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They want me to DESTROY my magnum opus!

DarwinsFavoriteTortoiseDarwinsFavoriteTortoise Registered User regular
edited June 2009 in Help / Advice Forum
Ok, so I have a problem maintaining fingernails and toenails.

I'm always picking at them, so my fingers and toes usually look ugly. Well, I decided to change that, and I started with the big toe on my left. I've let that sucker grow, and it is MAGNIFICENT. The end of the nail (specifically the white part) is a about half an inch. That sucker is thick as fuck too.

The thing is, my girlfriend thinks its "disgusting." I mean, I clean it every day so it looks fantastic, so I don't know what the issue is...maybe jealousy? Who knows. The point is she hates it.

So, outside of the obvious advice of dumping my GF, tell me, how should I go about cutting this? The obvious answer is to use some clippers, but honestly I'm scared that the clippers will crack the entire nail or something. So is there any way to weaken the nail so I can clip it? Or is this fear of cracking my entire nail unrealistic? Also, I doubt normal clippers are even big enough to handle my nail.

P.S. I am not kidding when I'm talking about the thickness/strength. Its like...a rhinoceros horn.

DarwinsFavoriteTortoise on

Posts

  • TrentusTrentus Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Don't your toenails like... scrape against the tip of your shoes?

    Anyway, I often neglect the cutting of my toe nails (they're all the way down there... who could really be bothered?), but when I do get round to it I use a nice beefy set of toenail clippers and usually start from one side of the toe and work my way along the nail.

    Generally your finger and toe nails will be softer after a hot shower, so you might find it easier to cut through them either in the shower or just after you get out of it.

    Trentus on
  • MichaelLCMichaelLC In what furnace was thy brain? ChicagoRegistered User regular
    edited June 2009
    May want to keep a watch on that toe - it could have gotten some fungal action going on if it's really that thick.

    Make sure you wear clean socks, try to rotate your shoes, etc.

    MichaelLC on
  • WillethWilleth Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    In all honesty, growing your toenails is more likely to crack them than not, because there's more protruding to catch on stuff. Also, you seem to enjoy this much more than is strictly necessary. I'm a little weirded out by that.

    As advised above, do it after a shower, and maybe invest in some nail scissors rather than clippers, so you can apply a gradual cut rather than a clip.

    Willeth on
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  • ImprovoloneImprovolone Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Get a pedicure.

    Improvolone on
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  • Omnicron9999Omnicron9999 Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Soaking your feet in an epsom salt and water solution will soften the nail up so it can be cut more easily.

    It is sold at most pharmacies. There will be instructions on the bottle for how much to add to water.

    Omnicron9999 on
  • EuphoriacEuphoriac Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Oh god be careful! My brother grew his toe nails too long and one day he managed to rip his left big toenail nearly completely off.

    And of course it got infected. And of course he didn't go to the doctors for several weeks. Finally he did at our whole family's insistence. Nearly lost the whole toe, thanks to dumb luck he didn't i guess.

    Euphoriac on
  • Mega PlayboyMega Playboy Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Get a pedicure.

    This right here is the answer.

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  • DarwinsFavoriteTortoiseDarwinsFavoriteTortoise Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Get a pedicure.

    This right here is the answer.

    How much does that cost?

    I'm sort of super broke right now, so unless its really cheap I don't think I can do it.

    DarwinsFavoriteTortoise on
  • ImprovoloneImprovolone Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Um, less than 20? Call a nail place and ask.

    Improvolone on
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  • JWFokkerJWFokker Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Try a Dremel.

    JWFokker on
  • EggyToastEggyToast Jersey CityRegistered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Do it after a shower, treat it like a particularly big thumbnail using regular ol' clippers. It won't split, and yes your girlfriend is right, long toenails are generally reserved for homeless dudes.

    EggyToast on
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  • Dark_SideDark_Side Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Pair of side cutter snips ought to do it. Actually do a pretty clean job too. I used to be a welder who worked on the road, forgot my clippers one month, tried the snips, worked wonders.

    I'm talking about one of these.

    W1052.jpg

    Dark_Side on
  • EuphoriacEuphoriac Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Funny story. I don't ever need to cut my toenails. They just don't seem to grow.

    I check and check but they stay short.

    Like i said, funny story huh?

    Euphoriac on
  • EddyEddy Gengar the Bittersweet Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Get a pedicure.

    God damn if I were confronted with a rhino horn on a foot as a pedicurist I don't know if I'd feel revulsion or mild arousal.

    Eddy on
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  • PeregrineFalconPeregrineFalcon Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    What the fuck, cut that shit son.

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  • DuffelDuffel jacobkosh Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Euphoriac wrote: »
    Funny story. I don't ever need to cut my toenails. They just don't seem to grow.

    I check and check but they stay short.

    Like i said, funny story huh?
    This actually makes me wonder if you haven't got some kind of vitamin deficiency, actually. Although I'm assuming you've already seen a doctor about it. Do your fingernails grow?

    As far as the OP goes use a nail file if you have to. And no, your girlfriend is not jealous of your gigantic freaky toenail.

    Duffel on
  • ImprovoloneImprovolone Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    I for one would love to see a comparison shot of the thickness of the nail to a quarter.

    Improvolone on
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  • EuphoriacEuphoriac Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Duffel wrote: »
    Euphoriac wrote: »
    Funny story. I don't ever need to cut my toenails. They just don't seem to grow.

    I check and check but they stay short.

    Like i said, funny story huh?
    This actually makes me wonder if you haven't got some kind of vitamin deficiency, actually. Although I'm assuming you've already seen a doctor about it. Do your fingernails grow?

    As far as the OP goes use a nail file if you have to. And no, your girlfriend is not jealous of your gigantic freaky toenail.

    My fingernails grow fine so i don't think it's a vitamin problem. I mean, i feel fine and everything else works properly. My guess? I probably pick them idly whilst browsing these very forums and just forget i did it. That or they get worn down by all the walking i do.

    Euphoriac on
  • proXimityproXimity Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    This thread is useless without pics

    proXimity on
    camo_sig2.png
  • Seattle ThreadSeattle Thread Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    I read the title as Mangum opus and thought you had some unreleased Neutral Milk Hotel material

    Seattle Thread on
    kofz2amsvqm3.png
  • DuffelDuffel jacobkosh Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Euphoriac wrote: »
    My fingernails grow fine so i don't think it's a vitamin problem. I mean, i feel fine and everything else works properly. My guess? I probably pick them idly whilst browsing these very forums and just forget i did it. That or they get worn down by all the walking i do.
    Who knows, that seems really weird though. I'd always heard that the rate at which your nails/hair/etc. grows is a sign of how healthy you are (ie, the faster the healthier) but if your fingernails grow fine then I can't imagine what the problem would be.

    Also you could just not notice it. I mean I couldn't tell you the last time I cut my nails but they always seem to be short so I know I do it regularly. I guess I do it subconsciously or something.

    You may just have a very convenient mutation.

    Duffel on
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