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Worker's Misconduct (of a relational sense)
Epi
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
(all names are changed)
So I have an excellent girlfriend of 3 years. She cooks in a restaurant in the city. A new food runner is hired named Ben. We thought it was funny that Ben got hired because we knew him indirectly (ie never actually met) as the ex-boyfriend of Jessica (old school mate who went bat shit crazy post graduation).
My girlfriend is nice to him but not necessarily cordial. A week or two down the road Ben calls my girlfriend late at night - he's missed the last bus back to the city (2 am) and wonders if he could crash at her place since it's a block from the bus stop. She consents and when he comes over they start talking about Jessica.
Ben says she was a bad kisser, girlfriend says that's too bad, and out of the blue he kisses her. My girlfriend immediately makes clear it wasn't okay (especially considering he knew she was in a relationship) but doesn't send him packing. He sleeps in another room of the apartment.
I'm upset at the happening and imply that unnecessary contact be eliminated. She agrees. She tells him, he agrees.
A couple weeks later I have concerned friends asking if me and my girlfriend are okay. It turns out Ben was drunk and talked to Jessica. Jessica is bragging about all the boys she slept with and in a desperate attempt at getting even (I guess?) Ben says he got it on with my girlfriend and almost slept with her but didn't. This rumor spreads like wildfire via Jessica down the grapevine and back to my close friends.
My girlfriend finds out and berates Ben for this but then says she's not worried about it anymore. I'm not over it.
So my issue is my girlfriend and Ben still work together (not closely as he's front of house and she's back of house) and he's at coworker parties that she attends as well. I'm not concerned at all about any cheating but the knowledge of what he did and his continued presence aggravates me. I'm decently close with her kitchen staff coworkers and will drop by and visit her and them from time to time and when I do, the possibility of him being there (hasn't happened yet but almost certainly will) could lead to a dangerous situation.
tl:dr
Should I maintain and be civil with my girlfriend's coworker who, knowing about our relationship made a move on her and then lied about what happened (in a very exaggerated manner) or give the bastard what he deserves?
So I have an excellent girlfriend of 3 years. She cooks in a restaurant in the city. A new food runner is hired named Ben. We thought it was funny that Ben got hired because we knew him indirectly (ie never actually met) as the ex-boyfriend of Jessica (old school mate who went bat shit crazy post graduation).
My girlfriend is nice to him but not necessarily cordial. A week or two down the road Ben calls my girlfriend late at night - he's missed the last bus back to the city (2 am) and wonders if he could crash at her place since it's a block from the bus stop. She consents and when he comes over they start talking about Jessica.
Ben says she was a bad kisser, girlfriend says that's too bad, and out of the blue he kisses her. My girlfriend immediately makes clear it wasn't okay (especially considering he knew she was in a relationship) but doesn't send him packing. He sleeps in another room of the apartment.
I'm upset at the happening and imply that unnecessary contact be eliminated. She agrees. She tells him, he agrees.
A couple weeks later I have concerned friends asking if me and my girlfriend are okay. It turns out Ben was drunk and talked to Jessica. Jessica is bragging about all the boys she slept with and in a desperate attempt at getting even (I guess?) Ben says he got it on with my girlfriend and almost slept with her but didn't. This rumor spreads like wildfire via Jessica down the grapevine and back to my close friends.
My girlfriend finds out and berates Ben for this but then says she's not worried about it anymore. I'm not over it.
So my issue is my girlfriend and Ben still work together (not closely as he's front of house and she's back of house) and he's at coworker parties that she attends as well. I'm not concerned at all about any cheating but the knowledge of what he did and his continued presence aggravates me. I'm decently close with her kitchen staff coworkers and will drop by and visit her and them from time to time and when I do, the possibility of him being there (hasn't happened yet but almost certainly will) could lead to a dangerous situation.
tl:dr
Should I maintain and be civil with my girlfriend's coworker who, knowing about our relationship made a move on her and then lied about what happened (in a very exaggerated manner) or give the bastard what he deserves?
Epi on
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If so, then what does Ben matter. What he did is bullshit and wrong, but it is between him and your girlfriend and so if she says don't worry about it any longer then you should try not to dwell on it. Sure, it would make most men fighting-mad to be in this situation so don't feel like you are incorrect in that regard. However, you must accept that your significant other can has the ability to take care of herself when necessary.
Ben is not a good guy. He got drunk and told an outrageous lie. People who are friends with you and your girlfriend will realize that he's a lying bastard. People who believe him don't matter.
Giving him what "he deserves" isn't going to do anything good. It won't affect Ben in any way. Since your girlfriend has expressed that the situation is behind her now, acting out will most likely piss her off. Anyone who has heard of Ben's story and didn't believe it will probably reconsider if you were to jump the guy and beat the shit out of him (because if it was bullshit then why'd you get so angry? Perhaps there was more there...)
I'd leave it be for now. You don't have to be nice to the guy. You can, in fact, start of being down right rude (though if the girlfriend tells you to stop being a dick, you should dial it back to simply ignoring him).
Murphy's Paradox: The more you plan, the more that can go wrong. The less you plan, the less likely your plan will succeed.
Ben, however, doesn't seem to be interested in totally backing off. My girlfriend is usually one of the first people into work and, as such, Ben has a tendency to call her to check his schedule, which she's kind enough to oblige. He does so on a regular basis and, as of late, the timing of his calls implies he isn't really interested in finding out when he works next so much as looking for an excuse to talk to her.
Fighting mad, though I may be, I have enough restraint and respect for the people I'm around not to hit the kid, but his lack of regard for boundaries definitely tries my patience.
This isn't the first time a guy has exaggerated or bragged about a sexual experience that never happened. Granted this might be the first time that it's effected you but it's certainly nothing that justifies more than a cold shoulder and perhaps calm request/demand that the rumor mill be shut down, and even that might be pushing the bounds of how much time or effort you should spend on this annoyance. Whatever you do don't let it escalate to a "dangerous situation." If you pick a fight, however justified you might feel it is, chances are it could cost your girlfriend her job and you some time in the back of a cop car.
Your girlfriend sounds like she can handle herself in terms of this guy's advances. She might tell him to cool his jets but as long as the conversation is essentially "When do I work" "Oh, that's when I work, thanks, bye" then let him think whatever he wants. If at any time he acts inappropriately at work or on the job location, then that's something for management to handle.