It makes me laugh that this project is still chugging along, like a steam engine from hell.
TLB, what ever happened to my script for this concept? I remeber it got submitted, and I had an artist who actually sent some priliminary art to me, but that was some time in 2009.
Is that when the satellites imbue all baseline mortals with superpowers? And then it's just superpower-on-superpower action for a month straight?
I was also going to offer my services as a (basic) editor, but (1) it seems like you don't really need any more, and (2) since I don't have actual for-reals experience as an editor, "I can be an editor" really just means "I can spell- and grammar-check your work and also make sure that it's comprehensible", which might not be helpful enough. Still, if you need an extra pair of eyes or something, totally let me know.
Delduwath on
0
Quoththe RavenMiami, FL FOR REALRegistered Userregular
edited August 2010
it would be helpful if you cruised over to the site and made sure i didn't screw anything up
it would be helpful if you cruised over to the site and made sure i didn't screw anything up
proofread and check links and such
Aye aye.
Here are the things I could think of:
On http://candleinsunshine.com/sentryduty/about/ :
1) I think it would be useful to say that the abilities granted by the satellites are super-powers. Something along the lines of "super-normal abilities". I think it's a little too generic otherwise - you and I know that satellites zap you with super-power-juice, but that may not be apparent to some yokel wandering in off the Internet at large. I guess TLB's pitch right below that clears this up, but not everyone might stay for that.
2) TLB's pitch should probably be in quotes to make it obvious that it's, well, a quote. The pitch also uses TLB's, shall we say, creative approach to grammar, which I think is really fun to read on a forum (speaking good is boring), but may be a slight mismatch with the tone of the rest of the page. Totally your call.
3) I love the Sentry Duty FAQ, but I think it would be neat to break it out into a separate page - it's an in-character text that's sitting alongside out-of-character text, and there isn't any explicit contextual separation between the two.
If I go to www.sentryduty.com and click any of the links, the correct page will load, but the URL will remain www.sentryduty.com. I think it would be cool if the URL would update as well, to let people bookmark and link to specific pages on the site.
Overall, I think the site looks great! I really like the humor; spread evenly throughout, but not clubbing you over the head.
I actually am 100% serious about preserving the pitch, it was my call to put it there.
I want to keep the very germ of the idea alive from beginning to the end of this project.
That's a very worth-while sentiment. I still say that it should be in quotes or something, just a way to make it obvious that it's live words from TLB's Internet-mouth.
well he wouldn't have passed the psych test probably
but even if he did it would be fun to see a dude keep trying to kill himself while fighting the villain and the satellite stopping him by giving him new powers
In fact I'd like lots of dudes to come up with taglines
It'd be neat, if Quoth or anyone who web design experience can do this, to have a different tagline pop-up every time when you load the site.
Well not every time, but enough to have it rotate
also I am noodling around 3 story ideas for down the road
should I do:
1. A paparazzo uses his sentry duty abilities to sneak into the justice league/avengers analogue in order to sell their secret identities when the reveal them
2. A dude gets sentry duty for like the 13th time and finds out he lives next door to a supervillain
3. That depression one I just wrote where a dude keeps trying to get himself killed in a supervillain battle and the satellite keeps beaming him powers. It'd be like It's a Wonderful Life. But with punching!
You are stumbling into the same corner that you warned other people away from. Keep it simple, man. We need simple stories of dudes getting powers and bustin' heads before we start getting stories with any sort of subtext.
I still have that short story I did with the girl in the shopping mall.
The one where she gets annoyed because her activation interrupts her shopping trip. Its only like 4 pages long so if an artist wants a gig but not a big gig, I can supply.
Lucascraft on
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TexiKenDammit!That fish really got me!Registered Userregular
edited August 2010
Depression brings down the mood, you can't do that until issue/story #76.
Posts
Can't I just threaten him into doing one
I ain't like spending money
might want to take that question to the art thread
he might see that first
TLB, what ever happened to my script for this concept? I remeber it got submitted, and I had an artist who actually sent some priliminary art to me, but that was some time in 2009.
I honestly don't remember who was supposed to draw what anymore since no one ever delivered art
except for Squidbunny
Who is now gonna be known as Senior VP of Art
My PMs say Gatsby was my artist...whoever he is/was. I guess he flaked
Eh, whatever: If anyone wants to art my script, more power to them. Id be happy to help however I can
so i can put it up if it's finished
if your script is not there and you would like it to be, how about sending me your name and contact info, mmkay
I am going to go over it when he sends it to me and then I'll just give it directly to you
I do all the editing
(it's cool)
there will be a crisis on infinite sentry duties
I was also going to offer my services as a (basic) editor, but (1) it seems like you don't really need any more, and (2) since I don't have actual for-reals experience as an editor, "I can be an editor" really just means "I can spell- and grammar-check your work and also make sure that it's comprehensible", which might not be helpful enough. Still, if you need an extra pair of eyes or something, totally let me know.
proofread and check links and such
Aye aye.
Here are the things I could think of:
On http://candleinsunshine.com/sentryduty/about/ :
1) I think it would be useful to say that the abilities granted by the satellites are super-powers. Something along the lines of "super-normal abilities". I think it's a little too generic otherwise - you and I know that satellites zap you with super-power-juice, but that may not be apparent to some yokel wandering in off the Internet at large. I guess TLB's pitch right below that clears this up, but not everyone might stay for that.
2) TLB's pitch should probably be in quotes to make it obvious that it's, well, a quote. The pitch also uses TLB's, shall we say, creative approach to grammar, which I think is really fun to read on a forum (speaking good is boring), but may be a slight mismatch with the tone of the rest of the page. Totally your call.
3) I love the Sentry Duty FAQ, but I think it would be neat to break it out into a separate page - it's an in-character text that's sitting alongside out-of-character text, and there isn't any explicit contextual separation between the two.
On http://candleinsunshine.com/sentryduty/news/ :
1) Did you intend for "Why are you looking at us like that." to end in a period rather than question mark?
On http://candleinsunshine.com/sentryduty/contact/ :
1) In the first paragraph, you might want to make your e-mail address a mailto link.
If I go to www.sentryduty.com and click any of the links, the correct page will load, but the URL will remain www.sentryduty.com. I think it would be cool if the URL would update as well, to let people bookmark and link to specific pages on the site.
Overall, I think the site looks great! I really like the humor; spread evenly throughout, but not clubbing you over the head.
I actually am 100% serious about preserving the pitch, it was my call to put it there.
I want to keep the very germ of the idea alive from beginning to the end of this project.
Quoth, give it its own section
With blackjack
and hookers
In which ordinary citizens are empowered to greatness.
Many have tried, none have succeeded.
(Gonna censor you in your sleep, TLB. Never turn your back.)
That's a very worth-while sentiment. I still say that it should be in quotes or something, just a way to make it obvious that it's live words from TLB's Internet-mouth.
while I like that, I kinda want being activated to be sort of a pain in the ass
remember it is equivalent to jury duty
and not everyone cares about justice
they just wanna make them dolla dolla bills ya'll
but even if he did it would be fun to see a dude keep trying to kill himself while fighting the villain and the satellite stopping him by giving him new powers
Oh.
I got it TLB. A slight tweak to to the words and it totally conveys your annoyance factor.
Sentry Duty
In which ordinary citizens are compelled to greatness.
In fact I'd like lots of dudes to come up with taglines
It'd be neat, if Quoth or anyone who web design experience can do this, to have a different tagline pop-up every time when you load the site.
Well not every time, but enough to have it rotate
also I am noodling around 3 story ideas for down the road
should I do:
1. A paparazzo uses his sentry duty abilities to sneak into the justice league/avengers analogue in order to sell their secret identities when the reveal them
2. A dude gets sentry duty for like the 13th time and finds out he lives next door to a supervillain
3. That depression one I just wrote where a dude keeps trying to get himself killed in a supervillain battle and the satellite keeps beaming him powers. It'd be like It's a Wonderful Life. But with punching!
You are stumbling into the same corner that you warned other people away from. Keep it simple, man. We need simple stories of dudes getting powers and bustin' heads before we start getting stories with any sort of subtext.
The one where she gets annoyed because her activation interrupts her shopping trip. Its only like 4 pages long so if an artist wants a gig but not a big gig, I can supply.
I don't do non-comedies
And when I say these stories are simple, I mean I know exactly how they'd play out, I just gotta fill in the middle.
Lucas send me that script again, so I can file it away.
I don't plan on doing anything with the ideas I have right now vis a vis getting an artist attached
Just want to at least be ahead of the game before the next batch of stories comes in
Wanna get artists for the stories already posted before posting new ones
I'm actually pretty proud of the fact that I was able to condense this into 4 pages.
Then pare down
You just gotta learn to detach yourself
and start knifin' around
and cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut
But that was like, last year. So I forget exactly.
just so I could get the basics explained so no one had to ever do it again.