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Feeling like everything's a fuster cluck
Susan Delgado
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Apologies in advance for wall o' text. You guys have been so helpful in the past, I guess I'm just hoping someone can help me get some perspective and help me sort this crap out in my head.
I'm feeling extremely overwhelmed lately and frankly I'm just not coping well.
I'm still battling with my ex-step dad to get some documents that he held onto after my folks split this past year. However, I did finally get my car out of his name and everything is being transferred to me. He's still a giant jerk about it all and harasses me about the status of the pay off, yet refuses to give me any word of when I can expect to get my papers in the mail. As stupid as it sounds, I'm also stressed about the whole process of getting my car licensed and registered in a new state... it's just one of those things I've never had to do before.
Work is ... I don't know how to explain my job so much. I am doing something that I love, but all of the office politics and favoritism and veritable bullshit stack up so much that I take that all home with me and it becomes my focus and I now hate hate hate coming to work. My projects are suffering and I am in desperate need of an attitude adjustment. I'm not usually a grumpy mcgrumperson... I'm the one that chats with everyone and will usually at least smile at everyone I pass in the halls. Now I feel so beat down at work that I do my best to slip through all the back doors so to speak and stay off of everyone's radar. I have no more motivation to perform well, despite the fact that I really do love *what* I do.
At home, my boyfriend is moving back to his hometown. He's had terrible luck finding a good job out here and feels like he needs to go back to regroup, pay down some outstanding bills, and save up some money. I totally understand why he's going back, I've had to do the same thing myself. What's putting me into a spin there is that he is (for better or worse) my best friend here, he has been my support system, and my family here since I'm so far from my own. I don't know how I'm going to deal with going from seeing him every day to seeing him maybe on weekends or every other weekend or w/e depending on our schedules and money situations. I'm already a wreck about him leaving. I'm sick of being upset and crying, yet I can't help it. I don't want him to go and I don't want to be by myself.
I don't have many friends out here. The ones I do have are pretty great. They're really trying to look out for me, at the same time, they are pushing me to do things that they think are best for me but I don't agree with. My friend that is basically like my brother wants me to be anywhere but at my house when my b/f leaves. He doesn't want me to help him move or be there to see him off. He thinks it will be entirely too painful for me... which I agree, it's going to hurt like hell, but I feel like I would have nothing but regret if I wasn't there to say goodbye to my guy. He's trying to make me feel guilty for wanting to be there for my guy and that just irks the hell out of me. Two of my friends flew off the handle b/c my b/f dropped the bomb of *when* he was leaving while we were out to dinner one night...and instead of letting me tell them all the things that me and the b/f talked about just made snap decisions that he is no longer any good for me and I should have nothing to do with him. I'm afraid to even bring any of this up to them now because I don't want them to belittle my guy or judge me for how I feel about him.
I've tried talking to my mom, but really she's still so torn up from the divorce that she can't offer me much in the way of advice or support. Every conversation becomes a discussion about her and how bad she feels... which I have tried so very hard to be there for her during that whole process...but now I need some help and support and she's just not in a place emotionally where she can give that to me.
It just feels like everything is stacking up and like I'm getting kicked from all sides. If I could get away with hiding under my covers and just hoping that it all goes away, I totally would at this point. I need some perspective. Halp?
I'm feeling extremely overwhelmed lately and frankly I'm just not coping well.
I'm still battling with my ex-step dad to get some documents that he held onto after my folks split this past year. However, I did finally get my car out of his name and everything is being transferred to me. He's still a giant jerk about it all and harasses me about the status of the pay off, yet refuses to give me any word of when I can expect to get my papers in the mail. As stupid as it sounds, I'm also stressed about the whole process of getting my car licensed and registered in a new state... it's just one of those things I've never had to do before.
Work is ... I don't know how to explain my job so much. I am doing something that I love, but all of the office politics and favoritism and veritable bullshit stack up so much that I take that all home with me and it becomes my focus and I now hate hate hate coming to work. My projects are suffering and I am in desperate need of an attitude adjustment. I'm not usually a grumpy mcgrumperson... I'm the one that chats with everyone and will usually at least smile at everyone I pass in the halls. Now I feel so beat down at work that I do my best to slip through all the back doors so to speak and stay off of everyone's radar. I have no more motivation to perform well, despite the fact that I really do love *what* I do.
At home, my boyfriend is moving back to his hometown. He's had terrible luck finding a good job out here and feels like he needs to go back to regroup, pay down some outstanding bills, and save up some money. I totally understand why he's going back, I've had to do the same thing myself. What's putting me into a spin there is that he is (for better or worse) my best friend here, he has been my support system, and my family here since I'm so far from my own. I don't know how I'm going to deal with going from seeing him every day to seeing him maybe on weekends or every other weekend or w/e depending on our schedules and money situations. I'm already a wreck about him leaving. I'm sick of being upset and crying, yet I can't help it. I don't want him to go and I don't want to be by myself.
I don't have many friends out here. The ones I do have are pretty great. They're really trying to look out for me, at the same time, they are pushing me to do things that they think are best for me but I don't agree with. My friend that is basically like my brother wants me to be anywhere but at my house when my b/f leaves. He doesn't want me to help him move or be there to see him off. He thinks it will be entirely too painful for me... which I agree, it's going to hurt like hell, but I feel like I would have nothing but regret if I wasn't there to say goodbye to my guy. He's trying to make me feel guilty for wanting to be there for my guy and that just irks the hell out of me. Two of my friends flew off the handle b/c my b/f dropped the bomb of *when* he was leaving while we were out to dinner one night...and instead of letting me tell them all the things that me and the b/f talked about just made snap decisions that he is no longer any good for me and I should have nothing to do with him. I'm afraid to even bring any of this up to them now because I don't want them to belittle my guy or judge me for how I feel about him.
I've tried talking to my mom, but really she's still so torn up from the divorce that she can't offer me much in the way of advice or support. Every conversation becomes a discussion about her and how bad she feels... which I have tried so very hard to be there for her during that whole process...but now I need some help and support and she's just not in a place emotionally where she can give that to me.
It just feels like everything is stacking up and like I'm getting kicked from all sides. If I could get away with hiding under my covers and just hoping that it all goes away, I totally would at this point. I need some perspective. Halp?
Go then, there are other worlds than these.
Susan Delgado on
0
Posts
Tell your other friend that you are absolutely going to be there to see your man off. End of story. Also tell him thanks for caring.
Your Mom is going through her own stuff, which is actually huge, so be there as a shoulder to cry on. But DO NOT try to fix any of her problems. You can't. You're dealing with your own things.
Work is work...you have to find a way to leave that stuff at your office. I'm not sure how to do that, but then I have other distractions to get my mind off work when I get home. If I am overly stressed I'll play my guitar really, really loud.
Finally, breathe. All this stuff can be dealt with. It's all coming at you right now but you can get through this. None of this is life threatening ok?
There's days when I feel stressed (Not just about work..but my mind can wander during work and other stuff comes up) or I can feel tired. None the less I drag myself to the gym, and you know what? After an hour of excercising I feel refreshed and much better.
There's not many better feelings than the one you get after a workout.
Your boyfriend is moving, and while it will be hard for you to see him go, you should definitely see him off. He's probably do the same for you. Your friends are being jerks, and it WILL be hard, they're right about that, but your boyfriend is not only your best friend, but one of the most important people in your life at this moment.
You're also the one who judges who is right or wrong for you. I've heard a lot of that from my friends when I first started dating my boyfriend, but they couldn't sway my decision to stick it out and see if we were good for eachother. and you know what? We are, and after 2 years I think my friends finally get it. So, YOU decide, not them, and if you love your boyfriend and he's good to you, and a good person, don't fret about it. Hell, my boyfriend told me he was getting deployed over a text message :P
I may not have much to offer on how to feel better, because I'm feeling overwhelmed and upset as well (I'm not usually a Grumpy McGrumperson either at ALL), and I don't really know how to deal with it either, but you may contact me via AIM or PM if you'd like someone to talk or vent to that understands what you're dealing with. I'm always willing to lend an ear.
Check out my art! Buy some prints!
As for how you deal with the home life, you need to learn (re-learn?) to revel in the independence that living alone gives you. While I agree that you shouldn't be sitting alone depressed at home, that's not the only option to you. You can get involved with community groups, make new friends, and do just learn to be okay with being alone sometimes. Are there any hobbies you've wanted to pick up but have never found the time? Places you've wanted to visit that you would feel comfortable going alone or with a friend to locally? I'm not going to tell you that it's going to be easy, but if you look at it more as a positive opportunity for you to do your own thing for a while, rather than a hole, it will help.
With regard to the work stuff...you need to learn to leave it at the office. It sucks I know, but work isn't all there is to life, so focus on the positive and it will make the stuff at work seem much smaller and unimportant. Once you relax, you'll be able to take more of it in stride. You might have been able to do this normally anyway, but you're getting hit from all sides right now, so probably need to focus on doing this more.