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Wife's young cousin being abused - Legal options?
Glaeal
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
So my wife is currently visiting family in the Minnesota/Wisconsin area. I'm still at home in Colorado.
On an open day she decided to take our 3 year old to the Mall of America, which is a bit of a drive. Her 11 year old cousin's mother did not come to the family reunion that's going on, so he is staying with his grandmother nearby. My wife offered to take him with, and he was excited for the chance to go to the theme park inside the mall.
During the drive, my wife says he was a typical talkative pre-teen, interested in comics and games, and action shows on TV. My wife started talking to him about the things we used to watch as a kid, and the talk drifted to what things were like in general as a kid, and he asked a weird question.
"Have you ever had soap in your mouth?"
"Yes."
"Have you ever had it in your mouth so long that your lips swell?"
My wife says no, and wonders where the hell that came from, but steers the conversation elsewhere.
Cut to the drive home, where the boy opens up. One of his mom's boyfriends was beating him, sometimes savagely, and many times in front of his mother. His mother is doing things like putting soap in his mouth for twenty, thirty minutes at a time. The mom quit seeing the boyfriend after moving away for a better job, but she told him they were moving to an area that was close to the boyfriend. He told my wife he was afraid to go home.
His mother got pregnant at a young age, and the family has always suspected that she wasn't really fit to be a parent. Apparently she would scream at him and tell him that he was the reason her relationships never worked, and barely took care of him.
I told my wife last night to talk to the grandmother and see what she knows about the situation, but apparently the grandmother, who is now living alone, was in a long time relationship that was horribly abusive, sometimes bad enough for her to end up in the hospital, but as much as everyone talked to her to offer her sanctuary, she always believed it was her fault. Well, before my wife has a chance to talk to her, the mother calls the boy and tells him that she is getting back with the guy, and he runs and hides in the basement and cries. The grandmother sees this, and asks my wife what's going on, and has this to say: It's not that big a deal, he's probably exaggerating, it's never as bad as it sounds.
Just to clarify, the boy's grandmother is my wife's aunt. The whole extended family lives on a massive plot of land up there, my wife's grandparents and aunts and uncles included.
My wife sent me an email at work asking what the fuck can we do?
My instinct is to tell my wife to find out what the mother and boyfriend's names are, find out where they live, and call the cops right fucking now, but the boy is scared that he'll have to go into foster care. I can support him financially easily and have plenty of room in my house, and I have a really powerful urge to take him into my home and protect him (if not track this guy down and beat him to within an inch of his life), but I just don't know what the answer is.
Does anyone have experience with this stuff? If we call CPS on his parents from out of state, can we take him and care for him?
On an open day she decided to take our 3 year old to the Mall of America, which is a bit of a drive. Her 11 year old cousin's mother did not come to the family reunion that's going on, so he is staying with his grandmother nearby. My wife offered to take him with, and he was excited for the chance to go to the theme park inside the mall.
During the drive, my wife says he was a typical talkative pre-teen, interested in comics and games, and action shows on TV. My wife started talking to him about the things we used to watch as a kid, and the talk drifted to what things were like in general as a kid, and he asked a weird question.
"Have you ever had soap in your mouth?"
"Yes."
"Have you ever had it in your mouth so long that your lips swell?"
My wife says no, and wonders where the hell that came from, but steers the conversation elsewhere.
Cut to the drive home, where the boy opens up. One of his mom's boyfriends was beating him, sometimes savagely, and many times in front of his mother. His mother is doing things like putting soap in his mouth for twenty, thirty minutes at a time. The mom quit seeing the boyfriend after moving away for a better job, but she told him they were moving to an area that was close to the boyfriend. He told my wife he was afraid to go home.
His mother got pregnant at a young age, and the family has always suspected that she wasn't really fit to be a parent. Apparently she would scream at him and tell him that he was the reason her relationships never worked, and barely took care of him.
I told my wife last night to talk to the grandmother and see what she knows about the situation, but apparently the grandmother, who is now living alone, was in a long time relationship that was horribly abusive, sometimes bad enough for her to end up in the hospital, but as much as everyone talked to her to offer her sanctuary, she always believed it was her fault. Well, before my wife has a chance to talk to her, the mother calls the boy and tells him that she is getting back with the guy, and he runs and hides in the basement and cries. The grandmother sees this, and asks my wife what's going on, and has this to say: It's not that big a deal, he's probably exaggerating, it's never as bad as it sounds.
Just to clarify, the boy's grandmother is my wife's aunt. The whole extended family lives on a massive plot of land up there, my wife's grandparents and aunts and uncles included.
My wife sent me an email at work asking what the fuck can we do?
My instinct is to tell my wife to find out what the mother and boyfriend's names are, find out where they live, and call the cops right fucking now, but the boy is scared that he'll have to go into foster care. I can support him financially easily and have plenty of room in my house, and I have a really powerful urge to take him into my home and protect him (if not track this guy down and beat him to within an inch of his life), but I just don't know what the answer is.
Does anyone have experience with this stuff? If we call CPS on his parents from out of state, can we take him and care for him?
Glaeal on
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Who gets care of a child can be a complicated process.
11, while young, is old enough to call someone after something bad has happened. Since he has opened up to your wife so much, perhaps she should get him to call her when something happens. Then you guys can contact the police.
re DCF: Shit needs to be documented, they need to come in and see something bad because hey, they really do need to see facts/evidence. The child wouldn't just get taken away and given to family who wants him, he would either stay with local family or in a home while the mother goes through some sort of class.
DCF can also answer a lot of your questions.
I understand but the mother is the only one with a legal right to the child at this point in time.
I don't know why she's sure he's not lying, but she is. I need to ask her about that too.
I'll post more info after I've talked to her again. Unfortunately my son got ahold of a box of Dramamine and ate six or seven tabs, so they had to take him to the hospital to make sure he was ok. (He is) She also got pulled over on the way to the hospital, so she needs to calm down before we can do anything else.
Call Children's Services in the child's state and yours. Find out what your options are. Report the abuse. Even if he isn't immediatly removed it will start a case file and a record. If it goes to court later it's always better to have a paper trail then nothing leading up to the immediate complaint.
Good luck to you, your spouse, the child and your child. It sounds like you're handling a lot right now.
This is good, call, say you have suspicions and are wondering what your options are. Social workers are generally highly motivated, so even a suspicion will get their attention.