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Annoying Classmate
Black Ice
Charlotte, NCRegistered User regular
Charlotte, NCRegistered User regular
This year I transferred to a different high school school that has only a couple hundred people at it. I don't have social trouble with people. I do things with people every now and then (and when I'm not, I'm constantly being invited to go and participate in things) and can potentially date any girl I want (no problems so far). It's a private school, though, and a very conservative Christian one at that. You aren't supposed to do anything fun like cuss, drink, smoke, or have sex, in other words.
It's a strict school, that's for sure. I don't have a problem with these rules - I'm not a bad kid - but there is a girl that is just being a bitch. I'm nice to her, which might have been where this all came from. In simply being nice to her, she seems to be fabricating that we are "Friends" in her mind, always asking "Are we still friends?" and other really awkward questions you just don't ask people.
No one likes her. I am not exaggerating. This concept of someone being nice to her is so foreign that upon me not being mean and actually continuing a conversation of small talk, she thinks I'm her best friend and her "hero".
Her lack of social interaction is downright disturbing. I've tried ignoring her, not talking to her, telling her we don't need to talk every day, etc. just so she doesn't see me as someone she hates. Why would I do this to someone nobody likes?
Because last year, she got someone our grade in trouble after he called her "bitch" as a joke or something (bad idea). She went and ratted him out, crying and sobbing to a teacher. That's a pretty bad scenario that you go and "tattle-tale" on someone because they called you a bad word; she has learning disabilities, social problems, a lack of etiquette, etc.
The poor kid had I.S.S. for 10 days and if he's at the school after hours, over one year later, they write down what he does. I do not ever want to have to deal with that.
I try and avoid conversation with her, not to an evil extent - just to keep things at acquaintance level. After all, because I'm trying not to be mean - as a matter of fact, nice - but then she started to construct a story in her head that I was her boyfriend. That's just my nature - I'm not going to be a total asshole for no reason at all.
Everybody at the school knows how I feel about her. They say "Just stop talking to her, she's bad news. Look at what happened to so-and-so" and then I heard the story about how someone had gotten I.S.S.
She finally said, after weeks of me not talking to her (and blocking I don't know how many fucking screennames of hers AIM), "I know this might hurt you, and you might not like to hear this, but...I don't think we should be friends anymore." I just told her "um, okay."
So she started glaring at me at school. Unsettling but not a worry- again, no is friends with her. I'm just not being mean and as such she thinks we are friends.
Then Saturday she wanted to be friends again, to which I said, "I don't think that's right. You don't just tell people you want to quit being friends. As a matter of fact, even if you don't want to be friends, you don't say that at all - you just stop being friends with them."
So then she starts saying untrue shit about me - once, weeks ago after she asked me out (I declined politely) that I did drugs; then she begins to talk about my relationships with other girls when it is absolutely none of her business, and how I always "Get into fights" with her - in front of entire classes.
Yet again, because no one likes her, it doesn't really affect me. But her spreading of bullshit is just pissing me off.
If I confront her about this, she'll start crying. After the first week of school ended and I had asked out another girl, she had apparently gone into the bathroom crying because she thought I liked her since I wasn't being mean to her.
If I try and avoid her, she'll come up to me. If I don't talk to her... well, she'll jump at ANY chance to get me in trouble, which will definitely come one day if I accidentally say "bitch" or "shit" or something in front of her (her locker is next to mine, I have classes with her, etc.), because she'll just hate me outright for no longer being her friend.
She's ugly (facial reconstruction surgery) and sometimes called "Pigface" - of course, not in her earshot - by other students. I'm not the kind of person that goes around calling other people such names, but the thing is, no one likes her. People go to embarrasing extents not to talk to her because they know if they say something around her, she'll find a way to get them in trouble. Her dad was one of the founders of the school and so the principal listens to her.
TL;DR: What do I do? I was nice to a girl the first week of school. 17 weeks later, she's pissing me off because she talks behind my back and spreads rumors about me for not talking to her. If I confront her, she'll be "out to get me" and if I ever slip up and even drop a cuss word I'm almost sure she'll report me. If I'm her "Friend" I know she won't do it. This is borderline blackmail.
It's a strict school, that's for sure. I don't have a problem with these rules - I'm not a bad kid - but there is a girl that is just being a bitch. I'm nice to her, which might have been where this all came from. In simply being nice to her, she seems to be fabricating that we are "Friends" in her mind, always asking "Are we still friends?" and other really awkward questions you just don't ask people.
No one likes her. I am not exaggerating. This concept of someone being nice to her is so foreign that upon me not being mean and actually continuing a conversation of small talk, she thinks I'm her best friend and her "hero".
Her lack of social interaction is downright disturbing. I've tried ignoring her, not talking to her, telling her we don't need to talk every day, etc. just so she doesn't see me as someone she hates. Why would I do this to someone nobody likes?
Because last year, she got someone our grade in trouble after he called her "bitch" as a joke or something (bad idea). She went and ratted him out, crying and sobbing to a teacher. That's a pretty bad scenario that you go and "tattle-tale" on someone because they called you a bad word; she has learning disabilities, social problems, a lack of etiquette, etc.
The poor kid had I.S.S. for 10 days and if he's at the school after hours, over one year later, they write down what he does. I do not ever want to have to deal with that.
I try and avoid conversation with her, not to an evil extent - just to keep things at acquaintance level. After all, because I'm trying not to be mean - as a matter of fact, nice - but then she started to construct a story in her head that I was her boyfriend. That's just my nature - I'm not going to be a total asshole for no reason at all.
Everybody at the school knows how I feel about her. They say "Just stop talking to her, she's bad news. Look at what happened to so-and-so" and then I heard the story about how someone had gotten I.S.S.
She finally said, after weeks of me not talking to her (and blocking I don't know how many fucking screennames of hers AIM), "I know this might hurt you, and you might not like to hear this, but...I don't think we should be friends anymore." I just told her "um, okay."
So she started glaring at me at school. Unsettling but not a worry- again, no is friends with her. I'm just not being mean and as such she thinks we are friends.
Then Saturday she wanted to be friends again, to which I said, "I don't think that's right. You don't just tell people you want to quit being friends. As a matter of fact, even if you don't want to be friends, you don't say that at all - you just stop being friends with them."
So then she starts saying untrue shit about me - once, weeks ago after she asked me out (I declined politely) that I did drugs; then she begins to talk about my relationships with other girls when it is absolutely none of her business, and how I always "Get into fights" with her - in front of entire classes.
Yet again, because no one likes her, it doesn't really affect me. But her spreading of bullshit is just pissing me off.
If I confront her about this, she'll start crying. After the first week of school ended and I had asked out another girl, she had apparently gone into the bathroom crying because she thought I liked her since I wasn't being mean to her.
If I try and avoid her, she'll come up to me. If I don't talk to her... well, she'll jump at ANY chance to get me in trouble, which will definitely come one day if I accidentally say "bitch" or "shit" or something in front of her (her locker is next to mine, I have classes with her, etc.), because she'll just hate me outright for no longer being her friend.
She's ugly (facial reconstruction surgery) and sometimes called "Pigface" - of course, not in her earshot - by other students. I'm not the kind of person that goes around calling other people such names, but the thing is, no one likes her. People go to embarrasing extents not to talk to her because they know if they say something around her, she'll find a way to get them in trouble. Her dad was one of the founders of the school and so the principal listens to her.
TL;DR: What do I do? I was nice to a girl the first week of school. 17 weeks later, she's pissing me off because she talks behind my back and spreads rumors about me for not talking to her. If I confront her, she'll be "out to get me" and if I ever slip up and even drop a cuss word I'm almost sure she'll report me. If I'm her "Friend" I know she won't do it. This is borderline blackmail.
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Seriously it is probably the best bet, and the most satisfactory solution for all parties involved.
p.s. you're screwed. I would lock your doors and watch your back
The important thing is to be honest. Lay everything out the way you laid it out here. They should be able to at least get everyone in and talk. Because seriously, people like this are impossible to deal with on your own.
That's where I'm afraid the "Her father was a founder" problem comes in. I feel that anything I say has the potential to do a 180 on me.
if you don't feel there's a teacher or counselor or someone you can trust, you're fucked. You should probably start looking at whether or not transferring schools is an option; otherwise, you're just going to have to stick it out.
The first thing I would do in your position, however, is try to get my locker moved.
I was considering that too, I don't think it's worth it though, because if I request a locker transfer they'll give me one literally two lockers to the right of mine - the only free locker.
Other than this the school is pretty good so transfer isn't really plausible.
I guess I'll just tough it out, I figured I'd end up doing this. Still - if anyone has a great idea and sees this thread I am more than open to the ideas.
Thank you for all the suggestions (so far?)
and as for she trying to get you in trouble, just dont do anything stupid in front of her ? i think that would work, i mean you only have to deal with her during school hours... just be like ninja and avoid her.
Just keep doing what you are doing -- lay low, make small talk if necessary, but nothing more. Hopefully she'll get bored eventually. Speaking personally, I'd avoid talking to a counselor, unless she does something really extreme.
However, if you're not a senior, man...I don't know what to tell you.
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I went to a school where the administration had it out for my family (my older brother pissed them off, and because of it they weren't a fan of me, and I'm sure my little brother is feeling some fo it now). But you jsut have to learn to lay low. If she runs to the principal, remembert hat whatever she said isn't true (assuming this is the case). Just watch what you do and say around her, aside from blowing her off (because that's what you need to do), and make sure you let your parents know what's going on. That way if she school comes after you, your paretns can do something.
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write her a very carefully worded letter, detailing how the world works?
thats if you actually want to go out to bat for her
other than that, i like the locker movement idea, thats excellent
or just tell her you can't stand the way she acts and you don't want to speak with her on friendly terms anymore
its a barrel of crazy
Why not tell her that you don't appreciate the things that she's been saying about you? She knows they're not true (hopefully, if she hasn't convinced herself otherwise), so the only reason that she could have for saying them is to hurt you.
...and the kind of physical evidence she may just need to prove how you're being "mean" to her.
Have you considered actually going to the source and say, writing a letter to her father? Obviously he's in a strong place to alter the school landscape, so if anyone can change things for everyone's advantage, it's him. I'm sure he's aware that his daughter has some level of problems already, but if you're able to politely and honestly articulate the impact it's having on you, as another student, and on his daughter, I don't think he'd want to (or even be able to) get you in shit for it. I'd say write a letter. Of course, I don't know the whole deal, so this may not be an option, but to me you really should be thinking about how you can help this girl get out of her rut.
I know, it's not your responsibility, and her mental health is probably far from a personal concern after the way she's treated you - but I think you're in a place where you can talk to someone seriously about the way she's being treated by others (and in turn treating others), and if you handle it responsibly, a lot of good can come from this situation.
At the very least, talk to a counsellor, and make sure they get the impression you have this girl's best interests in mind as well.
Best bet it talk to a teacher, say you are really worried about how you will end up like that other guy and that you genuinly have nothing against her but really just don't want anything to do with her but you are worried that she'll go all crazy on you (obviously do not use the prase all crazy).
Then just politely ignore her.
Can you swap lockers with someone you know as well? if you can't move to an empty can you just swap with a friend of yours. Or hell do you really need a locker? Is it that hard to do without one. In my old school (was in Australia though) about 90% of kids didn't have one, I personally had one as my bag weighed on average about 10 kg but there were plenty of days that I didn't need to visit it.
Satans..... hints.....
I wouldn't write any letters. I can just imagine them twisting it around to make a case that you were stalking her, or some shit. Especially not to her father; parents tend to be absolutely retarded when it comes to their kids being shitheads.
I don't see it as a case of the kid being a shithead, though - I see it as a case of the kid really needing some friends and creating obsessions because of it. I think if it was worded in a way that wasn't "Your daughter's a bitch and fucking annoying me", but "Your daughter's copping a lot of flak at school and I feel like I'm bearing the burden of it, but I'd really like to help," it could possibly work out.
But you're right - it could also turn bad. I just don't see these stop-gap measures of changing lockers and politely ignoring her as doing anything to solve the real problem, which is adjusting her into the social environment. For the OP, they might work, but as far as I can see her social problems will only escalate as a result.
I mean, as far as I can tell, his options are to separate himself from her as much as possible, which still has a decent chance of backfiring, or transfer schools.
The situation is far from optimal, but there's not always a way to fix every situation; sometimes, life just decides to take a shit on you, and there's no real way to turn that into a positive.
If I was in your situation, I'd preemptively talk to the person she'd be most likely to 'tattle' to if you did something unfavorable towards her.
Just inform them of the situation, so in the event she does do what she did to your friend, you're covered.
most of all, most of all
someone said true love was dead
but i'm bound to fall
bound to fall for you
oh what can i do
I think all you can do is tough it out. Man, I pity you. At least this is going to make college seem that much better =(
Possibly but the teachers should be cluey enough to realise that she's a few parts crazy, and if you come off as someone that doesn't hate her you just don't want her to be clingy and are worried about consequences when you stop hanging out with her they are going to take any acusations she makes with a grain of salt.
Edit: also in class come in with a couple of people and make it impossible for her to sit next to you.
Satans..... hints.....
She's the outsider at your school. You don't want to be friends with the outsider. The others are even warning you about it dude. You're new, loonies and outsiders are always attracted to new people because they don't know about thier reputation.
Now here's what you do. You join in any time people are laughing about her behind her back and actively refer to her as pigface behind her back whenever possible and just walk off if she talks to you. Your school sounds pretty strict so don't be openly mean.
Maybe you could start calling her P.F. instead of pigface she can't really rat you out for calling her that I mean you could just say you're new and you heard others use that nickname.
The saddest part is it'll work. She won't hang around with you anymore and everybody will be happy.
I would much prefer that of the fathers.
I'm with super, I was in your shoes, outside of school right before winterbreak, I would tell her off. It would give you a good two weeks before you had to see or deal with them, enough time for her to not be able to go in the next day and tell them you said something mean in class and for it to possibly cool down in general, christmas to sweeting her life and make her forget. I think that the duration would make it really hard for her to make up a decent story. "HEY, two weeks ago he said he didn't want to talk to me!" "okay....why didnt you tell us?" "it was afterschool before break!"
If shes got no paper eveidence but enough scathing words to make her avoid you, her dad and her cant do much, I would think.
If she's crazy though what's to stop her just making shit up once you come back?
Satans..... hints.....
Anyways, I would highly suggest going to a dean/teacher/conselour wthatever you have at your school and bringing up the subject. More or less, you both will get invited into a meeting where you can discuss this.
After said meeting, ignore her every move.
Strike at her power base and neutralise her primary weapon. Go along with the friendship fantasy, but go one better. Over play it, appear to capitulate, make a show of being her friend. This will dis-empower her leverage over you, as you will now be on the offensive rather than on the back-foot. She will feel like instead of her being in control, forcing you into a relationship you don't want, she is merely playing into your hands and giving you what you want. Being overly, even insincerely, friendly towards her in public will not only neutralise her control over you but will also deprive her of any ammunition to use against you with the faculty. To all outward appearances, you wouldn't harm a hair on her head so any stories she tells the faculty about how you're mean to her will appear as maligned fantasies themselves.
From that point, you can start to control the relationship and do as you please with it because not only does she not have any control over you any more, you've cut off her ability to defend herself, thus giving you the upper hand in the balance of power. Subtle, imperceptible prods will be all that's required to control her from then on.
edit: Crazy plots are crazy.
My solution would be to confront her and use as many four letter words as possible.
But then again if I were stuck going to a Catholic school I'd probably be doing everything in my power to get expelled.
I would suggest the letter thing, To her, her parents, a guidance councilor, principal.
I would also fold up a copy of said letter and keep it on your person at all times. Signatures of yourself and a reliable witness on each letter would be handy (that way she couldn't claim that the letter she got was different).
Then, if the tables turn, you have evidence and your family can sue her family and the school.
Maybe? I'm not sure how these laws apply to minors.
Have a nice vacation.
The key here is to get your side of the story on some kind of record in the case that she goes to a superior and either lies about you or paints you in an unfair light from which the school takes action against you. So if speaking to a counselor does that, that may be what you should do regardless of the school's bias towards this girl's family.
Don't go to a counselor thinking the situation will in any way improve externally. It won't. Your goal should be to get your version of events on record for the future. And once you've done that, you can treat her like you would treat any other annoying person (I am assuming from how you describe yourself that you would never do anything ethically questionable in reality) without fear of it being tattled and misinterpreted.