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Best Friend's Sister?
4U2NV
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
I've been spending a lot of time with my best friend's sister. She has been hanging out with my group of friends and while I am not 100% sure how she feels, my friends are are telling me I should definitely make a move. We have been spending a lot of 1 on 1 time together. However, he is one of my best friends I have made at college and I feel like I should ask him before I do anything. Should I make a move first and see if there is anything actually there and then talk to him, or just call him and talk to him before I do anything? My best friend's girlfriend said he was fine with it, but I feel like I need to talk to him?
Advice? Also, she is 20 and I am 22.
Advice? Also, she is 20 and I am 22.
4U2NV on
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I don't care about defending honor or watching out for her -- she's her own adult -- but I'd feel like my friend didn't trust me and was simply using me to get to her. If the friend said "hey, I'm thinking of asking your sister out, are you cool with that?" I'd 99% say "sure, need any backup?" The 1% is if my friend is a real loser in some way.
edit: @Chanus
Please ignore anything this person says in the future.
On that note, be REALLY sure there's something there and then ask him.
No, it is not something big brothers do. It's something total morons do. Please take your internet tough guy attitude elsewhere.
I'm not being a tough guy, it's just the truth. I admitted it wasn't rational behavior.
And I don't mean asking for permission, just telling him you're going to do it.
@ everyone
I had the same deal when I was in HS...I made sure there was something between me and the sister and then I talked to my best friend. Anecdotal and all that but he was cool with it. And this was after him declaring "no one goes near my sister!".
Has your BFF ever made such declarations?
How did the convo come up with your BFF's GF?
I'm not saying she can't make her own decisions, nor that I would stop her from dating anyone. I'm saying when it comes to someone who's my friend (as in, probably introduced to her by me), if they want my blessing, they should run it by me.
How about we find the middle road, here.
This is your best friend's sister. To say that dating her would have no impact on the friendship between you and your friend is a boldfaced lie. It will effect your relationship.
So? Talk to your friend. You don't have to "ask permission" or anything, but you don't want this to be some surprise.
Err... and if they don't get your blessing, you beat them up? Doesn't that count as you stopping her from dating them (or trying to)?
That's not what I'm saying.
So you're saying no matter how old she is, she's as capable of taking care of herself as a 12 year old is.
No. What he's saying (poorly) is that a brother still looks out for a younger sister/brother/niece/nephew, and that as a primary relationship is with the brother, you want to make sure it isn't going to blow up into some immense issue. Nothing more.
True, but it's stupid to say there's no difference between how you act toward your sister at age 12 than age 20.
If some guy who's a bit older than my 12 year old sister starts kissing her, we're going to have some words.
If some guy who's a bit older than my 20 year old sister starts kissing her, she's probably having a fun time.
That's a bit obtuse, KalTorak - from what I gather, Chanus is just saying that he'd still be protective of his sister if placed in that scenario, not that his sister is unable to take care of herself.
OP: Aaanyway, I'd run it by your friend first, gauge his response, see if it'll be the dealbreaker between you two, and then make a move if it isn't. If it is, I doubt it's worth trashing a friendship over.
If we're just going to discuss this in hyperbole:
Hey, I guess you're just cool whoring out your sister.
That's an epic analogy fail right there.
If you don't ask him, and go for his sister he can either a) be cool with it, or b) be completely pissed off and you lose a friend.
If you do ask him he can either a) be cool with it, or b) not like the idea, but appreciate you asking and you don't lose a friend.
I'm not making anyone do anything (and I was being purposefully obtuse in that last post). I'm saying that if someone considers himself my friend, he'd better have the common decency to say, "Hey dude, I think I might like to date your sister".
It seems to me I'm simply being portrayed as such... by you.
I'm sorry, but you're the one who said "I'm going to kick the shit out of someone who doesn't ask to date my sister".
You're portraying it just fine yourself.
Or else you'll punch them?
Man if you have a problem with any of your friends dating your adult sister, you probably shouldn't be friends with that guy, which makes your point pretty damn moot.
That's not semantics. He repeated it several times. Just say "I'd be pissed off".