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Female Climax (male perspective)
Murago
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
I'm foreseeing sexual activities with a 21 year old lady who has never reached climax from a man.
In my last relationship, i was able to bring my SO to climax either thru oral/assisted foreplay/assisted sex...meaning she would have to stimulate herself at the same time.
Now, for me, its all about the lady i'm with...i don't even care about getting off most of the time. I get off when they get off. She also says she thinks she allergic to latex, but i think its because she gets dry and the men she's been with haven't cared to try lubrication. She doesn't break out or anything, she just says it gets sore like a female "blue balls". Could that be allergy?
She's not on the pill and <homey don't play dat>. I'm using a rubber no matter what. Are there other solutions to birth control besides pill and condom?
Basically, i'd like any ideas to overcome the obstacle. I think we're at a pretty good comfort level, the only reason we didn't last nite is b/c its the last day of her cycle. I don't expect great things on the first go around, but anything would be useful.
Gracias!
In my last relationship, i was able to bring my SO to climax either thru oral/assisted foreplay/assisted sex...meaning she would have to stimulate herself at the same time.
Now, for me, its all about the lady i'm with...i don't even care about getting off most of the time. I get off when they get off. She also says she thinks she allergic to latex, but i think its because she gets dry and the men she's been with haven't cared to try lubrication. She doesn't break out or anything, she just says it gets sore like a female "blue balls". Could that be allergy?
She's not on the pill and <homey don't play dat>. I'm using a rubber no matter what. Are there other solutions to birth control besides pill and condom?
Basically, i'd like any ideas to overcome the obstacle. I think we're at a pretty good comfort level, the only reason we didn't last nite is b/c its the last day of her cycle. I don't expect great things on the first go around, but anything would be useful.
Gracias!
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My only advice on climax is to not focus too much on it. If you do it put a lot of pressure on both of you and can ruin the moment. Just keep at it
Coincidentally, my most recent lady friend also claims to have an "allergy" to latex, but didn't seem to mind using them. Out of respect for her, I tried out lamb-skin condoms which are... different. For one.. they really do feel like lambskin. They don't have the rigid.. base of normal latex condoms so they might be a bit weird at first. They also smell and feel far different from normal latex condoms, as well as not protecting against STD's.
Repeat.
LAMBSKIN CONDOMS DO NOT OFFER PROTECTION FROM STD'S.
Annnnyway... oral will be your best bet here, if you know how do to it right. And don't stop when she "climaxes", keep going until she TELLS you to stop or ends up pushing herself up against the headboard. I can't tell you how many time women have confessed that their SO sucks at eating out because they stop too early.
Latex allergies aren't something to mess around with. However if she doesn't have issues with other kinds of latex (gloves at the doctor's office, ect) try getting latex condoms without spermicide or any lube on them. You do need to add a few drops of your own lube (of a kind she knows doesn't irritate her). A lot of women that have pain with traditional condoms are actually irritated by spermicide/the cheap lube on them.
For getting her off.: Try stuff. Everybody likes slightly different things but expect it to take manual or oral stimulation in addition to penetration.
vaginas are not inside-out penises
brush up on your oral
This is not to say it's a comfortable material, but being irritated by rubber rubbing your bits or irritating your sensitive parts is not the same as an allergy.
I suspect it's a lube issue. Get some plain ole K-Y without the spermicide or flavor or glow in the dark nonsense and use it liberally.
And most important of all DO NOT show her your three point plan to her clitoris. If she knows that all you care about is getting off she is going to freak out and you will be back to square one.
Romance her, but in secret.
Satans..... hints.....
This is your answer right here. Not an allergy. She need MORE LUBE. Latex on dry skin is hurty, no matter where you rub it.
Oral is good.
Polyurethane condoms are good (I find them less drying, and more sensitive).
Awesome foreplay is good. I like showering together myself.
Applied lube is good. What kinds of assholes she been dating won't use lube? What, they just dryfuck her and them push her off the bed? Morons. She's better than that. You're better than that.
But, you, good sir, you got all the right ideas. You're gonna be fine.
She's gonna climax like crazy. Again and again. I feel this in my heart and am excited for both of you.
If, on the other hand, you're using something other than condoms, the silicone-based lube is fantastic stuff. ONLY IF YOU'RE USING PROTECTION OTHER THAN CONDOMS (and if you're worried about STDs at all, use condoms. Always.).
You say she's never had one with a man. Has she orgasmed at all before? By herself? with women? if so, see what works when it does happen, and try and integrate yourself into it. Experimentation + communication is your best bet.
I don't think I believe that. It's probably more like most women don't because most guys are sextarded from bad sex ed or just don't care or think it's too taboo to talk about and experiment with.
To the OP RE: Climaxing
Ain't gonna happen the first time almost for sure.
But there are a few things you can try (though probably the second time, since the first time should probably be all lovey and slow and romantic like). First off, lots of foreplay + romancing. Missionary probably isn't going to do it, though you will probably be doing it this way. Try lifting up one leg, and possibly two. This can give a different angle and stimulate the G-spot. If you go from behind, try and move yourself up so your pork sword is angled down towards the front. That can also get the G-spot. REMINDER: work up to that! can't just go jabbing that right away, it won't work, it will probably hurt, no one will have a good time. Also, from behind, you can do the reach around and rub the clit a little. Especially toward the end. Works like a charm. You could also try her on top. Then she can lean this way and that and find the best angle for her.
COMMUNICATION. If she tells you what she likes then you will be on easy street since you can learn to work it that way more.
but they're listening to every word I say
a lot of women arent comfortable enough with the emotions involved or their own bodies when they are at this age so they are harder to get off. be patient with her. try to have that really emotional slow sex where you are grasping at each other. make it last a long time. when i was that age i found this to be the best way of "breaking" a girl.
slow/moderate motions with tongue/finger on the clit combined with barely entering her with another finger. and i mean barely. lay your finger fingerprint side first into her and only go to where the nail begins, no further. dont be discouraged by her not showing you that this feels good. it does so keep doing it.
have her lay completely flat on her stomach on the bed. lay on top of her and penetrate. reach your arm underneath her and gently make circular motions around the clit. you can use your whole hand for this and just move it in a circle. she can decide the pressure in this position which is a plus.
in addition to this position and depending on breast size you can raise her arm up and place your head on the bed next to her breast. ask her to lift up a little and lick her nipples.
some women find it a lot easier to go at their own pace in order to finish, let her ride you for awhile. if she is uncomfortable wear a blindfold and dont peek. if you peek, even jokingly it will make her uncomfortable and unable to climax.
Really now?
You don't mean her right?
As far as this goes, is she feeling an ache? Kind of like the female cramps? Because female "blue balls" does actually happen, but it's felt as a dull kind of ache in the womb-area. If the soreness is actually vag-related, then yes, I can see that being an issue with the latex and/or lack of lube, or whathaveyou. But the ache she's describing could very easily be from getting excited sexually and not having any orgasm...which, considering her situation, seems to make perfect sense.
oh sorry, i meant for him to lick her nipples
See. I'm not sure all girls even like this. My ex did. But my current girlfriend...well...I don't know. I don't get much of a reaction, and it just feels awkward.
People are different when it comes to these things. Some women who come during sex are actually getting there from your body's contact with her clitoris, not vaginal stimulation. From an evolutionary biology perspective, that female orgasms are a little bit harder to achieve shouldn't surprise you - you can have babies without a girl coming, but you don't have babies if the guy doesn't come. So nature selects a little funny.
unless you're a hyena anyway.
theres no way that all girls like it. i understand that. i was just throwing things out there.
no reaction doesnt mean bad. sexual pleasure is a lot like pain where not all things cause the same reaction. one pain will make you jump up and scream where as another pain that hurts just as bad wont make you do anything. its the same with sex, its just a different sensation.
(i hope i explained this properly, im sleepy.)
-Your on the right track with lube, its always a good thing. Apply liberally.
-It really does not sound like she has a latex allergy, as they tend to be pretty severe. I used to live by these kids that had it, they could barely leave the house for like a year while they adjusted. Latex probobly just irritates her. Again, the lub should help.
-Stimulate the g-spot by curling your fingers slightly while inside her before penetration with the penis. Once you feel it get bigger, go for it. This will allow you to easily hit the g spot with each thrust.
-Stimulate the clit whenever possible. She may do this herself, if she does, apply some extra pressure to her hands and fingers with your body, or if she isnt under you place your hand over hers. She'll probobly like that.
-While fucking, remeber you still have a mouth and hands to stimulate the rest of her body. Use your mouth whever you can, and explore her whole body with your hands.
-When going down on her, alternate between sticking your tongue inside her while rubbing her clit, and sucking and licking her clit while fingering her pussy.
-Consider suggesting or helping her pick out a vibrator. They can work really well in conjuction with oral or penile penetration. As a bonus, if she likes giving oral, it can be placed on the cheek or under the chin for added stimulation.
-Pay attention to her whole body. Again, use your mouth and hands all over.
Above all of course, learn what she likes. Open communciation can lead to some of the best sexual experiences.
And finally, have fun, and don't be afraid to let instinct take over. Sex is a part of nature after all.
You sound like your on the right track. She'll appreciate a man dedicated to her pleasure.
I didn't pick up lube for this go around, and i wish i had. I think after about 30 minutes she started to get dry (pretty normal i think). Next time we will definetly have lubee lubee
Neither of us finished.
I came real close though, but didn't want to if she wasn't going to. I then went down on her for i think like 10 minutes. I dunno if this sounds right but i think she may have a very well hidden and guarded clitoris. I remember on my last long term partner, her skin protecting that spot was a bit more loose and i could directly feel and stimulate with tongue or finger.
But hers i could barely feel. I know i was getting somewhere with the tongue b/c she was definetly jerking in different ways when i would dig to get her spot. Jerking and quivering in a good way. I didn't want to be rough or overzealous on the first time though. Has anyone experienced this...it can't be too weird..men have different sizes too..so maybe hers is just a smaller target?
Thanks for the thoughts so far guys, your a huge confidence booster.
What?
but they're listening to every word I say
Orgasmed sans ejaculation?
so we joined our bodies together.
neither of us came.
woopsies.
I'll remember that next tim jebus
Otherwise I think you are on the right track. Gratz!
edit: you say you didn't come. Is this something she is pleased with? Some women really, really enjoy seeing their men get off. They also think they're doing something wrong or their guy ain't into her, if he doesn't.
Maybe asking her wouldn't be a bad thing.
but they're listening to every word I say
"I know i was getting somewhere with the tongue b/c she was definetly jerking in different ways when i would dig to get her spot."
Sounds like ow. If the clitoris is not already engorged and sensitized, digging for it is likely to cause some pain. Especially from someone who hasn't orgasmed with you before, you need to establish precedent in her mind: sex with you should be comfortable and relaxing. I'm not saying you're hurting her or you're a terrible person or anything, but it might be hurting her slightly which will make it hard to orgasm.
Imagine if next time you went to the bathroom, you just rubbed the head of your penis as hard as you possibly could until orgasm. It would feel very intense and hard to orgasm because you're not aroused enough and it might be too rough. Imagine that feeling times 10 for a woman's clitoris.
Next time, try ramping up slower on the oral. The same pressure can work wonders after she's more turned on and aroused. It's not like you should never go that hard, just wait until she's ready for it.
Just some thoughts. Of course, you should talk to her some time about it. Figure out what she liked, if anything.
Also, yes, the clitoris size can vary in women.
You should do the same, take her hand and show her what feels good to you.
If either of you are performing oral sex, and it doesn't feel good, tell the person to take a break and see if you can give them advice. "Hey I think you should try this, I think it'll feel really good."
Sex isn't some kind of weird 3-legged sack race; you can tell the other person what feels good and what doesn't. That's why people talk about experimenting with each other -- they're not laying there quiet while the other person pokes and prods, but they're communicating, either with moans or with words, about what feels good and what doesn't. If it doesn't feel good, then why are you doing it?
And yes, geez man, 30 minutes of intercourse is enough to make most women quite sore that night and into the next day. Get some damn lube already!
You should absolutely communicate during sex. Um...also, you should feel free to communicate during 3-legged races so you can agree on which leg you're going to move forward first.
Unless you're doing one of the "weird" 3-legged sack races I'm not familiar with.
Exactly, I think, in the beginning it is very much like a 3-legged sack race. Neither of you is really sure what to do and how to do it, and communication is key. Also, experimentation rules!
And that's when your teammate yells, "Hey! Wrong sack."
Another married guy seconds this, don't be shy about this either because I honestly think that most girls would find this incredibly attractive in a man, given we are stereotypically not so good at asking for directions. Also, on the assumption that you're at least a bit of a gamer (you post here after all) I've found that an agile thumb and a light circular roll just below or sometimes right on the 'button' to work wonders. If she complains it's "too much" which can actually turn pleasure into quite a bit of pain, try a similar move with your index and ring finger together and her clit sort of beneath and between them.
A warning about lubes, because this and many other things can cause urinary tract infections, which are usually just annoying but can become very serious in some cases. Don't just buy the Wal-Mart brand lube or what have you. My wife and I have tried a couple of store brand products like that and she almost always got a UTI afterwards. So stick with the KY or the Astro or other brand names. Also just plain water based stuff is best. Spermicidal, flavored, heating, cooling and any other sort of extra zinger type of thing can be problematic especially if she's a little allergic or very sensitive to such things. Plus, some of those things actually burn like all get out or will erode condoms.
Also, just a bonus for after, and I've mentioned this in another thread. Try tracing small circles or other shapes in little rows up and down her back when you're done and just sort of laying there. In a funny sort of gamer twist, I've found the best results using a DS stylus for this after intercourse tickling or drawing.
Taking a massage class will help you gauge the reaction to touch much better. One word advice though, I wouldn't take the class with your girl. Massaging her should be something sensual and erotic, and trust me, you don't want those things to play during the course, also, the clinical approach taking will take the sexy right out of it.
but they're listening to every word I say
Last night was go number 2.
I finished, she didn't. I haven't done so in almost a year now...it was glorious.
I picked up astro glide and that really helped. Damn trojans KILL the feeling tho. My last partner was on birth control, so never needed protection. Its not problem...i'll get on. I aint no daddy.
Anyway, i spoke with her about it right after. Asking if she'd like me to go down on her (it was like 3 am and we were both tired) and she said it felt great but that she's rather just fall asleep. She also said that at one or two points she had a sensation of having to pee.
I remember my first ejaculation i ran to the restroom cuz i thought i was peeing. Is this a similar sensation for women? I only ask b/c she says that when she finishes alone, it doesn't take much. I explained that she KNOWS what feels good, and she has to let me know. She said that In and Out sex feels really good, but the fucking great stuff is when we are close, i'm in there, and we just kind of move our bodies. I told her it makes sense b/c my body is directly rubbing her on the outside and the in.
she said when she did get that pee sensation, she just stopped b/c she didn't want to urinate. I asked her after if she still felt like peeing. she said no.
so... i dunno. take from this waht you will. 3rd time is a charm tho. i'm going all out on her.
The doctor prescribes more foreplay + buildup through out the day. You gotta romance her yo!
but they're listening to every word I say
My wife is like this, too, and I imagine it's fairly common. She basically gets the rubbing-against-clitoris sensation combined with the omg-there's-a-penis-inside-me bit, which is more turn-on than direct stimulation.
Another way to achieve this to an extent is to finger her during oral. Stick a couple fingers inside and find her g-spot. Massage that while giving her clitoris a little tongue-lovin'. Do it right and she'll more or less explode.
Never reached a climax? Send her my way.:winky:
This. The last girl I was with said that doing this got her off the best. I didn't even stop the first time she told me to stop. I'd go until she physically pushed my head away, after which she would curl up into the fetal position and not be able to talk for about 5 minutes because it was so intense.