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Helping my little sister to cope with her obesity
Organichu
poopspeesRegistered User regular
poopspeesRegistered User regular
Introduction points:
-my sister is 9
-I am 21
-we don't get along well but she's my sister and I care about her
So, my sister is fat. Not "man, guess she gorged last Christmas" fat, but unspeakably and startlingly fat. I'm not sure of her height but she's not yet 10 and I'm sure she's got to be well over 150 lbs. Her head looks like a bottom-heavy egg with all of her neck fat. Sitting completely still in an air conditioned room, she'll start breathing heavily just from reading (lowering her head to look at the pages winds her). It's really bad. So, I recently moved into this household (before I never lived with her). I'm finally convincing her caretakers to do better with her, nutritionally. It's slow going but thankfully I'm finally making some progress. They're getting her into more physical activities with friends, and I'm getting them to cut down on the horrid shit they shove down her throat. So, I'll be keeping an eye on those things and hopefully this problem will be resolved in a year or two.
The more pressing issue is her self-esteem. She doesn't run home sobbing about how she looks, but it's obvious it bothers her. She gets teased pretty ruthlessly (mostly by boys). These kids are her age or older (the oldest one being 15) and obviously I can't exactly go beat up 15 year olds. I (and my dad) have talked to some of the parents and they were mostly polite about it but you can't really control a mean spirited teenager. In addition to this stuff making her self-conscious, it also makes her act out. She's one of the most annoying kids on the planet (<3 her, of course), and I notice it's almost always correspondingly worse when she's been teased. I need to figure out what to do about this.
What can I do about this? I'd like to instill some self-worth, and some personal comfort in her. I don't want her to be sad all the time. She's 9. She should be smiling, and happy. It's only going to get worse as she gets older and starts to look at boys (but as I said hopefully I can cut that problem off at the pass). I'm really hoping for some advice here.
Thanks.
cliffs:
-sister is grossly obese
-fucks up her thinking, makes her sad and mean all the time
-help
-my sister is 9
-I am 21
-we don't get along well but she's my sister and I care about her
So, my sister is fat. Not "man, guess she gorged last Christmas" fat, but unspeakably and startlingly fat. I'm not sure of her height but she's not yet 10 and I'm sure she's got to be well over 150 lbs. Her head looks like a bottom-heavy egg with all of her neck fat. Sitting completely still in an air conditioned room, she'll start breathing heavily just from reading (lowering her head to look at the pages winds her). It's really bad. So, I recently moved into this household (before I never lived with her). I'm finally convincing her caretakers to do better with her, nutritionally. It's slow going but thankfully I'm finally making some progress. They're getting her into more physical activities with friends, and I'm getting them to cut down on the horrid shit they shove down her throat. So, I'll be keeping an eye on those things and hopefully this problem will be resolved in a year or two.
The more pressing issue is her self-esteem. She doesn't run home sobbing about how she looks, but it's obvious it bothers her. She gets teased pretty ruthlessly (mostly by boys). These kids are her age or older (the oldest one being 15) and obviously I can't exactly go beat up 15 year olds. I (and my dad) have talked to some of the parents and they were mostly polite about it but you can't really control a mean spirited teenager. In addition to this stuff making her self-conscious, it also makes her act out. She's one of the most annoying kids on the planet (<3 her, of course), and I notice it's almost always correspondingly worse when she's been teased. I need to figure out what to do about this.
What can I do about this? I'd like to instill some self-worth, and some personal comfort in her. I don't want her to be sad all the time. She's 9. She should be smiling, and happy. It's only going to get worse as she gets older and starts to look at boys (but as I said hopefully I can cut that problem off at the pass). I'm really hoping for some advice here.
Thanks.
cliffs:
-sister is grossly obese
-fucks up her thinking, makes her sad and mean all the time
-help
Organichu on
0
Posts
It's what I'm doing
I know about self-esteem issues and fat issues. Go walking for like a half an hour a day or so. You can even do it at night so no one has to see you two outside, if she's afraid of that. And then gradually, veeery gradually, step it up. Step it up too fast and she's going to recoil and turn inward.
And of course, get her to eat healthier, or at least remove the bad stuff from the house so she is limited to the good stuff when she wants something to snack on. Hell, cut some apples up and leave them innocuously beside her. As annoying as I find it when my dad brings all manner of fruit into my room and leaves them there, it does get me to eat fruit!
NNID: Hakkekage
Do you think talking with her could help, or would that just make shit worse?
Confronting her on her weight will probably just upset her, if you're going to talk to her make it a, "Want to go do X activity with me? It'll be fun." And not a, "Hey, so you know you're kinda porky right..."
As for talking with her - make sure she knows you're there for her if she needs to say something. She has to know that you won't judge her. You don't always need to give advice - sometimes just listening is enough.
I'd be careful about pushing too hard - even if you think you aren't, it can so easily backfire.
Thanks.
(fwiw I used to be big (300 lbs) and I now run 60+ miles a week so she has been exposed to weight loss before)
Also, in regards to food, she'll have an easier time changing her diet if the entire household changes its diet.
https://twitter.com/Hooraydiation
Lot of people are going to say it depends on the kid. In the cases I'm familiar with, this makes things drastically worse as it shows your awareness that she's fat to her face, and she'll want to try and push you away because of that.
If she goes down even a size or so, that should be recognized without being too much like "LOTS MORE TO GO!!". Something like "Hey these clothes are really big on you, lets get something smaller that fits you better". Innocuous and indirect, two great words used already in this thread that are spot on. Recognize success without making her realise "how far there still is to go" or drawing too much attention to her body. If her self esteem is as bad as you say, you gotta be super casual.
The worst parts about exercising as a fat kid are:
1. Doing stuff you hate (I used to hate walking to the store, etc) but loved field hockey.
2. Doing stuff alone (my mom used to send me out walking the dog by myself).
3. Feeling like it's pointless and no progress is being made.
Even something like wii yoga or whatever, DDR games, anything that she'll actually want to do in addition to team sports is great. One team sport probably won't cut it. A routine of exercise even in her own home would be really helpful.
I agree with Supabeast, Martial Arts is great for a young fat kid. They teach and require everyone in those classes to respect themselves and others. They also instill a lot of discipline. I only went to Tang Soo Do for a couple years in elementary school at a place that was pretty dingy and corrupt but I still took a lot away from it. To this day any time I go to any other martial arts school to take introductory classes (still looking for a good program) every teacher I've had recognizes that I've taken martial arts before.
Lastly, giving her a pep-talk about how the kids teasing her - be careful about this one. If you start to repeat anything she's heard before (and has probably heard from teachers, administrators and parents) about ignoring it because those kids are insecure about something or just want attention or whatever, she'll roll her eyes and start contemplating the thread count of the rug instead of listening to your spiel. As a fat kid I've heard the same thing over and over. It never helped and, even looking back, was the most useless advice I ever got. Just ask her what's wrong and listen to her. I think any kid, fat or skinny, just wants someone who will listen to them.
I agree with Onceling, too.
"You're ugly!"
"Yes and I scare dogs"
"Umm... yes?"
"Haha, you're fat!"
"Yes and I still have more friends than you"
"Nu-uh!"
"Whatever, go away"
"but but but"
Is she good at anything? I would try a ton of different physical activities with her. Maybe rock climbing will seem so awesome she'll want to be in better shape, maybe she loves to swim and wants to surf, anything. Hell, even a non-active thing shes good in will help raise self esteem.
And you can totally stop a 15 year old from making fun of a fat 10 year old. What incompenent parents.
http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml
(scroll to the bottom of the page to view it)
It takes about 9 weeks, also measure out the right amount of calories she should be having, by finding an online calculator to get a rough estimate.
I guarantee you if she does these two things, in 9 weeks she will have lost weight, and will actually start to enjoy running, and being healthier.
I think getting her diet changed is the first big step. Being that she is so young you can really try to get her to change what she wants to eat. Kids are kids, and kids want junk food, let's face it. But if there isn't any junk food around they really don't have a choice.
As for exercising, just do things she wants to do. Don't force her into doing activities for the sake of getting exercise. Go for walks, hikes, play sports, etc. cause they're fun to do. Again, be her friend and she'll want to spend more time with you and do the things that you're doing.
Gracias.
Secondly, I wish I could be more help, but this is the only thing that comes to mind. This is what my gender studies teacher did last semester for her daughter when it came to weight issues and self-image in relation to weight issues. She never talked about her daughter's weight, or her looks, or things like that, but always talked about it as an issue of health. Eating healthy, being healthy. Not dieting and being skinny/pretty.
Also, and you might need to recruit female friends for this, it's going to be important for her self image as she gradually loses weight to dress appropriately for her weight. I wish I could give more specific advice, but being a guy that knows next to nothing about women's clothing, I'm afraid this general advice will have to do. All I know is if she starts to slim down and then wears jeans and a shirt showing her midriff and she has a muffin top because of it, well, it could be quite damaging to her self-image and really set back a lot of her progress mentally or make her become disenfranchised with losing weight.
Best of luck Organichu.
Man I would hug you just for your efforts<3
― Dr. Seuss, Oh, the Places You'll Go!
Be there, and show you care. Be positive, or nothing at all. Self-esteem should follow.
Nine year olds are easily manipulated.
We were wrestling this morning and she unknowingly put me in a kimura!... so I talked to her about Jiu-Jitsu and she seemed interested. I could probably get her in class for free, so I'll look at that, too. She asked whether I'm putting her on a diet and I told her not exactly- that I'm just feeding her foods that will make her healthy. I think that's definitely the best way to frame it.
"Though I may be fat, something can be done about it, but you, you're stupid and I'm afraid there's no cure."
This
Keep doing it, keep her at it. Once she begins to see results she will stick with it and will continue. I mean you yourself stated you used to be a fatty turned endurance runner. Your experience alone is a model for your sister to get in shape.
Just be persistent and as you see the results in her give her compliments. It will definitely motivate her to keep a healthy lifestyle.
I was your sister when I was her age. I didn't get out of it by myself or in a day.
My family told me their concerns about me and my future from the very start while making sure that any progress that was to be made was in the interests of everyone (i.e. not forcing me.)
We discussed a meal plan and exercise regemine. Relatively same sized meals of healthy, filling, and APPETIZING foods along with a regular nightly walk together.
It made me feel I was not alone in this and that I didn't have to be. But, they were supportive in every way in that I was (not sure if these are the right words right now as it is late) not to blame or anything to suggest these changes as punishment.
Over time these plans and schedules changed at a pace we could all agree on. They didn't want to make me feel rushed but gradually (and sometime they did put their foot down on certain things) the walks got longer or sped up and the meals became smaller.
It took me close to two years to get to a size and operating capacity that I felt was healthy and at the point I was gifted enough to have parents willing to shoulder a series of medical treatments. In my case these included surgeries to remove a sizable amount of hanging skin and psychiatric care to overcome some self-esteem and other psychological problems we were not able to overcome on our own.
Allow me to stress a few point here:
- If she makes the choice to do this she will have to have the will to maintain these habit FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE. Some laxity later from time to time is okay. But going back to bad habit once you've reached your goal usually only results in something called 'ballooning' that leads to muscular, bone, and organ ailments and failures later in life.
- This has to be HER choice. She has to have the will and dedication to do this on her own. You should be there in a supporting role, not to do everything for her.
- ALWAYS CONSULT YOUR DOCTOR OR A MEDICAL SPECIALIST BEFORE STARTING ANY CHANGES. Always be sure to check their credentials as well. Doctors and nutritionists can recommend healthy choices and systems to keep her on the path to a healthier life.
...but hey. I'm just some dude on the internet. I wish both you, your family, and especially your sister all the best. I'm not a religious man so all I can offer is that your family will be in my thoughts and may whatever system you believe bless you in this endeavor.
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Dude, you're fucking awesome, let that be known.
And as Horus said...hugs.
And by extension, give your little sister lots of them too.
I need to go make a phone call.
I saw someone mention DDR - and I can't stress enough how awesome DDR is, not only for the weight, but also for the self-esteem. It's fun, you can go at your own pace, and if she has any ounce of competitiveness in her, she'll be eager to get better and therefore practice more. Also the colours and music are all very 10-year-old friendly/attracting. If you could get a bunch of her little friends over for a party after she learns the basics of it, she might become eager to impress. As long as it's kept as a "wee fun!" and not a "go do this now." type thing, it will be an attractive exercise - she won't see it as exercise.
They cast a shadow like a sundial in the morning light. It was half past 10.
I started this program with my wife and am really loving it so far. My wife, though not fat, is an out of shape ex-smoker. I'm just sedentary and out of shape, also not fat. So that's where I'm coming from.
If you want to start running, I think this is definitely the program to use. It steps up really gradually, and by the end of each week you feel like you can easily do what you struggled with at the beginning of the week. I've always hated running, and I've never gotten any mood elevating effects from it, but coming back from Sunday's run I felt positively euphoric.
Also, spend time with her doing things she wants to do - whether physical activity is involved or not. It will help her to feel loved and liked.