Girl + Work = New Girl Thread

persona non grata

Hey guys, I'm 23 and work full time. On Friday night a friend in work had an engagement party that a bunch of us went to. At the party I got talking to a girl in my office who I've always had kind of a thing for. We went out for some air and I worked up the courage to tell her how much I liked her, and she revealed she liked me a lot as well. We spent the rest of the night talking and sneaking away from the group to make out.

Now for some background. This girl is also 23 and has a boyfriend who she has been with for 5 years. He is basically a complete asshole to her, disappearing for 4 days at a time or bringing a bunch of guys back to their flat to take drugs. The girl is going back to university full time after the summer so is moving back in with her family soon to save money, and she's probably going to use moving out as an excuse to break up with this guy.

On Saturday we talked for a little while and she basically told me she just wants to forget about what happened on Friday because of the boyfriend situation. From what she said I'm really worried that she's not going to break up with this guy at all. She told me that while he is a huge dick a lot of the time, when they just spend time together alone she still loves him. I told her that she deserves someone much better than this guy (not saying that's me) but that it's her decision.

Since that conversation yesterday I've been pretty much full of nerves and am really worried about work tomorrow. I've spoken to a couple of work friends and they've told me to just relax and act normal but I can't shake the feeling that tomorrow is going to be really terrible somehow. I want to talk to her again and try and work something out, but I feel like that's really selfish of me because she already has her own stuff to work out. I guess the idea of her going back to uni and never getting to see her again is worrying me because on Friday night it felt like we could have something.

Anyway, if anyone has advise on what I should or shouldn't do I'd really appreciate it because right now I'm kind of freaking out...

Grislo

If she's told you to drop it, then you should drop it. It's her choice, and pushing her to make a decision/confronting her won't make her like you more.

Just relax, see what happens when you get in tomorrow. Getting worked up about it and overthinking it won't do you any good. Which is easier said than done, of course, but you'll just have to take it as it comes.

It might be a bit awkward, but it will be less so if you don't try to force her to talk about it if she's not up for that first thing monday morning.

The Black Hunter

Leave her alone, for everyone's sake

she doesn't sound too clever staying with a boy who treats her badly for 5 years anyhow

Butler

He disappears for days on end, brings people back to their apartment to take drugs and she needs moving out as an excuse to break up with him? Your instincts are right, she's not going to break up with him, or if she does there's a high likelihood she'll backslide and run off to hook up with him behind your back. I'd steer clear of her, she's not emotionally mature.

All the same, congratulations on having the guts to tell her you like her though.

VisionOfClarity

Grislo wrote: »

If she's told you to drop it, then you should drop it. It's her choice, and pushing her to make a decision/confronting her won't make her like you more.

Just relax, see what happens when you get in tomorrow. Getting worked up about it and overthinking it won't do you any good. Which is easier said than done, of course, but you'll just have to take it as it comes.

It might be a bit awkward, but it will be less so if you don't try to force her to talk about it if she's not up for that first thing monday morning.

This pretty much says it all.

Shawnasee

Update when you get off work, please.

Captain Eleven

The Black Hunter wrote: »

she doesn't sound too clever staying with a boy who treats her badly for 5 years anyhow

mystikspyral

Dealing with a girl addicted to a man is like dealing with most people with addictions. Many of them won't let go until they're ready to and pushing them won't help. It's a decision she has to come to on her own. Just act chill.

Smurph

Even if you confront her and somehow convince her to break up with the douche boyfriend, he's not just gonna go away. She will probably be in contact with him / still seeing him for a long time. I wouldn't want to put myself in the middle of that. Trying to be her night in shining armor saving her from this guy when she probably doesn't want to be saved will only make your life a lot more complicated.

Deebaser

persona non grata wrote: »

We spent the rest of the night talking and sneaking away from the group to make out.

If she cheats on the guy she "loves", she'll probably do the same to you.

mystikspyral

Deebaser wrote: »

persona non grata wrote: »

We spent the rest of the night talking and sneaking away from the group to make out.

If she cheats on the guy she "loves", she'll probably do the same to you.

persona non grata

Thanks for all the advice guys. We spoke a little today (pretty hard to avoid each other) and she basically says she needs a couple of days to work things out. To be honest I think it's unlikely that she'll break up with this guy and even if she did I'm not going to dive into a relationship with her. I probably haven't painted a very good picture as she is a really nice person, but that's probably part of the problem right now.

I'm just going to back off and let her work things out, then if she's still interested we'll see what happens. For the time being I've calmed down anyway, and am not stressing out anymore so that's a minor success!

Captain Eleven

persona non grata wrote: »

Thanks for all the advice guys. We spoke a little today (pretty hard to avoid each other) and she basically says she needs a couple of days to work things out. To be honest I think it's unlikely that she'll break up with this guy and even if she did I'm not going to dive into a relationship with her. I probably haven't painted a very good picture as she is a really nice person, but that's probably part of the problem right now.

I'm just going to back off and let her work things out, then if she's still interested we'll see what happens. For the time being I've calmed down anyway, and am not stressing out anymore so that's a minor success!

That's the best thing you can do. :^:

jeddy lee

persona non grata wrote: »

Now for some background. This girl is also 23 and has a boyfriend who she has been with for 5 years..

This is where I stopped reading. Until she no longer has a boyfriend, she should be off limits to you. If she doesn't immediately break it off to be with you, then you will never trust her, even if she does so a little ways down the road.

If she does immediately break it off, good luck!

Avenrosh

I'm currently dealing with a very confusing girl/work situation and all I can say is just drop it. Still be friendly with her, but if she doesn't want to pursue anything then it's her call. Doesn't make it sting any less though.