Writing a card for a sick relative I have no personal connection to.

Robos A Go Go

My grandmother, whom I was never especially close to, has apparently suffered a couple of strokes and is in a greatly diminished state. I'm now being asked to write something for her in a card, and I don't really know what to say since we lack a personal relationship. Not only that, but I'm deathly afraid of writing the wrong thing, as I feel I would be doing if I said something like, "I'm sure you'll get over this," since, obviously, a woman of her age is probably not going to just bounce back. To me, that would be unwarranted optimism just for the sake of being able to say something positive, which I feel is patronizing in a way. At the same time, I don't want to attempt to commiserate with her, since I can't without having had a similar experience of my own, nor do I want to extend pity that will likely offer no comfort at all. Perhaps I'm over-thinking things, but I just won't feel comfortable sending this stupid thing out without feeling that I've gotten it right.

What I'm hoping you guys can do is help me identify the correct thing to say under circumstances such as this to an elderly woman. I've been thinking that finding an appropriate Bible verse might be a good place to start, but apart from that the only ideas I have are about what not to say, not what to say, so I don't think I can pull this off without some help.

Finally, before anyone suggests calling her personally, I feel I should point out that the problems inherent in writing a card are tenfold for talking to her on the phone. Furthermore, I'm not sure she could talk right now, even if I did contact her by phone.

Enc

Is there any way to get out of writing the card? If you are not at all in a relationship with her, the card probably won't repair that by itself.

If you absolutely must send something, make a dish that your grandmother can eat/likes to eat and have it carried over with another relative's offering/support. Lasagna is often a good call for sick relatives as it keeps well, most people like it, and it can feed one for a while. Or, if the distance is too far for food transport, send some sort of assistance (catering, cash/cash-cards for whoever is taking care of her, etc). Actual help usually is more appreciated than a few words, especially in this sort of relationship.

I've always thought that "thinking of you" cards are at best arrogant and at worst downright selfish. Maybe it's just me, but taking the time to send a card as opposed to visiting, sending handy supplies or snacks, or taking enough time to call (less than buying and writing a card, yet more immediate) shows a desire to not be in contact with the person. Which, even if this is the case, isn't very friendly to bring up.

But I'm kinda weird about these things.

Robos A Go Go

Yeah, it looks like I'm stuck writing this card.

Can't send a food since she lives several states away. Assistance is worth considering, but I believe she's well taken care of and so I will need some time to think of something she might need. Still, given enough time, I might come up with something.

Retox

I would suggest just telling her that you're thinking about/praying for her, and that you care, etc. That's why your being asked to write the card, so your grandmother can look at it and know that people care about her.

MichaelLC

I think a card would be nice, and since, as you said, many people aren't sure about the long-term, may stay away for that very reason.

You don't have to pretend to be all close now, but a card shows you are thinking of her. Doing a quick Bible search, I liked this one: "Let him have all your worries and cares, for he is always thinking about you and watching everything that concerns you." 1 Peter 5:7 TLB

HyperAquaBlast

Use those wolverine pics you used to have in your sig and avatar and say from Robos A Go Go. It may cheer her up but if anything it will show you are aware of her condition.

Robos A Go Go

MichaelLC wrote: »

I think a card would be nice, and since, as you said, many people aren't sure about the long-term, may stay away for that very reason.

You don't have to pretend to be all close now, but a card shows you are thinking of her. Doing a quick Bible search, I liked this one: "Let him have all your worries and cares, for he is always thinking about you and watching everything that concerns you." 1 Peter 5:7 TLB

That quote'll work well in combination with a simple message along the lines of, "We're thinking about you."

Thanks, everyone.