didn't exactly know how to handle it. She was n ever the happy person she was before her parents were divorced. She never got better.
We ended up breaking up because I wanted her to find something that would make her happy. My subsequent efforts for us to get back together after I believed I had made a mistake were futile. Since then she has gone guy to guy in an attempt to not think about her parents. We're still friends, we still talk, but I know there is no possibility for a relationship. As soon as she breaks up (or gets broken up with) with one guy, she's in another relationship the next day (I'm not even exaggerating).
Now, we broke up a year ago. Since we broke up I've found myself doing similar things. I've become a real a-hole since then. I've been moving girl to girl, making out (among other things). I guess I've been playing these girls. I suppose I should be happy, right? Making out with two or three girls a week is not near as fulfilling as I thought it would be. I'm never happy, and whenever I think about what I really want, it always goes back to her, but what she was before.
What I've recently realized is that we've been broken up for a year, and I'm still not over it. What gives? I've moved from girl to girl in an attempt to get over it, and it hasn't been working out at all. My feelings have become especially intense lately because I just found out that she broke up with her latest guy and has decided she is moving to Los Angeles in two weeks. She's already packed. She's already been accepted. She's already paid the fees.
How do I get over this? How long does getting oversomeone usually take? It's never been this bad before.
Thanks guys.
I haven't been in that many relationships. In fact, I'm pretty darn picky, and I'm also scared to commit. Up until a year ago I had never had a relationship that lasted more than six months.
Basically, I dated this girl for a year and I was head over heels in love with her. I'd dated a few people previously, but as i mentioned earlier, nothing really came of them. But this girl, I loved her so much. We were together for about a year and everything was great, but during the last few months her parents got divorced and by the time it was over, there was nothing left of our relationship. It just caused her too much stress. She was crying every day for a couple months and in general everything was really sucky. I tried to console her the best I could; I listened, I tried to keep things normal. I took her on dates, we did everything we used to, and we had a lot of fun.
Towards the end of the relationship she was just always depressed. So I told her that if she couldn't be happy around me then she should find something that did make her happy. I confessed that her depression had been wearing on me and I didn't exactly know how to handle it. She was n ever the happy person she was before her parents were divorced. She never got better.
We ended up breaking up because I wanted her to find something that would make her happy. My subsequent efforts for us to get back together after I believed I had made a mistake were futile. Since then she has gone guy to guy in an attempt to not think about her parents. We're still friends, we still talk, but I know there is no possibility for a relationship. As soon as she breaks up (or gets broken up with) with one guy, she's in another relationship the next day (I'm not even exaggerating).
Now, we broke up a year ago. Since we broke up I've found myself doing similar things. I've become a real a-hole since then. I've been moving girl to girl, making out (among other things). I guess I've been playing these girls. I suppose I should be happy, right? Making out with two or three girls a week is not near as fulfilling as I thought it would be. I'm never happy, and whenever I think about what I really want, it always goes back to her, but what she was before.
What I've recently realized is that we've been broken up for a year, and I'm still not over it. What gives? I've moved from girl to girl in an attempt to get over it, and it hasn't been working out at all. My feelings have become especially intense lately because I just found out that she broke up with her latest guy and has decided she is moving to Los Angeles in two weeks. She's already packed. She's already been accepted. She's already paid the fees.
How do I get over this? How long does getting oversomeone usually take? It's never been this bad before.
Thanks guys.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
Grandaddy Delicious on
0
Posts
Read, play games, hang out with your guy friends more, live a life that doesn't keep your mind coming back to her.
After I broke up with my girlfriend of a year and a half, I drank my ass off but it was mostly out of happiness of being out of a shithole of a relationship, haha.
I am just now getting over a girl that broke up with me last year. We weren't together really long - five months, roughly - but I did love the hell out of her, and it was a steel-toed boot to the balls when it ended.
The only thing I can suggest is to do your best not to think about her. Take a break from chicks for a while. Exercise helps, some. Find yourself a hobby - something that requires concentration is best, as you really won't be able to think about her while building models or whatever.
Oh yeah, almost forgot this. Get yourself a pair of running shoes and just go. Even months later, I still run and work out 3-4 times a week. Not only does it keep occupied, but it gets you in shape for the next important girl that comes along. 8)
I've been all over this. I've been working out like a madman since we broke up. I've gone from 150-170 on a steady regimine working out 5 days a week and taking tons of supplements.
It's rough because we're still friends, it makes it seem like a real douche thing to do (avoiding her, i mean). Especially because we still know each other better than anyone else in our respective lives. We were best friends before we broke up, we still keep in pretty good contact.
Is it completely necessary to lose a best friend in the process of losing a loved one?
Man, life sucks.
The reason you aren't getting any satisfaction out of "making out with three chicks every week" is because you aren't giving those things a chance develop into something more.
Going out to bars and making out with people won't help you get over your ex. Actually dating them and getting into a relationship with one of them will. At least, it did for me. It allowed me to realize there are other people out there who are unique in their own ways and I can get to love them too, and as I got to know more about them I was more assured, and eventually forgot about my ex.
Now, I'm not saying be a needy bastard and try to get into another relationship ASAP. Just give other people a chance.
edit: and yes, just as I suspected you stated the problem for me:
THAT is the problem here man. That is why you're still not over her.
The problem is, how do you let someone else in to be that close? There are certain things about myself that I don't exactly share as public knowledge...
What do you mean? You let her become close, didn't you? Why can't you do the same with other girls?
I'm saying that you could try dating other girls instead of simply making out with them, or having one-nighters or whatever it is you are doing. Those things tend to be emotionally shallow and you can't expect them to fill in for the relationship you are missing. You date them, and the more you get to know about each other, the closer you get.
Yes is the answer. Few people are mature or mentally stable enough to make a friendship work after a long, involved relationship. There's the possibility of a friendship down the line, but the best thing to do right now is to cut her out of your life completely. You need to look out for your own mental and emotional well-being, then worry about being friends once you're stable.