The new forums will be named Coin Return (based on the most recent vote)! You can check on the status and timeline of the transition to the new forums here.
The Guiding Principles and New Rules document is now in effect.
Unrequited feelings
animal companion
xenomortisRegistered User regular
xenomortisRegistered User regular
Put simply, every romantic feeling I have ever experienced has been of the unrequited variety. I'm a junior in college, and seeing people around me engaged or in multi-year relationships has got me wondering what I'm doing 'wrong.' It's something that I spare a lot of thought toward, to the point that it is negatively impacting me on a daily basis.
Some reflections:
- I tend to develop feelings for acquaintances rather than close friends. This puts me in the awkward position of being attracted to people who I don't have an outside reason to see on a regular basis, as well as people I simply haven't known for that long. If I want to spend time with people I like, I often end up having to contact them directly--and don't, for fear of being insistent.
- Since I have no outlet for such emotions, my feelings tend to be very intense as far as unrequited feelings are concerned. I rarely have a crush or something that fleeting or light.
- I go to a small school--a student population of around 2700--so opportunities for branching out and meeting people are limited. This has not stopped people I know from being in, at the very least, shorter term commitments, to engagement at the very most.
- The type of girls I tend to be attracted to have much in common with me on broad levels--left-brained, creative, etc--but in specific hobbies (television, games, etc) there is often little common ground. This is obviously not a deal-breaker, but it makes generating conversation on a basic level somewhat difficult. (It would help if I saw more television and movies.)
It might help me to become more involved in things off-campus or outside my discipline--but I am also hesitant to do these expressly to meet girls, because that is weird and creepy to do.
I am ill-content to idly stand by single, and I can no longer be bothered to wait for 'the right one' to come along. I would like to be able to take a more proactive approach regarding my feelings, but I don't really know how to.
Some reflections:
- I tend to develop feelings for acquaintances rather than close friends. This puts me in the awkward position of being attracted to people who I don't have an outside reason to see on a regular basis, as well as people I simply haven't known for that long. If I want to spend time with people I like, I often end up having to contact them directly--and don't, for fear of being insistent.
- Since I have no outlet for such emotions, my feelings tend to be very intense as far as unrequited feelings are concerned. I rarely have a crush or something that fleeting or light.
- I go to a small school--a student population of around 2700--so opportunities for branching out and meeting people are limited. This has not stopped people I know from being in, at the very least, shorter term commitments, to engagement at the very most.
- The type of girls I tend to be attracted to have much in common with me on broad levels--left-brained, creative, etc--but in specific hobbies (television, games, etc) there is often little common ground. This is obviously not a deal-breaker, but it makes generating conversation on a basic level somewhat difficult. (It would help if I saw more television and movies.)
It might help me to become more involved in things off-campus or outside my discipline--but I am also hesitant to do these expressly to meet girls, because that is weird and creepy to do.
I am ill-content to idly stand by single, and I can no longer be bothered to wait for 'the right one' to come along. I would like to be able to take a more proactive approach regarding my feelings, but I don't really know how to.
animal companion on
0
Posts
I'll never understand this feeling like you will only be joining clubs for the girl. your intended purpose at a club doesn't make the rest of the club nonexistant. believe it or not you can have fun at a club or social event and also plan on meeting someone nice.
ultimately though if you can't wait anymore you've just gotta man up and ask one of said acquaintances out
Basically, stop making excuses and realize that there ain't nothing but to do it. If you feel attracted to someone, ask them out on a date. If they say yeah, great. If no, find another one. You may also want to start reading the paper and reading books and learning things because pigeon-holing yourself as a gamer is dumb.
What's more is that you're in college. This is the time where girls will say yes no matter how much of a jerk/loser you are.
You're not a jerk or loser.
So just man up.
You do not have to have the same interests as a person to get along with them- me and my boyfriend have very different taste in music, have different hobbies and different political views. Don't mentally label or pigeon hole yourself OR the girls you're interested in: people are complicated. What you need for a really healthy relationship is not a clone of yourself but someone who compliments and balances your personality and interests. 2700 people is loads. If you honestly can't find in that number anyone who you think it'd be awesome to go out with, you're setting yourself completely bizarre expectations.
This kind of thing get easier over time and practice. Stop being afraid though. Pull yourself together and the next time you're interested in a girl, ask her if she wants to go grab a coffee with you after class. Nothing requiring big scary date-type preparations, just light, relaxed, getting-to-know-you. Just promise me you'll actually try. It's far better to risk ending a what-if fantasy of a relationship with a rejection and having a CHANCE of a wonderful romance than never trying at all and regretting it forever.
This.
If you are lacking self confidence, then you may want to address it first.
I was gonna tell you to quit being a faggot and grow a pair, but this guy's a lot nicer than me.
You just gotta do it bro. Ain't rocket science, and you're what...20 now? Girls are not magical unattainable unicorns that walk on clouds and exist in the aether between your dreams. Ask one of these acquaintances you say you are attracted to out or settle for being that kind of creepy guy that always talks about girls but never has the balls to make a move.
You don't wanna be that guy, he gives girls the willies.
Actually, you may want to take a dance class, Salsa or something. Most of the guys who take it are there because women tend to find it attractive, or because their SO forced them.
How would you describe your current personality? You have lots of friends? A good social circle? Do you do other things besides watch TV and play video games? Do you spend at least half of your awake time around other people and socializing?
If so, just man up and ask these girls out.
Also:
I don't really understand this, at all. A good majority of relationships come from acquaintances, not close friends of yours. It's a lot easier to date and fail at a relationship with someone you barely know vs somebody you are close with.