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I hate redneck neighbors

SheepSheep Registered User, __BANNED USERS regular
edited July 2009 in Singularity Engine++
So I had the entire building to myself after the senile old lady next door was ushered off to a nursing home a week in.

All is well. The building next to mine is full, but two rooms are for storage and the bottom two are occupied by a well mannered gay man and a guy that keeps to himself.

Then the rednecks move in. At first they seem to be alright people. My kind of people. Little conversation from time to time but they stay out of the way. I met the female of the relationship and her son. Since we don't use my girlfriend's car, we move it down to one of the unmarked spaces at the very end of the parking lot. You know. Common courtesy.

Then the boyfriend comes back and they all get settled in, and every morning I wake up to stoned and drunk assholes laid out on my stoop, beer cans in the yard, cigarette butts in my planter. Cars everywhere. Every single space taken up by their people. Some in the yard.

That's ridiculous. It gets personal when the girl starts adopting animals and then deciding she doesn't want them and simply releases them into the yard. After abandoning two bunnies she gets a cat. I find it starving in the yard one morning.

Some friends of theirs move in above me. Assholes #2. I don't like them. He constantly parks in my reserved space even after I politely asked him not to. It's ridiculous that I even had to mention it. Even if this is your first apartment, don't part in spots that are clearly labeled for other apartments. Basic common courtesy. We're provided a washroom. Asshole routinely puts a load in the washer and then just forgets it until the next morning. Next time they will be piled on the dirty ground, soaking wet. He also contributes to the massive gatherings at my back door.

Well, Assholes #1 get evicted while boyfriend is off shore. Apparently she's been laying up with half a dozen guys while he's gone. He comes back, throws a fit, they break up but decide to live together (ain't that a horrible idea?), puts down some rules, apologizes to me for any crap that goes on and says he's gonna make sure things stay quiet. That's cool.

I had a ton of laundry to do Sunday, so I put a load into the machine the landlord provides and I go to my moms for lunch and put a load in her wash as well and run some errands. Go back the rents, grab clothes, go to grocery store and pick up some staples, and then head home.

No one is outside. But there are cigarette butts in my planter and every single space is taken up and a few cars are in the yard.

I hear what sounds like a prison made VHS tattoo gun whirring above my head.

So I call the landlord yesterday. Tell em about it.

"Oh, we spoke to them on Friday and they assured us that there would be no problems."

Yeah? Well the problems I just described to you happened Sunday. Not trying to cause trouble, I just want my parking space and I'd like it if the place wasn't trashed.

"Well, who is it? The ones above you, or the ones above and adjacent?"

BOTH!

"I'm really sorry. When you moved in we knew it was a quiet place. We'll have them gone as soon as possible."

Well alright then. I was calling and asking them to simply make sure that they show some fucking restraint. But an eviction will be awesome. Even more so if both jerkwads are kicked out.

QlBGc.jpg
Sheep on
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Posts

  • SeriouslySeriously Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    They are going to kill you.

    Seriously on
  • AbracadanielAbracadaniel Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    I figured you hated rednecks neighbors based on your username.

    What with them having sex with you all the time.

    Abracadaniel on
  • SheepSheep Registered User, __BANNED USERS regular
    edited June 2009
    Smart Hero wrote: »
    I figured you hated rednecks neighbors based on your username.

    What with them having sex with you all the time.

    She has propositioned me.

    Sheep on
    QlBGc.jpg
  • Airking850Airking850 Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    I lived in the student ghetto around Queen's University for a year

    One day, I'm walkin outside my building and hear a lady shout, "Look everyone!"

    I look over and see her children's faces fill with delight as she holds out a handful of birdseed and gets swarmed by at least 50 pigeons.

    Airking850 on
  • ButtersButters A glass of some milks Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    People talk like sheep aren't asking for it.

    Believe me they are.

    Butters on
    PSN: idontworkhere582 | CFN: idontworkhere | Steam: lordbutters
  • AMP'dAMP'd Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Smart Hero wrote: »
    I figured you hated rednecks neighbors based on your username.

    What with them having sex with you all the time.

    I thought that was supposed to be Wales

    AMP'd on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • SheepSheep Registered User, __BANNED USERS regular
    edited June 2009
    What's funny is that when I called the landlord up and they told me about having already evicting the rednecks, they instructed them to make sure and not bother me.

    "Oh, we've known him for YEARS. Went to school together! We're great friends!"

    Bitch, I didn't know you until two months ago!

    Sheep on
    QlBGc.jpg
  • Dead LegendDead Legend Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    when bargaining with rednecks, keep in mind a few things:

    1)don't use big words, it will only confuse them
    2)a peace offering is greatly appreciated, whether in the form of menthols or marlboro lights, maybe a can of copenhagen
    3)to further the peace talks, extend your gifts to whatever cheap beer they drink, you can probably figure this out by the amount of beer cans in your stoop
    4)you should probably curse obama a couple of times to get them to warm up to you, or if they're nearby when you're checking your mail, ask "where is my american rifleman magazine?"

    Dead Legend on
    diablo III - beardsnbeer#1508 Mechwarrior Online - Rusty Bock
  • AbracadanielAbracadaniel Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    that's not funny at all

    Abracadaniel on
  • Dead LegendDead Legend Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    it wasn't supposed to be funny

    it's a rule of thumb when dealing with ignorant fucking hicks, shitkickers, rednecks, neandertals, etc

    Dead Legend on
    diablo III - beardsnbeer#1508 Mechwarrior Online - Rusty Bock
  • CrossBusterCrossBuster Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    AMP'd wrote: »
    Smart Hero wrote: »
    I figured you hated rednecks neighbors based on your username.

    What with them having sex with you all the time.

    I thought that was supposed to be Wales

    I think "those people fuck sheep" is the default insult for any group of people that another group regards as backwards and provincial.

    CrossBuster on
    penguins.png
  • AbracadanielAbracadaniel Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    not you, DL.

    you're a pretty lady

    Abracadaniel on
  • Dead LegendDead Legend Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    AMP'd wrote: »
    Smart Hero wrote: »
    I figured you hated rednecks neighbors based on your username.

    What with them having sex with you all the time.

    I thought that was supposed to be Wales

    I think "those people fuck sheep" is the default insult for any group of people that another group regards as backwards and provincial.

    or camels, depending

    Dead Legend on
    diablo III - beardsnbeer#1508 Mechwarrior Online - Rusty Bock
  • Dead LegendDead Legend Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Smart Hero wrote: »
    not you, DL.

    you're a pretty lady

    ahhh

    :^:

    Dead Legend on
    diablo III - beardsnbeer#1508 Mechwarrior Online - Rusty Bock
  • SheepSheep Registered User, __BANNED USERS regular
    edited June 2009
    Smart Hero wrote: »
    not you, DL.

    you're a perty lady






    Another funny story. Guy bangs on my door the other day. Asks if he can come in and chill. Yeah, fine.

    Almost to the point of sobbing. You know me and Jess broke up right? Sure didn't. Yeah, I don't think she's ready for a relationship. Oh yeah? Did the constant stream of men in and out of the apartment while you were gone clue ya in?

    Sheep on
    QlBGc.jpg
  • WimbleWimble Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    "Bad room mate" will forever make me think of The Tale of the Mad Feces King.

    Ugh!

    Wimble on
    4SMZq.jpg
  • OrikaeshigitaeOrikaeshigitae Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited June 2009
    why on earth has this plague of brackets befallen this forum

    Orikaeshigitae on
  • HunterHunter Chemist with a heart of Au Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Bad neighbors are universal. If you don't have one, then most likely the people living near you think you're a bad neighbor.

    I found the best way to deal with it is violence. Try strange ticking packages or sticking baggies of powdered sugar in their car and calling the police.

    Hunter on
  • AMP'dAMP'd Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    why on earth has this plague of brackets befallen this forum

    Next: boils!

    AMP'd on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • HunterHunter Chemist with a heart of Au Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    AMP'd wrote: »
    why on earth has this plague of brackets befallen this forum

    Next: boils!

    I was hoping for locusts.

    Hunter on
  • SheepSheep Registered User, __BANNED USERS regular
    edited June 2009
    Hunter wrote: »
    Bad neighbors are universal. If you don't have one, then most likely the people living near you think you're a bad neighbor.

    You're right.

    As a kid I remember a fond relationship with our neighbors.

    And then I remembered that my dad was a raging alcoholic back then.

    Sheep on
    QlBGc.jpg
  • ackack Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    it has slowly re-devolved into a bunch of megathreads

    ack on
  • JordynJordyn Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Neighbors I have that I hate:

    1. Whoever owns that dog that never shuts up.
    2. Hippy liberals who, instead of putting their child in the car, take 20 minutes to stand outside and encourage their child to get in the car of its own accord.

    Jordyn on
    thumbsupguy-1.jpg
    JordynNolz.com <- All my blogs (Shepard, Wasted, J'onn, DCAU) are here now!
  • AbracadanielAbracadaniel Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Sheep wrote: »
    Smart Hero wrote: »
    not you, DL.

    you're a perty lady






    Another funny story. Guy bangs on my door the other day. Asks if he can come in and chill. Yeah, fine.

    Almost to the point of sobbing. You know me and Jess broke up right? Sure didn't. Yeah, I don't think she's ready for a relationship. Oh yeah? Did the constant stream of men in and out of the apartment while you were gone clue ya in?

    Still not funny and you're only encouraging them by allowing them into your home you retard.

    Abracadaniel on
  • AMP'dAMP'd Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Hunter wrote: »
    AMP'd wrote: »
    why on earth has this plague of brackets befallen this forum

    Next: boils!

    I was hoping for locusts.

    We'll get there soon enough

    The forum must harden Ori's heart

    He will never let our people go

    AMP'd on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • CrossBusterCrossBuster Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Jordyn wrote: »
    Neighbors I have that I hate:

    1. Whoever owns that dog that never shuts up.
    2. Hippy liberals who, instead of putting their child in the car, take 20 minutes to stand outside and encourage their child to get in the car of its own accord.

    Oh my god.

    CrossBuster on
    penguins.png
  • WimbleWimble Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Smart Hero is not amused.

    Wimble on
    4SMZq.jpg
  • OrikaeshigitaeOrikaeshigitae Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited June 2009
    Jordyn wrote: »
    Neighbors I have that I hate:

    1. Whoever owns that dog that never shuts up.
    2. Hippy liberals who, instead of putting their child in the car, take 20 minutes to stand outside and encourage their child to get in the car of its own accord.

    as a hippy liberal, those people are just assholes

    Orikaeshigitae on
  • vsovevsove ....also yes. Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    I like my neighbours, at least the ones on my floor. They're polite, quiet and we've established a good system for using the communal laundry room.

    My upstairs neighbours, however, like to vacuum at 6 in the goddamn morning, and my downstairs neighbours like to throw loud parties until 3AM but if I happen to be even slightly loud at 10:30PM on an evening where they're working the next day they hammer on the ceiling to get me to stop.

    vsove on
    WATCH THIS SPACE.
  • Canada_jezusCanada_jezus Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    I vacuum at all hours of the day. But the walls are like a solid meter of cement. So i'm good.

    Canada_jezus on
    You know who I fucking hate? Pony.

    I don't know why, I just felt the need to say that.
  • KetBraKetBra FISTS OF JUSTICE! Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    My one neighbor plays loud music late on weekdays and sings along loud enough that I can hear him sing.

    He's a pretty bad singer. Thankfully this doesn't happen very often.

    KetBra on
    ohKiGmg.png
    Steam Bnet:KetBra#1692 Yo Satan
  • PiptheFairPiptheFair Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    hey guys what's up
    PiptheFair wrote: »
    ahahah volyu oh my god

    that coworker


    also, in the same line

    my roomate met this chick online

    that same day, drove 45 minutes to fuck her, skipped class, brought her back to our fucking apartment and fucked her in the goddamn living room because he shares a room

    I am so glad I was at my parents that friday

    then

    then

    3 days later, he skips class and they go to a party

    they get so loaded an orgy breaks out

    during this orgy she gets part of her clit bitten off

    neither of them has money or a job, so their insurance is through their parents

    they wait a whole fucking day before they go to the hospital, and he skips the day of his fucking practical

    she also made him get a fauxhawk

    p.s. every day of class at our school costs around $350

    a class, which he failed by missing his goddamned practical costs around $4,500

    I hate my roomate

    PiptheFair on
  • SheepSheep Registered User, __BANNED USERS regular
    edited June 2009
    Jordyn wrote: »


    2. Hippy liberals who, instead of putting their child in the car, take 20 minutes to stand outside and encourage their child to get in the car of its own accord.

    To each according to his ability, to each according to his need.

    Did that kid need help, or is he just a lazy capitalist pig?

    Sheep on
    QlBGc.jpg
  • AirAir Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    vsove wrote: »
    I like my neighbours, at least the ones on my floor. They're polite, quiet and we've established a good system for using the communal laundry room.

    My upstairs neighbours, however, like to vacuum at 6 in the goddamn morning, and my downstairs neighbours like to throw loud parties until 3AM but if I happen to be even slightly loud at 10:30PM on an evening where they're working the next day they hammer on the ceiling to get me to stop.

    by some tap dancing shoes and just walk around

    Air on
    darjeelingshortsig95.jpg
  • autono-wally, erotibot300autono-wally, erotibot300 love machine Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Jordyn wrote: »
    Neighbors I have that I hate:

    1. Whoever owns that dog that never shuts up.
    2. Hippy liberals who, instead of putting their child in the car, take 20 minutes to stand outside and encourage their child to get in the car of its own accord.

    as a hippy liberal, those people are just assholes

    Realkindererziehung and hippy liberals?

    autono-wally, erotibot300 on
    kFJhXwE.jpgkFJhXwE.jpg
  • JordynJordyn Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    I think the child is a she. I don't know. I don't care. Children are things and I try to avoid having to acknowledge them.

    Jordyn on
    thumbsupguy-1.jpg
    JordynNolz.com <- All my blogs (Shepard, Wasted, J'onn, DCAU) are here now!
  • Canada_jezusCanada_jezus Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    I'm gonna need more info on that chick that got part of her clit bitten off.

    Canada_jezus on
    You know who I fucking hate? Pony.

    I don't know why, I just felt the need to say that.
  • HunterHunter Chemist with a heart of Au Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    I had a neighbor when I was in my apartment that refused to walk her dog. They lived above me, so they didn't have any porch, grass, or anything. They got a patio that hung over the side of the building.

    This stupid bitch would put her dog on a leash and just let it go out the front door of the apartment, across the step from my apartment, and into the patch of grass associated to my space. I would have almost accepted that if she had the decency to pick up the logs of shit, but nope, she's a dumbass. After politely telling her, telling her boyfriend, leaving notes, and asking the rental manager to remind them I took matters into my own hand.

    First I picked up turds in bags and would hang them on her door to remind her. After that didn't work, I started putting Cayenne pepper flakes in the grass which made the dog refuse to go over there. After a few failed attempts, she had to take her dog the whole 50 feet to the grass like normal folk, but she still accused me of poisoning her dog with spices.

    Hunter on
  • AirAir Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    like where is the clit now

    Air on
    darjeelingshortsig95.jpg
  • KetBraKetBra FISTS OF JUSTICE! Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    That must have been some scary oral sex, there, Pip.

    Your room mate is an idiot, for the record.

    KetBra on
    ohKiGmg.png
    Steam Bnet:KetBra#1692 Yo Satan
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