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Problems getting excited above and beyond [Sex question]
Tinuz
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Well, damn...did I never expect to post here, with this...but here goes nothing.
So, recently I have been dating this girl and we started sleeping together (no sex yet, but a lot of naked fun). As fun as that is, I have some 'problems'. Now, I've had this with the previous girl I slept with, and possibly the one before that, who was my first.
I simply do not 'feel' it, that is, I do get in the mood, I do have fun, but when she goes down on me, for example, it seems like it takes ages for me to come. Not that I am bored, but it simply doesn't get me any more excited, I have a much better time getting her off.
Now, the thing is, if I masturbate (which I haven't done since we started sleeping together), I do get in the mood, breathing heavy, etc.
I talked with her about it, explained my problems and although she does find it somewhat frustrating, she seems to be okay with me being slow and not very responsive.
Oh yes, one last thing, even though I have slept with several girls, I am still a 'technical' virgin (both ended prematurely, once for logistic reasons, once because we simple didn't work together).
So, recently I have been dating this girl and we started sleeping together (no sex yet, but a lot of naked fun). As fun as that is, I have some 'problems'. Now, I've had this with the previous girl I slept with, and possibly the one before that, who was my first.
I simply do not 'feel' it, that is, I do get in the mood, I do have fun, but when she goes down on me, for example, it seems like it takes ages for me to come. Not that I am bored, but it simply doesn't get me any more excited, I have a much better time getting her off.
Now, the thing is, if I masturbate (which I haven't done since we started sleeping together), I do get in the mood, breathing heavy, etc.
I talked with her about it, explained my problems and although she does find it somewhat frustrating, she seems to be okay with me being slow and not very responsive.
Oh yes, one last thing, even though I have slept with several girls, I am still a 'technical' virgin (both ended prematurely, once for logistic reasons, once because we simple didn't work together).
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For most people like yourself, at least from what I've read, it really comes down to a comfortability thing. I know that for me, the act of actually orgasming around another person was a little weird, and it took me a while to get used to the idea. You've had all of your life since puberty to masturbate and figure out what works for you, so of course you enjoy that. Yet you've had little experience with having someone else do all of the work, and you seem a little uncomfortable, if even for no other reason than you're not sure if it'll "work for you."
So yes, this will probably involve you talking to the girl about it the next time you have some fun, but don't shy away from it unless you want to remain frustrated. And try masturbating while making out with her, or if you're going down on her, or whatever. Don't be afraid to touch yourself when you're around your girlfriend, in other words, and don't be afraid to say something if you have an idea for how to make things feel better. If she's into you, she'll want you to feel good as well.
How does it go when your taking it with your hands full, so to speak? Nothing wrong with going at each other at the same time, working the timing so what shes doing to you is what you're doing to her and then enjoying the connection as it builds.
Also, nothing wrong with getting off on her getting off- in fact I'd say thats a pretty handy attitude to have when hitting the sack.
Long story short, that specific occurrence is quite commonplace.
Haha, I laughed a little bit too hard... :P
One, thanks for the advice. Glad to see that I am not the only one around....it's just not something you ask the guy next to you at work (or is it... :winky:
Okay, we'll experiment around a bit (which will happen anyway) I was just worried that I was some sort of freak.
Thanks guys!
You guys can get an apartment in the city and be the original odd couple. Dum dum dum dum..
But anyways, I have similar issues. I can only tell you what others have said, be comfortable with the person you're with, don't stress about it, maybe get a little drunk(just enough to loosen inhibitions). Some also say to stop masturbating so much, as that could be an issue as well.
Finally, I know this might strike you as crappy, consider therapy. That's something I'm thinking about, as I still can't really finish off.
1. Experimentation
2. Communication
Try a lot of different stuff. Try straddling her chest and fucking her face. Try sitting in a chair with her head in your lap. Try standing with her kneeling in front of you. Try kneeling to the side with your dick near her mouth while you rub her clit with your hands (I prefer this to 69-ing -- I get better visual stimulation when I can see her lying on her back like this). Try using flavored lubricants so she can get you good and slippery and then try using her hands as well as her mouth. Encourage her to try switching up her technique -- more tongue, less tongue, harder, softer, deeper, or just the tip. Try it in the shower. Try it in public where you run the risk of getting caught.
Then be sure to communicate what you like and what you didn't like as much about everything you're trying. You like the visual stimulation of 69 but the timing was too difficult? Tell her. You like how deep she can get when you're standing and she's kneeling but it was difficult to keep your balance? Talk about it.
Honestly, it's entirely possible that she sucks at sucking you off and needs a little guidance. And it's possible that you have no idea what you actually like because it sounds like you haven't had a ton of experience with different partners and different techniques yourself. As long as you're non-judgemental, taking a little time to experiment with the sexual chemistry together can pay huge dividends. Nothing increases the quanity and quality of head you receive like your girlfriend's discovery of her inner sex goddess and the confidence that comes with knowing that she gives better felatio than any porn star.
it's probably a "the grass is always greener" situation - if you're with a girl who would never dream of giving head, it'll be the thing you want most in the world... but if you're with a girl who gives it out like candy, then you'll be all "meh" about them... but I digress.
I've heard horror stories and comedy bits about this too. Can you really blame them? They don't own one, they don't know what's good.
3DS Friend Code: 2165-6448-8348 www.Twitch.TV/cooljammer00
Battle.Net: JohnDarc#1203 Origin/UPlay: CoolJammer00
Oral doesn't have to be a huge deal. It took me and my husband quite a long time to figure out how to get him off that way because he didn't know what worked for him. And to be honest, most of the time we'd rather just use a little bit of oral for foreplay and have sex instead of actually giving head until he gets off.
I don't know how old you are...but I think young people tend to hear too many stories about how sex is for other people and get stressed out about thinking something is wrong with them.
3DS Friend Code: 2165-6448-8348 www.Twitch.TV/cooljammer00
Battle.Net: JohnDarc#1203 Origin/UPlay: CoolJammer00
Tinuz, if you masturbate often at all, it could be an issue of you being used to that specific type of stimulation as well. you may have inadvertantly desensitized yourself. being nervous on top of that is often a boner killer.
LoL...it can be kind of funny
I managed to do it once just to see what it was like, but it was indeed hilarious and my girlriend said she never wanted to try it again.
3DS Friend Code: 2165-6448-8348 www.Twitch.TV/cooljammer00
Battle.Net: JohnDarc#1203 Origin/UPlay: CoolJammer00
Can trade TF2 items or whatever else you're interested in. PM me.
I'm 24 but I was raised in a religious cult, hence no physical fun for me until I got out (22). Anyway, this is definitely true, the first time I slept with a girl (no sex, but a lot of fun) I was surprised about how much of it was emotional and not so much physical. The reason was mostly a distorted image based on conversations with male friends. I felt so...female at that point
Anyway, she seems rather good at oral, no problems there. The problem is that she dislikes using her hands as she is afraid of hurting me, as a result she loves giving oral. Also, she tends to get very much into things, to the point of losing control and convulsing, fun as that is to look at, I can see why she is afraid of hurting me. We'll see.
As for the communication, that is definitely there. We have always been open about these things. As said, she knows about these problems and we have talked about it. Experimentation not so much, but we are only at the beginning, so that seems natural.
As for the masturbation part, I hardly ever do it when I am with someone, it just seems like a subpar option at that point. Maybe I desensitized myself that way, but I doubt it. As said, it is more of an emotional disconnect than anything else, I definitely feel it, and it feels good. I just don't get 'in the mood' from it.
Anyway, I guess the main question is answered, is this just me, which apparently it is not. Which is comforting to know. Thanks guys! Now please stop beating me to the punch so I can actually contribute a little bit in this place
I think if we'd start renaming products for their most common use, a casual stroll in the grocery store would leave one filled with wonder and disgust.
Well, if your ex-cult had some strange ideas about sex, it actually could be just you. Not to be a downer, but you might have a mental block on enjoying sex if the religious group you were with until a mere 2 years ago were particularly harsh on sex.
Not saying that it's the case, as I don't know what your religious group's stance was, but if it is, it might actually be worthwhile to talk to a therapist about it, depending on your feelings about your current religion, ex-religion, and so on.
Whipped Cream = Cock Frosting
I suppose this is why I turned down sex, though I am kicking myself for it a bit. I waver back and forth between "it was a good decision" and "you stupid motherfucker"
3DS Friend Code: 2165-6448-8348 www.Twitch.TV/cooljammer00
Battle.Net: JohnDarc#1203 Origin/UPlay: CoolJammer00
On the other hand, some people get off on stranger sex, so they're just super comfortable with themselves.
Later on you realize that fucking the co-captain of your high school girls' gymnastics team wasn't nearly the life-defining event you imagined it was at the time, and you can relax and have sex for no other reason than that it's fun and it's something you want to share with a person whose company you enjoy.
What if you're 30 and fucking the co-captain of the high school girls' gymnastics team? :P
Can trade TF2 items or whatever else you're interested in. PM me.
In that case,
A. Hi5!
B. You probably are having a lot of fun but still realize that it's not what defines your life. Unless she's under the age of consent, in which case it's going to define you as a prior offender in the sex crime registry for most states.
B.i. If she's under the age of consent, tell no one.
B.ii. If she's not under the age of consent, remember: this is precisely the reason why people found a way to put cameras on their cell phones.
and a way to attach those photos to PMs
3DS Friend Code: 2165-6448-8348 www.Twitch.TV/cooljammer00
Battle.Net: JohnDarc#1203 Origin/UPlay: CoolJammer00