The new forums will be named Coin Return (based on the most recent vote)! You can check on the status and timeline of the transition to the new forums here.
Please vote in the Forum Structure Poll. Polling will close at 2PM EST on January 21, 2025.
A friend in need
Gatsby
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Okay I'll try not to overdo the details, but I need some help with a friend of mine who I'm worried about.
He recently came out of the closet, although we all knew he was gay, and everything was great for a while. However he recently fell for a friend of ours who showed some interest. This guy was apparently straight, but he began flirting and teasing with my friend for several weeks and they even had a drunken kiss at a party which neither regretted. Unfortunately this guy just suddenly told my friend he'd "love to have a relationship" with him but he doesn't think he'll commit seeing as he's only just recently decided he's most likely bisexual. Fair enough. He's confused and he doesn't want to hurt my friend. Then things become complicated.
The same night he tells my friend this, he almost has sex with his own best friend (a girl) and decides he wants to date her because he's "afraid of losing her". He says he can't really specify why he feels this way, but he's mainly seeing her because he's scared she'll leave him for some reason. This also contradicts his own stated belief that dating friends never ends well. The fact that he's unsure about this decision, yet still acted upon it in such a small amount of time is what annoys me, and the rest of our group of mates, the most.
My friend has been jerked around with guys before but this time was the first it happened with someone we knew personally and cared about. It's even worse because we're all a bit mad at him, seeing as this incident has left my friend incredibly depressed. A lot of pressure is also on him because at this moment he's facing his last high school exams he needs to pass to get into uni and his mother only just recently came back from a stay at the hospital psych ward. A rift has also occured because of this incident between our group and right now everything is extremely awkward, depressing and frankly the entire situation's gone to shit.
I'm mainly here looking for any advice or hopefully words of wisdom. I know this requires us sitting down and talking it out, then leaving it up to time for all the wounds to heal. Still, it's left a sour taste in my mouth and I'm just wondering if right no, the best I can do for my friend is to be there with him?
He recently came out of the closet, although we all knew he was gay, and everything was great for a while. However he recently fell for a friend of ours who showed some interest. This guy was apparently straight, but he began flirting and teasing with my friend for several weeks and they even had a drunken kiss at a party which neither regretted. Unfortunately this guy just suddenly told my friend he'd "love to have a relationship" with him but he doesn't think he'll commit seeing as he's only just recently decided he's most likely bisexual. Fair enough. He's confused and he doesn't want to hurt my friend. Then things become complicated.
The same night he tells my friend this, he almost has sex with his own best friend (a girl) and decides he wants to date her because he's "afraid of losing her". He says he can't really specify why he feels this way, but he's mainly seeing her because he's scared she'll leave him for some reason. This also contradicts his own stated belief that dating friends never ends well. The fact that he's unsure about this decision, yet still acted upon it in such a small amount of time is what annoys me, and the rest of our group of mates, the most.
My friend has been jerked around with guys before but this time was the first it happened with someone we knew personally and cared about. It's even worse because we're all a bit mad at him, seeing as this incident has left my friend incredibly depressed. A lot of pressure is also on him because at this moment he's facing his last high school exams he needs to pass to get into uni and his mother only just recently came back from a stay at the hospital psych ward. A rift has also occured because of this incident between our group and right now everything is extremely awkward, depressing and frankly the entire situation's gone to shit.
I'm mainly here looking for any advice or hopefully words of wisdom. I know this requires us sitting down and talking it out, then leaving it up to time for all the wounds to heal. Still, it's left a sour taste in my mouth and I'm just wondering if right no, the best I can do for my friend is to be there with him?
Gatsby on
0
Posts
Realize you're in High School, you and everyone you know will do something incredibly stupid at least once within the next five years of your life. High School and College are great years to learn forgiveness.
Edit: I think I misinterpreted your question... the above is for the friend that pissed you guys off. As for the hurt friend, yeah... just be there for him.
Unless it is somehow not okay to date whomever you want to date
But still, I appreciate the feedback so far a great deal
EDIT:
It's more or less the fact he led on our gay friend. If he had just simply been his friend and not flirted then made out with him beforehand I would have no problem with what he's doing. Plus he doesn't even know if he likes this girl enough to date her, which he's admitted. I'm just concerned he's going to end up hurting more people than he intended to help.
Well your bi friend was/is probably very sexually confused, also since he told your gay friend he didn't want a relationship right now, I don't really see the problem
I've been on the outskirts of a situation very similar like this before...a very close friend of mine thought he might have been bisexual, and another very stereotypically gay friend of mine wanted to date him, which my bisexual friend was somewhat uncomfortable with doing (being very confused) and ended up dating one of his female best friends
Well anyways my gay friend ended up being a gigantic dick and having a major hand in ruining my could-be-bi friend's relationship (which was very serious at that point)
So, just sayin', be there for your bi friend as well; he probably isn't trying to hurt other people
Also make sure your gay friend doesn't get the idea in his head of trying to break them up so he can "get together" with the bi dude or some shit like that
Oh trust me, my gay friend has no thoughts like that whatsoever. He's just a bit hurt right now and wants a few answers in person, this entire thing happened over msn, so that he can maybe move on as fast as possible.
Also I know my bi friend didn't intend to hurt anyone, and I have lent some support. It's just deep down I'm a little annoyed at him, but I'm not going to let that get in the way of our friendship. I'm mainly praying that too many bridges have been burned down due to this mess and that more won't be in the future.