The new forums will be named Coin Return (based on the most recent vote)! You can check on the status and timeline of the transition to the new forums here.
The Guiding Principles and New Rules document is now in effect.
My friend is in danger and I'm poweless to help.
Casual
Wiggle Wiggle Wiggle Flap Flap Flap Registered User regular
Wiggle Wiggle Wiggle Flap Flap Flap Registered User regular
I have an internet friend in the US who was recently assaulted by her ex, he actually gave her a black eye. I'm telling her to go to the police to press charges but she's scared. Apparently her sister was beaten by her husband and the police did nothing even with a restraining order, she was beaten by him again after she went to the police. Because of this my friend is too scared to report it in case it just makes it worse.
I'm worried if she does nothing the guy will know he can get away with it and hurt her again. But what if she's right? Will the police really do nothing? I'm worried for her and being able to do nothing about it from over here is driving me mad.
What can I do?
I'm worried if she does nothing the guy will know he can get away with it and hurt her again. But what if she's right? Will the police really do nothing? I'm worried for her and being able to do nothing about it from over here is driving me mad.
What can I do?
Casual on
0
Posts
It's up to the person who has the restraining order to press violation charges.
This. A restraining order isn't magic. But it doesn't do more harm then good, it's the first step to locking the bastard up for a long, long time. She needs to get it ASAP.
Given what we know I believe it would be wise for her to go to the police.
She'll most likely want to get a restraining order against this guy and I'm fairly certain that there needs to be cause for it and contacting the police and filing a complaint is certainly grounds to get one.
She might think the cops will always take hours, thus leaving her open to hours of harm. She needs to lock doors and windows and cut off all communication with this guy.
Cops hate gettinig involved in domestic issues, but they will do their job if someone is in danger. When speaking to police it needs to be stressed that there is a threat of immediate harm to someone.
She should call the cops. Soon. Will it take hours? who knows, but you want this on record.
Facebook: MeekinOnMovies
Twitter: Twitter.com/MeekinOnMovies
My 10 commandments of game reviewing
7 Great Games Playing Watch_Dogs will remind you of/url]
Far Cry 4: 10 Essential Features it Must Have
10 Videogames Ruined By The Hype
Security apparently called the police because they were there breaking it up ten minutes after I called security.
So I guess I take horror stories about cops taking hours with a grain of salt. But let's be fair, the cop thing sounds like your friend is making excuses.
If she continues making excuses about it "well my sister said this, My aunt said this, It was just this one time, etc"
I would stop paying attention to it. That's just me though. I find if people keep coming up with reasons to not do something, they're either lying or scared.
And if they're scared, all you can do is try and convince them that typically police are the good guys.
Facebook: MeekinOnMovies
Twitter: Twitter.com/MeekinOnMovies
My 10 commandments of game reviewing
7 Great Games Playing Watch_Dogs will remind you of/url]
Far Cry 4: 10 Essential Features it Must Have
10 Videogames Ruined By The Hype
No contacting at all is also sound advice.
The real problem is that she has to do it.
And she certainly should call the police. Someone assaulted her. Because she used to have a relationship with this person doesn't make it any less assault. She needs to tell him to never talk to her again, and she needs to never talk with him again.
but they're listening to every word I say
If for some reason she isn't willing to get herself away from this man yet, the least she can start doing for herself is documenting what is happening so that when she does work up the courage to go/contact authorities, she's got some photo evidence along with written accounts of what happened.
However, an abuser is most likely going to be very watchful of her actions and be suspicious of anything she does. If she can store such information with someone out of the house (rather than in the house where he can find it), then so much the better.
As for the police it depends on how the call is placed and how the 911 operator interprets and dispatches the call. If the operator has the impression that a life is in danger police will be sent priority. The only hold up would be them waiting for at least one other officer to arrive before approaching the scene.
Will this behavior stop on it's own? Absolutely not.
Will it escalate? It stands to reason that it could if nothing is done.
It's difficult to try and help someone in this situation from across an ocean, but do your best. The advice about looking up woman's shelters is good.
She needs to either A) remove herself from the situation or
It certainly doesn't sound like she's ready to do A, and there is nothing that you or anyone else can do that will convince her of this. This is a decision that she needs to make for herself. Save that, B is really the only option... which puts her in a pretty tough place. Situations like this suck for someone outside looking in.
Yeah, it's no bowl of peaches for the person in the situation either. The problem is, people in that situation look at calling the cops as the end of the situation, when it's really only the beginning.
If she doesn't know anyone that's not connected with this guy, search for women's shelters in the area.
The cops really weren't able to do much for her or us until it had progressed quite far. The key to getting substantial assistance from the police is documenting every time he harasses/assaults her.
Usually if assault is involved the cops will step up their involvement. Encourage her to call them but realize if she continues making excuses and refuses to contact them there isn't much you can do for her.
I refuse to believe this guy won't be put in jail right then and there, seeing as how there was another thread a week ago where some kid got thrown in jail because his mother called 911 when he was rough housing with his younger brother.
If she is afraid the guy will track her down and hurt her when she leaves him, she needs to go to a women's refuge. She might still get hurt if he finds her, but since she is *definitely* going to get seriously hurt if she does not leave him, it is much better odds to leave him than not.
She needs to understand that going to the police days or weeks after an incident is NOT going to help her. She needs to be calling them when he's banging on the door. She also needs to be hyper vigilant for a while, as in not walking to her car alone, not opening the door for this jackass, etc. It sucks, it's a terrible situation to be in and it's not her fault, but it IS a situation she is in now, and she has to deal with it responsibly.
Glad to hear she left him.
I think it's best for her to be reporting it to the police now, *before* he is trying to knock the door down. The police can't necessarily get there in time with the best will in the world (not necessarily 3 hours late, but 10 minutes might as well be 3 hours in some circumstances). If they know she's in danger, they can take steps to help her, such as installing panic buttons, stronger locks, or whatever is available in her area.
This won't be nearly as good as going to the police to document the incident. Bringing in pictures months later leaves the police's hands pretty much tied. She has to go in and file a police report now for anything to happen.
I'm referring to future incidents, not this past one. She definitely needed to go to the police with this last incident, so that she can start a documentation trail. What I was referring to specifically is the next time he shows up, her calling the police immediately, not trying to reason with him or defuse the situation.