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I'm stressed out, and I want my sanity now!
Lilithium
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__BANNED USERS regular
I'm 20 years on, 21 in November. I have a year of community college done, and I'm unemployed. Went to a job interview today, but I'm probably not gonna get it because I'm a tad skinny, and handling and loading boxes is gonna require some muscle. I'd get it on the job eventually, but that's my situation right now.
I live at home with my family. I usually earn my stay by driving my siblings everywhere, dropping off their medicine at their school in the middle of the day if need be, and I clean around the house. All and all, I think I do alright and I'm not really just freeloading in my opinion. Either way, my family, especially my mom, disagrees. I need to do more, I need to be their maid, cook their dinner, make sure the floors are spotless, do all the yard work. A little too much to fit in a daily schedule.
She's become pretty abusive. I had a car in my name that I was forced to give to my older brother, and in turn, they presented me with a 1998 Dodge Intrepid that needs a couple hundred dollars in repairs done. I'm confined to the family car, and my mom is now becoming very stingy with letting me use it. The agreement when I gave my car over was that I could use theirs when not inconvenient to them. Her excuse is that I blame my problems on others, how I never do enough around the house, and how poorly I'm handling her when she walks around the house singing while on Ambien.
I need to get out of this situation. I have no friends I can stay with, and I'm unsure I'll be able to get the job I was interviewed for, even then, I'd need to get another job to support myself on my own. I'm getting so depressed that I'm thinking the streets, and homeless shelters if I can get to them, would be better then what I'm going through right now. Isn't that an insane thing to do? I don't have any time for friends. I don't have any money to do anything with them even if I did have time. Every month it gets worse with her.
I'm trying to buck up and do what they want, but I seriously can't clean the house, manage their large yard, and pick my siblings up in one day, and if I don't do it all, I'm verbally abused. And hey, I used to get slapped around, and I would prefer the physical to the emotional now that I've had both. What am I supposed to do?
Sorry if this belongs on myspace. I think I have a decent reason to be upset. It wouldn't be so bad had my old job not closed in January.
I live at home with my family. I usually earn my stay by driving my siblings everywhere, dropping off their medicine at their school in the middle of the day if need be, and I clean around the house. All and all, I think I do alright and I'm not really just freeloading in my opinion. Either way, my family, especially my mom, disagrees. I need to do more, I need to be their maid, cook their dinner, make sure the floors are spotless, do all the yard work. A little too much to fit in a daily schedule.
She's become pretty abusive. I had a car in my name that I was forced to give to my older brother, and in turn, they presented me with a 1998 Dodge Intrepid that needs a couple hundred dollars in repairs done. I'm confined to the family car, and my mom is now becoming very stingy with letting me use it. The agreement when I gave my car over was that I could use theirs when not inconvenient to them. Her excuse is that I blame my problems on others, how I never do enough around the house, and how poorly I'm handling her when she walks around the house singing while on Ambien.
I need to get out of this situation. I have no friends I can stay with, and I'm unsure I'll be able to get the job I was interviewed for, even then, I'd need to get another job to support myself on my own. I'm getting so depressed that I'm thinking the streets, and homeless shelters if I can get to them, would be better then what I'm going through right now. Isn't that an insane thing to do? I don't have any time for friends. I don't have any money to do anything with them even if I did have time. Every month it gets worse with her.
I'm trying to buck up and do what they want, but I seriously can't clean the house, manage their large yard, and pick my siblings up in one day, and if I don't do it all, I'm verbally abused. And hey, I used to get slapped around, and I would prefer the physical to the emotional now that I've had both. What am I supposed to do?
Sorry if this belongs on myspace. I think I have a decent reason to be upset. It wouldn't be so bad had my old job not closed in January.
What's that ringing? Ting-ting-a-linging in my head~? Oh, you're always there, making me whole. You're always waiting up for me. You're my first kiss, ever so pure, and ever so defiling, once lost, can never be the same. Fuck me. Violate me. Deny me.
Lilithium on
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Step 2. Go carpet bomb every restaurant/retail outlet etc with your resume
Step 3. Take whatever job you can get, move out.
Being unemployed sucks, luckily shitty jobs are usually available and better than nothing.
Edit: beated by doc
To you, it should mean getting a job. One interview is a good start--shoot for five next week. Might only get one or two, but aim big and you're more likely to hit something. Go everywhere, and go in person. The sooner you start drawing a paycheck, the sooner you can put down first/last/deposit on your own place.
So I got a shitty job and moved into some assholes basement. Things were tough, the real world is not like high school or tv.
But I wised up, made some friends, got a better job, a better apartment, and life went on. Things take time.
Best thing you could do is meet some people. You'd be surprised the places you find friends. My closest pal in colorado ended up being the guy I meet at the corner store the 1st day, only we didn't end up being friends until years later. Strange.
Anyway GL.
This car that was in your name? Did you pay for it? Is the title and insurance and everything in your name?
I may be a bit more sympathetic than just "earn your independence" or "get a job and move out". It seems as if your family is placing you in a catch-22 where they're just going to beat on you emotionally, which is exactly what you don't need right now.
Okay, I feel like I'm in Writers' Block, but re-write your OP. State facts and stay away from the overt emotions. There may or may not be a bad situation here, but I don't feel like I can trust more than that feeling with the way you're presenting your situation.
You know the drill, turn in your application, say hi and try to chat with the manager, and call back in a couple days and ask about the job, overall just show commitment towards the position you're applying for.
Rewriting my original post won't really do much, The Crowing One. What I stated were facts. Albeit, maybe with a minor emotional undertone. I think I'm going to sleep now. Too big of a migraine at the moment.
Right now, yes, what you are complaining about should be on myspace with some emo music playing behind it.
3DS FC: 4699-5714-8940 Playing Pokemon, add me! Ho, SATAN!
Also, this is a good opportunity to learn time management. You'd be surprised what you can accomplish by taking 5-10 minutes a day on a specific task rather than leaving the whole task until it really is a huge chore. Timing your tasks as you do them is also a good way to learn how to properly estimate the time it'll take you to finish tasks in the future so you can manage your time more effectively.
Seriously, you'd be surprised how many people lack good time management skills and so they end up wasting time on things that could be put off and then being rushed through more pressing tasks. Or just how much people stress themselves out because they don't take notice of how they're spending their time.
You definitely need to get a job. Maybe there are training courses you could take? Learn to be a chef, or carpenter, or something. I suspect that if you were in training your family would not be so annoyed that you seemed to be hanging around doing nothing.
Second, if the car and insurance for said car is under your name then you can demand reasonable compensation for it, tell her that the current transport arrangement is insufficient. If they don't want to be reasonable about it then it would not be unreasonable for you threaten to report your car as stolen, if that fails to get the point across then actually report it as stolen.
If you are being emotionally abused you do not have to stand for it. Emotional abuse can be just as damaging, sometimes even more so than physical abuse, though sometimes it can be difficult to get people to believe your case. If your attempts to attain a reasonable solution to your issues, and definitely if you ask them to stop with the emotional abuse and they do not, you should tell one of your college's counselors about it and they should have resources to help you with the problem or at the very least they will have contacts to people who can help you.
I'd work on getting your car back, as honestly "giving it" to your brother without compensation (other than a busted up car) makes no sense. If it was sold to him so you could have money to pay "rent" to your parents or contribute to household expenses then that makes more sense.
The thing to keep in mind is think about what your rent, food, etc would cost if you were to get it from someone other than your parents. Look online and find the price of a room, and try to figure out your expenses. Then look at the amount of work it would take to earn that money at some shitty low-end job (probably minimum wage) and try to contribute that work to chores, as thats the most they can fairly ask of you. Beyond that, explain this logic to your mother and see if she agrees.
EDIT: I should mention my mother is also fairly into emotional abuse as her method of getting her way. She asks to borrow money on a regular basis ($400 to fix the car after some teenager dented the hood, $1800 to pay for living room furniture that she'd bought on 0 interest for 18month credit but not paid off by the deadline, $300ish for a Wii + accessory stuff for my younger brother's birthday, etc etc) and it was always "I'll pay you back in a few weeks." It's been 3 years and after about a year and a half I started asking about it, to which she'd get angry/upset and start yelling stuff like "FAMILY DOESNT SCREW OVER FAMILY." I've accepted that I'll never get that money back, but I've also been working to make sure she doesn't get anymore out of me. The trick for me has just been to refuse to lend her money under any circumstances, and learn to say no to her. At one point I found out she was withdrawing money from my bank account (our accounts were linked cause it was set up when I was young) so I changed banks.
I'm not saying you're in the same position, because in this situation you're looking for a favor from her, but you need to find something that works to get you what you need even if it upsets her. Keeping in mind that part of what you need is for her not to get so upset that she kicks you out. Find a level of chores that you both feel is fair and can agree on, do those, and spend the rest of your time looking for a job to get out.
A wise man once told me "Fuck you, shut up, you aren't helping." You should maybe listen to whatever asshole gave me this advice yesterday.
Anyways, it's pretty clear that your family is taking advantage of you in a bad way, and you need to get out of this situation as soon as possible. I wish I had some helpful advice, but all I can say is that I'm sure things will work out for you, since you seem like a smart and hard working guy. Just try to get out fast and not let this bullshit hold you down.
This thread has really made me appreciate how awesome my family is for actually being nice, caring, and loving. No matter what my parents would take me in and not make me feel like shit about it. I guess I'm much luckier than I thought.
Keep on going with the resume/application assault. Looking for a job sucks. Sucks hard. But you'll eventually find success.
Ehm...dude...there used to be physical abuse. Besides, telling someone when they need the car that they cannot have it because 'they blame their problems on others' isn't exactly good parenting. More to the point, it's very bad parenting. The same goes for robbing someone of every half hour they spend doing nothing. If someone isn't doing enough, you set goals for the day, you talk it over, you don't start harassing them when they sit around for a bit.
My mother is like that....and 8 years later, I still dislike her for the fact that she was emotionally blackmailing me, and physically abusing me, to get me to do 'her bidding'. A lot of things seem better when you look back, first, that doesn't mean they were actually better, just that your memory's selective process has been over them. Second, this doesn't sound like that kind of thing.
Anyway, sit your mother down, talk it out with her. If she accuses you of blaming other people, being lazy or whatever, explain to her that you don't feel that way and feel that you need time to find yourself and a job. If she replies with the classical 'I am your parent I know what is best for you' or 'You're just trying to get out of things' or the much dreaded 'Are you trying to screw me' you know where you stand, she doesn't see reason. Suffer for a bit longer and then get the hell out of there.
Also, given the whole shenanigans with the car, I think it is likely that they will claim a large portion of your income when you finally find a job. DON'T AGREE WITH THIS! Tell them that you are planning to move out soon, and that you need the money for down payments etc. (within reason of course). I have heard of several parents who use their kids as ..... well, 'slaves'. They pay rent, they are required to do chores, and are generally not allowed the light of day. Not saying it is like this with you, but it might become that way, and you should be wary of it.
Once you have some money to rent a place, post again to get some help doing this in the absolute cheapest way.
No, that actually says "recession."
You're absolutely right, Lail. My mom smacks the shit out of me, throws and ruins my laptop last December(which I bought when I did have a job), and emotionally bullies me into being the family slave, and that makes her a good mom. She should get the fucking mother of the year award. Is there a backhanding technique category for that award? Jesus, I'm not sure how I'll be able to thank her enough for all she's done. First thing I'll thank her for is backing me into a corner my junior year in high school, and getting so helpless I signed myself into a hospital on my fucking birthday. Or, how about kicking me out of the house the summer before my senior year for two months? I really loved sleeping on friend's couches(when I had friends), and sleeping in parks. I know I didn't mention those before, Lail, but how did you come up with good motivation for independence from my original post.
What planet are you people living on? I used to have a job, for two long years, until the store closed due to the recession. And they had no place for me at other stores, because I was the newest employee at the store, and others had been working there for years. Haven't had a paycheck since January. There are professionals with decades of work experience under their belts applying for convenience store jobs and the sort. No place for me compared to them.
I have been trying very, very hard to get a job like it's nobody's business. I fill out applications every day. I get back to employers about the application to let them know I am very interested in working at their business, and it doesn't help. I'm doing everything that I can to get a job. As far as the UPS job went. I drove out to the packing center. Had a tour, and they offered me a part-time package handling position. This would be cool were it closer to my house, but as of right now, it's a 100 mile roundtrip. And if you do the math, the paycheck of $7.75 minimum wage, at 4-5 hours of work, about 3 days a week, would barely cover the gas cost to get out there.
My mom doesn't give a damn what I say. I tried talking to her several times since I posted this thread, and she's been absolutely apathetic towards me. She's doing all she can to get me out of the house without alienating my siblings from her. Turning me into an enemy, making big arguments with me in front of them, claiming I don't do enough, and mentions other bullshit too. If someone disagrees with her, she gets verbally abusive. If they defend me, she spews vitriol from her mouth to get them to shut them up.
My willingness to deal with all this shit is fading really quickly, and I can't get out of this house. Being homeless would hardly be an improvement. I'm somewhat fucked at the moment. I'm trying so hard to keep happy, but it feels like curling into a ball and going insane would be a great opportunity for me.
always been my own personal fall back plan. fuck being poor and miserable id rather get shot at and be well fed.
Yeah, the possibility of shooting other human beings is a really applying part of the job.
You need a job asap. Restaurants. Super high turnover, but they don't pay too shitty. If you can get a tipped position, you could have enough for a studio appt in a few weeks.
but they're listening to every word I say
That or the military. I hear the Air Force is good.
It's not that bad, so get off it. They make you shoot a live human being and watch him die in the first couple weeks and after that it doesn't bother you anymore.
All joking aside, though, the real problem with joining the military is that its in the middle of two wars. You'll be doing twice the work for the same pay as if you'd joined in peacetime. but on the plus side you'll have a lot more freedom.
then a doctor told me "YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU DAMN WELL WANT
EXCEPT MILITARY OR POLICE"
As an example, I'm 5'6", wear glasses, and was a flyer in the Air Force.
"But Metalbourne! I was born missing my duodenum!"
GO ASK A RECRUITER
If you're adverse to shooting people, Navy or Air Force. You'll spend more time working on equipment (and living on said equipment in the case of the Navy) then holding a firearm. Plus, if you get an overseas billet, you get some sweet pay (even sweeter if you don't spend a lot of it by living on base/ship) that you can save up for when you get out. There's also the GI bill that you can use for college as well as (sometimes free, at the very least reduced cost) CLEP exams which will help towards college credit.
And you're guaranteed to have a job for 4-6 years (depending on contract length).
As a aside, Metal, how the hell were you a flyer with corrective lenses? I know that with Navy pilots, you need perfect eyes (no lenses, no colorblindness)
EDIT: Well, shoot... Did your doctor or a recruiter tell you that it's a no go? Because there's a waiver for just about EVERYTHING... I've seen guys that were (or at least claimed to have been) whacked out on coke and other hard drugs but still got into and completed boot camp because of a little "experimental drug use" waiver. The only person I've personally seen get shot down was my friend who had seizures. Hadn't had one in years (like 12 or so) but because it was a documented serious medical condition, he couldn't join. Just as well too, because he had one about 3 months later and almost got killed since it happened when he was driving home.
Nocren: Yeaaah. No joke. They will not accept me.
EDIT: Not to deter you from this. There are some grants though that will cover living expenses, provided you maintain a GPA over a certain level.
Should I go to a bank or something?
At risk of derailing the thread: the magic phrase is "Corrected to 20/20" That doesn't mean surgery or magic, it just means that your glasses have to give you 20/20 vision. A lot of people just miss the "corrected to" part and assume you need perfect vision.
But, on the other hand, some jobs do require perfect vision, like fighter pilots.
I wasn't a fighter pilot, I was a loadmaster. Longer life expectancy, less stress, same leather bomber jacket and aviator shades.
Ahh, see, being on a carrier, I mostly dealt with the fighter jocks. Ok. DAMMIT... I coulda been a pilot! Well, maybe... I'm sure that I probably never would have gotten trap qualed. (Trap = carrier landing)
This is where you apply for financial aid. It has NOTHING to do with your credit. I have virtually no credit history and they're giving me $9,500 a year in loans and I get $2,400 a year in grants.
Pick a school (start with a decent community college probably). Call them and make an appointment with an admissions officer and they'll get you started.