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I really don't think I am ever going to be in another serious relationship.
EliteLamer
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Today has been quite a depressing day as my ex of a very long time ago msg me on facebook. She was married to the guy she left me for and had wedding picture profile. This made me feel great even though it has been over 2 years. I feel insane for just even to care about it. It just made me think that that decision I made years ago to ignore her to play fucking WoW, because I wanted a chick who played video games and watched anime. Was the start of bad decisions to come..
I have had the chance for serious relationships with about 4 girls over the past 2 years but never engaged because none of them were nearly as hot. I just was not attracted to them at all...I mean they were nice and we had stuff in common but just not attracted to them.
I am just not getting that feeling anymore. You know the one where you see a girl and you think she is hot. You feel that you will get along with her. Say all the right things..
Girls that are long term relationship quailty are so rare. I have so many friends that are pretty normal that never have a long term girl friend. Giving her up made me realize that searching for love in a life long thing and people DO die alone
I have had the chance for serious relationships with about 4 girls over the past 2 years but never engaged because none of them were nearly as hot. I just was not attracted to them at all...I mean they were nice and we had stuff in common but just not attracted to them.
I am just not getting that feeling anymore. You know the one where you see a girl and you think she is hot. You feel that you will get along with her. Say all the right things..
Girls that are long term relationship quailty are so rare. I have so many friends that are pretty normal that never have a long term girl friend. Giving her up made me realize that searching for love in a life long thing and people DO die alone
SEGA
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What you've probably heard before really is true - when you're happy with yourself, you're in the best position to find someone. If you start looking for relationships just to have one, you set yourself up for failure.
Learn from your past mistakes. Don't agonize over what might have been, but use the past to help guide the future in the way you want.
That probably sounded like a motivational poster, but oh well :P
Load of crap. look man, you can sit at home and play WoW and mope, or you can get back on the saddle. First of all, I doubt she is really the only girl for you or anything like that. I am sure there are lots of other girls you could have happy relationships with.
Another thing to realize is that at a certain point of cost benefit analysis, one has to realize that even in matters of love it isn't about the perfect disney relationship. Think about the two years you spent moping. Or the rest of your life you think you will spend moping. Even if you went for say, a really good relationship, or even a fairly decent one, over "the perfect relationship"(which doesn't really exist), you have to see that even picking one of those will bring you more happiness in the long run than sitting inside being miserable.
So, damn dude, quit being all up in your head about it. Get out there and make things happen for yourself.
but they're listening to every word I say
I have made complete turn around in my style and have been hitting up the "indie" bars and food for a year. Maybe my mindset isn't there but trust me, I have not been sitting around playing video games. I have a social life, minus any cool girls.
By perfect relationship do you mean in terms of looks or just what you have in common with her because I refuse to compromise if I am attracted to her or not.
Last time I slept with a girl she asked me if I was attracted to her. Made me feel like shit.
Think of it this way -- what if your future wife decides to drop you because you won't go crazy shoe-shopping with her? Sounds insane, but so does wanting someone to drop everything to play the video games you like or watch your obscure anime. Sometimes it's best to recognize people have different hobbies and interests, and that it isn't a bad thing to have things that you enjoy on your own as long as you also have things you can enjoy together.
Just my two cents.
Have to lime this, for it's definitely been my experience as well. As soon as I was content with my life and had put any thought of relationships out of my head *BAM* -- that's when they struck. lol
I know this is where I fucked up before
But I know guys who have shit just about perfect. For example one of my friends from high school joined the navy, went to Japan, got married to a hot japanese girl who is into all the stuff he is. Happy ending..
My first real recommendation is to stop comparing people to past relationships. That is a dead end because no two people are alike, plus most people tend to recall past relationships being much better or worse than they actually were. It also sounds like you focus on looks quite a lot, and there is a lot more to a successful long term relationship that initial attraction. While you do have to find someone attractive and stimulating, there will be a lot of time in a relationship spent with your clothes on - and making sure you connect during those times is vital. Again, that could be while playing WoW together, or having similar interests in TV shows and books, or hiking.
Anyway, I'm sure many of us have been in a similar position as yourself. It is easy to feel sorry for yourself and think you'll never find anyone perfect. Which is probably true, as no two people are 'perfectly' compatible IMO. That doesn't mean you are doomed, just that you have to be realistic in what you are looking for.
Just my $0.02, YMMV.
Looking over your latest posts, you REALLY focus on looks too much. Who cares if your friend found a "hot japanese girl"..? What does that have to do with YOUR life? And who is to say his life is 'perfect' anyway? No relationship is pefect, no matter how it seems from outside.
Buddy, if you're worrying about spending the rest of your life alone, you might have to.
How would you rate yourself in physical appearance, out of 10?
I really don't know maybe a 6 or 7?
Well then a few years of abject loneliness is probably right up your ally. Not saying that to be a jerk, but you'll eventually realize the qualities required in others outside of looks are the most important.
And if you don't, then you'll hop from one good looking chick to the next and never maintain a satisfying relationship.
You remind me of a close friend of mine that turned down lots of really nice girls because of some superficial means.
You gonna date Marie dude?
"Man. She's fun, has a great body, but I dunno man."
What?
"Have you seen her teeth? They're all WARGARBLE."
o_O
Still, sounds like you're just depressed and hanging your entire life on this girl who is no longer available. While I believe that looks do matter in a relationship, many aspects of appearance are fleeting.
lol thats kind of funny but I am not quite like that. If a girl has a great body and lacking in the face or something I would still date her. Still, my ex was perfect all around..Other guys always would try to get with her.
Maybe don't worry about going after the 8s and 9s, and try a few 6s or 7s that you enjoy talking to.
As for common interests, I don't even have that many hobbies or interests in common with my partner, but I enjoy the ones we do have, and I can appreciate hers. Mostly I just enjoy being with her. If she was too much like me, self-loathing would kick in, and I'd have to drop her.
Don't let that stop you. If you talk to 10 girls in a night and get rejected by 9 of them, you're doing alright. Get over the shyness.
For most guys, pussy does not come knocking on your door often. You have to go out and sell yourself.
lolvoyeurism.
Look, first of all, don't apply abritrary numbers to people. Most times we apply these nebulous 'ratings' to ourselves and others, they are tremendously subjective and circumstantial. That "solid 8" that you've been staring at all night could very well be a "shaky 5 at best" after the makeup or whatever comes off. Though you might think of yourself as a "6 or 7", someone else might think you're a "3". Or a "9.675".
Point is, those numbers mean jack, so don't focus on them. Find someone you're genuinely interested in. If you've been hitting up "indie" bars or whatever for an entire year and have yet to find one person you find attractive, one of two things is true:
1. You've got some kind of hangup that you're dealing with subconsciously. This could be anything from insecurities on your part (be they physical, emotional or what have you) to just not being over your last relationship.
2. Those places simply don't cater to the type of person that interests you. If you're into football, go to some local games. If you're into pool, hang out at a few pool halls.
Other thing to focus on: attractive people are all over the place. Thing is, physical appearances inevitably fade over time. If you want to be truly happy with someone, don't make their appearance your number one priority. I'm not saying you should settle for someone who you aren't attracted to in the least, not at all. I'm simply saying that someone with a kind heart with whom you have a lot in common will make you infinitely happier than that person with a hot ass and nice rack who barely gives you the time of day.
EDIT: You know what though? If you're seriously thinking that the girl for you is just someone that's hot, plays games and watches anime, I'm not sure if you deserve to be in a longterm relationship.
Not saying you have to settle or anything, but you may want to expand your horizon mans. Cause right now you're coming off to me as EXTREMELY shallow and immature.
Trying all the time doesn't make you seem creepy, being creepy makes you seem creepy.
Well when I did have a gf one thing that was a huge problem is that I would watch her shows and she thought my shows were stupid. The only channel I watch is CN.. I don't mind watching other things with people but its nice to have people want to watch what you like to
If you want to find someone perfect you need to start working on yourself at become perfect as well. Go to the gym, take up a new hobby, do something you've always thought about doing. Spend some time on fixing up yourself instead of crying why no perfect women are falling into your lap. And give your prospective relationship material a chance beyond your superficial expectations towards what you think is ideal. Tastes change. You never know what your ideal woman will be down the road.
You say you're looking for some woman of an unspecified mandatory "hotness" rating who plays videogames and watches anime. Any girl worth being with long term like that is going to pick up on that vibe and is probably going to look elsewhere. This goes double for if she sees you treat some other poor girl who's "only a 5" like she's "only a 5".
Quit discounting women and evaluating them with some arbitrary "she isn't good enough", "she isn't hot enough", "she doesn't do X and Y", etc etc scale in mind. Try just making friends for the sake of having friends and sooner or later you'll find that special someone.
Quoted for truth.
It's okay if you get a +2 girlfriend, but you don't want to settle for a girl -2 under you?
I like to aim high.. But now I feel bad for letting some cool girls go because of it.
Im out of debt and I am moving. Will be living by myself in a few weeks.
You're unwilling to try anything but want the world of this girl that you meet.
Good luck.
I'm glad to hear that you have been washed clean of your dozens of past issues. Since you're going to be on your own in a few weeks, I would strongly suggest you consider that a chance for a new beginning. Drop all contact with your ex, hit up some new bars and hot spots and meet new people. If you stop going out with the attitude that you need to meet someone, you won't get so hung up over it.
And stop making mountains out of molehills, it's an extremely unattractive quality.
It's been mentioned before that girls pick up on your vibe of "yeah, your OK but not good enough for me."
You mentioned friends or acquaintances who went to Japan and sort of lived what I consider to be that "Gamer's Fantasy" where they get a hot Asian girl who loves video games and anime and manga and everything is perfect. I wouldn't bank on this always being the case. You need to be a bit more pragmatic about things, if all you do is look for the perfect match or someone who is essentially an ex girlfriend 2.0 then you're unlikely to meet with success. Try looking for friends perhaps? You mentioned regret over missed chances in the past with people you got along with but for whatever reason decided weren't right or good enough for you. Next time you find yourself in that situation, do what you failed to do previously and give the girl and yourself a chance at a relationship. I think a big part of a relationship isn't all the hobbies you share or how hot the two of you find each other it's just you making the choice that you're going to stick with your partner despite the differences you will inevitably have since no two people are 100% a like.
I'm sorry, this is the biggest load of self-pitying bullshit that doesn't actually ask for any advice I've seen in a while.
I'm giving you a gender-nonspecific "man up" and "grow up". If you treat women as things to be rated, especially on appearance because you're looking for a hotness match or some shit, any one worth a damn will run from you as fast as a jet-engine can take them. You are fishing for validation of your terrible attitude, and I do believe you're looking in waters that are over-fished as it is.
"Girls that are long term relationship quailty are so rare?" Give me a break and get over yourself.
"In general I just need to be a nicer person." And? Is this a question? Are you asking for advice yet?
Here's some advice, as seemingly unsolicited as it is: When you aim high, aim for kindness and a good personality. Those things are worth aiming for. If you want a good, healthy, long-term relationship with someone who is awesome, leave the baby pool and start swimming over toward the deep end. Very little about long-term relationships that is worth having lives in what fucking TV shows someone watches.
I used to prioritize looks way more than I do now. As a result, I passed up a few great opportunities, and wasted time chasing women with whom I had little to nothing in common, or, worse, turned out to be kind of insane.
I've been with my girlfriend for almost two years now. When we first met, I thought she was cute, but I wasn't thinking "holy crap I have to get into her pants right now." She was friends with my roommate, and hung out at my place a lot. I actually spent time getting to know her, with no intent whatsoever to start a relationship with her. But the more I learned about her, the more I liked what I saw. We started hanging out more and more without my my roommate, one thing led to another, and now we're living together and are very happy.
Don't let this give you the impression that our relationship is perfect, however. We have arguments sometimes, I have habits that annoy her, and vice versa.
I guess this is just an illustration of what's already been said: stop focusing so much on looks, spend more time getting to know the women you think you might interest you, and don't obsess about finding "relationship material" - go out and have fun. Think of it as trying to make new friends, rather than trying to find a soul mate. These things never happen in a predictable manner.
Edit: also, what Ceres said.
As soon as you are happy with your self, you will be happy with a girl.
Being attracted is important, that is true, but you might need to re-evaluate your self and what you are really looking for. A good relationship isn't pure lust, because that wears off quickly. Attraction is more than looks after the first few dates.
Someone said earlier that a nice long bout of being alone might be good for you, I agree with that.